Ilk and the Raptor Squad attend their first day of High Skool.
Ilk felt a shiver down her spine as Miss Bitters introduced them; the old hyooman was still as scary as ever. She recognized most of the hyoomans from the last time somewhat; sure, they're far taller and older, but there were some basic traits that gave them away. Ilk noticed that all girls had sprouted bulbous-like appendages on their chests of varying sizes... breasts if she recalled correctly.
Even the Dib hadn't changed much other than his height and aging; same black trenchcoat, same weird scythe air, and same humongous head. He seemed to have recognized her too. He was pointing a finger at her, lower jaw hanging open.
"Hi, everyone. I'm Ilk." Ilk introduced herself, prompting the rest of her companions to do the same.
"Blue Cobalk."
"Foxtrot Konisho."
"Masouri."
"Echo Kadya."
A paper ball flew in direction of Masouri's head. "Nerd!"
Dib just couldn't believe it. Sure, Zim's skin condition might be a more-or-less believable excuse for his unnatural green skin, but this? Four bloody velociraptors whose disguises merely consist of contact lenses, wigs, and clothing and no one finds anything weird? What's wrong with these people?! And Ilk's name sounded familiar... Wait, isn't she the young Irken that came to Urth a few years back? As in, the daughter of one of Zim's leaders?
He recognized the velociraptors, no, Kryvtors. Blue was the one with the blue stripe, Masouri the one with the goggles, Foxtrot the purple one, and the only female, Echo, had no crest and was slightly shorter than her male companions.
"These are Zim's relatives from Urope, hyoomans!" Zim laughed, waving his arm towards his companions as if exposing an exhibit of sorts. "And Zim's not-so-little-sister too, of course! Keep your eyes off my sister!"
"How curious. The sister that disappeared for years without a trace just reappeared out of nowhere with a bunch of velociraptors?" Dib pointed out.
"I went on a student exchange to Urope and stayed over with Zim's cousins." Ilk clarified. To Dib's irritation, the rest of the class seemed to accept the explanation.
"Okay, you five, go take your seats!" Miss Bitters growled, pointing to some empty desks.
Zim pushed the guy next to him off his chair so that Ilk could set right next to him. The rest of the kryvtors sat in the other empty chairs, but it took them a while to sit comfortably; these seats weren't made for species with tails.
"Wow, humans with tails! I wonder if anyone has ever seen such a thing!"
"For your information, Dib-hyooman, our family suffers the vestigial tail syndrome. It's not like we chose to be born with these!" Echo twitched the tip of her tail, feigning offense.
"You haven't changed, Dib. You still go around calling people names just because they're different."
"Save your pitiful defense of human rights for your free time!" Miss Bitters hissed dangerously. Ilk noticed her hand was twitching on top of a red button on her desk. This seemed to placate the argument for the time being.
The first two hours of the class consisted of Miss Bitters explaining how the planet was doomed, doomed, and something about the extinction of giraffes. The kryvtors didn't really pay attention to what she said. They were desperately containing their urges to stay in their seats for the duration of the first period. In fact, Masouri nibbled about fifty pencils before the bell announcing lunch finally rang.
Kryvtors don't like sitting still for too long; they evolved to be constantly on the move, run through grassy plains and savannahs in search of prey and resources. Staying still for too long sent their anxiety levels to the peak, which manifested through tapping their talon claws, twitching the tips of their tails, and biting on their claws.
"Damn it, how can hyoomans just sit in a chair for two hours? TWO HOURS!" Masouri shouted, leaning against the wall in the corridor.
"Besides, what's the use of a bunch of numbers and equations?" Foxtrot added, stretching out his stiff muscles. "If boredom could kill you, I'd have dropped dead after ten minutes. And the hyoomans go through this five days a week?"
"It varies a bit depending on the classes we're supposed to take. If it makes you feel better, lizard-beasts, there's a class involving exhausting workouts after lunch..." Zim cringed in utter disgust. "If you make it past the nasty hyooman food, that is."
Masouri shifted uncomfortably. "Hey, Zim, is there a bathroom around here?"
Zim pointed to the bathroom doors. "See those green doors with hyooman shapes over there? Those are the hyoomans' bodily waste disposal areas. Beware of the germs!"
