Set after 2x23 "Homecoming". Michael and Birkhoff shenanigans.
A giggle escaped Nikita without her meaning it to. Michael had only wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Nothing was spectacularly funny. In fact, he was being cute and sweet as he held her in the kitchen. She should've simply beamed at him. Instead, her thoughts betrayed her. He separated from their kiss, and curiously eyed her over. For some reason, that only made her laugh more. He pulled further away from her with a sigh, "What is it?"
"Nothing, nothing. I just thought of a stupid joke. It's not worth sharing," Shaking her head, Nikita tried to pull her boyfriend into her arms and kiss him once more. It was a stupid thought to have. She wasn't completely sure why she even thought about it. She'd much rather kiss Michael than dwell on the image in her mind.
"Come on. I hear all your other bad jokes," Although he wrapped his arms back around Nikita, Michael didn't kiss her just yet. He smiled against her lips, their foreheads and noses brushing. He would love a peaceful moment with his girlfriend, one where they could just laugh at stupid jokes and kiss joyfully. There was nothing else they had to do. Division was defeated; they had won. They could spend the rest of their lives in blissful, simple moments like that one. After all, it was what they had fought so damn hard for.
"Okay. Um. You asked for this. But, I was just gonna say that Birkhoff's a better kisser than you," Giggles broke up Nikita's joke. It really was a ridiculous thought to have. There was no truth to it. The kiss she had shared with Birkhoff a couple days prior hadn't meant anything. Though, it was something to tease her boyfriend about, despite how much he hated it, "No, wait. Michael, come back. I was kidding. I was kidding."
Grabbing at his hand, Nikita attempted to tug Michael back. Unfortunately, he was on a mission. He marched towards the nerd at his computer station, undeterred. Birkhoff hardly noticed his approach; he was too busy packing up his equipment to move back into Division (just temporarily, for clean up duty). However, an irate shout got his attention, "Hey, Birkhoff."
Just as Birkhoff glanced up, Michael punched him squarely in the jaw. The unsuspecting victim went flying out of his chair. Nikita stared wide-eyed from the kitchen, yet she didn't move to help. The nerd was on his own, "Ow! Jesus fucking Christ, Mikey."
"That's for kissing Nikita in front of me," It didn't need to be said- Michael's motivations were clear. Though, once the deed was done, he wasn't angry anymore. He extended a hand to Birkhoff and helped him off the floor. The nerd accepted the offer immediately, struggling to hop back on his feet.
"Damn. That was a good one. I actually saw stars," Rubbing his sore jaw, Birkhoff scoffed. He should've seen the punch coming from a mile away. He was actually surprised it had taken Michael a couple of days to act on the kiss. Surely he would've punched him instantly afterwards. But a war had saved the nerd's ass. That wasn't the case anymore, however.
"You good?" Michael asked. He examined his handiwork, hoping he hadn't caused any damage. He had tried to hold back as much as he could. The agent didn't want to harm the nerd, just shake him up a bit.
"Yeah, yeah. I did say you could kick my ass," Chuckling, Birkhoff shrugged. It wasn't the worst strike to his jaw he had received. He would live- after some ibuprofen and ice.
Entering from another room, Ryan had the unfortunate experience of walking into the wrong place at the wrong time. He watched Michael strike Birkhoff and seethe, then act as though nothing had happened. The analyst felt like he was several steps behind on something important. He doubted he'd receive an explanation from the men. So, he turned to Nikita, who continued watching in the kitchen, for answers, "Did I miss something?"
"Birkhoff kissed me before Michael and I infiltrated Division," Nikita finally tore her eyes away from her boyfriend and the nerd to focus on Ryan. She explained the situation matter of factly, still surprised by Birkhoff's kiss and Michael's punch. No matter how long she had known the two men, they constantly puzzled her. And people said women were the bewildering and incomprehensible sex.
"Does he know we kissed twice?" Trying to speak at a normal volume, Ryan asked. A part of him desperately wanted to whisper the question to Nikita. He didn't want to be overheard. If Michael had punched Birkhoff, his closest friend, over a simple kiss, then what would he do to him. The analyst didn't want to find out.
"A, it happened before we were together. Who cares what happened then? And B, are you actually afraid of Michael?" Eyebrow hitching in intrigue, Nikita smirked. There was no reason for either her or Michael to be upset about things that happened before they were together. That was all ancient history. Ryan didn't need to worry about past innocent kisses between him and Nikita; Michael wouldn't do anything. That fact didn't stop the analyst from hastily walking away, however, "Fletch, come back here you coward."
