Chapter Sixty-Two | Beginnings
Her eyes fluttered open, and Catherine found herself sitting in the Dream - Melodie to her left and slowly humming a tune, something she'd never heard before. A hum crept from her, and Catherine leaned into the warmth of her companion, too tired and too… she didn't have a word for what she felt - to care. To be back in Yharnam felt like a comfort at this point. A place to simply be, no laws to bind her nor judging eyes to make her gut roil and leave her wondering when she'd become something to be feared.
There was something freeing about being in the place that had moulded her. To live once more by the laws that had dictated her survival.
In Britain she was monstrous. In Yharnam?
In Yharnam, she was a fighter. A hunter. Something she'd once reviled, now familiar in a way that made her bones warm and the ebb and flow of anxiety trickle into nothing. So she curled closer to the warmth of one who had seen far worse and far more deplorable people than her, who - at this point - was her closest friend.
Hermione and Ron, Hermione most of all, still held their space in her mind. But, it was in the way that a problem solved, even to her detriment, brought relief. Closure, or at least as close as she could get. Still, she'd wonder what could have been, but not with grief. More curiosity, and a sense of calm to know that they would move on and live far better lives with Voldemort gone. Of all things she wished them happiness, and if she had to snip the thread of her own mortality as if a Moirai to offer them such she would do so in a heartbeat.
"What song is that?" she murmured, opening her eyes to look up at Melodie, the woman's face serene as she surveyed her one and only home. All she had ever known, or would ever know, in a sliver of reality stolen away from Yharnam and captured in a bubble - a snow globe dusted with ash and the softly drifting clouds of its Dreamer.
Catherine breathed in the saccharine air, and she wondered if this was the moon-scent that had been noted of her.
"Joy Be the Rising Sun. A lullaby."
"A lullaby?"
"To harken in the dawn and the end of the long night. A hunter once sang it to herself, one of the many that have come here."
"Was she a friend as well?"
"Perhaps." Melodie's voice was soft, musical, and a faint smile crossed her face. In moments like this all her inhumanity drifted away, Catherine realized. The joints in her fingers all but invisible, her eyes brighter than any flesh. Maybe, Melodie had become more human than even her. "I would like to think so."
"You deserve many."
"And yet I have but one, but what a friend she is."
That got her to smile. Not one of her grim offerings with closed lips, or the occasional sort that would settle over her, tender yet refrained. Nor the kind she offered to those she was about to kill, all jagged and seething with battlelust. No, this one bore teeth, yet they did not glint - no fangs shining in the light. Simple, cheery even, but most of all, satisfied.
"It's good to see you."
"How was your time at home?"
"Productive."
"Happy?"
"A bit, yes. A good portion of it was. The latter half. I'd mucked things up spectacularly though, and…" She remembered Albus looking on her with nothing but kindness in his eyes. Relief to find her hale. "...somehow they don't hold it against me."
"Pray tell, what happened?"
"Acted at home as I would here. I didn't realize… I didn't realize how much I'd changed until after I'd already picked him apart. I can't find it in me to regret it, not wholly. It felt right to- well, I'd rather spare you the details," she admitted, wearing a slight grimace. "But what's done is done, and it's a miracle that they don't hate what I've become."
"You have a kind heart. Please, don't think otherwise."
Catherine couldn't help but snort, slowly shaking her head. "Kind to those who mean something to me, but to those who don't? It's like everything goes out the window, and… I say this like I hate myself or what I've become, which, for a long time I did. But I don't think I do anymore. I am who I am, be it kind or bloodthirsty, and if it changes then that changes, but right now it's what's needed of me. What I need for myself."
"It sounds to me then, that you have naught to worry about. Although…" Her expression shifted to worry, something almost alien on her. "Do you not remember your time at home? Did anything peculiar occur?"
"What do you mean?"
"You appeared here as if a mirage. Flickering, soaked in water and… a torrent of blood flowed from your lips. You'd disappear for hours, then reappear. It was…" she shivered, locking eyes with Catherine, her gaze tinged with sorrow. "It was the most horrifying sight I have ever witnessed."
"Oh. Oh. I was… trapped, for a while. Hunting down an artifact at home to- I told you of the man who tried to kill me, Voldemort? Tom? He was here a long time ago and something about it broke him. He's terrified of death now, locked parts of his soul away so that he can't die. I had just taken one but I had to drink a potion to get at it and… well, I got trapped for a while beneath the water, it must have been then. Do I normally appear here, close to death?"
"Sometimes. I've never seen a thing like it. Sometimes you stand over there where you first appeared." Melodie pointed at the path between the small fenced gardens, the cobblestones upon which Catherine had first woken in this place. "You appear, often drenched in blood and wounded grievously."
