Lydia

It was two days after Sheo's disappearance that we finally received some insite into his location. My thane had been a frantic mess in the meanwhile, and I would confess to some concern. He had grown on me, a bit.

To all appearances, he had simply wandered off into the wilds. Never to be seen again. We searched for hours following a snow trail that led to nowhere.

We eventually ended up in the volcanic marsh, south of Windhelm. We battled a dragon there as well. It seemed this was my life now. After a long battle, one that would have been made easier with the assistance of Sheo's powerful destruction spells, we stopped for the night. Thankfully, a fire was not warranted. As the ground itself was warm. An odd, but not unwelcome phenomenon.

Tired and exhausted, it was all I could do to calm my thane with plausible reasons Sheo had gone missing. Perhaps he truly had simply wandered off and gotten lost.

It seemed idiotic, but then again Sheo was sometimes an idiot. For example, he once spent a half hour drilling a stick into a log to start a fire. Only for it to go out. When asked why he had not used flames, he stared off into space for several minutes before quietly berating himself. He had forgotten that he, a mage, had access to fire magic.

We set a course to the closest southern settlement. A mining town by the name of Shor's stone. It was the only logical choice. The only noteworthy encounters we had was a group that were using the heated pools as a location of relaxation.

My thane had become panicked at this point, so I insisted we spend just an hour relaxing. My own reservations about the presumed nudists could wait so long as my thane was taking better care of herself. We found an isolated location to settle down in.

One hour turned into a day unfortunately, as my thane had not slept well the night before. She was as foolish as our silver haired friend at times. She had run herself ragged. The energy she had gained from the dragon helping to push herself past her limit. It was not 20 minutes in the heated water, which I would admit was quite pleasant, that I had to drag her out least she drown herself.

She slept by the pool, but restlessly. Damn you, Sheo. How could your foolishness worry my lady so.

It was only as we arrived at Shor's stone late the next day we gained some relief. Or something akin to it. A courier was waiting for us there. With him was a letter that reassured us.

I didn't trust couriers. They seemed to possess an uncanny, possibly supernatural, ability to always, ALWAYS know where one was.

To Aerana thane of Whiterun

I'm sorry that I vanished so quickly without a trace, but I do have a good excuse!

I was kidnapped! By Vigilants of Stendarr of all people! They got it into their heads that I was a Daedra. Wouldn't take no for an answer. Don't worry though. They're all dead. Died horribly in agony. From a fire. A very violent fire.

Anyway, I'm kinda doing this thing for a guy called Sam. Meet me at Morvunskar in a few days. It's just west of Kynesgrove. So it shouldn't be far.

Yours platonically.

Sheo.

P.s. Tell Lydia to stop scowling.

"Sheo says to stop scowling." My thane had said. And my scowl deepened.

It seemed the fool had been kidnapped by fanatics. Amusing, but inconvenient.

With a sigh, I mentally prepared myself for a long and annoying journey of backtracking to where we were two days ago.

Perhaps they could spend a bit more time at that 'Hot. Spring.'

Sheo: Two days before the meet up.

I woke up naked. Somewhat expected, still a bit distressing. Also, everything hurt. I was expecting a headache to rival a hammer to the back of the head. And I did have that, but I also hurt everywhere else.

Other than that, the only scrap of clothing I wore was an odd wooden ring on my finger. My ring finger specifically. Weird. Did my drunken self go through with a marriage? I couldn't remember.

"Ugh. My head." I groaned as I sat cross legged on the cold ground. Mentally, I checked Oblivion for clothes. I had lost everything but my money it seemed. Stupid.

Why did I think this was a good idea? And where was I? I looked around to see I was in a forest.

Ok. Not the worst location to end up while butt naked. I heard movement behind me. I bolted up, startled and vulnerable. Separate forms of plasma formed in my hands, and I was ready for a fight. But my heart sank when I saw it wasn't a wolf, but a fully mature Spriggin that was peaking out from behind a large tree.

