He had nothing but time now. All the time in the world. In his younger days, this would be a dream. No drills from a hardened task master. No assignments from a strict page master. It was just him, and his books.
This was hell.
How long had he been here, in this rotten sewer? He honestly couldn't tell anymore. A decade perhaps? Less? His only means of telling time came from the meals he paid to be delivered.
How long had it been since he saw the sun? Would he be blinded if he tried? Perhaps he and the Falmer had that in common. His body ached. Old age had not been kind. So much time wasted.
He had no family to speak of. Not since they had been snatched from their homes and tortured for information on himself.
He tried not to think about it. Every day he tried. And every day he failed. The anger that once burned like an inferno was barely an ember. He was so very, very tired. It was all he could do not to throw the doors open and go as far as he could roam. Until his inevitable capture.
He hated the Thalmor. Hated what they had forced him to do. But he had a duty. He was the keeper of knowledge. Despite what he's colleges thought, he was certain that Alduin, the world eater, would return.
And if that were to happen, not even death would save him. He clung to the hope that he could do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to prevent it.
Maybe he was a fool to-
A knock on his door startled him. He frowned. It was not time for food yet. It had come not two hours ago. A madman perhaps? It happened form time to time. The denizens of the ratways would bother him.
He need it ignore it. They would leave. He waited a second. Nothing. Good.
KNOCK KNOCK*
He jumped to his feet. Someone had found him! How? He was so careful. He used alias after alias, laid trails upon trails! Who could have found him!
"Esbern? Is that you? It's Delphine. I don't know if you remember me, but we need to talk." The voice said muffled through the door.
He panicked. They knew his location!
"Nobody by the name of Esbern lives here! Just a reclusive old man! Please go away!" He said as he said as he leaned his old bones against the old iron door. If it came down to a fight, he would lose. He was in no shape for it. But, he had his pride. He would take them with him.
"Esbern! It is you! Listen, we don't have much time. Where were you on the 30 th of frost fall?"
His eyes widened. That was the passcode! The one he gave out to only his most trusted ally's. As the archives burned around him on that fateful day, he gave it to his two disciples.
"I was protecting my emperor, as duty allows." He said in response. Deciding to chance it, he opened the slot, and in the dim light, under her hood, he saw a face he thought dead.
"DELPHINE! You are a site for sore tired eyes. Let me unlock the door." His old fingers fumbled on the rusted iron locks
"Hole on. This last one always sticks" he said excitedly as he broke the dust away from the last deadbolt. With a thud, it gave and he opened the door for an old friend. "Delphine! You still carry on the fight! After all these years! Please, come in." he gestured inside.
She walked inside with some haste, and he was out on edge by her skittishness.
"How are you? What have you been doing? I'd you survived, have you heard word from Hod?" Hod was his second apprentice. A bright young man, but a bit hard headed. The last he had been seen was escaping the tunnels out of Cyridiil during the raid on the imperial capital. That day would lead to the empires all but surrender, and the signing of the white gold treaty.
"Calm yourself Esbern. I've been fine. I'm an Inn owner. Nice and slow. A good place to hide for an old veteran like me. As for Hod, well, I'm sorry. He gave me the pass phrase years ago. Just in case I ever found you. He fought until the end. But even Blade Akiviri steel can't stand up against mage fire. He took out an entire platoon before he was brought down. A brave man. I wouldn't be here without his sacrifice."
That hurt. Deeply so. But, he would be lying if he said it wasn't expected. Hod went down on his own terms. That would have to be enough.
"So, you're here. Does that mean we are no longer hunted?" he asked hopefully.
"I'm afraid not. I have a lot to catch you up on. Just listen."
