"A great sin can enter by a small door." - Welsh Proverb
Anna coughed as she readjusted the blue knitted scarf around her neck trying to keep the cool wind out. It wasn't a particularly cold morning and it would warm up nicely in the afternoon, but her morning ritual of sitting on a large rock up on the cliff by her home watching ships enter and leave the busy port, chilled her even on the warmest of days. Unintelligible shouts from dock workers and sailors could be heard while they scrambled to load and unload the large sailing ships.
Her once small hometown, back when she was little and before losing her parents, exploded in size with the addition of ports along the Welsh coast bringing a steady flow of goods from the New World. Now they were an important stop before a ship decided to continue on to Cardiff or going to England.
A thump beside her drew Anna's attention and she tore her eyes from studying the ships to the small brown haired girl sitting in the grass next to her. Brynn's gap-tooth smile brought a small grin to own. The girl rolled around in the tall grass, hopped onto her feet, and skipped past her. After watching the small bundle of energy running around on bare feet and avoiding stepping on the wildflowers, Anna turned her gaze back to the harbor below and listened to the familiar sounds of the girl playing. Salty ocean air aggravated her lungs causing her to cough violently into a clean handkerchief.
Time passed.
Maybe ten minutes or forty; time hadn't mattered to Anna in over two years.
Only the sounds of the crashing ocean waves and shouts met her ears and Anna turned to look behind her. On the path leading further up the cliff stood Brynn waving widely and continued waving until Anna waved goodbye back. Finally satisfied, the young girl in a shapeless dress made from what looked to be an old sack, skipped out of sight.
Diiing!
Dooong!
Diiing!
Dooong!
Twelve chimes from the church bells had Anna heaving a deep sigh. Time to get going. Another useless, bleak morning. How many more of these could she survive? Each one chipped a little more of her heart away; it wouldn't be too much longer until what remained couldn't even fill a thimble. Several dozen steps and Anna entered their home. The bag prepared earlier that morning in hand, she locked the front door and turned her feet towards the village. People who saw her walking avoided eye contact then crossed the road. At least the pitying looks had ceased.
Thirty minutes later Anna walked through the gates of the church's graveyard.
Luckily the church had been established on the edge of town and had no problems expanding the land. Even if the village continued to grow as it had, it would probably be a hundred years before the graveyard encountered space problems once again. Anna diligently avoided walking on or over any graves as she made her way to a freshly dug one still surrounded by people. She waited patiently for the woman and her husband to finish accepting condolences before approaching.
Watery green eyes briefly met hers before sliding away and the woman leaned forward slightly, holding out a poorly carved wooden plate over the mound of dirt. Her husband also held out a tankard filled with liquid.
Anna took the offered items and nodded a thanks. The last two mourners kept their eyes averted and silently hurried away.
Sounds of the bustling village could barely be heard in this section of the graveyard; the deceased's cousins chose a nice spot. Anna carefully placed the plate and tankard on the ground and laid out the black woolen blanket next to the grave. She sat and shifted uncomfortably, still not used to breeches despite wearing them for a year and a half. But black breeches and shirts with silver buttons had been the unofficial uniform in her village for centuries, so she had to wear it.
After quickly settling down, Anna picked up her food and drink then glanced at the name on the simple gray headstone.
"Cassandra Gothel, may you find succor into your eternal life. For thy peace I pawn my own soul. Amen."
It never seemed right to just start eating and the little prayer Anna created felt like a nice way of introducing herself to the departing soul. She took a bite out of the large slice of bread from the plate.
"Cassandra… what an unusual name. You and your cousin definitely aren't from around here. Did you go by Cass or Andra? I should have asked Rapunzel when she hired me. I'm Anna by the way, your helper to get into heaven." She took a sip from the tankard. "Your family loved you. This is actually tasty. The last family gave me a drink that tasted more like water than beer. I think they only hired me for show. Though from what I heard their uncle had not been a nice guy."
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Anna turned her head and saw Gareth, leaning heavily on his cane, walking towards her. She scooted over to make room on the blanket. She coughed, no longer able to suppress the urge. Being sick while working felt incredibly disrespectful to the deceased though at least this person had been killed by a runaway horse and not consumption like last time Anna was sick.