"I… figured out how to hold onto the Dream. To not come back when I might die. It started at home. I died and woke up in the same spot," she faltered in her words, one fang tickling at her bottom lip. "It happened a few more times and eventually I took hold of that feeling, to reach out and harness the magic of this place instead of letting it drag me in."
Confused would be how Catherine would describe Melodie, a slight furrow in her brow and lips parted. "Strange. Very strange. No hunter has ever returned home in the midst of their Dream, nor have they ever lived without sleep. It must be…" she inhaled sharply, frown deepening. "The Sea," Melodie whispered, mystified. "She holds you as well, and the tether that binds you to the Dream is changed."
"That makes about as much sense as the rest of this place."
"None whatsoever?"
"Ah, I've turned you into a joking fiend, haven't I?"
"You've none to blame but yourself," Melodie retorted, lifting her arm and pulling Catherine closer to her, as if she'd done it a thousand times before.
Catherine, of course, barely contained her splutter. The last time she'd been to the Dream Melodie had done much the same, more affectionate than anyone she had ever met. Touch starved? She didn't know, but tried her best to not claw away and run from the Dream as she had before, whispered apologies on her lips and adrenaline coursing through her veins.
All the same, she found herself asking, "Why?"
Her response was a hum, and a tightened grip, Melodie's frame belying her true strength. "Why what?"
"Why… this?" she asked, gesturing to the both of them. "I'm confused."
"I was as well. You're aware that time passes differently within the Dream, and I've had more than enough to consider these new feelings and thoughts that you've been so kind as to gift me, inadvertently or otherwise."
"And…?"
"You've offered me the world, Catherine. For too long, centuries, I've lived my life as though I had no life to live. A Doll, here in this place to look after you and more hunters to come. Never did I ponder if I could become more, nor did I ponder at all. A demesne of naught but mist and the occasional traveler, hundreds of them, and not one had ever wondered if I was more than what I had been created for."
Her head tilted, and she let out a windy breath, looking up at the moon above and its rusted glow. It shone across her face, tinting the milky white with just a touch of ember - the gentle red of candlelight. "I've had time to ponder this awakening of the self. The birth of me and all that I was capable of. Tell me, Catherine, could you guess what I've found?"
"No," came her voice. Quiet. So very, very quiet.
Then, Melodie shifted. Turned to face her. Her other hand rose, slowly, to cup Catherine's cheek. She all but towered over her, but it was not imposing. The shadow she cast was that of harbour found beneath a tree on a summer's day, and brought to mind memories of sitting by the lake on those lazy June days before term's end. No threats to her life to plague the afternoon rays and fetter her mood, only that brief, wondrous calm before her return to the mundane.
"I've come to realize that I care quite deeply for you, painfully so," Melodie breathed, and the emotion in her voice struck Catherine deeply. A pang in her ribs, a catch in her lungs, and the sudden, electric flood of a murmured, "Oh."
"You need not answer me," she continued, a warm thumb brushing beneath Catherine's eye, carrying up to tuck a hair behind her ear. She trembled beneath it. "You need never answer me, if you wish. I will forever look at our time together as cherished, and the majesty of thought that you stoked within me the most precious gift I shall ever receive. I… could not leave these words unspoken, as I fear the time left to us is fleeting at best. Soon, your journey shall be over, and never would I have forgiven myself for leaving such things unsaid."
Even if she had tried, Catherine knew her limbs would not respond. She sat locked within Melodie's embrace, unable to tear her gaze away from those silvered eyes, soft and cloaked in white, those eyes that looked down at her with such warmth it hurt. Instead, all she managed was another soft, "Oh," as she tried to wonder how she had missed such a thing.
Slowly, Melodie leaned forward and brushed her lips against Catherine's cheek. Barely a touch, soft as silk as she pulled away, phantom warmth clinging to her skin and leaving her flushed. "Do not subject yourself to suffering for my own sake. I know our time is short, and any flame that may be kindled between us but a momentary thing, were you to wish it. Leave with this, and… if you do find the whim to answer me, I will not bear you any anger if it is denial."
With gentle hands Melodie helped her to her feet, leading the stunned Catherine over to the headstone and guiding her palm to it. "Go," she proclaimed. "I will be waiting."
On instinct her magic suffused the stone, and it carried her away.
-::-
Oedon Chapel was warm, or maybe it was just her, flushed from head to toe and staring dumbly at the wall as her world crumbled around her.
Distantly Catherine could hear murmuring, whispered words that slowly grew in pitch and fervor, a weak grip pushing at her shoulder that was about as effective as a child trying to topple a boulder.
She suddenly swore as she was knocked over, mind racing and wand twitching in her grip as she looked up to see Eileen standing over her, hands on her hips and an unimpressed look on her face.
"Hell's gotten into you?"