The high skool's cafeteria was not like the one on the Massive. It was far smaller, smellier, and overcrowded. The food, if it could be called that, consisted of tomato-sauce-based foods such as ketchup salad, washed potatoes in ketchup sauce, ketchup souffle, amongst other things. It might have been more-or-less passable if, at the very least, it looked remotely edible. Blue poked at his food warily, shivering as it kept moving for a few seconds after.
"I think it's alive."
Foxtrot poked at Blue's dish with a fork, causing it to squirm away from the fork. The kryvtor snickered and started poking at his own food to make it yell. "You know, Ilk, we could send this to your dad to give him a scare."
"Foxtrot!"
"What? He wouldn't stop saying that our food is gross, and look at this!"
Ilk wasn't that interested in the food. By this point, she noticed that the hyoomans in High Skool not only were going through the hormonal and sexual maturing process known as 'puberty' but additionally had split into different groups. She guessed it must be the phase where young hyoomans learned what would be their future place in society, but oddly it didn't seem to be based on height; most hyoomans had the same standard height.
Then there's the Dib and Gaz. The latter was sitting at their table next to Zim, and as always she was playing on her portable videogame console. Maybe she knew more about the social casting system.
"Why did you come to Earth?" Dib demanded, slamming his hands on the table.
"None of your business, Dib-stink!"
"Chill out, we're not going to conquer your planet if that's what worries you. How do you call your after-wedding vacation?" Ilk inquired.
"Honeymoon," Gaz said.
"Yeah, Blue and I are on our honeymoon."
Dib blinked. "You two got married?"
"Remember when I went to a 'videogame convention'? I actually attended their wedding with Zim." Gaz explained.
Dib spat his soda straight into Blue and Echo's faces. "You went to an alien planet without telling me?!"
"Of course, Dib-stink! Zim was invited to the exclusive wedding of my Tallest Red's daughter Ilk-smeet and the Blue-lizard as the Best Man! Gaz-demon was my date!" Ilk swore Dib's eye was twitching.
"You made out with my sister?!"
The kryvtors exchanged confused looks. "Make out?"
"That's none of your business, Dib. Even if we did have sex, I can do whatever I want with my body." Gaz growled, giving her brother a nasty look.
"But with ZIM?! Come on!"
Out of nowhere, Masouri slammed his hands on the table, panting heavily; his head was dripping with water and his scales were sizzling. "What in the Ancestor's name is wrong with these hyoomans?!"
"You okay, Masouri? You look like you had a bath."
Without thinking, Masouri grabbed the nearest thing he could throw up into, which happened to be Dib's backpack. He ignored the hyooman's protests as the acidic taste of vomit forced its way through his throat and then into his mouth. The kryvtor shivered in utter disgust. He returned the backpack to its owner, but Dib let it fall to the ground, an utter look of disgust on his face.
"I went into one of the doors, but apparently, hyoomans have separate bathrooms for men and women and all the girls inside hit me! Then I went to the other one and those jerks from the sports team dunked my head into the bloody toilet!" Masouri explained in-between pants. "And what does 'nerd' even mean, anyway?!"
The only response he got was repressed laughter from his companions, full-blown laughter from Zim, and a raised eyebrow from Gaz.
"Nya! Nya!"
"It's alright, Rouge. Mommy will come home in a while." Red cooed, patting the smeet's head with a finger.
Sadly, this wasn't enough for Rouge, who started to wail soon after. Thinking quickly, Red grabbed mini-Lena from his PAK and waved it in front of his son, speaking in the best Lena voice he could muster. Rouge calmed down and reached out for it with curious coos. Phew! It's a good thing he always carries it around. Red held mini-Lena within Rouge's reach to keep him occupied, so the way to the tallest lounge was blissfully silent.
As he reached out to the hand panel to open the doors, he heard something on the other side. Purple seemed to be talking to someone, but who? He's never had any friends besides him, Ilk and Lena, and there's no one he likes enough to honor them with a call from him...
"You certainly look less scrawny than the last time I saw you, Purple." Red raised his lekku. That voice sounded familiar.
"Well, your workout advice has been really helpful, Akko."