"Winter looks like it's going to be nice this year. It's almost November and I haven't had to break ice in the chicken's water tub once." A soft thud and Anna felt the blanket move when Gareth sat down. "The Sea Dog sets sail tomorrow for the New World with ten families on board. I don't understand why someone would want to sail across the ocean just to live in a backwards land surrounded by nothing. They could cross the Bristol Channel into England cheaper."
"Though who would want to," Anna mumbled around a mouthful of bread. "You probably never met my sister Elsa, but she talked about wanting to go to the New World. I almost had her convinced to go to The Continent instead when she…"
Silence.
Gareth's concerned face appeared in her line of vision, breaking the dark spiral her thoughts were traveling.
"I'm fine," Anna whispered. "Anyway, you weren't from around here, right? When we were growing up this place wasn't even half as big as it is now." She continued chatting happily at the mound of dirt; pausing frequently to eat and drink.
Once everything was gone and she finished telling the story of how eight year old Elsa would make up tales of faeries and ogres at bedtime, Anna stood and stretched, the satisfying crack of her spine easing the tension in her lower back.
"Farewell Cassandra Gothel, may your journey be peaceful."
Rustling beside her caught Anna's attention. Gareth tipped his hat goodbye and limped away, the soft thuds of his cane mixing with the sounds from the village.
Anna walked over to the headstone. On top, in a nice shiny pile, lay the coins to cover her fee. She smiled at the other much more grubby coins laid next to it. Impoverished loved ones scrounged for the extra coins to add as a token of thanks for her sacrifice while mourners from more affluent families left piles of shiny coins more in a boast of their wealth than love.
These precious coins would be enough to buy the food she needed and replenish her supply of thread. She packed her bag, grabbed the coins, and headed out of the cemetery.
Anna waited for her furry black friend to enter before closing the front door and bolting it. The black cat wove around her legs, purring loudly.
"I know, I know." She picked him up and he rubbed against her face happily, his purrs growing even louder. "I'm sorry I'm late, Llew. I had to stop by the store first." More petting and she placed a kiss on top of his head before coughing again. "Down you go."
Indignant squawking conveyed Llew's displeasure at Anna putting him down.
"I have to get the chickens in their coop and Tegid into the barn before it gets dark."
Llew stretched up and pawed at her thigh.
"Fiiiiiine." Anna picked up the black cat.
Once he deemed himself sufficiently adored, Llew wiggled out of her arms, scampered to the chair in front of the fireplace, and yowled.
Anna sighed and wondered when exactly she became the personal servant to this ragamuffin. Finally putting down her bag, she walked over to light the wood she prepared that morning.
"Happy now, My Lord?" she asked.
But Llew was already fast asleep.
"At least you're comfortable." It didn't take long for Anna to unpack the items she bought earlier, toss the wooden plate and tankard into the roaring fire, then make bread dough from the freshly bought flour. Knowing she had plenty of time for the dough to rise, she grabbed the rope by the front door and headed to the field to retrieve her cow.
"Come on, you guys." For some reason the chickens that evening absolutely refused to return to their coop to the point where she searched it twice for predators. They were just being difficult.
Soft footsteps reached her ears and Anna looked to her left. A short woman with her dark hair pinned up and a baby securely strapped to her front in a cloth sling leaned over to help steer the birds into the coop.
Either realizing they weren't going to win against two humans or deciding they did want inside (who could understand the minds of chickens), all ten birds rushed up the plank and Anna closed the door.
"Thank you, Mildred."
The woman smiled and resumed walking down the path that ran past the house.
Back inside her home, Anna checked on the dough, decided it needed more time, then started preparing the fish and potatoes she bought earlier. One hour later she sat down to a plate of hot food.
"Meow… meow." A paw batted at her calf.
"I don't love you." Anna stood from her chair and grabbed a saucer from the cupboard.
"Meow."
"I really don't." They both knew that was a lie.
Anna scooped a bit of fish from her plate onto the saucer and blew on it. Memories of finding a tiny, barely alive, ball of fur snuggled in with her chickens, the panicky run into the village to ask how to care for the black kitten (people still talked to her then), and quickly buying the supplies needed before returning home, came back to her. That first week there were times she had been certain he wouldn't make it but after getting rid of the fleas and feeding every two hours, he started exploring the large room that made up most of her home. Two years later Llew had her wrapped around his little paw.
