Set at the end of Matters of Life and Death, the conversation (sort of) that we didn't see.
"Do you want me to come and meet you?" She asked, her voice soft. Conor had left the room, knowing that whatever Jack and Nikki were discussing had nothing to do with anymore; he had panicked at first, thinking that Jack had got himself into trouble yet again but he had calmed when it was just a simple case of him not answering Nikki's calls. He had rolled his eyes at them as he left, maybe one day they were going to realise how they felt about each other.
"No," Jack replied after a long pause. "This is something I need to do on my own."
She could hear him breathing on the other end of the line. She let out a sigh as she screwed her eyes shut, why could things never just be simple when it came to them? There was so much she wanted to say but she couldn't form the words.
"Jack," she managed to get out.
It was weighted, he could tell that just from over the phone. She said so little but meant so much. He tried to swallow the lump quickly forming in his throat; he didn't even know what he was feeling anymore. It wasn't the fact that she had slept with someone else the night before, he could live with that; she's a grown woman who can do what she likes after all. It's the fact she had so recklessly put her career on the line, risked her job and for what? A three second high?
If this Ollie decided to use that against her, she'd lose her job straight away. He'd support her no matter what, he had no doubt about that but he wasn't quite sure he'd be able to get through his day without her sat opposite him. He loved his job regardless but she made him get up in the morning and it would never be the same without her.
But this wasn't a conversation they should have over the phone, it needed to be in person. And it wasn't the only thing they needed to talk about. He hadn't been able to get it off his mind, despite the heartbreak he had got only minutes after it had happened, he could still feel her lips against his. He could still taste her. He could still feel her breath on his cheek, as their foreheads pressed together.
"We need to talk," she broke the silence.
"I know," he chewed his bottom lip. He drove around the corner, parking up outside the care home. "Wait for me, I won't be too long. I've got to go."
"Speak to you later," there was glimmer of hope in her tone. Maybe she hadn't managed to completely break them. She waited for the line to go dead before she let the tear slip down her cheek.
Conor appeared around the corner, the look on his face being the same one she had spent the past eight years looking at. She could feel the tug on her lips as she watched him edge into the room; they were so alike and she didn't think they realised quite how much.
"Is everything alright?" He asked tenderly as Nikki passed the phone back to the older man.
She nodded slowly, a sad smile spreading across her face, "I hope so."
"Can I make you a cup of tea?" He moved towards the kettle, flicking the switch with his finger.
"Please-"
Conor held his finger up, "Wait, milk and one sugar."
"You remembered?" She tilted her head, her smile growing.
"Well, I should hope so after all those months," he dropped the tea bags into each mug.
Nikki dropped her head, all the memories from last year bubbling to the surface. It had been the longest few months of her life, she'd spend hours in work, figuring out all the complicated cases and then she'd swing by Conor's apartment; they'd eat the dinner she had made for him before going to see Jack in the hospital. They'd sit with him for hours, watching him improve every day and get his strength back. Then, when he was well enough to be discharged, the routine only changed slightly. She'd pick Conor up and take him to Jack's apartment and then the three of them would eat together, Nikki would fill Jack in on the cases she was working on. He'd chuckle when she moaned about his temporary replacement, telling him that he would never be as good as him and that he needed to hurry up and get better so she can have someone who actually knows what they're doing in the place.
Then, what once had been daily visits turned into weekly visits, and before she knew it Jack was back in work and he was well enough to drive around on his own to see his father. He didn't need her anymore. She'd be lying if she said that she didn't miss it. It was the closest she had felt to being normal. Having a normal family.
But that distance between them meant she actually had the time to face up to the fact that her and Matt weren't what they once were. She had been so busy rushing around, attending to Conor and Jack's needs; along with the cases at work, she barely had time to talk to him. She did try to make it work, but it was like keeping a dying dog alive. They finally pulled the plug on it a couple weeks ago. Well, rather, she put an end to it. It had been that conversation with Jack, he had looked at her with such intensity and she had felt the pit her stomach burn as her eyes stayed connected with his.
Then when they had had a few drinks inside them, when she decided to get up on stage and sing to him. That was when she knew that the she needed cut the last dregs left of her and Matt's relationship. She didn't love him anymore, or she didn't love him enough; and she certainly didn't love him in the way she did Jack. She didn't burn for Matt, he was never the first thought on her mind. He wasn't the one she wanted to talk when she laid in bed in the middle of the night. He wasn't the one she turned to when she needed the comfort. It was Jack, it was always Jack. Even when things were good with Matt, it was always Jack.