It's claws emerged around the trunk, and it's head peaked to the side. I was truly fucked. I was expecting a wolf, at worst a bear. But those things would Fuck me up.

But to my surprise, it's glowing eyes only looked at me for a second, smiled, and sunk back into the tree. It gave a friendly wave as it became one with the wood.

"Ok. That was weird." I said disturbed.

To my surprise, I saw a Tarzan style loin cloth had been left for me. I was sure it wasn't there a moment ago. Did that Spriggin…? No…couldn't be. A few seconds later, I was doing my best Adam impression. With a woven leaf loin cloth being my only shield from nudity, I made my way out the forest.

It was an oddly calm trip. No wolves, no bears, not even a skeever. Just me, and nature. And a leaf. Couldn't forget the leaf. Things were going well I thought as I walked down the road. I was kinda chilly. Ok, scratch that, I was very chilly.

I wonder where I was? Somewhere to the south, I think. No snow, and lots of green. It was mostly forest. I decided to follow the road until I found civilization. Or until some bandit died trying to rob me-err…I mean until a bandit generously provided me with some equipment. A sword would be good. Some boots for my aching feet. Oh! And pants! Don't forget the pants.

"Make way peasant!" A foppish voice called as I passed a T in the road. I stopped in my jovial walk.

"What did you just say to me?" I asked ready for a fight. My eye twitched in annoyance. I looked behind me and saw an armored bodyguard, and behind him a noble on a horse. Or, I assume he was a noble of some kind.

"He said make way. Move it, or I move you." The rock brained bodyguard said.

"Clarence. He's obviously mad. Or poor. Same thing once you think about it. Push him aside and let's be on our way." The asshat whined from atop his horse. He was wearing typical noble robes.

Clarence drew his sword in a way that showed he clearly wasn't intending to just push me.

You know what. Fine. As he approached me, I decided to give him a final out. "We don't have to do this you know. Come on. Your clearly a working class man. I also do something resembling work. Why should the proletariats fight for the favor of the bourgeoisie? It's just an effort to keep us fighting against one another."

What? I was a member of a Labor Union back home. They were good points.

"I have no idea what you just said. Sounds like Breton nonsense to me." He growled out. Well that was just offensive.

"Hey. Let's not bring race into this friend. And I'll have you know I'm a…er…you know, looking back, I'm not actually sure what my race is-eep!" I side stepped out of the way of his stab, before hopping back out of range. I felt oddly nimble. More so than before, in fact. Weird.

"Well, you can't say I didn't warn you." I sighed before shooting a basic ice spike into his leg as he was in mid swing. Predictably, he screamed and collapsed. Unpredictably, he fell forward in such a way that he fell on his sword. His massive weight pushed him down all the way to the hilt. The leather armor he wore doing nothing to save him.

I just shot him in the head, being merciful and not letting him bleed out. Then again when the first didn't penetrate. Then once more for the hell of it. What? Dude had an unusually thick head.

"Clarence! Nooo!" The noble screamed. He reached forward as if to grasp at the cooling corpse. "You ingrate! I'll have you-guh!" He probably should have not been screaming directly into his horses ear. It bucked and he fell off the side, before it ran I to the woods.

He tried to save dignity, clambering up off the ground and puffing himself up. He was a heavy man. Clearly the life of a noble was a sedentary one. "YOU! YOU PEASANT! HOW DARE YOU ATTACK YOUR BETTERS! YOU WILL-"

"Wait. What makes you better than me?"

He had to stop in his rant, and look at me questioningly. The life of a noble must be pretty sheltered. He seemed to have already forgotten how I iced his guard.

"How could you even ask something so foolish! You peasants must learn your-"

"Sheo." I interrupted again.

"What?" he sputtered. Clearly this conversation was not going the way he thought. I tilted my head to the side and tapped my bare foot in the cobblestone path.