And listen he did. She spoke of dragon's, the return of Alduin. He felt hope when she told of a dragonborn who was there to combat the threat. And that small amount of hope he felt was bolstered. The world might yet survive. But she also spoke of something quite concerning. Sheogorath, the god of Madness, was making a play on the world of Nirn. Quite out of character for him. Despite being among the more powerful Daedra, Sheogorath was usually content to keep to himself. And to intentionally involve himself in the life of the Dragonborn, it did not bode well. How on Nirn had he bypassed the Dragon Barrier? From the sound of it, he had an actual avatar on the mortal plain. Such a thing had not occurred since Mehrunes Dagon attempted to invade.
"And where is this Avatar? Is he still with the Dragonborn?" he asked concerned.
"No. Or at least, I don't think so. I tried to get rid of it. Contracted experts on expelling Daedra." She bit her tongue in a very worrying way.
"And they succeeded?" he asked with trepidation. Dreading the answer.
"No." Her voice was haunted. "I received word about their base. It was razed to the ground. A slaughter down to the last man. There were no survivors. All burned or mangled."
They stood in silence for a moment.
"And you believe this Avatar of Sheogorath to be responsible?" he half asked half stated. She winced at what could be a memory.
"In my short time with it, I personally saw it's delight at using fire to end his enemies. And fire not of a normal mage either. Odd, eldritch blue fire. It burned hotter and with more force than any spell I have ever seen. It put the purge teams of the Thalmor to shame with it's intensity." She shuddered. From a war veteran like her, it was quite telling.
"I see. Well, it sounds like we've no time to waste. We must locate Alduin's wall, extract the Dragonborn and inform her of this Daedra's plan, and build up our forced." Determination burned in his eyes like a ember given fuel. For the first time in a decade he had purpose. Oh, the news was startling. Worrying even. But in his old addled mind, plans began to form. "Let me collect my things. We've much to do, and not nearly enough time to do it."
It brought back memories, in a way. The world crashing down, seemingly impossible odds. And yet here he stood. Defiant. A grim grin formed on his face. The saying was true. Despite his self imposed exhile, some things never change.
Sheo's perspective
"Oh
god. I'm gonna die. This is it. This is where I die." I wailed in agony. This was a hell one shouldn't have to deal with.
"Sheo, please. I just need to give the horn to Argnier. The trip wasn't nearly as bad this time. Last time we were attacked by a troll. Lydia even carried you the rest of the way."
I paused in my sobbing upon the steps of High Hrothgar. Hope lit up my face.
"Lydia! Will you carry me!"
"No." If scorn had weight her voice would have crushed my bones to dust. I stead, it just crushed my spirit.
We had made our way back up the throat of the world. I guess Delphine didn't need us to infiltrate the Thalmor Embassy. Seeing as I told her Esbern's location, that made sense.
I had gotten a new set of armor. A nice set of steel plate to go along side Lydia's. Donated generously by a group of bandits that had been harassing Ulfric enough to put out a bounty.
It was decided by both myself and Lydia that Aerana should get the best out of the loot. What with how she had shouted the bandit leader to death. Ulfric Vs Torigg style. Rest in pieces.
It was a somewhat short trip back up the mountain. It only took two days. In that time, I had tried to teach Aerana how to use my custom spells.
She learned them. Somewhat. Because magic was all about conceptualization, there was a limit to her effectiveness. But, her control was way better. Unlike me, she didn't have Magicka to burn.
The end result was a slightly less powerful version of my Custom flame spell I had called Plasma torch. And a somewhat decent version of Thunderstorm. Though, three bolts was the most she could pull off. Two was a lot more comfortable.
The greybeards did their whole thing about screaming in Dovahzul. I was a bit worried the old castle would crumble, but I guess the earthquake was a perspective thing.
Aerana spoke with them a bit, but I was busy doing something else. I was doing my damnedest to try and figure out how rune spells work. A bit of experimentation, and I got close. Despite my best efforts however, I couldn't make the spell attach to a surface. But I was smiling at the result either way.
Why was I smiling? Well because I had accidentally created something WAY better.