Her thoughts were interrupted as Conor pressed the mug into her hand, "Come on, sit down. Make yourself at home," he guided her into the living room, setting himself down on the chair that was his. Nikki took the sofa.
"Did you manage to find out what he was up to?" Conor asked, sipping at his cup.
She nodded, "He's gone to sort it all out, said he'd be back soon. I'll just wait here, if you don't mind that is?"
Conor scoffed, "Mind? It's quite nice to have some company around here for a change. You stay as long as you want darlin'," he smiled.
The silence fell amongst them. Nikki could sense that Conor wanted to make conversation about something but he couldn't quite find the words and was probably wondering if it was his place to say anything anyway; another similarity he had to Jack.
"Jack had a woman round the other morning," he spoke eventually.
Nikki's eyebrows pulled together, she wasn't expecting that. She tried to ignore the knot of jealousy tightening in her stomach. When Simone had showed her the picture, she had thought she was pretty. Definitely Jack's type. And she had tried her hardest to be happy, to encourage him. He deserved someone who was easier to deal with than her, someone who carried a lot less baggage. But that didn't stop the disappointed feeling that filled her body. Knowing that he was out there with someone, laughing and smiling and she was stuck in her house, alone and unable to tell her best friend that she had broken up with her boyfriend because she had fallen in love with him.
Perhaps that's why she had turned to Ollie. She almost shuddered at the thought of him, she should never have gone to that party in the first place. But he had flirted with her, he had made her feel special and loved and she was so lonely. She wanted Jack but she couldn't have him, because the moment she had made herself available to actually do something about it, she couldn't tell him because she was scared and he had found solace in someone else anyway.
Conor chuckled, "I'll be honest, I was quite surprised it hadn't been you."
Nikki's eyes widened in shock.
"When are you two going to come to the realisation that you're both right in front of each other?" He shook his head, an incredulous look on his face. Nikki could feel the heat spreading across her entire body. "I hoped it would've happened by now."
Nikki swallowed, "I've really hurt him. I did something," she paused, taking a deep breath. "I did something I shouldn't have done. And I hurt him. And now I'm scared that he won't ever forgive me," a small sob escaped her throat.
Conor stood, a movement that he had imagined to have been easier than it actually was, but he still moved to sit next to Nikki. Taking hold of her hand, "I don't know what's happened. Jack didn't give me the details but I know enough to tell you that Jack loves you, no matter what." He wrapped his around her, tucking her head to rest against his chest. "He'll forgive you, that I do know."
Nikki relished in the comfort from Conor, it made her realise how much she really missed having Leo around. She had wondered what he would be saying if he could see her now, if he could see her and Jack. He'd probably roll his eyes and warn them to not let it affect their work.
They stayed in that position for longer than she had realised and it wasn't until she heard a small snore escaping from Conor did she lift her head. The winter sun had quickly gone down and filled the room with darkness, the only light spilling into the room coming from the hallway. She sat up, plucking the mugs from the coffee table in front of them and taking them to the kitchen. She checked her phone, he was late. He said he wouldn't be that long but it had been hours. She tried not to worry, there would be a perfectly reasonable explanation.
She jumped as Conor appeared in the doorway, "It's late. I'm going to make my way to bed."
Nikki nodded, her hands resting on the counter, "I'll wait for him."
Conor shook his head, a small smirk on his face as he gave a little wave and then disappeared upstairs. She opened her phone again, her thumb hovering over his number. She let out a sigh as she made her way back into the living room, making herself comfortable on the sofa. She was tired. She hadn't been able to sleep properly, not since her and Jack hadn't been on great terms and now it was beginning to catch up with her. She didn't mean for her eyes to close but the sleep washed over her.
Her eyes fluttered open as she felt his hand wrap around hers. Her heart dropped as she realised how close he was. One move and she could kiss him, again. She could feel his lips on hers again. But she daren't move, she wasn't quite sure of where she stood with him anymore. And she hated that, with Jack it had always been easy. They had always understood each other and she hated not knowing what he was thinking; when that connection between them faltered.
"You waited for me," he whispered.
"Always."
She watched as his lips twitched and he almost leant towards her but he stopped himself. Her eyes searched his, trying to figure out his next move.
"It's late."
Her hand tightened around his, "I'm sorry-"
"-shh," he interrupted her. "We can talk tomorrow. But I can tell you right now that that sofa isn't comfortable." He stood, his hand never leaving hers. "Come on, come with me."
Her heart raced as she followed him upstairs. She expected him to take her to the spare bedroom, it was a three bedroom house after all, but he guided her to his own.