"Its Sheo. That's my name. Not peasant." If he was going to lecture me, he could at least use my name.

"How am I to know your name! All you peasants look the same!" His face was getting redder and redder. It was kinda funny to watch.

"Well, you at least ask. Your being rude."

"I need not ask you if anything!"

"Well I don't appreciate that you automatically treat me as an inferior." I said chidingly. It's like he was raised without manners. Rude.

"I AM A NOBLE!" He screamed. I winced as the birds stopped chirping at the level of noise he was making.

"Ok. Cool, cool. Very impressive. And how did you get that position?" I was getting the weirdest feeling if familiarity. He started to speak again, but I spoke first. "I'll tell you how! By exploiting the peasants!" I pointed angrily at him.

"You most likely fill your coffees by hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma, thus perpetuating the social inequality of our society! If theres ever going to be any change in our society it's going to have to-" I was in full rant mode now, and was only broken out of it by the noble screaming.

"Would you just shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

A local farmer walked passed with his cow. "Morning." He greeted jovially. He was guiding a painted cow behind him by a rioe. See, some people were pleasant. "Oh my." He said noticing the dead body. "What happened here? Bandits?" He asked. It was a sign of the world we loved in that he didn't spare my attire, or lack there of, any notice.

"You! I, Jasper Corv, second son of the Corv family, demand you assist me in detaining the reprobate!" He pointed a sausage like finger at me. I looked at the farmer, and he looked at me.

"Second son of who now?" he asked dumbfounded.

"The second son of the Noble Corv family!" he stamped his foot like a child. His robes billowed from the motion.

"Oh." The farmer said. "I didn't know we had nobles in Skyrim." And now that he mentioned it, I didn't either. What purpose did they serve. Skyrim was run by the Jarl's, and above them the high king. Where did nobles factor into that?

"I thought we were an autonomous collective, interspersed among the Jarl's territories." I nearly double took.

"See! This guy gets it." I said enthused. Finally, someone who understood.

"From the sound of it, he seems to think we're living in a dictatorship. He wants a self perpetuating autocracy! In which the lower class-"

"You will be silent!" the Noble screamed. It seemed that was his default response. "I am your lord! You will obey me!"

"How can you be my lord? I don't belong to any specific Provence, and therefore do not fall under the scope of any ruling authority so long as I break no laws. I'm at best a wanderer." I said reasonably. Glossing over the clear act of self defense that occurred moments ago.

Then it occurred to me. "Well, that's not technically true. I am a thane of Whiterun. But we don't have lords there. And most day to day tasks are handled by a majority vote." I rambled.

Gripping his hair in his thick palms, the Noble stopped his feet like a child. "Be quiet!"

But I had contented. "While I technically have a vote, most issue Don't even reach the Jarl. Higher issues are out to a vote of two thirds majority."

"Be quiet! I order you to be quite!" He had lost all sense of composure at this point.

"Order him? How you gonna order him? He's a thane! He outranks you." My farmer friend rightfully pointed out.

"My family is in line to be king!" He tried to justify. And…whaaaa? No they weren't.

"What are you talking about? Only Jarl's can become high king? Are you even a real noble?" I questioned. I then stage mumble to the side. "I think he's a fake." This enraged the man past his limit.

"My family is, by right of divine Providence, the next rulers of this land! God has ensured it!" He splayed out his arms in a grandiose manor A look of bliss on his face. A look that soured when he was confronted with an interesting question.

"Which god?" The farmer asked.

Jasper's face scrunched. His eye twitched, and his jaw ground.

" It was god." He bit out. I had to date my curiosity now.

"Yes, there are many gods. Which one."

"The one true God! For he died for our sins!" Wait, hold on. Was this dude a Christian or something equivalent? I think the Skaal had the All-Maker. Was that what was going on? Or a subsect of that? It might be probable. I had to know.

