"I'm watching you out there in the cold rain, gathering a meal from what's left of our scrubby garden. I can tell you're soaked and chilled to the bone but you insisted I build the fire and get the water boiling. I should be the one out there with my hands in earth.

I know you'll read this, you snoopy jerk, so next time you stay inside, warm and dry and tend the fire. I love you.

Excerpt from the diary of Sam Winchester. September 24, 20_

…

The sky opened up and the rain fell fast and heavy, cooling the air from the heat of the day. Sam welcomed the storm and the darkness and the cover it gave him. The old barn he was holed up in had a decent roof so he had a chance to dry off. The brothers had slept in much worse places then this.

Sam had no way of knowing their dad had given up and left with an old lover, leaving Baby behind. He didn't know that right now his brother was searching for him, grim and determined and his uncle was pacing the porch while waiting for both of his boys to come home safely.

….

Dean drove slowly down the road looking for any sign of Sam but it was nearly impossible with the rain coming down as hard as it was. Then like a guiding star, he spotted a pinpoint of light and he turned onto a short, muddy drive which led to a clearing and a dilapidated farmstead. He followed the light escaping through a gap in the old barn boards.

"Sammy, I've told you a million times, lights out when you're hiding. Darkness is better than dead…"

When Dean entered the barn, the light coming from the loft disappeared. He climbed the ladder and announced himself. "Sam, Its me."

Sam's head popped up like a prairie dog from behind a row of bales, "Dean."

"The one and only. Sammy, what have I told you about hiding with a flashlight on? You might as well have a giant neon arrow pointing to you so every Gacy style serial killer can stick you under some floorboards."

Sam scrunched up his face, "Gross, why can't you just say "hello" like a normal person?"

As soon as they climbed down, Dean grabbed Sam in a bear hug and gave him an impulsive kiss. Before Sam could figure out the best way to slip his brother the tongue, the kiss was over.

Dean looked down at him like a cat eyeing its prey and the omega thought how easy it would be to give his baby Sammy some release from that swelling in his jeans. Dean pushed aside what he considered dark thoughts and focused on getting his brother home safely.

…

The boys could see Bobby's eyes were bloodshot and glazed with unshed tears. The elder alpha grabbed Sam by the shoulders firmly and said they'd discuss everything tomorrow. He ordered the young alpha to take a shower and brush his teeth before bed because Sam smelled like roadkill.

Sam took a long shower so he could jerk off to release all those pent-up feelings for his brother and walk to his room without an embarrassing erection. Sam pictured himself still back at the hayloft, between his brother's smooth thighs. Dean would moan and wiggle beneath him and though the details were lacking, Sam assumed it would be warm, wet and wonderful. It took very little to set the young alpha off and he left the bathroom drained and relaxed.

…..

Dean stood there naked in the pouring rain, cleansing his body and to cleanse his mind of all this madness. He timed his primal screams with the claps of thunder until he was exhausted and shivering from exposure. The omega crawled into the back seat of Baby and covered himself with the same old blanket they used for years. He fell into a fitful sleep with dreams of winters under that blanket trying his best to keep his brother warm and safe.

…

John hated this bar full of civilians and all the noise and laughter. He wanted to sulk in a hunter's bar with a bottle of whisky, alone with his thoughts but Belle had chosen it. She liked it there, said places like this made her feel normal if only for a few hours before the road called her again.

The blonde was a pain in the ass, especially since she cut him off and ordered John a burger instead. They had a history together though there was no real love between them.

"John, do you mind telling me why you decided to abandon your car and finally buy my truck? I know you've had zipper rash over her for some time now."

The big man shrugged his shoulders, "It was time for a change. I promised Dean that car when he turned eighteen and a few months won't make a difference. I left him everything so I'll be stocking the beast up and doing a little retro fitting before I get back out there."

She raked her nails lightly down his neck and smiled when he shuddered, "Now I know that's not all there is to the story."

"Its nothing you need to concern yourself with. Want to christen my new truck?"

"Damn John, you are a real charmer."

Five minutes later Belle was straddling his lap, impaled on eight thick inches of seasoned alpha cock. She'd take it knot and all and though this wasn't for every woman, she loved the fullness and stretch that came with fucking an alpha like John. The feel of his rough hands fondling her breasts and his hungry mouth on her nipples drove her to a first orgasm and they'd barely begun. Belle's second came from the constant rubbing of her clit against the smooth knot as she rode him hard.

After that she was like a ragdoll, flopping around with a smile on her face until the alpha thrust his hips and gripped her tightly. She felt it, the rush of cum and the pulse from the knot. There was nothing like the feel of a stud like John using her up but it always left her wanting more.

In the morning he was gone.

….

Dean was right there waiting when Sam got out of school. It was his brother's first day back and he wanted to surprise him. Sam didn't notice his big brother across the street, leaning on Baby with his arms folded but other students did.