Nikita taunting and chasing after Ryan was largely ignored by Michael and Birkhoff. The two didn't even know it had occurred. They were more focused on their own antics. Closing the gap between them, the agent studied the nerd once more. He really didn't want his friend hurt or upset. It was just supposed to be a simple punch, "Seriously, man. Is your jaw okay?"
"Believe it or not, your girlfriend fucked me up worse than this," Birkhoff pushed away Michael's concern and returned to his computers. He was fine, but pestering him about it would make things worse. Just because he sat behind a computer as the others rushed into the field, didn't mean he couldn't take a punch. Or deal harsh blows in return.
"When she bugged you then duct-taped you to a rocking horse," Flashing a crooked grin, Michael couldn't help but mention the fact. It was possibly one of his favorite stories to tell. After three years of silence from Nikita, she came back by fucking with Birkhoff. It had truly been the highlight of Michael's day- year. He still laughed about it from time to time, and proudly told anyone he could of his girlfriend's accomplishments.
"You owe me a beer," Birkhoff huffed. Out of all the people to lord that story over him, he thought it would've been Nikita, not Michael. Yet since it was his best friend, he could expect retribution in the form of alcohol.
"You really want to go to the store just for a beer?" Michael complained just a little bit. Going to the store was such a hassle; it wasn't worth it if they were only grabbing a beer. It took him a second to remember that the team didn't need to dodge the ever watchful eye of Division whenever they went out. They were actually free to walk around and linger in one place for long. Michael brightened at the fact, "Wait. We can actually go to bars now."
After taking a second to catch up to that train of thought, Birkhoff beamed as well. The team could interact with the world like regular people again. Except, there weren't any good bars near them, and he wasn't willing to drive far, "Yeah, but the closest one is that sports bar. And I don't want to be around loud, drunk sports fans."
"So you're saying 'no' to wings?" Already reaching for the keys to one of the cars, Michael questioned. With that as an option, he didn't need to wait long for a reply.
"Let's go," His wallet in hand, Birkhoff rushed towards the door. Michael chuckled. He didn't follow right away, however. First, he had to tell Nikita where they were going. Once she asked him to bring her back fries, he kissed her goodbye and chased after the nerd.
The two talked as they drove to the nearby sports bar, attempting to avoid their war with Division and the clean up they had signed up for in the aftermath. That couldn't be all they discussed. The agent and hacker were friends as well as teammates. They had been with one another in every annoying aspect of their lives for about a decade. Certainly they could talk about other things. What they settled on, however, was their new normal and where their lives had led them. Well, where Birkhoff settled, "Is it weird that we've never done this before?"
"I'm pretty sure we've done weirder," As they slid into a corner booth, away from overzealous fans watching a game on one of the many television screens, Michael shrugged.
"No shit. I'm just saying that we've been friends for years, but we've never gotten drinks at a bar together," Birkhoff rolled his eyes. Sure, he and Michael (and Nikita at times) had drank at each other's Division apartments and safehouses. But a bar was different. It was such a normal guy thing. He didn't think the two had ever had a normal experience together.
"It's like we've never had a normal life before," The sarcasm dripped off of Michael's tongue. There was some bite to his remark as well, but he refrained from diving into it. There was no use getting upset about their past, not when they actually had a future ahead of them.
Their conversation took a brief lull as a waiter handed the men menus and took their beer request. Not long later, two cold ones were plopped on their table. Birkhoff immediately grabbed his drink. But before he took a swig, he held the bottle up. A half-sardonic, half-cheerful smile split his face, "To being actual human beings again."
Michael clinked his bottle with the nerd's. They both downed their drinks. Whereas Birkhoff was completely alright with the bitter and watery taste, Michael pulled his beer away in disgust. He tried not to cough or gag, "Ugh. How do you drink this crap?"
"I don't know how you can still hate beer. We gotta find you a good brand," Shaking his head, Birkhoff poured over the menu. In all the years he had known Michael, the agent had hated beer. Whenever they drank, he went for the liquor, or the wine Nikita brought. He had a refusal for beer the hacker just couldn't understand. Maybe all the energy drinks he had consumed destroyed his taste buds, as Nikita claimed. Or Michael was the insane one.
"No, I'm good. I'd rather not get drunk off of beer," Michael passed his bottle to Birkhoff, distracting him from the various drink choices for just a moment. He had his reasons for not drinking so much beer that he got drunk. None of which he was willing to get into and ruin their fun night out with.