"Jack," she started but he was shushing her again, a finger against her lips.
"I told you, we'll talk tomorrow. Right now, all I want is to get into bed and hold the woman I love in my arms," his breathing was shallow. Beattie's words running around his head, if a thing feels right, do it. He realised, in that moment, that life was too short to be annoyed over something so trivial. It didn't matter what Nikki had done because he loved her regardless.
Nikki's mouth hung open, the Hodgson's and their sudden lack of filters had given her quite the surprise tonight. She didn't say anything, couldn't find the words, instead she nodded. She peeled the denim jacket from off her shoulders. Jack had moved around the room, throwing an old jumper in her direction. It drowned her as she pulled it over her body, the hem just skimming her knees. But it smelt like him and nothing had brought her more comfort.
She watched as he pulled the blanket back; the beating in her heart increasing. This wasn't her accidentally falling asleep in his lap as they watched a film together or her resting her head on his shoulder as they flew to a different country to solve a case. This was her getting into Jack's bed, sleeping with her body pressed against his. Jack, who she had shared a kiss with a day ago. Their relationship had changed in a matter of a day and she almost felt overwhelmed. This was a big step.
What if she messed it up? What if it ended up like her and Harry had? Loving each other so desperately but neither owning up to it; too scared to face the truth.
"Nikki," Jack breathed. "Look, I'll take the sofa-"
"No, no," she interrupted him. "No, I want you to stay." She moved, climbing into the bed and pulling the dark blue sheets over her. She waited as he joined her, feeling the mattress dip next to her, almost causing her to roll towards him but she managed to stop herself.
Jack lay on his back, his hand resting on his chest. He could feel Nikki's eyes on him and suddenly he felt as though he couldn't breathe anymore. He could easily wrap his arm around her, he could easily pull her into his side but he couldn't find the courage to make that step. And he was so tired, he didn't realise how truly tired he was until now; the events of the past week quickly catching up on him. He hadn't been able to sleep the night after the voicemail and coming home to his dad with wounds all over him. But as he lay there, listening to the sound of Nikki breathing, he felt his eyes fluttering shut.
Nikki watched him, she could just make out his chest rising and falling in the moonlight. She had thought only a couple of minutes had passed, only realising it had been over an hour when she glanced the clock on Jack's bedside table. An hour. She couldn't find it in herself to close her eyes, she didn't want to take her eyes off Jack; unable to believe that he was next to her despite everything she had done.
She lifted her hand, coming to take hold of his, "Jack?" She whispered, her voice filling the room. "Are you awake?"
Jack turned his head slowly towards her, his hand tightening around hers. He had urged his brain to shut off and let him drift into a deep sleep but he couldn't, not when he knew that she was beside him. He had thought she had fallen asleep so refrained from speaking, until now of course.
"I'm sorry," Nikki spoke, feeling the lump in her throat forming.
That was all it took, one choked sob from Nikki and Jack was pulling her towards him, his arms wrapping around her as he held her head against his chest, his fingers combing through her hair.
"Shh, Nikki," he breathed, pressing his lips into her forehead. "It's fine. I'm okay."
She lifted her head so she could see him properly, his palm resting on her cheek as his thumb swiped the tears away, "But it's not fine. I've never regretted anything more in my life, Jack. The thought that I hurt you, that I broke us because," she stopped, taking a deep breath. This was it, the moment she had to be honest, where she couldn't shy away from her feelings. She needed to be vulnerable, she needed to tell him before she really lost him. "I love you, Jack."
Jack could feel his heart pounding and the smile tugged at his lips, he had dreamt of this moment a million times, to hear those three words fall from her mouth. It was all he had ever wanted. Nothing else mattered anymore, what was done was done, there was nothing that could change that. What was important, was that she was here, in his house and in his arms.
Nikki's eyes searched Jack, waiting for a signal, waiting for permission to take the next step. She quickly realised that she didn't need to, her lips twitched before she leaned forward, her mouth finding his. Her palm flat against his chest as his hand came to the back of her head. This wasn't like the kiss in the back of the taxi, it wasn't a chaste meeting after the relief of being reunited again. This was something official, set in stone. This was them finally taking the next step and taking it together.
Nikki pulled away, her forehead resting against his as the grin spread across her face. She stole another quick kiss from him before snuggling back into his chest, her arms wrapping around his torso, holding him tightly.
They both closed their eyes, their breathing in time with each other as they lay with their bodies entangled together; almost becoming one whole. They both slept properly that night, for the first time in a long time.