"Ok. But what's his name?" I asked. All the Elder Scrolls gods had names. Maybe I was just confusing one universe with another and the terminology was messing me up.

"It's-It's just God!" Had this man really never thought about this before? Weird. But it didn confirm I wasn't mistaken. Perhaps the Abrahamic religions just never got past cult status in this world. Why would they. The whole thing was weird. I decided that it wasn't worth thinking too hard about. But my farmer friend wasn't of the same mind.

"Hold. Your patron's name, is 'God'? Is his astrological aspect 'Star'? My good sir, I believe you have been fooled by a Daedra. I'm sorry to say."

That made way more sense. I was going with his explanation.

"You will quiet your blasphemy! My family was blessed by a lady of the snow! An angel who walked through the cold and gave my father a divine pendant! A pendant that acts as the symbol of my lords faith upon Nirn!" Wow. He honestly believed in his cause. Time to fix that.

"Look pal, I'm sorry to say, but strange women coming out of the woods with jewelry is no grounds for divine providence. And certainly holds no place in a system of government." I shifted the weight of my body. My feet were really starting to hurt on the hard ground. "Supreme executive power is derived from the masses, and is regulated by competent leaders through supply chains and just enforcement. Not theocratic ceremony and fashion adornment." The farmer nodded along. Clearly he understands the importance of supply chains and how their upkeep was paramount to a functional society. He was transporting a cow after all. It was a valuable animal.

"Why won't you be quiet!"

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some lass took her cloths off and threw them at a family member." The famer said reasonably.

"In the woods no less. Definitely a Daedra." I nodded to myself. I was sure if it now. "I mean, if I went around saying I was the Supreme Super Kami Guru Emperor, just because some frozen haired snowflake threw a medallion at me, people would think I'm craz-hrk" I had my eyes closed as I though about the scenario. This had given Jasper the chance to walk up to me and begin strangling me.

"Urk- Now we -guh see the violence inherent in the system!" I choked out. "Help!" I cried between gasps. "I'm being oppressed!"

"Bloody peasant!" He screamed at me. Spit flew all over my face. My farmer friend saw what was up, and quickly fled.

I was once again being suppressed by those in power! The bourgeoisie was exerting it's privilege and elevating themselves by pushing down the middle class. Story as old as tim- Wait, what the Fuck was I doing?

I drove my fist into Jasper's face, and he stumbled back. He had very clearly never been punched before. He stinker back a few steps and fell on his ass with an 'umf'. Then, as if to challenge the rules of how pathetic someone could be, he began to cry. Big, ugly tears. It was the only sound in the forest at the moment.

So there we were, two men from very different walks of life. He, sniveling on the ground dressed in robes of finery. Tears and snot running down his swollen face.

And me, magic manifested in my palms, naked as the day I was born. For ALL to see. There was an allegory here. I was sure of it. Seemed like one of those moments.

Walking forward I couldn't help but grin as the fatass tried to crab walk away from me. Finally, I stood over him. My monolithic sculptured male figure cast him in shadow.

"W-what are y-you going to do t-to me?" he asked fearfully. His eyes were wide and dilated. He feared for his pathetic life.

A smile that stretched a bit to far to be natural made is way onto my face. I knew exactly what to do here. "I'm gonna take your shoes!"

"Noooo!"

A brief scuffle later, I was sporting a nice new set of boots. I felt relief as I walked down the cobbled stone path. All was good in the world. Now, to avoid the consequences of my actions, and hopefully get to morvunskar. Looking down at myself, it occurred to me I might need more than just a loin cloth and some boots. Turning back, I saw Jasper was sobbing and curled up in a ball. His eyes widened when they met mine.

"On second thought, I'll take the rest as well." I informed with a smile. This whole steal from the rich and give to me thing was kinda fun. Did that make me a bandit? Nah. I'm too pretty.

"What." He squeaked adorably.

