Set sometime in season 2. Michael, Birkhoff, and Alex get food poisoning. And if you've ever had food poisoning, you know how easy it is to become a baby.
It had been a good day. The team had managed to plan for their next moves against Gogol and Division. They cleaned their equipment. They hung out and relaxed. And they actually got to go to bed early; though, Michael and Nikita weren't necessarily sleeping when they collapsed on the mattress. Between grins and giggles and singing to the music they were listening to, they shared sweet kisses and tender touches. Their limbs were entwined, and they were completely wrapped in gentle bliss. Until Michael pulled away from their kiss with a grimace. Nikita chased after him, concern in her gaze and in her touch, "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. My stomach just hurts," Holding his abdomen, Michael actually groaned in pain. Nikita sat upright, alarmed. He tried to move past it. He wanted to keep kissing his girlfriend. But she held him back. Her thumb swept across his cheek, and she studied him as though she could figure out what was wrong through look alone.
"Are you okay?" Nikita asked softly. At least Michael attempted to nod. He had that going for him as he leapt off the bed. Rushing to the ensuite bathroom, he managed to hold in the intense sick feeling that washed over him. Once the door closed, however, it was all over. Nikita cautiously followed after her boyfriend. The noises in the bathroom kept her outside. Yet she still knocked and expressed her worry, "Michael?"
"Nikki. Do you have anything for a stomach bug?" A whine from the doorway pulled Nikita away from the bathroom. Birkhoff had creaked open her door, and slumped against the wall holding his stomach. Skin pale and clammy, he looked like he was about to drop right there.
"Jesus, Nerd. You look like shit. What happened?" Nikita abandoned Michael to help Birkhoff. She guided him into the room and had him sit on the bed. She pressed her hand against his forehead. Instantly, she felt his intense fever. She didn't need to take his temperature to know how sick he was, however. He let her fuss over him without any attempt to shrug her off.
Collapsing into himself, Birkhoff groaned. Nikita was about to get him a glass of water, when Michael stumbled out of the bathroom. He was as pale and as clammy as the nerd. He plopped next to him on the mattress, shuttering. Birkhoff groaned again, "The same thing that happened to Mikey."
Nikita ran a soothing hand over her boyfriend's forehead and cheek. Sure enough, Michael was just as feverish as Birkhoff. She had excused his warmth while they were kissing as excitement- a part of it probably had been- but she knew it was more than that then. She was in for a long night if both the men in the house were sick. She'd have to figure out a way to soothe them and get them medicine. Just as she was beginning to feel overwhelmed, however, Alex called. She sighed in relief, "Alex, great timing. I need you to go to the store…"
"I'm coming back. I threw up on the side of the road," Alex cut Nikita off with a sob. She had left to stay at her apartment for the night- mostly because she had clean clothes there- but she soon felt sick. She tried to push through it. Except, there was no ignoring her vomit. She managed to pull over before her stomach revolted against her. There was no release to her pain and discomfort afterwards, however. She still had to rush towards the bathroom. So, she turned towards the closest place, and the place that had others to take care of her.
"How the hell did all three of you get sick at the same time?" Racking her brain, Nikita tried to think of a possible explanation for their illness. Michael, Birkhoff, and Alex had all been fine earlier. And if they were all sick, shouldn't she have been as well.
"I don't think it's a bug," Michael groaned, laying on his back and curling into a ball. The pain in his stomach didn't come from some sort of virus. Besides, if he did have one, the way he had kissed Nikita definitely would've gotten her sick too. There must've been something he, Birkhoff, and Alex ate. Nikita didn't eat the same things they did, after all.
Nikita was on the same page as Michael. If all three of them had stomach issues at the same time, then whatever they ate got them sick. She couldn't think of anything they all ate at the same time, though. Well, except for the fish sticks. Birkhoff mostly ate them for lunch, but Alex and Michael snacked on a few. Nikita avoided the food. Yes, because she didn't eat animal products. But also, she didn't trust them. The fish sticks had been in the freezer for far too long. And before that, Birkhoff said he got them discounted at the store. No doubt, the food made them all sick. They had food poisoning, "The fucking fish sticks. I told you those were bad."
"Don't talk about food. Oh God," They were all lucky Birkhoff made it to the bathroom on time. Though, the sounds of his sickness made Michael green around the edges too. Fortunately (or maybe not so fortunately for the future) he was able to hold it back.
"Alright. Water. Electrolytes. And bleach," Sighing, Nikita ran through a list of necessities. She'd probably need more to combat food poisoning, but she couldn't leave to go to the store just yet. She had to get Alex safely back to the safehouse, disinfect the bathrooms, and find out just what the hell she was supposed to do with three sick teammates. Eventually, she decided to force the three to campout in the livingroom. They could sleep on the couch or in cots, making it easier to rush off to the nearby bathroom. If she kept the area they were in small, then there was less for her to clean. There was also less of a chance she got sick by association.