Akko? It rings a bell... Ah, right. She was one of the indokani aspirants that competed with Purple back on Sobr. From what he'd heard, she and Purple kind of bonded during the last phase of the indokani exams; Purple even brought her to Ilk's wedding as his companion. But why is Purple talking to her? He never calls anyone from their personal quarters. Curious, Red leaned in closer to the door, his lekku twitching against the door.
He heard a small growl that reminded him of Cheesecake when he was a baby. "Hey, is that your indokuro?" Purple asked.
"Yes. Her name is Darkhawk."
"Aww, she's adorable! Makes me remember when Cheesecake was a baby and he'd sleep on my bed! He'd curl up next to my head and I ended up hugging him like a plush toy!" Red snickered; he still had that picture.
"Speaking of Cheesecake, I think you'll be happy to know he's getting bigger and stronger each day. He now has the ideal size and weight for a specimen his age."
"You've been keeping an eye on him?"
"Well, I figured you'd want him to stay out of trouble." Purple didn't reply, but Red imagined him smiling.
"Thank you, Akko." There was a brief pause. "Hey, I wanted to ask you..."
"What is it?"
"Are you free this Sobr weekend? I mean, if you're not busy we could do something... nice together with our indokuros and that..." Red's jaw dropped. Is he...?
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
"Nono, not necessarily a romantic date! I mean... more like two good friends hanging out with their Indokuros!"
Red tensed up at the following silence. He must have caught Akko by surprise. Heck, Purple even caught him by surprise.
Akko giggled. "You're quite funny when you're nervous, you know."
"Is that a yes?"
"Well, I guess Darkhawk needs a break. Honestly, so do I."
Red chuckled to himself; Purple was most likely squealing internally and trying his best to keep his composure.
"There's a nice place on Foodcourtia. Wanna go there?"
"I thought pets were forbidden on Foodcourtia establishments."
"Oh, trust me, they'll make an exception for me. I'm the Tallest, after all."
Red didn't get to hear the rest of the conversation, as a gentle tap on his shoulder startled him into jumping. His hand flew to his chest plate as he turned around, finding Lena with a quizzical look on her face.
"Lena, don't sneak up on me like that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
"What are you doing?" Lena asked, hands resting on her hips.
"Shhh!" Red glanced at the door, whispering quickly. "Purple just asked Akko out on a date."
"Akko? That rings a bell."
"Remember the female kryvtor he took to Ilk's wedding as his companion?"
Lena blinked. "That one? On a date?"
"I know, isn't it weird? I think he's been talking to her for some time." Red sighed. "I can't believe it, I've known him my entire life and I didn't even notice that he was unto a girl!"
"I think Purple wants to keep this secret for now," Lena suggested.
Red couldn't blame him if that's the case. In all of Irk's history, there's rarely been a Tallest in a relationship with a non-Irken. They had to give the example of Irken supremacy to the Empire, after all. Red learned of a few cases in which some of their predecessors took aliens as spouses; they were frowned upon, but otherwise allowed, as far as Red knew.
Rouge squeaked in delight as he reached out for his mother. "There, there, go with mommy." Red carefully placed his charge on Lena's pouch. Rouge happily crawled in and curled up into a tiny ball, the tips of his lekku barely poking out.
A happy shout and woo-hoos on the other side of the door caught their attention. Red chuckled.
"Sounds like Purple got his date, after all."
"Alright, you maggots! I don't want to hear any whines, squeals, yells, or complaints when I say... dodgeball." The crowd's reactions to the bright red ball in the coach's hand were mixed; some sighed in dismay, others burst out into tears, and a few cheered. "You'll play into two teams. Popular vs unpopular!" Masouri raised his hand. "Yes, unpopular?"
"What are we supposed to do?" Masouri inquired curiously.
"It's dodgeball, nerd. You're supposed to dodge the ball. If it touches any part of your body, you're out! The team whose all members get eliminated loses."
"It kinda sounds like Dodgeblade back home," Blue murmured. Ilk didn't have time to ask what it was about before the coach blew his whistle.
Ilk and the raptor squad hurried to one of the halves of the basketball court. Ilk noted that people on their side consisted of high-skool's nerds, weirdos, and average students. On the other hand, the opposite team consisted of some football team players, cheerleaders, good-looking boys, and students who were held in high regard for one reason or another.