Anyway, five minutes later I was sporting a new set of robes and gloves to go with my new shoes. Life was good.

"Onward!" I called to the powers that be. "To adventure!"

Two days later: The Bandit leaders quarters.

"Please! You don't have to do this! I can change! I'll never take another septim again!" The man begged. He tried to crawl away futility, his back pressed against the wall. I looked over him, fire held at the side of his face. He flinched away from it, as tears began to fall down his face.

"See, here's the thing. I believe you. I believe that after having seen me kill your friends and followers in the some of the most painful and brutal ways known to man, that you have been changed." I saw the embers of relief build in the bald man's eyes.

"So, you'll let me go?" He said hopefully.

I smiled. "Of course not." His eyes went wide.

"Wh-Why not!?" he cried. More like sobbed honestly.

"Well, it goes like this. If I don't help you commit unalive, I can't check if you have stuff I might want. See?" Why was I taking time to explain this? Who knows.

"I-I could just give you it! Anything you want! Please! I don't want to di-" he was silenced my finger on his lips.

"Shhhh. Your ruining my immersion. Everyone keeps ruining my immersion. It's making me very angry you see. Are you going to keep ruining my immersion and making me angry?" You could hear a pin drop in the room it was so quiet. Just the sound of us breathing, and the bandit leaders soft sobs. He softly jerked his head to say 'No'.

"Good."I placed my hand gently on the side of his head, almost cherishing it. His sobbing increased but he remained silent, frozen in fear. Our eyes were locked. Then fire from my hand burned against the side of his head. He only screamed for a few seconds. Then the room was returned to blessed silence. Did this make me evil? Like, was I a bad person?

Hmmm...No...I don't think so.He was a bandit. Becoming a bandit, it was like becoming a clown. Once the deed was done, you have willingly become something sub-human. Death is a mercy at that point. Note to self, kill cicero. All clowns must be purged for the good of mankind.

"AHEM." Someone behind me went. I turned to see Sam, or more accurately, Sanguine. He was in full Daedra form. And if he wasn't a total boof before, he was now. Seriously, am I bi? Bi curious? I'm pretty sure I'm not. But the dude makes me want to test it. I shook my head to get rid of the thought. I had more important tasks! "If your quite done. I have that thing you wanted. As well as your reward for the drinking game."

I paused in my corpse robbin-errr…Looting. "Cool. Cool. Wait, hold on. What thing? Is the thing not the reward?" I was busy crouched over my much quieter friend.

Damn. Nothing useful. Just gold. He had iron armor for Bal's sake. What self respecting bandit leader wears iron armor?

"Yeah. We made a bet while we were jumping around having a good time. Gonna be honest with you, I did not expect you to win. I guess even I can be surprised every once and a while. Damn impressive."

Ok. What did I do? I then voiced my question. "What, exactly was the criteria of our bet? How did I win? What were the stakes? What would happen if I lost?" This could be good, or bad. Could go either way.

"Ehh? You don't remember? Seriously? Dang. Experience of a lifetime, that. Oh well. If you don't remember, it doesn't matter. You still won the bet, so I'll pay up. As for the stakes, if you lost you had to break into that temple of Mara in Markarth, and see if you could get a smooch. Would have been funny as hell."

Huh. That put a few things into context.

"So you ready to party like a collage frat house?" He said happily. He tossed me a bottle. I popped the cork and nearly gagged from the alcohol content wafting from the flask.

Still, I took a long gulp. I coughed roughly. A felt a hand on my back, hitting me lightly. "Easy. Easy. Sip it. It's Saki, not whiskey. Jeez." Sanguine said to me. "Now come on! We've got some partying to do!" And with that he shoved me into an oblivion gate.

Lydia and Aerana.

We had traveled back to Windhelm, retracing our steps. It was well past nightful when we finally were in the province, and it was an easy decision to spend the night at the Candlelight hall. My thane was in much better spirits, thankfully. A hot meal, and a good night's rest, and we were on our way.