Alex was the easiest to care for. She showered, changed into borrowed pajamas, and set-up pillows and blankets on the couch all on her own. She only needed Nikita to help soothe her symptoms and to tightly tie her hair back. Birkhoff and Michael, on the other hand, were a whole different problem. The nerd complained about everything. He didn't want to sleep in the livingroom. He didn't want to share a bathroom. He didn't want to carry a trash bag around everywhere he went. But mostly, he didn't want to be sick. He just whined.
And Michael, well Nikita never actually thought about killing her boyfriend until then. He wouldn't listen to her. He stubbornly pushed through his illness as though he wasn't in debilitating pain. He was fine. He didn't need to be fussed over- unlike Birkhoff. He thought the trash bag was overkill, and so was sleeping so close to the bathroom. All he needed was water, and he'd be okay. He could fight through food poisoning easily.
After threatening Michael and Birkhoff to stay in the livingroom and listen to her, Nikita forced them all to go to bed. Again, Alex was easy. The men continued to grumble. Nikita ignored them as she cleaned up and returned to her own room. She thought she could have a restful night of sleep, but a few hours later she heard noises outside her door. When she threw it open, Michael was awkwardly standing on the other side, "Michael, what are you doing?"
"I wanted to sleep with you. But then I threw up in the hallway," Although he had cleaning supplies in hand, Michael hadn't done that great a job of cleaning. He blamed how weak and uncomfortable he felt.
"Go lay down. I'll clean it up," Exasperated, Nikita ordered. She could've fought with him about the trash bag or staying in one place. But it wasn't worth it.
"I got it," Michael attempted to shrug Nikita away. He ended up slouching against the wall and doubling over in pain, however. She easily ripped the disinfectant out of his hands and shoved him towards the stairs.
"Go," Despite how stern she was, he didn't listen. Michael moved to their room instead. Since he went to the bathroom before collapsing in bed, Nikita didn't have the chance to argue.
She still didn't have time to argue after she finished cleaning and disinfecting the hallway. Michael wasn't the only one in distress. In a weak and pained voice, Alex began to shout for Nikita. She sounded close to tears, "Nikita! My stomach hurts so much."
"I need another trash bag," Birkhoff followed the complaint with an order. It was Nikita's turn to whine. The nerd's need was met easily. She swapped out trash bags, throwing the used one outside in the same bin they put their bloodied bandages in (it was their designated biohazard trash can they took extra care in bringing to the dump). Helping Alex, however, was more difficult. There wasn't medicine in the safehouse that could relieve food poisoning pain. Nikita desperately needed to go to the store to get new supplies. In the meantime, all she could do was help soothe Alex back to sleep.
The rest of the night continued the same. Every few hours, Nikita was woken by a whine from Birkhoff and a stubborn move by Michael. By the time the morning came around and she had to clean both the safehouse and herself, she decided to call in the cavalry. She didn't just have to go to the store anymore. She had to escape. Ryan answered her call quickly and rushed over, "What is it? What's the emergency?"
"I have to go to the store. These three have food poisoning," Grabbing her wallet and keys, Nikita explained flatly. Alex was awake, and after showering and changing again, was silently watching television. Michael and Birkhoff remained in fitful sleep, having not gotten enough rest with all their complaining. And because Nikita kept forcing them back on the cots in the livingroom. She didn't care, though. She just needed them to lay down.
"I see planning the Zetrov coup is going well," Ryan regretted the joke the second it left his mouth. Nikita shot him with a murderous glare the entire time she left.
Although the food poisoning victims mostly dozed while he was there, Ryan soon faced the same problems Nikita had. At least Alex left him alone. When she was in pain again, she simply reached for her phone. Her mother would've been up and around by then. She could call her for comfort. Except, Katya wasn't the one to answer the phone, "Sean? Where's my mom?"
"She's taking a bath. Why? What's wrong?" Immediately, Sean heard the distress in Alex's voice. He figured something went wrong on a mission. Or that Amanda had hurt her. Although he was in Greece protecting her mother, he was ready to fly back home to help.
"Michael, Birkhoff, and I were poisoned by fish sticks. And I don't know how to feel better," Alex tried not to whine, but it was difficult as she curled into a ball on the couch. If she was being honest, food poisoning was worse than withdrawal. Yeah, she felt like her head was going to fall off as she got clean. But at least she didn't have to constantly go to the bathroom.
"Do you have water, electrolytes, and saltines?" Sean was so relieved he almost laughed. It was just food poisoning; there was no imminent danger. Everything would be okay soon.
