Rukia wept. Her will, along with her strength dissipated sinking to her knees under the dead weight of her comrade, friend...love.
The rain and chill of the night enveloped the silence and heaviness of death that had transpired a few hours before, abruptly ended by the blade of her zanpukto. Her cries echoed in the forest.
"Kaien." chanted from her trembling lips as she dealt with the cruel reality that he was gone.
She held him, protectively, not wanting any more harm to touch his body. Then...she was startled from her mourning to have a pair of hands clasp around her own. They were as cold and as pale, like the corpse before her; but gentle, and to her surprise, regardless of the shake she felt in the embrace it was, undeniably strong. She opened her eyes, to watch as her captain knelt beside her. Long white hair, sopping wet clinging to his back and forehead, he did not move to look at her, emotionally detached she observed as he possessed control of her sword.
"carefully, now." he stated softly.
Her hands moved with his own as they pulled back. She released her grasp as blood expelled from Kaien's wound. She fell back on her heels and choked on a sob, as her captain slowly set her zanpukto down beside him and caught Kaien's body as it slumped to the side.
She had to pull together. Kuchiki's didn't fall apart, Kuchiki's were strong. She managed to regain control of her emotions helped by the awe of how a man that was so ill could find the strength to not only cope what had happened but to also find it in him to lift Kaien into his arms.
"C-Captain." she managed to find her words. "...I."
He did not face her, he spoke. It was authoritive as a captain should be, but it was filled with something she had rarely heard from the man before her. Cold.
"Rise and sheath your blade."
She knew not to question him, she did as asked and followed in silence. It was a long trek back, she could use flash step, and she wondered why he did not. Then it hit her as she stared at the symbol on the back of his coat, he did not have it in him, he did not posses the effort. She wanted to go on ahead, but didn't dare it would induce shame. On him and her brother.
It wasn't until the warmth of lantern light hit her face and the cease of water and mud under their feet did she truly take notice of their arrival of the 13th division barracks. Their appearance sent shocks waves to the gathered soul reapers.
No one spoke, for the body count and the fallen first lieutenant limp in the arms of their captain said all that was needed.
The crack and spark of the lantern light combated, soothed the defeat and heaviness in the spaces between each and everyone.
"Kiyone. Sentaro. Ukitake ordered. "Take him to be with his wife, the others gather the fallen and..."
Rukia and the others were alarmed as he teetered catching himself enough as he fell to one knee.
"Captain Ukitake!" Kiyone quickly came forward. "Are you..."
"Do as I ask." He forced himself to stand signaling to two men to take the burden of Kaien's body from his care. "Kuchiki. With me."
Rukia ignored the eyes on her as she wordlessly followed him into the main barrack. The lit space revealed the state of both of them.
Both her hikama and her hands were stained with blood and she knew enough to know that some no doubt was on her face.
Her eyes studied Ukitake. His pristine white haroi, now pocketed with crimson as well as his own hikama. Maybe it was the natural pale skin he had that made the blood more potent or maybe it was the fact it was the blood they knew too well. As he faced her she could see the deep gash on his right shoulder, her eyes wide with shock, he did not move to get aid he simply stared at her.
She shifted her weight from one leg to the other. What did he see? Failure, weakness?"
He then approached her to her surprised he reached out to wipe the blood away from her cheek.
"Are you alright?"
"Y-Yes, Captain."
He lowered his hand. Letting out a simple hmm in reply, she furrowed her brow at the lack of emotion. He was not well to begin with and after everything tonight, how he is standing was beyond her. His care and concern was then replaced with anger.
"Give me your badge."
She was taken a back. "S-Sir?"
"Give me your badge now." he firmly stated.
No. no. she, she's always wanted to be a soul reaper. She would shame her brother! She found her voice.
"Captain please! Sir, I I'm sorry, I didn't save Kaien and I promise-"
His green his sharpened at her words. "Kaien?...there was no saving him."
She blinked in confusion. "I don't understand."
"No..clearly you don't. The fact is I cannot have you in my squad, I had my concerns before and after what I have seen tonight I find you have no place here."
"Captain, I...please." she stammered. Heart in her throat. "Captain Ukitake, I promise. I promise I'll do better! I'll train better, fight, study-"
"What good is all of that if you won't even listen?" Ukitake challenged.
She met his eyes. "Sir?"
"You shouldn't have come back. You nev-"
"I came back because I had too, I thought-" she explained.
"What you think does not matter! You are my subordinate, you function as part of this division NOT as a separate entity. You're place isn't to do what you want, it's to follow your superiors, they have the knowledge and experience that you lack. What they say isn't suggestion, I expect such insolence when among your fellow division squad. It is not, acceptable when you are given a direct ORDER from your captain! It isn't up for challenge. If you won't even head the words of your captain then who will you head?"
He was right, what she did was...was. She fell to her knees. "Captain Ukitake, forgive my selfishness, my adolescent behavior it. I know I have the whole process, the Gotie Thirteen Court squads, and worst of all you I, give you my word never again will disappoint you. Please, Captain..I can't, Let me prove my worthiness to you. It is now I have recognized the errors of my choices. Kaien shouldn't have died tonight, it is his blood on my zanpukto where it should have been mine. Forgive me..forgive.." she choked off fresh tears spilling from her eyes to wet the floor between her hands.
She waited for the anvil to fall. This was it.
"Your wrong."
she listened through her tears.
"No one should have died. That is including you."
She felt his hands on her back. She raised her head.
"You have shown regret and have the desire to change your ways." he coaxed her to her feet. The anger he had melted away, all she saw defeat and exhaustion. He musted comforting smile lasting but a moment. Then confessed. "However, your actions cannot go without consequence you are under suspension until further notice... I H-h-hope. He stepped away as he felt a familiar burning in his chest and tightness in his throat. Rukia quickly supported her captain as the attack struck him.
He covered his mouth as he sunk to the ground. Rukia was beside him, waiting for the attack to subside. It did after a few moments. He gasped pulling his hand away she saw the tell tale specks of red on his palm. Closer inspection she saw his open wound.
"Captain.."
"It's alright, Rukia. I've had worse." he croaked out. With her help he got to his feet. He shivered under her hands.
"I think it's best to call in Sentaro or Kiyone in. To check you over."
He shook his head. "No, it's...been a long night." he offered a reassuring smile. "Go on, get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
Rukia knew better than to battle this. She bowed in respect. "Yes, sir. Good night. I meant what I said."
He watched as she turned and left the barrack.
Taking a moment to gather his strength he made his way to his private quarters. Once inside he gingerly slipped out of his captain's coat. Holding it in his hands he stared down at the blood, with it flashed memories he cherished of the man he so highly regarded as his friend.
A familiar spiritual reiatsu filled the room then a single warm palm on his back caused him to look over. The moment his eyes landed on the straw hat and brown eyes. The last of his resolve broke. He turned his face into his best friends chest as Kyoraku wrapped his arms around him.
"I'm so sorry, old friend."
In the quite of the room, where no one could see. Kyoraku held him tighter, his own heart breaking as Jushiro wept.