It warmed Dean's heart to see Sam had worn his old olive green jacket and hand-me-down flannel. He looked bigger to Dean, older, standing there among the other males but when Sam spotted him and got that big, dimpled smile on his face, the young alpha looked like his baby boy Sammy.

"He is freakin' adorable…"

Sam waved to someone and the kid waved back then a girl approached him and handed him a book. The two exchanged words, they both laughed and she left. Sam looked so normal and relaxed that no one would have been able to tell he lived such a dangerous life and had so many unusual skills.

Dean took pride in their secrets while Sam hated having secrets at all.

His brother looked both ways before dashing over. Sam was sweaty from the unusually hot September day and Dean fussed over him, brushing back his sweaty bangs.

Sam jerked away and hissed, "Stop, everyone's looking."

It was the first time Sam rejected him in public. Dean fussed because he had those dreaded nesting feelings again. No pill could stop that urge to tend to a mate.

"Excuse me, I didn't know your hair was off limits. Fine, its hands off Sammy."

"I don't want people to think I'm a baby. I'm almost a freshman!"

"Yeah, next year."

They were both changing, growing and making hard decisions. Ones the other brother might not like so much.

On the drive home Dean told an off-color joke about a penguin and a pickle and Sam rolled his eyes but couldn't stop laughing and all was right with the world again.

….

Sam rapped on the door, "Dean, I got your supper." The door opened just enough to take the plate inside. "Come on Dean, no one cares if you're having your thing." Sam cared, he cared a whole lot and tried to take in as much of the fragrance as he could since the door was open. There were mysteries going on inside that room and it was driving him just a little crazy.

Dean was especially growly and frustrated, "No!" His voice went from deep and harsh to soft, "Did you bring me some coffee?"

Sam handed a thermos through the door, "I put instant cocoa and cream in it as a treat."

"Marshmallows?"

"Um, no but I can go get some."

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks. After supper how about we have a talk?"

"Ok, I'll eat fast."

….

Bobby looked up from his desk as Dean passed the doorway, "Good of yah to make an appearance. You don't have to hibernate like a bear every time."

Dean poked his head in, "I'll be ok in a day or two."

Jamie was busy sketching with his useable hand in his self-made Monsters of the World journal, "Dean if you ever wanna talk just say the word."

"Awesome, not now though."

"All right then."

The brothers went to their spot and sat beneath Sam's favorite tree. Dean cracked open a can of beer though he preferred bottled but beggars can't be choosers.

"Dean, I want to talk first and promise me you'll be honest."

"Ok, I promise."

Sam had given Bobby and Dean the sanitized version of his time with John. The rest would have just hurt everyone's feelings and John's barbs weren't worth the pain but Sam did have questions he needed answers to.

"Dad said you left because of me. I don't get it, what did I do wrong, why did you want to get away from me so bad?"

This was why Dean wanted to tell Sam himself for just this reason. The tone of his brother's voice and those sad puppy eyes got Dean right in the heart.

"Dad said if I went hunting with him, he'd leave you here to go to school. I left for you but it was my choice. Sammy, I just wanted to give you that taste of normal you never had before. Since we're telling the truth here, I want you to know I missed the hell out of you. The only thing that made the road bearable all those years was having you by my side. I adapted though, I figured it out and I was ok. I'm damn happy I could do that for you."

Sam bowed his head so his bangs covered his eyes, a throwback from childhood as a way to feel safe, "What about that money you sent home?"

"You know I'm a pool shark. I had a great run! I'm better than dad now."

Sam let out a sigh of resignation, "You're not telling me the truth."

"Does it really matter, Sam?"

"It matters to me."

"Don't be mad at me, Sammy."

"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at Dad for not giving you any choices. I'm angry about a lot of things and bewildered about the rest."

Dean cocked a brow and turned to his brother, "Bewildered?"

"It's from that word a day calendar Uncle Bobby got me."

Dean laced his fingers with Sam's and squeezed, "I wanted to tell you I'm going back on the road. You're in school and doing great and I need to clear my head and try to figure some things out that bewilder me. See, I can use the word a day to."

Sam let go of his brother's hand, "You're leaving again and we won't know where you are."

"Nope, I'm leaving in Baby and I pick my own path this time. I'll call when I want and come home when I want. I won't be a stranger; I'll be right there sitting by the Christmas tree this year drinking Bobby's supersonic eggnog. I've got that itch to get out there and hunt, you know what we do is important."

"So, you're as confused as I am."

"Yeah, the things I need to figure out about myself I can't do here. If I'm lucky, I'll find someone to give me answers. Once I'm gone, after a while you won't feel so confused."

…

The morning Dean left was bittersweet for all involved. Even though Baby was loaded up and there was a cooler full of food in the back, Bobby kept finding excuses to keep Dean there a little longer but finally it was time.

Jamie handed the young omega an address book that looked brand new.

"These are names and numbers of safe places and people you can trust." He opened the cover where an address and phone number was written in bold letters, "Let this be your first stop on your journey."

TBC