Chapter 10: You'd think that it'd be easy to open up about your past to someone you really care about but honestly how can you tell if you're saying too much or too little for it to make sense?

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"...I suppose that you've never gone out of Edo when you're younger, so you probably wouldn't have heard of the rumour of a corpse-eating oni."

"There was this place in the countryside. Words had been back then, there was a huge massacre that happened at the valley nearby. Some said that it was a battle between two factions of samurai of different beliefs, some said that it was a purge of some kind. Regardless, there were so many people who were killed at that place. Afterwards, people started saying that an oni has appeared at that place. Supposedly, the oni was born from all of the malevolent spirits that died at that place so people try to avoid going there as to not be killed by the oni. That was the corpse-eating oni."

Gintoki snorted to himself. "It was quite a well-known rumour at the time. But then again, around those time... you're probably still very young or not even born yet; so by the time you're old enough to travel around to even hear about it, people would've already forgotten that such rumour even existed," he turned his head towards her as he spoke and their eyes met each other's gaze.

He could feel her gaze boring into his soul. She must be wondering why he started talking about this. Why should he even tell her about it? This particular detail of his past, which even Zura and Takasugi wasn't even aware of. Not entirely, at least.

"Corpse-eating... oni?" Otae's voice slowly repeating his words. "What—who was that? Was it an actual oni?"

Gintoki smiled weakly before shaking his head at her. "No. It was just a child. Just a lonesome child who had nowhere to go... a lone survivor of a massacre who has no choice but to become an oni."

He dared to sneak a glance towards Otae as the young lady patiently waited for him to continue talking.

"Otae-san, would you be able to imagine it? Being alone by himself, not having anyone to seek help from. There was no one by his side... unless you could count the restless spirits of the dead. Everywhere he could set his eyes on had been nothing but dead bodies... to the point that he might even consider sinking his teeth onto those rotten meats to keep himself alive. Otae-san... do you think that child was a monster? To be able to stay at such a scary place."

Otae didn't answer immediately and he could understand why. There was too much morbid imagery in the things he'd just said, and someone like her wouldn't have been able to imagine how anyone could have been caught in such harsh conditions. Seriously, how could anyone understand how it was like unless they've experienced such things themselves?

It's strange to refer to himself as a third person, but some things were better off touched from a certain distance. If possible, he wanted to bury those memories in the farthest corners of—

"Poor child..." Gintoki's heart skipped a bit as Otae's voice breaks through his line of monologue. "...was there no one who came to save him? Can't he leave that place? Certainly, there must be someone who tried to help that boy?"

Gintoki bit his lips. "There WAS someone. But that person didn't appear to that child until quite some time afterwards. Until that time, that child had to fend for himself alone in that valley of death. There were too many monsters around him, so that child picked up a sword to fight them off. Even as the sword started to chip and break into pieces, that child couldn't let it go and continue to slash at the monsters that tried to kill him." He sighed. "Do you think that it was funny that some people thought that the child was an oni?"

Otae shook her head at him. "I don't think that it was funny. More like... it was sad."

"Gin-san..." Gintoki turned to stare at her face as Otae gave him a sad look. "That child... was that who you used to be?"

He smiled at her weakly.

"Yeah, that was me."

Tae slowly took Gintoki's hand into her own as she traced her fingers over the lines on his palm. Just when she thought that Gintoki's life wasn't already harsh enough... she had to learn more of his past that not many people could know.

Appearance could really be deceiving, no one could have imagined that someone as carefree as Gintoki could hide such a sad and painful past.

"You really had it tough... isn't it, Gin-san? But did you really ended up eating dead corpses to stay alive?"

Gintoki snorted at her. "Nonsense! No matter how hungry I got back then, I wouldn't have been able to—" He started running his hand on the back of his head as Gintoki started scratching the back of his ear. "I stole food offerings left on some random graves or shrines to eat at times. Or just about anything that I could find. Food is still food, and even stale or bad ones were better than rotten corpses."

