Chapter 11: If we kept on pondering about all of the what-ifs and what could have beens, then we'll just end up going round and round... chasing our tails.
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"Years ago, the man called Yoshida Shouyou started a small temple school near one of the villages that we passed through. It was a dream of his to start one, he used to say. At times I found that logic hard to believe. Because he didn't seem like the kind of person to start a school teaching bushido out the blue. And he looked as if he was on the run, yet had the time to pick up a lost kid and travel the whole country at leisure. And it wasn't just any other orphan kid that he picked up, but one some people thought of as a child of a monster."
Gintoki snorted. "After I decided to join Shouyou on his journey, we ended up going to many places in the country. Never stopping by at one place for too long before leaving again. And then one day he said, 'Ah, this looked like a good place for us to stay. Let's start our school here', that weirdo." He shook his head. "Can you imagine him just going around without a plan... and one day he saw this nice empty place with a big pine tree and thought to himself, this is it!"
He smiled. "But that's so like Shouyou."
"I shall give you my sword. If you wish to learn how to properly use it... then come with me."
Gintoki recalled the first time he met Shouyou.
"The very first comment he made when we met was that he thought that I was a rather cute oni. The second was about the long sword that I was holding back then, which he said that I no longer need. Because he said that a sword that was used in self-defence while fearing others should be thrown away. Can you believe that old fart? Over there I've been protecting myself on my own from bad guys and wild animals and he said that I should throw away the sword that I've held on to survive?"
"That person must've given you quite the first impression. That said, aren't we getting sidetracked right now... Gin-san?" said Otae as Gintoki shrugged.
"You gotta give Miss Writer a break once a while. It's hard to try to repackage all of my past backstories we got from the Kokujou Arc and have me attempt to tell another person about it without getting distracted by something else. And it doesn't help when half of the time the effort of poring time into finishing a new chapter didn't seem to be appreciated by people who just responded in the comments with cries of 'updates' and 'more'! I mean, a person just wracked their brain on that last chapter, can you please appreciate the hard work they've just finished and not just ask what happen next right away?" Gintoki rolled his eyes. "We're lucky that she's actually trying to push for another chapter rather than putting up another filler intermission chapter."
Otae's eyes widened. "Oh, did she actually thought about doing that again? But then again... we always did it this way, didn't we? Like once a while we get some bits of backstory given to us and even when we weren't shown to have talked or tell someone else about it the rest of us tend to act as if we already knew of said backstory. Even when we might not."
"Right. Which really is quite tricky to try to figure out what to do, I mean, didn't you read the last chapter title?"
Otae hastily nudged Gin. "Yes, I'm sure everyone should understand that now... (please tell Writer-san to take care of herself) so can we get back to what you were talking about? You said... that the enemy that you encountered at the island turned out to be the person who once saved you."
Gintoki blinked at her before nodding his head. "Yeah, right..." He sighed.
"Shouyou used to tell me this... that I shouldn't copy his way of using the sword. The sword of a monster cannot kill a monster, so he wanted me to use the sword of a human." Gintoki thought back to that moment when he fought Utsuro.
"That time, while I was fighting Oboro, I could sense that something terrible was coming. And then one of the Tendoshuu ships fired towards me so I hastily grabbed the two Naraku that tried to jump me at that time as my shield. I barely evaded the shot with my life, and once I could break myself free from the rubble I went back down to join the others to fight Utsuro."
"Everything had happened too quick for me to process what happened but that person somehow seems to know me. All the while when I was fighting him, it felt as if he was toying with me. That Utsuro's speed of movement was quite fast so without thinking I countered with the technique that I knew could keep up with it. I didn't expect that the person would be able to counter my attacks so easily—no, the only other person who could do that was Shouyou. But unlike Shouyou, that person had no intention of stopping his blade from cutting me down."
"From now on, you will swing that sword. Not to cut down your enemies. Not just to cut away your weaknesses and protect yourself. But to protect your very soul."
He thought about what Imai Nobume said to him as they tried to escape from Utsuro and reunite with their allies. She said something about that person being Shouyou and not at the same time, and how it was Utsuro being the one who killed Shouyou and not him. Did she mean... what he thought she said that time? Did Shouyou... have multiple personalities inside of him? Was that why at times when he was younger, whenever he used to see Shouyou spacing out the man seemed to be a different person.
He remembered how his younger self used to ask Shouyou about who he really was prior to their meeting, and Shouyou always tries to change the topic to something else. So was he hiding this secret from him all this time? But then... all that talk about him needing to use his sword as a human and not to fight as a monster, did Shouyou said that to him because he wanted to protect him from Utsuro? Was that why Shouyou kept telling him to become stronger than him with his own skill? So that should he disappear and Utsuro appear in his place, he could protect himself from that monster?
"Gin-san?"
He could feel someone holding his hand gently as Gintoki turned his head towards Otae.
"Something wrong?" she asked again as he shrugged.
"It's... nothing. I was just—" Gintoki raised his hand as he caressed Otae's cheek without thinking.
Now that he thought of it, he hadn't thanked this girl properly after that night on the Mimawarigumi ship. That time when he had been feeling lost and it seemed as if he was feeling into a deep void, it was Otae who had pulled him back to salvation. If she hadn't been around back then...
"Thank you, Otae-chan. Regarding what you did... that night. I can't really express how grateful I was that you had been there..."
Otae stared at him in confusion. "W-What're you talking about so suddenly, Gin-san?"
"That time... when I was lunging towards Utsuro, he was smiling. When I got close enough to take that mask off that guy—when I saw that face, I got really... really scared. If not because Kagura and Sougo managed to distract him for a moment, I would've already been killed by that person."