Catherine blinked, head turning as she figured out where she was, and tried to reconcile what had just been spoken to her. "I…"
Before she knew it Eileen had leaned over, extending her hand. "You alright?"
"Yeah… yeah, I'm… I'm fine." She took the offered hand and was hoisted up, noticing everyone else was standing around and that the door was… barricaded? "Is everything alright?" Catherine blurted, immediately grabbing her hammer from the mist and glancing about, listening for any beasts. "Is everyone safe?"
"We're all fine. Was a quake earlier, and we thought it best to prepare in case any beasts came sniffing about past the incense."
"A quake?"
"Aye. Felt as if the whole city trembled. It happened shortly after you left, then you go reappearing here an hour later… well, you had Emilie awfully worried, no matter how much we tried to explain to her that even if you were near you wouldn't have gotten hurt." Eileen looked over her shoulder, smiling. "See, Emilie? She's alright! You can let 'er go now, Arianna."
Like a bullet, Emilie stampeded across the room and collided with Catherine's waist, squeezing her tight and murmuring excitedly into her leathers.
"Hey, hey- I'm fine, see? You worry too much about me."
"But- the whole city! I thought- I thought the Gods had gotten angry with us!"
"No, no Gods," Catherine said softly, putting her hand on Emilie's shoulder.
"Do you know what happened?"
Her eyes wandered as she wondered how to explain that she was the cause of the quake, Catherine's searching gaze capturing Arianna's seated form, as well as Adella and the old man standing next to the door with seats still in hand, yet more ready to be pushed in front of the door and windows.
"I tore it all down."
"Tore what down?" Elijah asked from behind her, and she turned to spy the man sitting in his usual spot, cloaked in blankets.
"The Cathedral. The Church. It's all gone."
Eileen swore, Adella gasped, and Arianna clutched her belly, a slight moan escaping her.
"Gods above, Catherine."
"You have no idea what I found in that place."
"Not around young ears. Emilie," Eileen intoned. "Could you head up to your room? Everything is safe, but this isn't a conversation for you."
For a moment Emilie looked as if she was about to argue, before she hugged Catherine again and scampered towards the stairs.
"You know she's just going to try and listen in, don't you?"
"Use your magic then."
Sighing, Catherine quickly cast the spell, a blanket of silence falling over them. "Look-"
"You don't fuck about, do you?"
"What?"
"I knew something like this might happen, soon as I saw you walk in and kill the Crow without batting an eye then drag me from the brink of death. Thought I was mad, close to gone, once you'd come back. But this?" Eileen cackled, glancing out the window as if she could catch a glimpse of the Cathedral from through the stained glass. "You're something else."
"Is it true?" Adella spoke, hands clasped together in front of her chest. "Did you…"
"I had to go up to the Choir, to find out what the Church was doing. The things I saw up there… children, taken from their homes and turned into things. Ways for the Church to try and commune with your Gods. Hundreds of them were tortured in that orphanage. Died in it, or worse. And then… I don't even know how much I should say." She raised her chin, staring imperiously at Adella. "I was disgusted, repulsed by what I found there. The secrets I found, the seat of the Church's power… I felt I had no choice but to tear it all down."
A lie. She wanted to burn it. To lay it all to waste and kill every last person hiding within.
It was a choice she'd make again, if less dramatic the next time.
Adella kept her mouth shut, eyes swimming with something indiscernible. The man next to her, the one she still had to get the name of, looked at her with ill-disguised fear, occasionally casting a glance down to the chair at his feet as if he could hope to best her with a piece of furniture.
Another moan, and Catherine directed her attention to Arianna. "Are you well?"
"I'm fine," she said, waving her hand. "Bit of stomach pain, but it's not the worst."
"Are you sure? I can check and see-"
"No! No, please. There's nothing to worry about." Arianna smiled and shook her head. "You're like a mother hen, aren't you? Always fussing about to see if we're alright."
"And what do you think?"
She laughed. "I think you know my thoughts on what you've done. You'll find no complaint from me, perhaps only for the worry you caused Emilie."
"I'll… have to find a way to get all of you out of here. Out of this city."
"No," Eileen interrupted. "You worry about putting a sun back in that sky, and we'll be able to find our own way. We've had nights this long afore, and it always takes a Dreamer to end it. You already know I was one of 'em once."
"Ah, yeah."
All Catherine could think of after hearing Dream was the conversation she'd just had with Melodie, and like that, her mind ran away from her once more. She blinked unsteadily, knuckles flexing as she wondered what she should do.
"Something on your mind?"
"Yeah, you could say that."
Eileen cast another glance over her shoulder, before gesturing towards the stairs. "Come, we can talk up there. Think you'd want some privacy, eh?"
She answered with a grunt, hardly able to speak let alone think, and let Eileen direct her upstairs. Halfway up she remembered the silencing charm she'd cast over the chapel and dispelled it, offering a soft smile to Emilie as they rounded the corner, who jumped at the sight of them.