"These fruity drinks?" Pointing to the overpriced mixed drink section, Birkhoff eventually suggested. The sugary drinks would blend perfectly with their spicy wings and salty fries he intended on ordering. And, they were undoubtedly delicious.
"If you're buying," After a moment, Michael relented. The nerd had earned back enough of his lost money to splurge at the sports bar. Besides, if they were going to have a true night of freedom and fun and normalness, they might as well go big.
However, Birkhoff had another idea. A certain young heiress had entrusted him with securing and encrypting one of her many credit cards. It was a mistake she would pay for later. But for the moment, the hacker could pull it out of his wallet with a smug grin. He and Michael were certainly about to go big, "How about Alex is buying."
"We better bring her back so much food," Michael laughed. He knew that would calm Alex- after she kicked Birkhoff's ass. The men could have their fun as long as she was fed.
And the men definitely had fun. The two drank fruity cocktail after fruity cocktail as they ate countless wings and joked around. They became about as rambunctious as the sports fans across the bar, and about as drunk. Agent and hacker discussed everything they could, telling stories and cracking jokes. Eventually, however, their discussion drifted towards girls. Specifically, Michael gushed over Nikita as Birkhoff rolled his eyes, "No, no, no. Here's the thing. She's a bitch, and I love her so much."
"Two days ago, I so would've made fun of you for that. But I feel like I've become a changed man since Sonya," Birkhoff had to admit. He wanted to make fun of Michael for his comment about Nikita, but he saw his point. Strong attraction- hell, love- changed things. The stupidest things made sense under the spell. The nerd understood that then.
"All you did was kiss. Unless you guys are going on a date. Are you dating? Look at you, man. You found love and it made you so happy. That's all you need from life. To find someone to be happy with," Michael's smile was sloppy, and he knocked aside a basket of fries as he reached across the table to smack Birkhoff's arm. Yet he didn't care. Good for the nerd for finding someone. That was the hardest thing to do with their pasts, but he had done it successfully.
"And we can do that now that we're fucking free. Fuck Division!" Shooting to his feet, Birkhoff lifted his glass of sugary alcohol and shouted. Thankfully, the rest of the room was just as drunk. Other patrons shouted 'fuck Division' as well, unsure of what it meant. But it didn't matter. The joy and cheer were palpable through the laughter.
On the other hand, Michael was lost in thought over his girlfriend. Although Birkhoff couldn't hear him, he continued to babble, laying out his whole life plan in one drunken slur, "I'm gonna marry Nikki, you know. Once I get us an apartment, I'm gonna buy her a ring. And we'll be together forever…"
"Hey. Jackasses," An irritated and stern voice interrupted Michael's drunken ramble. Alex stormed up to the men's table, pissed. She had gotten an alert about one of her credit cards being used at a sports bar near the safehouse. After calling Nikita about it, she discovered Birkhoff had stolen her money. It wasn't that much (it didn't even make a dent in her finances), and she could make him pay her back easily. But it was the principle of the thing. Where did the two men get off in buying shit with her money.
"Alex!" Both Michael and Birkhoff grinned goofily at their friend. Alex tried so hard to remain mad at them, but their silliness got to her. She bit back a giggle as she approached the booth. Though, she soon busted out laughing when Nikita rounded the corner. At the sight of her, Michael leapt from his seat and wrapped her in a huge embrace. All she could do was stand in shock for a brief second. Birkhoff didn't help the confusion as he indicated the mess of food around the table, "Look at all the food we got you."
Alex and Nikita shared an amused glance. Birkhoff plopped back into his seat, and Michael dragged his girlfriend over to sit with him. The women just giggled, and Alex shoved at Birkhoff, "Scoot over, B."
Once they were situated, Nikita and Alex called the waiter over to order food for themselves. They also stopped the flow of alcohol. The men had had enough. Neither Birkhoff nor Michael complained. In fact, the nerd simply ranted about something as the agent pressed his face really close to his girlfriend's, "I love you."
"Aww. I love drunk-you too," Squishing her boyfriend's cheeks, Nikita bumped her forehead against his. She wouldn't kiss a drunk Michael, but she would sit incredibly close to him in the booth. That was perfectly fine with him. He would be near her regardless.
"To victory, bitches!" Birkhoff held up his empty drink for another toast. Michael clinked his glass with his. Laughing, Alex and Nikita lifted some fries. To victory. And to freedom.