"Here you go." Anna placed the saucer holding the cool bit of fish on the floor next to her and started eating dinner.
Knock. Knock.
She nearly dropped her fork in surprise. The delivery was early, the sun hadn't even fully set yet. Knowing that only a bag of clothes needing to be washed and mended waited for her, Anna took her time finishing dinner, not looking forward to the coughing fit the cold, damp air would trigger.
The coughing ended up taking far too much energy for Anna to even consider staying up to separate the clothes into 'mend first' and 'wash immediately.' She built up the fire to last the night and crawled into bed with Llew at her feet.
Anna stood in front of the door leading to the only other room in the house. All morning she procrastinated from going into Elsa's work space. Now the chicken coop was clean, hay in Tegid's stall replaced, floors swept and scrubbed, every surface dusted, the wash and mending left on her doorstep completed, she even brought in extra wood for tonight.
She didn't want to go in there and not see her sister working on her latest creation.
Two years.
Elsa disappeared two years ago returning from a two week trip in France. Her sister spent months meticulously planning that trip. Writing modistes in cities she planned to visit and requesting information on the best shops to purchase fabrics and ribbons and buttons and lace and all manner of things Anna had no knowledge of.
One day late didn't worry her. Two days late with no word concerned her. On day four the Harbor Master finally received news. The ship carrying Elsa and sixty-three other souls left France as scheduled and that was the last anyone had seen or heard from them.
Instead of going to the docks everyday and seeing the sad looks, she started sitting on the cliff and watching the ships for hours.
Anna placed her hand on the door handle, took a deep, and pulled. Hinges creaked and she made a mental note to oil them later. With the door closed, heat from the fireplace did not reach this room and she shivered at the chill.
The room looked the same as it did last month, and the month before that, and the month before that, and all the previous months. In the center of the room stood a large flat table where she'd lay down fabric to be cut, a dressmaker dummy stood silently in a corner, against one wall were two dressers holding the various tools needed for Elsa to make her dresses.
She twisted the dusting rag in her hands and stepped hesitantly into the room. Only the belief Elsa would come home and need a clean workspace compelled Anna into the room to clean.
First, dusting and polishing the table, the first thing Elsa purchased when she returned home.
At age sixteen, Anna waited anxiously for her older sister's boat. Their parents passed away two weeks before and Elsa wrote she'd return home immediately. She was torn between not wanting Elsa to quit her dressmaker apprenticeship in Cardiff and not wanting to be alone. The rapid heartbeat when they hugged was just because they hadn't seen each other in two years.
Now, dusting the dressmaker doll, a replacement for the old cheaply made one Elsa had grown up practicing on.
At age seventeen, Anna was in full blown denial as to why her heart raced at a touch, why she mostly ignored her friends to spend time with her sister, why at night her dreams were filled with softness, and why the only people who caught her eye were slim, blonde women.
Now, dusting and polishing the two dressers that once held their parents belongings.
At age eighteen, Anna privately admitted to being in love with her sister and spent that whole year keeping away from her. She would only return home to sleep then be gone again to work or spend time with friends.
Now, to meticulously check each drawer for bugs, the enemy of every seamstress.
At age nineteen, Anna returned home late after a night of drinking to find Elsa asleep in her chair by the fire, a common occurrence now that she started to gain a reputation for beautiful dresses and not just practical clothing. This time she couldn't pretend not to notice the tear stained cheeks.
Lastly, to inspect each of Elsa's tools for rust, living by the ocean tended to be hard on even the best crafted things.
At age twenty, Anna had stopped avoiding Elsa and understood her feelings would not just fade away with time. Shame still colored her cheeks after waking from certain dreams but her sister's smile when she presented her with new needles or politely declined an invitation out brought a smile to her own face.
Finished with the last of the cleaning, tears filled her eyes and Anna rushed out of the room. Llew rubbed against her leg while tears spilled down her cheeks.
At age twenty-two, Anna lost Elsa.
Knock.
Knock.
A paper slid in under the door.