My thought process had been that I would structure the spell in such a way that it would expand when it hit a surface. I was picturing Spider-Man's web shooters. Just pop, boom, magic web with effect. To make it go off, I tried to make it intentionally unstable.
I figured if it was stable it wouldn't go off as soon as someone stepped on it. Solid theory right?
Just in case, I dropped a save point. I mean, I had it. Why not use it.
So, with absolutely zero self preservation, I cast the spell, aiming for a bank of snow.
Yeah. It never hit the snow bank. In fact, the spell dropped like a stone. A literal stone. Glowing, pulsing even, I picked the spell up and examined it.
It was weird holding raw formed magic in my hand. I felt the warmth pulse softly. Then I realized it was pulsing faster. I played hot potato with it for a second before my brain overtook the panic and I lobbed it.
I had used fire as the base of the spell. It went off in a glorious arcane explosion. I felt the heat as it rushed past my face, and I saw the snow and ice had been flash boiled.
I just stood there, in shock. What had gone wrong? Casting it again, I tried paying more attention to the feel of the magic. Ah, that was it. The web idea Had made the magic get tangled in on itself. The unstable nature of it had forced it to decay until it couldn't hold it's shape. At that point all the energy was released. I lobbed the thing in a different direction. But it rolled off the cliff side. I heard a faint boom lower down. Hope that wasn't important.
I heard the doors to the courtyard open.
"Sheo! We heard a boom! What happened?" Someone asked. But I couldn't care who.
Aerana
I was marking the location if a word of power on my map for later. Apparently if I learn too many words too fast I'll become arrogant or something. If I was being honest, I kinda tuned him out halfway through his speech. He just had one of those voices, you know? The kind that would be great for reading a bedtime story, but awful for teaching. It was just so dry. It made me want to sleep. I just assumed Lydia was listening.
BOOM*
The old fort shook as something exploded outside. Argnier raised his eyebrow, and I looked at Lydia.
"Sheo." We both said simultaneously. We hurried outside to see what had done.
I threw the door open, and asked him what happened.
His response was to fall to his knees, and I thought for a second due to his posture he was going to cry. Then he started laughing furiously.
"Wonderful. He's gone crazy. Again." Lydia commented. I tilted my head as I watched him raise his head up and swing his fists at the sky.
"No. I think that's his epiphany laugh. Like, for when he figured out something. His insane one is higher pitched."
Lydia chitted, and rubbed her head. "I don't know what he figured out, but it's probably dumb."
I couldn't help but nod in agreement. Sheo was a true idiot savant. Ignorant to extremely basic things, but his magic was the work of masters.
"Well, I'm going inside. I don't want to get wrapped up in whatever This is." She gestured at Sheo. Who…may have transitioned into his insane laugh. Drumming my fingers and thinking about it, I answered back.
"Yeah. Ok. I'm right behind you." And with that I left him out there. Still laughing.
Sheo
A grenade! A Magic grenade! This was so much more useful than trap runes. More testing showed different elements even had different effects.
I had Lightning for more or less pure magic damage, Fire for incendiary and conclusive force, and ice was just a straight up shrapnel grenade.
I just became an explosive specialist. Now if only I had a launching mechanism, the dragon's would truly fear me!
It was a few weeks after that before something noteworthy happened. We went and raided the burrow with for it's word wall. Killed bandits, and camped out beneath the stars.
The only truly noteworthy thing that happened was as we walked along the road.
A courier ran up to us on our way to cash a bounty.
"I've been looking for you. Got something I'm supposed to deliver. Your hands only. Oh! A letter from the Jarl! Moving up in the world I see. Ah, look like that's it. Time to go" and with that, he left. Huffing and puffing the whole way through.
We both had letters. I didn't bother opening mine.
"It says that the Jarl of Falkreath has a position for a new thane or two. It invites us to speak with him. Should we go?" Aerana asks.
I thought about it for a second. "Yeah. We might as well. It would be a big no-no to ignore the summons if a jarl. He's gonna make help three citizens though. Something about being recognized by the people. Let me think." I though about our options.