Tears started pooling in his eyes as Gintoki blinked it away.
This was nonsense! There's no way that Shouyou would really try to kill him! That was Utsuro... not Shouyou. Goodness, he thought he got over that dilemma already! It's just the face that was the same...
If he had never met Shouyou that day... if a child of a monster hadn't followed the bigger monster and lived together at that one place... would Naraku have found his master and take him away?
If he hadn't allowed Zura and Takasugi to stray too far from him and let them be caught by the enemy... if he actually tried to think up other ways to save those two without sacrificing Shouyou...
Would Shouyou still be around now and not that Utsuro?
Without warning, Otae's fingers brushed over his cheek as she wiped away his tears that kept falling.
xxx
"Ah, sorry..." Gintoki gasped as he started pulling away from her. Again, like before she could see a hint of pink on his cheeks after being so close to her. She grinned at him before pulling him towards her into an embrace.
She couldn't tell whose heart had been beating faster than the other as Tae kept a tight hold on him.
"O-Otae-chan? W-what're you doing?"
Tae grinned. "Ara, Gin-san. Didn't you say just now that you're glad that I was around to comfort you last time?"
"B-b-but that... this was different—!"
This time she could tell that his heartbeat was faster... as Tae reached up to feel his pulse on his neck.
"C-c-can you let go now... Otae-chan? W-what if... Shinpachi... comes here?"
Tae laughed at him. "You don't need to worry about that. Shin-chan and Kagura-chan already went out quite a while ago."
The rhythm of Gin's heart rate immediately changed as he started to calm a bit. "Why are you doing this, Otae-chan?"
"Weren't you crying just now? So I thought that I should give you a hug."
Gintoki slowly pulled away from her as he gave her a bewildered look. "Otae-chan... do you like me?"
She laughed again. "Gin-san, what a silly question you're asking..."
"I mean..."
"If I said yes, if I really REALLY do like you... Gin-san, would you accept my feelings?"
"Otae-san..."
Confused frown gradually turned into a serious look. But before Gintoki could say anything else, Tae cut him off.
"If you think that I said this just to get Kondou-san off me, it's not the only reason. If you're worried because you didn't have a proper job or because of the age gap between us, don't think too much about that. Is the big age gap really that important? It's only nine years after all... and I'm not really a minor."
Gintoki eyed her wryly. "Otae-chan... wasn't you the one who said last time that I'd be the last person on earth that you'd choose to marry? (Somewhat... I can't really remember what you've said before but that's the gist of it.) And you used to say that you preferred the me from when I lost my memories last time. What was that about my eyebrows being close together or something? Don't deny that! I've gone back to recheck the old episodes..."
Tae felt her cheeks burning hot. "Why did you have to remember all that old stuff? Anyway, if I said that I liked you then just accept that I liked you! Does it even matter about the little things? Fess up, you also liked me a lot! Flat chest or whatever!"
"Why do I even need to confess? Besides—wait a minute!" Gintoki pushed her a bit before standing up on his feet. "Was our conversation supposed to escalated into this? I thought that this scene was supposed to be a lot more 'calmer' than this!"
Tae just shrugged. "Just forget about that old plan, it's all in Miss Writer's head anyway. And with us fighting so heatedly just now she ended up forgetting most of it anyway." She sighed. "Both of us were too tsundere to actually be involved in a normal romantic relationship anyway."
Gintoki rolled his eyes at her. "Tsundere? You're more like Yan—!"
Without thinking, Tae raised her arm to prepare to slap his face hard as Gintoki winced and closed his eyes in fear. But at the last moment, Tae pushed him back to sit on the edge of the balcony before proceeding head-on to slam her mouth squarely onto Gintoki's. Immediately, Gintoki's body froze into shock.
Tae smiled victoriously (honestly, Miss Writer... haven't you teased people enough on Chapter 5?) as she tried to deepen her kiss. But just as she barely had a mouthful of Gin's lips, the man slowly pulled his face away from her.
Gintoki's face was already flushed deep-red as he tried to act as if he was annoyed with her for the surprise kiss. "Calm down, woman! What're you trying to do?"
"This is what suit you best."
Gintoki blinked as Tae leaned closer to him before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Smile. Or be angry with me! I didn't like seeing you cry or be sad. It's fine for you to be just how you usually act." She shrugged. "Of course, there will be times when you can't help feeling so down... so whenever that happens, please don't just keep it to yourself. If there was no one you could talk it out with, you can always find me!"
Tae suddenly felt a pair of hands sneaking up to her as Gintoki pulled Tae onto his lap. The man smiled at her. "You really worked hard to try to cheer me up, Otae-san. And I thought I already played it cool after sending off that Mayo Vice Chief on his trip this evening. You just had to throw all of my efforts to act like I'm over the shock of seeing that guy into the trash, is it?"
Tae smiled sweetly. "Well, how else could I get you to tell me about your past? And honestly, can we continue what we're doing just now so that we could finish this chapter already? This is getting long enough!"
Gintoki rolled his eyes at her. "Seriously, are we THAT desperate to get people to comment more on this fic? As if such forced fanservice would work!"
"We can still try... and you don't really have anything to lose from this," said Tae again as capture Gintoki's lips. And this time, she felt less resistance coming from Gintoki as both of them deepened their kiss.
.
To what seemed like an eternity later, both of them pulled away to catch their breaths as Gintoki held Tae closer.
"Honestly, this better work—!"
"Shh... Gin-san, don't spoil our readers' imagination."
Gintoki: This is what happens when you have characters who already had pretty strong personalities and a writer with a very short term memory. Things really never goes as planned.
(I'm just gonna leave this here, let me get this whole sequence done already! I'll probably only gonna just check for typos after this.)