Anna wiped her eyes and retrieved it. Her services were requested at two in the afternoon tomorrow.
Focus on the job. Forget about the past.
She retrieved her uniform and laid it out on the bed. Becoming the village's sin-eater had not been in her plans. But with a soul already damned to hell because of her feelings, what could it hurt to take on another's sins so they could rejoice in heaven.
A button on the shirt looked loose. Anna pulled out a needle and thread to fix it.
A week passed much like every week previously. Laundry mended then washed, livestock fed and taken care of, and sins for the deceased eaten. Still, her cough lingered.
On a particularly cold night she prepared one peeled and finely chopped hard boiled egg for Llew's dinner and placed his saucer on the floor. Llew demanded petting before he ate. Just because Anna had no appetite it didn't mean she could ignore her cat. He dug into his meal, acting like he did not get enough to eat while hunting during the day. Then again with the weather getting colder, maybe he wasn't. She would have to start feeding him actual meals instead of just a bite of her own. Love for this small creature filled her. Living in this house alone would have been unbearable without him.
To bed early sounded wonderful. This cough would not go away. Maybe she should go to the doctor. If he'd see her. So many would no longer serve her since she became the village's sin-eater.
Coughs shook her frame. She rubbed her chest hoping to ease the tightness there a little bit.
Knock. Knock. Knock-knock. Knock.
Anna froze.
Only one person ever knocked that way. It couldn't be. It absolutely couldn't be.
Knock. Knock. Knock-knock. Knock.
Somehow her unsteady legs didn't buckle as Anna walked to the door. She had to remind herself to breathe. A quick prayer and she opened the front door.
There stood Elsa.
The sister that disappeared.
The sister whose beauty surpassed all others.
The sister she was desperately in love with.
The room went black.
Banging woke Anna from a wonderful dream where Elsa returned and they lived happily ever after, though for some reason when one of them sneezed they'd turn into a rabbit.
The banging continued.
"I'm coming!" She tried to figure out why she was laying on the floor. It had been years since she drank herself stupid.
More banging.
"Oh, shut up," Anna muttered. One eye pried itself open.
Elsa.
Anna shot straight up.
The banging on the front door stopped.
There stood the most beautiful woman in the world, the one who filled her waking dreams with joy and her night dreams with passion, the one person Anna would fight the angels of heaven for, the sister once lost, now returned.
She rushed over to wrap her arms around Elsa and stepped right through her.
Oh.
Tears rushed to her forward and she closed her eyes. Months of hope came crashing down.
"Welcome home." A sad smile. Anna kept her eyes averted and walked over to her bed to sit. Every rehearsed speech explaining the time they spent apart disappeared like fog in the afternoon. What good did it do to fill in the dead on living matters.
Movement caught her eye. Anna looked up to see Elsa waving her arms, trying to get her attention. Laughter bubbled up until she noticed the opposite wall through her sister's chest and her eyes dropped to the floor once more.
"A lot has changed since you left. I have a cat. His name is Llew. I bought a cow. I no longer work in Iver's store. I was let go after…"
After she stopped going to work, unable to handle the pitying looks and empty platitudes.
A deep breath and Anna looked up.
"I'm now the village's sin-eater."
Blue eyes widened in shock.
"Washing other people's clothes doesn't pay enough." The justification fell flat. That was all she would share though. Coughing shook Anna's frame reminding her how tired she had been. "It's late. Will I see you in the morning?"
Elsa nodded.
"Good." A deep sigh. They could figure out what to do tomorrow. "Good night."
Anna stood from her bed and for the first time in months she didn't have a tickling in the back of her throat. In fact, she felt utterly fantastic.
"Anna, no…"
The familiar voice filled her ears but she shouldn't be hearing it. No ghost could speak.
"You can't. Please, go back before it's too late."
She turned to where the voice came from. Elsa stood with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Please."
"Hey," she strode closer to the ghost she wasn't supposed to hear and lifted a hand to wipe away the tears. "Don't cry. I can't take you crying."
Anna's hand touched firm skin.
"What?" Her other hand reached up and touched a firm shoulder. Joy filled her and she pulled Elsa's solid form into her arms. Everyday for two years she missed this, longed for this, needed this.