"Its honestly as easy as Chopping some wood for the mill, gathering wheat for a farmer, and finding a dog for The blacksmith." That last one was a bit worrying. But dealing with Sanguine had left me slightly less apprehensive about dealing with Daedra.
"So, wait. All we need to obtain another thane title is to do a few chores? Seriously?" Aerana asked incredulous.
"Pretty much. Why, you complaining?" I asked still debating if this would be worth it. I guess as long as I hide behind Aerana I would be fine. Clavicus Vile was a bit like Sanguine. Affably evil, if at all. His boon was usually a monkeys paw. Unless you were a scary Dragonborn handcrafted by Akatosh. Then you got boons no strings attached.
Heading into town, we spoke with the arrogant jarl. I decided I hated his guts. Unrelated to anything. He was just an asshole. We started doing the chores.
I was insistent nobody go into the jail house. One Daedra was more than enough to deal with right now.
Was easy enough until. I chopped wood, Aerana and Lydia gathered wheat. Something that required a lot more than walking up and pressing 'E'. That thought caused an image of The King Of The Squirrels dressed as lord Farquad to flash through my brain.
Weird. I blame Sanguine. With those gorgeous lips and that tight- I shook my head vigorously. Dispelling the image.
Anyway, the wood-cutting was long, but not very taxing. And if I used stone flesh to improve my physical performance and stamina, well, nobody said anything about it. So it must not have happened.
A few hours later, and a night at the Inn richer, we headed down the road in search of a dog. Or, they did. I was on the look out for Barbas.
We found him easy enough. He was just chilling on the road, just past the fork. Strangely, this section of road looks recently familiar. I had the oddest sense of Déjà vu.
We walked up to Barbas, and Aerana greeted him with all of the fear of someone who killed dragon's for a living. So, you know, none. In an instant barbas was the recipient of a rather vigorous head pat.
"Hey there big boy. How are you today? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?!" She menstruated through her rubs.
"Oh. I'm a good boy. I'm a very good boy. I'm the bestest boy." Barbas said in his slightly nasally voice.
Aerana's hands froze, and Lydia out her hand on her sword scanning for the voices origin.
As one, their eyes drifted to the dog who was laying on his back, belly exposed for rubs. His tail waved excitedly.
"Lydia?" Aerana said quietly.
"Yes, my thane?"
"Did the dog just speak?"
"Yes, my thane." She answered in a no nonsense voice.
"Sheo." Aerana addressed me.
"Yo?" I asked wondering where this was going.
Her face was impassive. "Melt the disguised Daedra please. Preferably with fire."
I looked at Barbas, who had sat up and was looking at the interaction with his head tilted so. He was oddly adorable. Oh well, boss lady said melt, so I guess I had to melt. A smile found it's way on my face.
On a side note, I pretty sure melting good boys is one of those sure fire ways to safely determine your evil alignment. Same thing with smiling. Was I slowly turning from chaotic good to chaotic evil? That would be upsetting.
Buuuut, I didn't feel evil, so I was probably ok. Probably. Fire lit in my palms, and Barbas's eyes widened when he saw the look of anticipation on my face.
"Wait! WAIT! HOLD ON!" He panicked as he saw I was absolutely gonna set his soft fluffy fur ablaze.
I paused when Aerana put her hand on my shoulder. I looked at her, and she had the look of someone reserving judgement.
"And why should we wait?" Her voice was so cold. What had brought this about? Just what was going on inside her head?
Aerana:
I was not looking forward to dealing with another Daedra so soon. After the last one, who HAD to have something to do with Sheo's kidnapping.
I mean come on, it was obvious. A cult of Daedra hunters, just so happens to mistake my friend for a Daedra. Then, after his escape, he magically meets Sanguine? A prince of all things?
I was a bit naïve, not stupid.