As we made our way inside the fortress, I could tell immediately that Sheo had been here. The spell butchered corpses were a dead give away. That, and for some reason he had decided to burn 'Sheo was here' into several walls. As well as arrow markings, and…well…I blushed as I looked at the odd anatomical shapes that could be found here and there.

"Lydia, stop staring at the penis! He's deeper inside." My eye twitched in irritation.

"Yes, my thane." I responded as I moved on. Damn you Sheo!

When we got to the most inner room, we found a corpse that had been left laying against the wall, a gruesome burn in the side of the poor bastards head.

But that was it. Nothing else was in the room. Then, from the doorway, an Oblivion gate spawned. It swallowed my thane whole.

"Aerana!" I screamed as I drew my sword and shield. But all that was heard was the tearing of the void. Then, a hand pulled my through. I tried to bash at it, but it was too late.

I closed my eyes and feared the worst.

But the worst never came.

I opened my eye slowly, fearful of what I would see. From my position on my back, I saw a familiar head of silver hair.

"Sup." He said. Then said head was tackled to the side

"Sheo!"

"Argh! What the hell woman!"

They fell to the ground. Meanwhile, a deep, rich and cultured voice laughed historically. What had she gotten into now.

Aerana.

As soon as I pulled Lydia through, I was looking around. Then I saw him. He had walked over to look at Lydia's fallen state. Ha! The goof! I missed him! Almost without thought I had tackled him to the ground for a hug.

I wasn't in love with Sheo or anything. At least not romantically. I think the affection I have for him is that of a sibling at best.

He was fun, insightful, and just a riot to be around. He was even better at magic than me, the ass. But he was trying to teach me how to think of magic in ways I had never thought of before. He was a real friend! Something I've never had before. We both laughed as we tumbled around on the ground.

When he had disappeared, I had been devastated. Kidnapped of all things. And by Vigilants. Only Sheo could get in so much trouble. It was then I heard a deep, rich laughter. And I saw what looked like a Daedra.

He was at a table along with other men and women. They were drinking and merry. I tensed, just now remembering that I had been taken by a Oblivion gate.

But Sheo was on his feet now, and so too was I after a moment.

"Where have you been? Or, more specifically, how did you end up killing a bunch of bandits and end up here? What happened to the vigilants? Did you kill them all? I hope you didn't. Well? What have you been doing?"

He looked confused, then thoughtful. Then he said one word, and only one word. As if it was the only word he needed to justify himself.

"Murder-hobo." He said as if he came to an epiphany.

"Murder-hobo?" I asked confused.

"Murder-hobo." He confirmed.

Well, it seems that was all I was getting out of him. "I see".

We stood there for a second. Then he put his fist in his palm excitedly.

"Come on. Let me introduce you to the best Daedric Prince you'll ever meet." He said enthusiastically.

I was hesitant at first, and I saw Lydia was the same. But the casualness of Sheo as he talked with the man reassured me. Then I nearly fainted as I saw the Daedra pull out a MASSIVE penis from seemingly nowhere and put it in Sheo's hands.

Sheo.

I walked up to the prince of debauchery, happy to see my friends here and safe. It was a great day. I had been drinking on and off all day. But I was mostly sober right now.

I was assured the magic alcohol was enchanted not to give hangovers. In Sanguine's own words, they were "A big no go bro." God the smile on that man. Mmmm. Focus!

"So, about my rewards." I said casually as I walked up to sit by his throne. I say throne, but it was just a fancy bean bag chair with a back and arm rests.

"Oh yes, of course, of course. Now, like I said, I can't give you my rose. And I can't give the lizard lass the rose either. She didn't play my game. You did. So, I have an idea. But first, what do you know about time travel, and time flow in general."

I just blinked. What? " Um…less than I probably should?" I guessed. That seemed a good enough answer.