"Yeah. Nikita's been taking care of us. But she's at the store getting some medicine, and I don't know how to make my stomach stop hurting," That time, Alex couldn't stop the whine. She knew she just had to wait for Nikita to return, but she was so tired of the stomach pain. She just wanted to feel better again.
Sean wished he had any answers for Alex. Yet his medical knowledge only extended to injuries, not illnesses. His best solution was to keep talking to her until Katya could offer her advice, "I don't know either. Want me to just distract you until your mom can talk?"
"Yes please," Alex gladly took the offer. His voice was soothing. And she didn't think about throwing up or rushing to the bathroom the entire time he talked. It was total bliss. So much so, that she almost didn't want to speak to her mom when she finally came on the phone. Sean was great. The advice her mother gave her to soothe her stomach pain wasn't nearly as wonderful as he was. Nikita's return with medicine wasn't as wonderful either.
Despite the urge to stay as far away from the safehouse for as long as possible, Nikita quickly returned. She couldn't leave Ryan to the giant babies. Especially since he was so relieved to see her again, "I don't know how you've been doing this."
"Nikki, do you have that medicine? If I have to shit one more time…" Nikita instantly cut Birkhoff off by throwing the medicine she bought at him. The pills weren't a cure for food poisoning. But that mixed with water and electrolytes should help with the vomiting and diarrhea. Birkhoff and Alex happily took the medicine and tossed the container back at Nikita. She felt more at ease since they had something that could actually help them.
"I'm ready to get my gun," Muttering to Ryan, Nikita rolled her eyes. He chuckled and helped her sort the other supplies she bought. She kept expecting Michael to stumble out of the bathroom, but he was nowhere to be seen. Concern quickly overcame her, "Where's Michael?"
Ryan nodded towards the stairs. Nothing he said could've kept Michael downstairs with the others. He was far too determined to go to his own room. Nikita groaned, grabbed the pills and a water bottle, and marched towards her boyfriend. Even though she scowled at him, Michael beamed once he saw her. He was so excited his girlfriend was back, and not just because he made another mess, "You're back. Good. I need help cleaning up."
"No. Michael. You need to rest. Why do you keep moving out of the uninhabitable zone?" Moving Michael out of the way, Nikita chastised. She shoved the medicine and water in his hands. While she began to clean, he sat on the bed. It wasn't much of a mess, but she scrubbed furiously anyway. It was better than simply yelling at all the sick people.
"I just want to be with you," Softly, Michael admitted. Nikita glanced at him laying completely defeated against the pillows, and her annoyance vanished. She finished disinfecting, then moved to be by his side. Instantly, he reached out to hold her. She wrapped her arms around him, placing a soothing kiss to his temple (and ignoring his hot, clammy skin).
"That's sweet. But if you don't listen to me, I will have to kill you," Nikita quipped. Michael laughed. She made sure he took the medicine and drank the whole bottle of water. But she didn't make him go back downstairs- not yet. They could have a quiet moment together first.
The moment didn't last long, however. As Nikita was starting to relax as well, Birkhoff shouted from across the safehouse, "Nikki! I threw up that medicine!"
"After I kill Birkhoff," Sighing deeply, Nikita slipped out of Michael's arms. Why the nerd didn't call for Ryan when he was the one downstairs, she had no idea. But she did know she was going to murder him for it. He was far worse with food poisoning than he ever was with a broken and useless hand.
"Nikita! I threw up on my blanket," Alex's sobs were clear. That was the most distressed she had ever been. She hated food poisoning so much.
"I'll give her this one. She's mostly been taking care of herself," Nikita couldn't help but laugh at the young woman's misfortune. It helped that Alex had been so good the whole time she was sick- far more than when she was going through withdrawal. Nikita hastily moved back downstairs, Michael on her tail. He collapsed on the couch as she and Ryan took care of the others. Since she had a partner, it was so much easier being the team's nurse. Ryan even gave her a well deserved break. She spent it sitting next to her boyfriend on the couch.
Michael curled into her side, and Alex scooted closer to her. Nikita managed to wrap her arms around both of them. Not wanting to be left out, Birkhoff piled pillows and blankets on the floor and sat near their feet. Although her eyes rolled, Nikita found herself grinning. Her smile grew as her boyfriend expressed, "I love you. You're the best."
"I love you guys too," Tenderly, Nikita kissed the top of Michael's head. Things eventually began to calm down. The medicine, fluids, and rest helped ease the food poisoning symptoms. By the next day, Alex, Michael, and Birkhoff were back to normal- if not still a little shaky. Ryan returned to his safehouse, after helping Nikita disinfect one last time. She was owed big for what she had done. But she shrugged the three sick people off. She accepted payment in terms of finalizing their next move against Amanda and Ari. That way, they could all move into separate places and she'd never have to take care of all of them ever again. Her friends agreed.