"Please, you have to go back. You don't belong here." Elsa's whispered words sent a shiver down her spine.
"This is exactly where I belong." Anna tightened her hold intending to never let go.
"No, it's not. You need to go back before it's too late."
"What do you mean 'too late'? Too late for what?"
"That." Elsa turned so the bed behind Anna came into view.
Under the blankets, chest barely moving, cheeks flushed with fever, hair matted to her face with sweat, lay her body.
"Oh. I'm dead." That explained why she could feel her sister again.
"Not yet. If you go back now you can-"
"No!" Anna turned back to Elsa and pulled her close. "I'm not leaving you. I won't leave you."
"You have to." Elsa pressed their foreheads together. "You have so much life ahead of you."
"Not without you. Please don't ask me to continue without you." Fear of spending decades without Elsa nearly overwhelmed her.
"You have to." A sigh puffed against her lips. "I shouldn't have come."
"Do…" Anna swallowed nervously. "Do you not want to be together?"
Silence.
"Oh. I-I see." Could a ghost's broken heart kill her twice?
"No," hands cradled her head, "you don't see."
"It's okay, Elsa. I understand," she lied. Anna didn't understand. Even though their feelings would never match, they were at least sisters and the only family they had left. An eternity to mourn what she lost didn't sound long enough.
Warm lips pressed against hers.
"I do want to be together. But…," Elsa closed her eyes, "but not the way you do."
Finesse had never been one of Anna's strong suits. She pulled Elsa to her and eagerly pressed her lips against the ones she spent years dreaming about. This was better than anything she imagined. It only took a heartbeat before she felt the lips under hers returning the kiss. Fingers tangled themselves in silky blonde hair and their bodies pressed close together. Every part of her sang with joy.
Elsa pulled away first. "You need to go back."
Anna's heart sank. Before she could argue otherwise, a loud panicky yowl sounded behind her and both women turned to the bed. Llew paced agitatedly by her head and yowled again.
"There's a little soul depending on you." Elsa watched the little black cat. "He cares for you very much."
A joke about how Llew would miss his personal servant danced on the tip of her tongue. In this form she could feel her cat's misery.
"We'll be together again." Elsa's strong voice, confident and firm.
Decades alone, waiting to die to be reunited with her beloved sister played out in the mind's eye. Maybe they'd meet again in her dreams.
"I lov-" A delicate hand covered her mouth.
"Tell me when we're together again." Fingers moved to caress her cheek and Elsa smiled brilliantly.
Anna nodded.
It took more effort than she thought possible to crack open one eye. Blurry figures of Elsa and Mildred came into view. No sound could be heard though they appeared to be talking. Sleep claimed her once again.
"Ugh." Being dragged across the village by a rampaging horse would hurt less than this. Anna rubbed the grit from her eyes and sat up, head pounding fiercely. The room spun. Afternoon sunlight streamed through the windows. She tried to piece together what happened. Llew demanded dinner and then…
"Elsa." Anna scrambled out of bed. Not in the house. She rushed to the front door. Not outside either. Weakened legs collapsed under her. Tears fell.
It was just a fever-induced dream.
Two weeks passed by uneventfully. Her services as a sin-eater had been requested only once, which suited her. Recovering from her illness took priority and she needed to be completely better soon before the winter months started in earnest.
She shifted on the rock, ever vigilant to the ships arriving. Looking at her, one would think it to be deep in the throes of winter, the thick coat, scarf, and hat keeping her toasty warm.
Brynn jumped and rolled around in the grass. The little girl's thin dress swaying in the breeze. One cartwheel started too close to the edge of the cliff and she tumbled over.
Anna didn't move.
An almost audible pop sounded beside her and Brynn materialized beside her.
"You won't fool me again."
If the pouting ghost beside her could speak, she would undoubtedly be grumbling her unhappiness.
A year ago she had fallen for that trick. A little unknown girl showed up and began silently playing in the tall grass. On the third day the unknown girl tumbled over the edge. In a panic, Anna rushed over hoping to find the girl clinging to the rock and she could pull her up to safety. She nearly tumbled over herself when the girl suddenly appeared next to her. Then she noticed the girl was not as solid as she first appeared.
A ghost.
