Chapter 4
The door was heavier than I thought it would have been. It was a bit embarrassing to be yanking on it with all my strength, and for it to only budge a few inches at a time. Then Ralof walked up and easily opened it.
It was a very humbling moment. "Your pretty weak, mister Sheogorath." Noted Aerana. Her voice was somewhat clipt. But I think I detected a hint of amusement.
"My name isn't really Sheogorath" I told her and ralof. The inside of the fort was, warm. At least warmer than outside. And for someone who was standing in what could be described as a straw wife beater and a thin pair of sweatpants, it was all the difference. Turns out, Skyrim was cold. Go figure.
"Then what shall I call our exocentric sear." Despite the harshness of her words, she had cracked a small smile. But then Ralof interrupted, and she scowled again.
"By shor! Truly? A sear?" we all stood in the circular room. Catching our breaths. Letting the situation sink in. Ralof began to explore the room, before coming across the dead Stormcloak.
"Not exactly. It's complicated." I evaded. How exactly did I explain that to me, this was all a dream of a game? And they thought I was crazy now.
"Uncomplicate it, and we still do not know what to call you. Should we go with Ann Marie?" The snarky elf said as Ralof unbound her. He gestured for me do the same. I went forward and allowed him to do it.
Once my hands were free, I rubbed my chaffed wrists. I'll give my subconscious this. It's very convincing. Having said that, what should I say my name is. I could just use my real name. But Daniel Mcmullen wasn't exactly a fantasy sounding name. Uh…uh…fuck they were staring. Uh… "Sheo" I blurted out. Shit.
"Oh." Aerana said lamely. I couldn't do anything but smile and hope she didn't catch my bullshit. "Your parents named you after the daedric god of madness? Seriously?" she sounded skeptical. Shit! Random bullshit go!
"Yep. We worship the guy. Did you know he once saved Tamriel from the Daedric invasion! We have an alter back home full of different types of cheese!" Oh god that sounded awful.
Her eyes narrowed and she made "Hmmm" sound. She was not buying it. "I guess that makes sense." She was totally buying it.
"Did they name you that for your hair" Ralof joined in. My hair? My eyes looked up. I could spot just a hint of silver bangs in my unkempt hair. What? I know for a fact my hair was brown. But sure enough, it was a dull silver. Almost gray.
Wait, did this mean I wasn't in my original body? Did I give myself a different body in this delusion? Why? The sound of a chain being pulled caught my attention.
"There! The escaped prisoners" a familiar voice rang out. Two Soldiers came from the direction of the fort barracks.
"Shit" Ralof said. "It's the imperials. Take this" Ralof handed me an old iron axe.
He turned to Aerana, ready to offer her a iron dagger, but her hands had lit up with Fire. Aerana's fire was thrown forward at the Centurion. But instead of dodging, she shoved her subordinate into the line of fire. Using him as a makeshift shield as she darted towards the elf.
Poor guy was engulfed in the fire stream before Aerana could direct in to the woman swinging at her. He screamed and fell to the ground, and Ralof was quick to engage the more heavily armored Centurion as she tried to behead Aerana. I tried to loop around behind her to bury my axe into her back, where the Imperial armor was weaker. But the first soldier was apparently not dead. With 2nd and 3rd degree burns across his face and arms, he grabbed my leg from the ground.
With the thoughtless one only has in a dream, I buried my axe up to the shaft in the exposed arm. It sunk in down to the bone then stopped with a thunk.
I froze. That felt too real. He screamed, blood gushed violently out of his arm. It frightened me and I stumbled back. His flailing dislodged the axe, and he only bled more.
He screamed, and I just stood there. Eventually his screams turned into sobs as he held his arm to his burned chest.
"Don't be cruel." Ralof said firmly from across the room. His fight still ongoing. But his voice might as well have been thunder. "Finish him off. Don't let him bleed out."
I looked over to his fight. Apparently, one does not gain the rank of Captain without being a strong fighter. In the game, this fight was easy because you were level one.
But here, the Imperials Centurion had earned her rank. She alternated between trading blows with Ralof, and using her shield to block torrents of fire from Aerana. She was also cruel enough to use her alley as a shield, even when she has a literal physical shield. One she was using to keep Aerana's magic at bay.
I looked back at the man. He had gone pale. From blood loss I idly noted. But he was still alive. He could probably feel his body shutting down slowly. I could remember that.
I remembered the pain. The cold. This was cruel. Letting him die slowly, like I had. It was so very cruel. He couldn't be saved. I knew that. At least not without magic none of us knew. Well, Aerana might. But she was busy.
Slowly, I knelt down on my knees. I put the edge of the axe to his throat. His eyes opened just a crack. But in them I could see everything. He saw me, and through him I saw myself. I looked like a scared boy. I was a scared boy. I must have looked 20 at the oldest. I was approaching 30 in my old life. Not someone on the cusp of adulthood.
Someone other than me looked back at from the mirror of this man's eyes. Someone afraid to kill. I had never killed before. Never. But in his eyes I saw something.
His eyes begged for release. They looked into mine, as if saying 'Do it'. I swallowed. Something thick was stuck in my throat. I pressed down firmly. The edge bit in, and I pressed down sharply. A slow trickle emerged from the laceration. Proof that he was was the cusp of death. The man's body went stiff, then limp.
I felt cold. A different kind of cold than before. Outside, the cold only sank as deep as I could feel it with my skin. But right now, I could feel that same cold from the abyss. A cold one only felt in their soul.
What made it worse, was I felt comfort in it. It made me numb to what I had just done. Another branch crack formed. I could feel it like a physical thing. It wouldn't hold much longer. Soon it would break. Then what? I didn't know.
An answer perhaps? But to what question?