"That's cool. You, even with your aspect, still currently experience time in a linear way. You simply go back. Now, to dumb this down for you, picture time, as a massive rope. It goes on forever, and has no beginning or end. In fact, eventually after an actual eternity, it repeats. Now, this rope is made up of an infinite amount strands. And each strand is made up of a near infinite amount of strings. With me so far?"

I nodded dumbly.

"Good. Each of the ropes strands is an individual timeline. In it's smallest increments, think atom small, there exists the smallest changes. An atom went one way here, in another timeline the same atom went there. Technically different timelines, but so small a difference that they nearly occupy the same space. It's only when we get larger changes that we see large enough changes to form noticeable strings in the rope. These strings are bound tightly together to form a thin, but near infinite twine. Within that twine are all the possible futures of this specific universe. Still with me?".

I nodded dumbly. This was not the conversation I was expecting from the frat boy Daedra.

"Now, most timelines want to follow a set path. That doesn't always happen. The 'Cannon' timeline is usually found in the center of these bunching's. While the more a timeline deviates the further out it might find itself. Until it either return to the center once enough time has passed for the anomaly to correct itself, OR it spirals so far away that it becomes it's own separate strand. This rarely happens. And I do mean RARELY. And yet, due to the nature of Infinity, I happens an infinite amount of times. Sometimes the timeline becomes so different it starts becoming unstable. Like a thread unwoven, if pressure is put on an unstable timeline, it snaps. That's it. It just ends. This happens way more often than a new timeline."

This was making my head hurt.

"You, as you are now, exist as a 3-Dementional entity. Closer to 3 and a half . You see, time is the 4 th dimension. To be a four dimensional entity, like myself or any other deity, you must be able to not only move forward and backward through time, but side to side. To exist in every timeline within your domain, while at the same time remaining a singularity. Now, I realize most of that went over your head. My point is, your almost what I am. If near infinitely weaker. Right now, you can only move forward slowly, and backward to a preset, subconsciously chosen achievement. And that's a powerful ability. But now ask yourself, what was the point of this long ass expositional dump?"

I nodded. Then my brain stalled as I registered what he actually said. "uh." Was my intelligent response.

He gave me a literal devilish smile, and his eyes flashed briefly. I felt, something inside me change. Like a gear being shifted to switch a lever.

"It was to allow to do that. Of course. So how do you feel?"

I looked myself over. I didn't look any different. And if I was being honest. "I feel pretty much the same. What did you do?"

A wicked toothy grin, boarding on a sneer covered Sanguine's face. And I was reminded that despite how seemingly friendly, this was an evil god I was conversing with. Closer to a demon in fact.

"Do me a favor. Focus on this moment. Look at the scenery. Smell the air, feel the temperature. Burn it into your memory. Do so now."

I was a bit confused at the request. But the phrase 'God works in mysterious ways' came to mind. Or, at least this god did.

I felt the cool air. The slight humidity. The sound of drinking and partying. I took it all in. Once I was sure I could picture it from memory, I nodded my head.

"Got it all?" He asked. His tone oddly serious. "It's extremely important you do this properly. You don't want to mess this up. Trust me."

I took it all in again. I was sure of it now.

"You good?" he asked in happy tone. I smiled back at him, and gave him a thumbs up.

"Yep. I'm good." I wonder what happens next.

"Cool. Now watch this." He said. I turned my head just in time to see him point his index finger at Lydia, who was cautiously enjoying a tankard.

And I got the horrific view of her head exploding. Viscera and brain matter covered the table and those sitting next to her. One of those people was Aerana. She had just enough time to allow her eyes to widen before she suffered a similar fate.

Horrified, I ignited lightning in my hands and pointed it at the laughing Daedric prince.

"Dude! What the Fuck!?"

His response was to keep laughing. And as I fired bolt after bolt into him, he laughed and laughed. Until he fell to the floor. Not from me, from laughing. I was crying at this point. Why? What kind of hair trigger Bipolar bullshit was this?