"Was that why even until now you had the bad habit of taking and eating food left at the altar?"

Gintoki snorted again. "Well, it's not like the dead would stop me from doing that."

He sighed. "Anyway, back then I had no place to go... so even when the dead bodies were still lying around unattended, it's the only 'home' I ever knew. If that person hadn't appeared in front of me that fateful day, I probably wouldn't have left that horrid place."

Tae glanced up to look at him as Gintoki sighed again.

"I couldn't recall any memories of my real parents or how they looked like, but I remembered that man's face vividly. The person who took me away from that valley of the dead... Yoshida Shouyou."

He lowered his gaze as he started staring at the ground before him. "He was like a parent or an older sibling that I never had or knew. More than just a saviour, a mentor... Shouyou was like the first-ever family that I've ever had."

Gintoki took in a long breath. "Back then, I never questioned it much. Even when the man seemed to be hiding something about his past, even though his outrageous strength was suspicious (he's even stronger than me!)... because it was Shouyou, it didn't matter. Shouyou was the first person to treat me with kindness... so as long as we're always together, it was enough for me."

"I made a promise to him back then. That I have to protect everyone and keep them safe. It's the last promise I made to Shouyou before he was taken away from me."

Gintoki shrugged as he turned his glance towards Tae.

"Back on the ship, you asked me what was it that troubled me so much while we were all at Kokujou Island, right?"

Tae nodded.

"Would you believe it that the leader of that enemy we barely escaped from, that night, was that very person who was almost like a real father to me?"

Shinpachi let out a small sigh before handing a third carton of grape juice to Kagura. The young Yato girl just took it from him before poking a straw into the carton and drank from it.

"Are you all right now, Kagura?" asked Shinpachi.

"How do you think I'd feel... after hearing all that about Gin-chan?"

He sighed again. "I thought I wouldn't be surprised anymore if we ever get to find out more about Gin-san's past. Like we already know quite early in the series that Gin-san had been orphaned at a very young age. But I couldn't imagine... that his past had been so violent. Not just because he used to fight during the war but during his childhood too—"

Shinpachi frowned suddenly. "But I guess that kinda explain a bit about him. Like how his personality change completely during an intense situation, from a laidback guy to a fearsome (and sometimes crazed) warrior when facing some strong enemy. Sis also used to mention that his sword skill was really wild and random; like you can't exactly pinpoint which style he was using..."

Kagura immediately elbowed Shinpachi on his ribs. "Was that the only thing you thought about after listening to all that story? Honestly, I'm disappointed with you."

She hastily wiped away the tears that had streaked down her cheeks without warning. "I feel so bad for Gin-chan. I feel awful now for eating too much and complaining about the food at him every day!"

Shinpachi smacked Kagura's head in response. "WAS FOOD THE ONLY THING YOU CAN THINK ABOUT?"

Kagura kicked his butt instead.

"But you know... Pacchi, do you think that this was the reason? Why Gin-chan always liked to eat very sweet stuff?"

Shinpachi glanced towards Kagura. "Because he never got to eat those sweet foods and beverages when he was little?"

Kagura nodded. "I swear from now on I won't make a big fuss over Gin-chan and his strawberry milk! Gin-chan can have all of the strawberry milk that he wants if that can make him happy. Not just that, I'm gonna stop fighting with Gin-chan over food again. Or at least not as often as I used to. Mami gonna make sure that Gin-chan won't ever get starved like he used to as a kid!"

Shinpachi chuckled at her (Kagura's logic was always so amusing) as he patted Kagura's head gently.

A/N: I decided to put in my own theory regarding what happened to Gintoki (based on the little hints we got) before Shouyou found him, so sorry if there are any inconsistent details. It's hard enough to actually have people talk about it casually. I had one about how his hair may have turned silver/white and stuff but it was such a bother to pick up any specific figure that I might use as a frame of reference as to what Gintoki's true identity was before he was called Sakata Gintoki so we'll leave it at that.