And that was without factoring in the "Gift" sanguine had given Sheo. The less I thought about that thing, the better off I was mentally.
And now we just happened to come across a Daedra pretending to be a dog? Fat chance I was letting this go on. I could feel it with every dragon I killed. I was getting stronger.
Slight as I was, I was quite sure I was now physically stronger than Lydia. And she had been training her whole life. I, on the other hand, was a pampered noble. I studied, sure. But I hadn't done a hard day's work in my life.
And it wasn't just that. It was everything. My reflexes we're faster, my body responded better, I was tougher even. I felt, denser. It was harder to penetrate my skin than it was before. Like my skin was made of a tough, thick leather. Yet, paradoxically it was smooth and softer than ever.
I had to admit to myself I was changing. Into what, I didn't know. But this added strength gave me conference. Conference enough to at least chase off this pretender.
Or, at the very least let Sheo do his thing. I was a bit worried about how eager he seemed to fry a dog, but that was pushed aside when I reminded myself it was a Daedra.
But then I saw the panic in it's eyes. And I realized, I was being cruel. Cruel in a way that I normally wouldn't be.
I put a hand on Sheo's shoulder, firmly holding him. Gods, what had I just nearly allowed to happen? What was happening with me? Between the random bouts of greed, the jealousy at something that was MINE being taken, and now what felt like needless cruelty, I was scared of what I could become.
And yet, despite my realization of my actions, the boarder-line apathetic attitude remained.
I raised my eyebrow, staring down the simpering dog. "And why should we wait?" I asked. My voice was flat. Totally unlike my normal voice. I would have to ask Sheo about this. He knew about these things.
The dog cowered on the ground.
"Please. I'm a Daedra, yes. But I wasn't going to hurt you or your companions. I just wanted to ask for help." He sounded genuine enough, but Daedra we're tricksters.
"Help how?" I asked, then realized I could get the same information from a much better source. "Sheo, what is he talking about? Should we be worried."
Sheo perked up from where he had been picking lint off his armor. "Hmm? Oh yeah. This is Barbas. He's half of the Prince Clavicus Vile. You might have heard of him. Same guy who made the bitter cup, the Umbra, and a few other artifacts. Real monkeys paw, him. Anyway, Vile trapped barbas in the form of a dog, and stripped him of his powers. Unfortunately for the furry's brother, doing so bound him to his idle in Skyrim. So now he has a bunch of vampires trying to get his favor so he will end their vampirsm. Poor word choice that. What I'm trying to say is, Barbas is harmless. You might even call him Vile's better half. If we follow him, we'll go do an errand for the guy. Then he'll ask us to off his dog for an axe. Refuse, and you get his helmet. They both kinda suck as far as artifacts go, if I'm being honest."
He said it in the most nonchalant way possible. Picking at his finger nails. As if he didn't have knowledge of the future and the cosmos. Ass.
"Wait? How did you know that. Also-no, wait! What!? He was gonna do what? How do you-where did you hear?" The now named Barbas whined/had an existential crisis. Get used to it. Sheo caused those it seemed. Was I becoming numb? I hoped so. Sheo was exhausting. And he never shut up. Like, ever. He just talked and talked. Wait, what's going on? It looks like Barbas and Sheo we're talking while I was lost in thought.
Sheo:
I was trying to get this bit of grime out from my index finger when Aerana asked me a question. I answered without thought, used to being the source of exposition at this point. I hadn't even thought about how Barbas was listening in.
He stumbled over his questions for a few moments. I watched passively from the side. Tough little speck was hard to get out from under my thumb. Maybe I should use a knife.
The I felt Barbas's nose against me, and I froze. I looked at Aerana, but she seemed lost in thought. Lydia was much the same.
"Wow. You absolutely reek of Oblivion? You a brother from another mother? If you catch my drift?" He continued sniffing me. I stiffened as I thought of the implications. Time for plan A.
Denial!
"NO! ER- ahem. I mean. No. I'm a seer. I see the future. But only involving the Dragonborn."