"Guess we're stuck with the weak links of the skool," Echo murmured.
"Chil out, Echo-lizard. You can use the Dib's giant head as a shield if you need it." Zim said.
"My head is not-!"
FWEEEEEET!
A dozen bright red balls flew through the air. Half of the Unpopular Team got hit in the face or some part of their body while the Popular Team didn't lose any members. A tall, lanky teen with pimples, glasses, and brackets fell to his knees, clutching his stomach as he cried out something about his organs. Zim laughed.
"Inferior hyooman organs- OW!" Zim mimicked the nerd, moaning. "My squeedly-spooch!"
"OUT!" Coach Walrus pointed to the seat rows where the rest of the Unpopular Team was sitting, most of them pressing steaks against the sore parts of their bodies.
"What a way to waste a good piece of meat," Blue muttered.
"Hey, nag! Yes, you, with the green tail!" Echo realized one of the cheerleaders, a skinny girl with black hair, was talking to her. "You should go see a doctor!"
"Why?"
"Because your plastic surgeon did an awful job, you flat-chest!" The group of cheerleaders burst out in mocking laughter.
Echo rolled her eyes; she usually wouldn't waste her time with airheads like these, but she better show them that she was no pushover they could make fun of.
"If I have to choose between a pair of giant fat tumors on my chest and a brain, I'd rather have the brain, thank you very much." Echo smirked.
The sassy, spoiled girls gaped. They certainly weren't expecting her to talk back like that. In a show of brattish immaturity, the black-haired teen (apparently the leader) picked up the nearest ball and aimed it at Echo's face. The kryvtor merely had to lean her head a few inches to the side to avoid it. Unfortunately, Masouri happened to be right behind her and the ball struck him right in the nose. He was thrown backward with a pained yell.
"OUT!"
"Masouri, are you okay?!" Ilk kneeled down and helped the kryvtor sit up a bit.
"Ouch..." Masouri looked up at the Irkenette, his eyes unfocused. "Ilk? Since when did you have triplets?" That said, he collapsed again, groaning loudly.
The remaining kryvtors bared their teeth at the Popular Team. The bastards were laughing.
"You'll pay for that, disgusting mammal!" Echo snarled at the cheerleader.
"Save your babbling for the school nurse, flat-chest!" The black-haired teen sneered, throwing another ball aimed at Echo's face.
This time, Echo grabbed Dib by the legs and used his head like a bat to return the ball back to its source, striking the female hyooman right in the face. Echo smirked when she heard a loud crunch and the bratty girl fell to the ground wailing about her 'beautiful face'. Blue and Foxtrot shared a high-five.
"OUT!"
"Hey, Zim was right, the Dib's head is a good shield."
Dib was far in too much pain to reply to Foxtrot.
The game continued. With dib out, there were only four team members remaining until Foxtrot got bored and allowed a ball to brush his arm to get eliminated, leaving only Ilk, Blue, and Echo. To the audience and the opposite team's surprise, the three alone put up a good fight. Their quick reflexes allowed the trio to dodge or catch the balls and throw them back. Echo, in particular, enjoyed aiming her projectiles at the cheerleaders' faces and watching them become moping balls of self-pity.
To their right, the eliminated members of Unpopular Team had gone from moping to cheering for their remaining classmates, telling them to win for all of the 'weirdos' in school. Ilk glanced at them momentarily. Wow, they must really hate the popular ones. It reminded her of shorter Irkens cheering on their peers if they managed to somehow beat a taller in the Academy. The only difference here is that the Unpopulars weren't discriminated by height, but-
A sudden, painful hit on her right cheek abruptly brought Ilk out of her thoughts. She fell to the ground, crying out in pain. Her right cheek was hot and pulsating.
"OUT!"
"Ilk, are you alright?!"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Blue... It's just a scratch," Ilk rubbed her sore cheek, wincing as her fingers came into contact with it.
If Blue weren't wearing contact lenses, his pupils would have been two thin lines as he glared at the bulky team captain who had thrown the ball. The bastard was laughing. Blue forgot that he's supposed to act like a hyooman. His vision went red as he lunged at the teen, claws outstretched and teeth bared.
"BLUE, NO!"