"Why?!" I cried as I fell to my knees. I didn't know my last check point. And it didn't matter. He would remember. He would just do it again. And I would be powerless to stop him.

Eventually, as I was on the cusp of sobs, he got up off the ground.

"That's a.*pft*That's a real. *snort* That's a real shame."

I stared up at him in hate. Then I unleashed everything I had. I used a maxed out Thunder Storm at maximum power. 20 bolts each. I did that over and over and over. I screamed in rage until my throat was horse. And finally, when I had nothing left, my arms dropped. I had no energy left to hold them.

"You done?" The bastard said. Amused at that. "Good your done. Now damn. Isn't that a shame. If only you could go back. Maybe to just before it happened. Wouldn't that be nice."

Was he mocking me? I looked at the slumped over corpses of my only two friends in this world. I wanted to go back. Back to before this happened. But exhausted as I was, I couldn't even off myself. Not that it would matter.

"Now, remember that moment you burned into to your head. I want you to think about it. Feel the phantom sensations of it. Can you do that?"

Almost subconsciously I did. I imagined it. It was an odd type of melancholy. I wanted that time back more than anything.

"Why don't you go back then. Go on. I'll wait for you there." And with that, the Darth Maul pretender disappeared. What was he talking about?

Wait, did he mean go back to that moment. Was all this…oooooh.

I tried to remember every detail. The air, the scene, the sounds. I could feel something. A tug on my soul. Like the tether that pulled me from the void.

And I just, fell into it.

And when I opened my eyes, I was back. They were at the table, drinking, talking. Aerana saw me staring, and she waved. I was back. Tears threatened to fill my eyes.

"Pretty neat ain't it?" I screamed and jumped away. Then I tripped and fell on my face. So much for my new found grace.

Leaning over where my shoulder had been was the king Douche himself. He was once again laughing at me.

"That wasn't funny!" I said angry. "What if I couldn't figure out how to go back?" I demanded.

"Meh. I'm sure you would have found something pointy. Beside, isn't this a massive boon? Able to reset without dying? Pretty neat right? And all it cost was a bit if mental scarring. And at this point, does it even matter? It's not even the first time something like that has happened."

I wanted to be angry. Enraged. But, he was right. This wasn't the first time I had seen my companions die. Wasn't even the 10 th.

Then I began to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Then sanguine laughed. We laughed and laughed because nothing fucking mattered.

Except for one thing. The time spent together with my friends mattered. At least to me.

"Oh. One more thing. This is for winning that bet. Speaking of, you don't have any splinters do you? I hope not."

"I still have no idea what you're talking about." I said confused. But he just carried on.

"Still, you're the first person ever to have pulled it off. And for that, you get your (admittedly rather odd) request."

Then he pulled out a giant pink Dildo on a stick. I'm talking at least 4ft long, handle not included. That last foot or so hung semi limp, but clearly had quite a bit of weight to it. It was vainy, and had a hand guard that consisted of two massive testicles.

"Dude! What! The! Fuck?" I screamed.

His response was to plop it down in my hands. I wanted to drop it as soon as I felt the dense silicon texture of it. But I also didn't want to offend the Daedric prince who had just moments ago killed my friends to prove a point of instruction.

He nodded, admiring his handy work as I hesitantly held it by the handle. It flopped about, making it a weirdly weighted weapon.

"Yep. Just like you asked for. A Saints Row style Penitrator bat Indestructible, and with a strong burning enchantment. My second ever Daedric artifact. You even named it for me. The Herpe Derpy. Excellent name by the way. I'm sure it'll age well with the speed of meme culture"

He pat me on the shoulder and I was left to stand there with a humongous dildo in my hands. A thousand questions made their way through my head. Like, why would ask for this? Or, what is wrong with me?

But the most important question, the one that burned inside me and demanded release was. "Wait, you have access to the internet?"