Nailed it.
Barbas tilted his head. As if he didn't believe my special brand of bullshit. Which was insane, because obviously my lies were flawless. "Riiiight" he skeptically. "Well, since your seer has told you my condition, I have to ask. Will you help me?"
I scratched my non-existent beard. I missed my beard.
"What do you think, boss lady? Your call?" I deferred.
Aerana looked conflicted, then sighed. It seemed she had made her decision.
"Fine. Fine! Sure! Let's go save the magic Daedra dog! This is my life now, I guess. Killing dragons and dealing with Daedra. Whatever. Sheo, what's the easiest way to get this over with?" It seemed she was a bit flustered with the situation. I winced, knowing this was somewhat out of character.
"Ah, um. Let me think." I remembered the details of the brief questline. Man, I was somehow making Skyrim easier than it already was. But in my defense, I couldn't see a quest markers. So I think I balanced out. "Alright. So, at the moment, we are east of folkreath. We need to get to a location by the name of Rimrock burrow. It's west of solitude. Around a day and a half journey. After that, we can hit up the back entrance to Vile's shrine. There is a gate, but that won't stop me. The vampires on the other hand…" I trialed off. Vampires were annoying.
Some debate about our route later, we were on our way.
"So, Barbas. What led to all this in the first place?" Aerana asked as we made our way north along the road. Thankfully, the main road led us directly where we needed to go.
"Oh yes. That, well. My master and I had a bit of a falling out. We got into an argument and it got rather… heated. He's kicked me out until I can find someone who can settle our disagreement." Barbas answered jovially.
I watched as a frostbite spider gazed at us from the distance. It was preparing to attempt an ambush. But a look of hate and flash of fire caused it to re-evaluate it's plans. It scuttled away in fear.
"So, all this. It's due to a disagreement Calvicus Vile had? With himself? How does that work?" She asked.
"Ah, well. Let me explain" Barbas was happy to give us the details of divine split personality.
We listened to him as we walked.
Three days, and a mountain of corpses later, we stood outside the back entrance to Haemar's shrine. Axe in hand, I had just finished melting the bars of the gate.
I could hear the vampires up ahead begging for an end to their curse. Poor bastards.
The gate bars fell away in a steaming mess of red glowing slag, and we carefully stepped over the flaming pile.
"Well, well, well. I guess your wish is about to be granted. Close yours eyes, and stand in a line." An arrogant Welsh accent said from nowhere and everywhere at once.
The vampires did so, standing in a line. Smiles on their faces. Damn, now I felt like an ass as I stood on the ledge and charged the spell I had been tinkering on.
I charged the magic with fire before throwing the stone shaped Magic Fire Grenade in front of the coven. Poor bastards didn't even have a chance to scream as it went off, flash incinerating them. I would call it a merciful death if I didn't know that Molag Bal didn't suffer those who tried to flee him.
I try to stray away from rape jokes, as I find them in bad taste. But seeing as we were talking about the Dark God of Rape, those poor bastards were in for an ass tapping from spiny dick himself. I almost felt bad. Almost. Should I be worried about my inability to care for anyone I don't recognize as close to me?
Well, whatever. Internally debating the ethics of the situation was mentally tiring. And I'm sure I won't ever meet the guy, so it's a moot point. Haha! Once again, my lack of anything resembling empathy saves my already fractured mind. Mental trauma for the win!
"That was a bit harsh, don't you think?" Barbas asked the statue. We walked down the ramp, careful not to stain our feet in the ashes.
"See, this is why I'm here, and your out there. They asked me to, in their own words 'End their curse'. Well, they can't very well be cursed if they're dead now can they? As far as I'm concerned, that's a deal done. After all, you brought this motley crew here didn't you? They wouldn't have killed the group if they had stayed away. And, if we're to get technical, you're a part of me. So, by logic of transverse effects, I answered their wish. A job well done if I do say so." Barbas looked less than impressed.