After that, Anna noticed a few ghosts around the village and all but three ignored her existence. She would be forever thankful for Brynn, Gareth, and Mildred.
Three ghosts and a cat kept her company while the village steered clear of her.
Two weeks and four more deaths passed and the ache left from her dream failed to disappear. Why did she remember the words Elsa said? Or the hope at her appearance? Or the feel of her lips? If only wishing to forget could make it so.
Anna put down Llew's breakfast. He eagerly ate the disgusting mix of cooked chicken liver and hard boiled egg, soaked in bone broth.
Knock.
Knock.
Laundry didn't usually arrive this early but it would at least give her something to do after watching the ships.
She opened the door.
It wasn't laundry.
Elsa stood there leaning heavily on a cane and an unfamiliar dark haired woman beside her.
Both cast a shadow and Anna's knees shook.
"Thank you, Elizabeth. I won't need your help today." Bright, blue eyes stared into her own.
"If you are sure, ma'am?" Elizabeth looked uncertain.
"I'm sure. My sister and I have a lot to catch up on. Enjoy visiting your aunt."
"Very good, ma'am." A curtsy and Elizabeth headed back to the village.
"Anna?"
"Y-yes?" If she moved would Elsa vanish? Or would she wake up alone with Llew at her feet?
"May I come in? I don't know how much longer I can remain standing."
"Of course!" She stood to the side and held out a steadying hand.
One shaky step, then two, and Elsa's knees buckled.
Anna caught her sister and effortlessly carried her to the bed closest to the fire, Llew having already fallen asleep in the chair.
"You're really here." Maybe this wasn't a dream. Fingers itched to touch the vision beside her again. Should she chance it?
"Yes, my darling. I'm really here."
Elsa's steady voice soothed the jagged parts of her soul.
"B-but you were gone for so long." Why did she question this miracle? She should be thanking God and the angels above.
"I'm sorry." Cool hands gripped hers. "I was scared."
"Huh? What could possibly scare you?" As kids, her sister would climb to the top of any tree. At sixteen, she moved to the Capital by herself. Then as an adult, she'd stand up to men twice her size. Elsa had always been fearless.
"You." Elsa shifted uneasily.
"Me?" Anna searched her memory for anything she could have done.
"Yes. When the boat sank off the coast of England, all I could think was that I deserved it." A deep breath. "I thought God was striking me down before I could tell my sister how I felt."
Anna stilled, frightened any movement would stop Elsa's story.
"I woke in a hospital and outside my body. My body would eat and sleep though not much else without my being in there. Somehow I knew how to return to it but if I did," Elsa gently pulled her closer, "I'd come back to you and ruin your life. I couldn't do that."
"Ruin? What are-"
"I had to see you one last time and say goodbye." Elsa interrupted before Anna's temper could flair.
"It… it wasn't a dream? You were here?"
"Yes."
If it actually happened then…
"I love you. I've been in love with you since I was sixteen." The words tumbled out, nearly tripping over each other.
Elsa's relieved laugh echoed loudly, disturbing Llew's nap. He squawked grumpily.
"I'm sorry, kind sir." Her sister called out, not at all looking contrite. "I don't think your cat likes me."
"He'll fall in love with you. I have no doubt about that."
Lips brushed against hers and Anna pulled Elsa tight against her, every curve fitting perfectly together. She tilted her head and deepened the kiss. Liquid fire flowed through her veins at heated exploration of tongue.
Head spinning, she pulled back to gather her scattered wits.
Fingers gently caressed her lips. Everything about this morning felt right. Holding Elsa, kissing her, finally confessing her long held feelings.
Anna leaned forward, pressing Elsa onto the bed.
The tremor of worry did not go unnoticed.
"Don't be afraid." Anna laid her hand over the ties keeping Elsa's shirt closed, fully prepared to either stop or continue. The heart under her hand raced.
Elsa bit her lip nervously and nodded.
The knot easily slipped undone.
This was for the October prompt from the tumblr elsanna-shenanigans DOT tumblr DOT com
Prompt: Spirit
Bonus Restriction 1: Mention a black cat in some form
Bonus Restriction 2: Include the line 'Don't be afraid ' as a line of dialogue spoken by Elsa or Anna.
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