Back in reality, my companions were losing. And it wasn't hard to understand how. Ralof was armed with a old rusty axe. He had thin cloth and patchy chainmail to protect him. On top of that, he had been in that cart for who knows how long. We're they even fed? Probably not.
Aerana was even worse off. She was clothed the same as me. Thin sleeveless shirt, and thin pants. It was cold enough outside to form ice.
Even with their being two of them, the Centurion Captain was better equipped. She wore solid steel armor. Welding a steel imperial sword, and a Imperial kite shield. Combine that with the Empire provided rations and rest, and she was on top of her game.
I wanted to help them. Could I even help? I should. But I was a factory worker. I made steel at a foundry. I had no experience in from fighting. I wasn't the kind of person who was always getting into fights. But, I could see it. They were losing. I had to do something. Slowly, I pulled myself up from my knees.
I left the axe where it was. It was too heavy and weighted for me to use effectively. And also, I didn't want to see what it would look like if I pulled it out. Instead, I reached for the Imperials side. He had a sword. I crushed the sense of disgust I had. This was life or death. I was needed, for all the help could give.
Looking behind me, the Centurion Captain's back was to me. My fist curled along the blade handle. This was her fault! There was a dragon laying waste to the fort, but she went out if her way to attack us!
She pushed this man into a stream of magic fire, just for a small surprise advantage. One that didn't even work! A Captain's first job should be ensuring the safety of their soldiers. She hadn't even blinked when her subordinate was hit with a fire spell. She should have used her shield to protect him!
I held the sword, felt it's weight. It was better than the axe. Less unwieldy. Slowly, she was being pushed my direction. She had dismissed me after seeing my breakdown over her comrade. I would make her regret that.
I waited crouched for her to strike at Ralof. She had fallen into a tempo. Block Ralof, attack, block magic, attack. I waited until she swung at Ralof. She was wide open! I sprung up at her back with a battle cry. She tried to turn, but had to block a spell from Aerana with her shield. It was enough. I drove the Imperial blade up through the lower back of her armor. Only being stopped by the front of her breastplate.
Everyone froze. She made an effort to turn her neck to look at me. Her eyes were so full of hate. I think she tried to say something, but then she went limp and fell to the side. She laid on her front and died quickly. I must have punctured something important. It was better than she deserved.
Inside me, was a storm of emotions. I wanted to cry at what I had done. I wanted to laugh at surviving. I wanted to scream from the fear. The adrenaline running through me demanded I do something. So I threw up.
It was mostly water. I had collapsed back down to my knees. I was covered in the first soldier's blood. It clung to my arms, chest, and I felt a bit in my cheek. I must have looked awful.
The glass pane inside me shattered. And I could deny it no longer. The truth hit me like an unstoppable wave.
I looked at the blade stuck inside the Captain's back. I had cut through the leather portion on the back of it. Guess I couldn't take her armor now. It was ruined. He…hehe. I started laughing. Softly at first. Then louder. I think I cried a bit as well. Something hot ran down my cheeks.
Then strong arms grabbed me from behind and pulled me to my feet. It was Ralof. His face was like stone.
He took me to a chair in the back, and was forced to sit down. His body blocked the evidence of my crime. What have I done? Ralof handed me a rag he had gotten from…somewhere.
"Clean yourself up lad." He said. His voice was neutral. Not praising or condemning. I tried to do just that. Robotically taking the rag from him. But I was covered in blood along my arms, and face. No amount of cleaning would get this out of my clothes. I would need new ones. I tried to get most of it off my skin at least.
"First time killing" he asked, his voice the same as before. I nodded. "it's alright. No shame in it." All I could do was nod. I looked at Aerana. She was panting. A light coat of sweat on her dusky skin. She looked almost beautiful. In the way only fantasy people could. Must be an elf thing I decided. I on the other hand, I must have looked pathetic. Covered in dry blood, about to cry again. But I thought I saw pity in her eyes. Before she turned away, and I focused on Ralof.
"Does it get easier?" I asked him. He looked me in the eyes, then looked away as if in shame.
He knelt down on one knee. Making us eye level. "Once, when I was about your age, I would have wanted to say no. That it doesn't. That every death stains your souls. But, I'm a soldier. I fight for my very freedom. I've killed dozens. Not including the scum of the earth like bandits and marauders. Eventually, they all blend together. I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone. Many times, the ones I've killed were people just like me. The only difference is we believed differently. But I justify this, with the fact that they believed in their ideals enough to take them to their death." He seemed to whined down after that. I thought he was done, but he continued. "The only thing I can tell you, is to find something worth killing for. Worth dying for. This land is harsh. Death can find us in any manor of ways. It is a way of life here. If you plan to traverse this land, make no mistake. You will kill again. And a hundred times after that. Be it man, mer" he glanced to our elf companion. "or beast". Above us, Alduin roared. "Just do your best to direct your blade only to those who deserve it. Do that" he began to get off his knee. "And you'll be alright."
I nodded. "Thank you." I said. And I meant it. I had come to a realization. This wasn't a dream. That was the truth of the situation. I couldn't deny it any longer. I didn't know how. And I didn't have time to ponder.
I got up and we walked to the gate that would take us deeper into the fort. Aerana had looted the the Imperial Captain while Ralof spoke with me. She had just inserted the key when I walked up to her.
The realization was a terrifying prospect. And it had terrifying implications. Yet, I should have realized it from the beginning. This wasn't a dream. It wasn't a delusion. It wasn't my brain trying to cope with shutting down after I had lost all sense of feeling. This was real.
I was in Skyrim. But what made my blood turn to ice, what terrified me to my very bones, is that I had invoked one of the most powerful beings in this universe.
And to make matters worse, I had willingly placed myself under his dominion.
Sheogorath would undoubtedly have noticed me. And I was screwed because of it.