"Right. So, we brought your dog, and your axe. No, I'm not taking killing your dog. Can we go now?"
It was then that I felt the eyes of Clavicus Vile lay on us. It wasn't a physical thing, but a weight. It was uncomfortable. Barbas disappeared in a blue haze, before returning to the statues side.
"Yes. I 'spose you did, didn't you. Saved us all a bit of time. Wonder how you did that? Care to share?" He asked, well, more like demanded politely.
"One of their companions is a Seer. Or something similar. He knows things he shouldn't. But, from my understanding, only concerning the Dragonborn." Barbas answered…himself…weird.
"Uh huh. And you believe that bit of rubbish? Sheesh Barbas. Talk about gullible. Let's have a look at him."
I had just enough time to widen my eyes before I was envelope in a void of white.
I blinked once, and the scene changed. I was in a forest Grove. I looked around, the sky was in shades of blue and purple.
Then I nearly fell on my ass as I saw the mountainous shape of what I thought was a Windego. It looked at me with glowing red eyes, it's shape so large that clouds formed around it. I could only hyperventilate in fear. Then the deer headed god turned away, focusing on something else.
"Oh don't mind him. He probably just felt you come, and knew you didn't belong. I just needed a space to get a good look at you, maybe have a talk."
I whipped my head around to see a satyr sitting in the knot of a tree. The tree was shaped in such a way it split off into several branches. It looked like a throne, but made out of natural wood.
Under the tree, was a great white dog. Closer to a wolf. I smiled at me, it's tongue hanging out.
"Don't you worry about Hircine. We asked if you could be here for a bit. He wouldn't normally allow such, but being siblings with him has it's advantage."
What?
"What? Wait, so your Clavicus Vile? Wait, that's Hiricine? Why is he so unfathomably huge?" I directed my question to the amused Loki rip off sitting on his tree throne. In the distance I heard a wolf howl. I shuttered remembering where I was.
"Hmm, I 'spose, in order that's, yes. Sorta. And through divine bullshitery." His smile didn't look natural. It didn't match his eyes. It reminded me of one of those theater masks. With the expression exaggerated.
"So…what do you want to talk about?" I asked hesitantly. This was not the place to mouth off.
Vile tilted his head. "I'm trying to decide if wiping you from existence is worth it or not."
I froze. Ice was dumped into my veins and my adrenaline pumped. "H-huh? What!? Why?!"
He ran his hand over his chin. "Its nothin' personal. It's just, your one of those. They're always so annoying. Messing with the timeline. Fixing things that aren't broken. It's always such a pain. But, since you're here, it means something powerful enough to get past the rest of us put you here. And I don't particularly like dealing with those. So, I guess you can stay. Just as long as you don't have that damn 'Gamers system'. That thing is broken. What primordial came up with that thing I won't ever know. But it's, as you mortals call it 'hacks'. I think I'm using that correctly. Barbas, did I use that correctly?"
The great dog lifted it's head, tilting it to think. "I have no idea, master."
"Hmm. Lot of good you are. Useless mutt." He grumbled. "Anyway, yeah. I guess you can stay. Whatever the hell you are."
I had to ask now. This had come up before, and I was curious.
"Wait, am I not just a normal, in this universe anyway, human?"
Vile looked down at Barbas, and barbas looked up at him. Simultaneously, they broke into historical laughter. They laughed.
And laughed.
And laughed.
And laughed.
Until vile fell out of his throne and onto the meadow below.
And then laughed some more. The two rolled around on the ground for several minutes, before they finally, finally, settled down.
"Ah. Haha. Ah. Oh, that was good. Haven't laughed that hard since I convince that one guy he was a fish cursed into human form. Ended up drowning himself to prove to his mates that he 'Really was a fish! Watch!' . Good times. Good times. Anyway, no. Your something else."
I tilted my head confused. "Then what am I?" I asked. Firmly done with all this bullshit.