"Trying to listen in, are you?" Eileen chided goodnaturedly.
"No! No! I wasn't!"
"S'fine, don't you worry about it. You can go down to Arianna now, alright? And be gentle with her, you know she's not feeling well."
"I promise!" Emilie chirped as she ducked past them, hugging Catherine's leg again as she ran past.
"Little she-devil she is."
"I'm happy that she's happy," Catherine responded, watching as she ran by. "It's good to see that kind of childish cheer in a place like this."
"True, true. Here, come into mine, we can talk safely there."
Eileen held the door open for her and she walked in, immediately collapsing onto the bed and beginning to contemplate the beams that ran across the ceiling. The door clicked shut, and she heard the scrape of a chair as Eileen pulled it into place, setting herself down on it with a quiet breath.
"So…?"
She barked out a laugh. "I don't even know where to begin."
"You go back home? Something happen there?"
"Yes, but… that's not what I'm thinking about."
"What has chatty little you in such a fit then?"
Catherine lifted her head and stared down her nose at Eileen, lips puffed out as she tried to figure out what to say.
"Out with it! I've dragged you all the way up here to chat. Even I could spot that look in your eye from a mile away. Something happened. Did someone die?"
"No! Nothing of the sort. I…"
"Oh, Gods. It's a woman, isn't it? A man?"
A slow nod, and Catherine pulled herself up along the bed until she was sitting against the wall, the back of her head knocking against it softly as she sighed. "A woman. Not ten minutes ago… fifteen? Melodie… ah- the Doll-"
"The Doll?"
"Yes?"
Running a hand over her face, Eileen whistled. "Don't remember much of her, or the Dream at all I suppose, but… she can't feel, Catherine. She's something that Gehrman made. Don't go getting ideas about romancing a thing."
"Hey! You have no idea what she's like."
"I remember enough, foggy as it is. She'd hold my hand and work the blood, then send me on my way."
"No. Not anymore. Did you ever speak with her? Try to have an honest conversation? Because I was the first to try that, and believe you me, she's more human than I am."
The look in Eileen's eyes was steady, discerning, and she squinted slightly before inclining her head. "Go on."
"I just- she's changed so much since I first got here. To be honest she made me more than uncomfortable, like you said, she was a… a thing. Not human, not beast, but something terribly other. But… we started talking as I tried to learn more about this world. She'd teach me about your beliefs, how things here work. The Dream, the Blood, Gods… all of it. One day- I think I defended her when speaking with Gehrman and after that she changed. Slowly at first, but she's unrecognizable now, in a good way. A person, kind and helpful to a fault."
"Aye?"
A small chuckle escaped her, and Catherine shook her head, as if she couldn't believe the words she herself was speaking. "After I visited Byrgenwerth I couldn't even think. It was as if I was pushed outside of my own body, only able to hear whispers. She defended me, fought Gehrman when he tried to expel me from the Dream. She called me her friend."
"So she is different then. I never could've imagined such a thing. When I think of her I think of… cold glass and colder eyes. Her voice, like ice, I hear sometimes when I sleep. Those dreams are never kind."
"I'm sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for. Ain't gone mad yet, have I? No, this Crow is still fighting."
"That's the truth, alright." Catherine gnawed on her cheek, trying to place her thoughts. "I don't know. I think…"
"You think there might be something there."
"Do you make a habit of interrupting people?"
Eileen lazily raised her hands in surrender. "I'm not much of a talker, but I thought you'd rather me than the mad nun."
"Yeah. Well… yeah, I think- I don't know what I think. I'm still reeling, and… god, she was so kind about it. Told me she never needs an answer, she's just happy to have met me."
"Wait. She-"
"She did."
"Huh."
"I know. And you wondered why I was so out of it. Well, there you go. I think anyone would've been shocked, but she… I don't know. I think I might have an answer for her."
"And what'd that be?"
"I think I want something good for once. I think…"
Catherine looked back to her conversation with McGonagall, her lie spoken through gritted teeth of her intent to stay in Yharnam. Albus hadn't told her, or anyone, evidently, of Catherine's particular plans.
Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't a lie.
"I think I might want to stay here, in Yharnam, once all this is done."
"For her?"
"No. That… I can't tie myself to the Dream. Not like that. Not for something that I'm still unsure about, not for anything so horribly permanent. I'd never be able to escape that place… no." She shook her head vehemently. "That's not an option. No, I think… I think once this is done I'd like to find a homestead for you, Arianna, and Emilie outside the city. Somewhere safe, far away from this hellish place."
Catherine looked into Eileen's eyes and smiled. "I think I'd like to make something of myself here. Something new."
"Can't get rid of you then, can I?"
Her smile morphed into a grin. "No. No you can't."