"Don't know. Something like a Daedra. But, not." Well that was helpful. "Well, time to send you back. Don't worry. From your lass's perspective, nothing happened. I just let her keep the axe. It's a decent axe. Well, cheereo!"
"Wait." I paused my mental bracing. Barbas had walked up to us.
"Don't you think he deserves a reward?"
Viles face scrunched up into an ugly scowl. It put Lydia to shame. "For what? He cheated to get me my axe! Took all the fun out of it!"
I winced at that. Maybe screwing Princes out of their amusement wasn't the best idea for the future.
"You said it yourself. You haven't laughed like that in centuries. Isn't that worth something?" Go Barbas! Wait, Vile's gifts were often curses. Stop Barbas!
Vile ribbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm. Yes I 'spose. I can't give him a weapon. That fratboy wannabe already did that. Hmmm, how about…yeah. I think I could do that. Just so long as it was the one. Alright, I got it." He clapped his hands.
"I'll give you a once in a lifetime opportunity. You can speak with anyone you want. Living or dead. For 10 minutes. Sounds pretty good yeah? Talk to grandma. Speak with the emperor. No strings, just a conversation. I can't guarantee it'll be a good one either. Sound fair?"
I thought it over for just a few seconds. Then, I knew exactly who I wanted to talk to. "Alright. Sounds fair."
"WONDERFUL! Now think of them in your head, and close your eyes." I did so. I pictured my wife. Her hair, her skin, her smile. It was all there.
Then I was standing in a void.
I looked down at myself. I was in the same clothes as before. I looked up, and my heart stilled.
"Razz." I said under my breath.
"Daniel." She said back. Tears were in my eyes as we embraced in that void. We didn't say anything for a few minutes. Wasteful, I know. But it didn't feel wasteful. It was, wonderful.
"What happened, after, after.." I trailed off.
"After we died?" She completed.
"Yeah. That."
The held each other in the silence. "The afterlife is, weird. Like a perpetual vacation. You spend time with loved ones. You eat, you sleep. Then, when you grow board of it all, you reincarnate. I was so sad when I didn't have you. Where are you? I tried asking, but those who are above are very tight lipped about it. They said you had been 'called'."
I smiled. The confirmation that my foul mouthed little devil had made it to the good place was a weight lifted I hadn't even known was there. I smiled, knowing I was about to sound crazy. "Do you remember that old Xbox we had?"
Form their I told her the gist of it. Abbreviated versions of my adventures. Lydia and Aerana. Return by death. That was what she took the most note of. It hurt her to know I was suffering. But I explained that I could use magic, that this new world was wonderful.
I could feel our time running out. "Listen. I want you to have the time of your afterlife in Paradise. And when your done, return to life and annoy the shit out of the next generation. Alright?" I told her. We both had tears in our eyes, yet, paradoxically, we had smiles on our faces.
"Yeah. I can do that. And you! Promise me something!"
I nodded into her hair.
"Move on. Have fun! Do everything you can to have a good life. Can you do that?" she asked, her head lifting to meet my eyes.
"Yeah." I said. Holding her small frame and feeling the warmth of it. "I can. I love you." I tried putting everything I was into those three words.
The smile on her face told me she felt that. "I love you too." We kissed long, and deep. There was no lust, or hunger in it. Just a deep, loving passion. We held that kiss, until the world bled away.
I was back in the cave. Aerana was handing the axe to Lydia. She saw me, and saw my tears.
"Are you alright?" she asked. Her cute elf nose was scutched in worry. I wiped my tears away, and booped her nose. She drew back and put her hand on her nose. She glared in anger.
I just smiled. "Yeah. I am. Better than ever.
A/N: This chapter fought me like you would not believe. I must have rewritten it three times before going 'Fuck it, good enough'. Special thanks to those who reviewed. I'm open to suggestions for filler arcs if anyone wants to leave ideas in the reviews.
Piece out.