"Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away." ― F. Scott Fitzgerald
Handing Bella Swan back to her father may have been the most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.
The experience was hallucinatory. I vaguely remember her warmth pressed against me as I carried her through the forest and back to her house. It might have been the best warmth I've ever felt. I wanted to drown in it.
Walking with her in my arms separated my mind from my body. I'm certain I would have died had her very existence not anchored me to this world forever. I would have thought that feeling this sense of purpose would be appalling. Instead, I felt the need to pray to the gods that my life was finally given meaning. The pain of loneliness could be remedied. This small, fragile person would guide me now.
I'm not sure I thought of a single coherent sentence with her clinging to my chest. The instinct to protect, to cherish, to worship coursed through me. I'd lay my life down for a person I barely knew. And I would certainly destroy whoever put her in this state.
And that moment, there was no anger forming for the Cullens, only shock at the swift change imparted upon my life. The anger, I was sure, would come later.
Bella Swan's face stayed contorted in the shape of pain. Maybe I brushed her cheek, tried to wake her up from the spell, but she didn't respond. So I instead found myself staring at her freckles, desperate to count each one. She was ethereal. Beautiful in a way I didn't know was possible. I thanked the gods once again that I could even be in the same vicinity as someone so perfect. I would do anything to keep her safe.
Which is ultimately why I had to turn her over to her father, who ran with a relieved frenzy to take her from my arms. He rushed to get her inside and took my heart with them. The hollow in my chest was immediate.
The night was dark, I only just realized. Police lights and personal flashlights kept the area lit but imbued a quality of panic in the atmosphere. I had to get her back. It wasn't safe with so many people staring her down, probably demanding to know what happened to her. She deserved to rest away from their meaningless questions.
I found myself walking in the direction of their house, determined to open the door and step foot inside. Cement myself by her side. But Billy Black's wheelchair cut me off. I could only look down at him and frown.
"What do you think you're doing, son?"
I couldn't answer as I looked back toward the Swan house, feeling uncharacteristically lost and desperate.
He might have examined me for a moment longer, but I felt his knowledge in his voice: "Oh."
Billy gripped the edge of his wheelchair, "Shit."
A cloud over my thoughts was setting in, different than the feeling that was cast over me when I first looked into her eyes. Now, I was swimming in darkness. My light had just been locked away.
"Where did you find her?" Jacob Black's voice cuts in. "And what were you even doing out there?"
"Protecting the forest," was my automatic response. My eyesight was beginning to get murky the longer I stared at the Swan house.
"Whatever," he answered. "Just stay away from her."
I find myself instantly snapping back to reality. "You don't know anything, Jacob Black."
My tone is harsh, cutting. I stare him down from a place of power that I wasn't certain I really deserve, only that I have it.
Billy cuts in again, "Son, give us just a moment, okay?"
Jacob's brow furrows and once again he puts on the teenage look of nonchalance masking annoyance, "Fine."
He walks off to talk to some officers, no doubt inquiring about my imprint's status. A job that should be mine. It takes too many seconds to calm my feral side with the reasoning that extra people caring about her wellbeing is a good thing. She deserves the whole world offering her happiness.
I'm now faced with the concerned and anxious look from a tribal elder, one of the only ones who know our secret.
"You will have to leave her for now."
I shake my head without giving it conscious thought.
"Yes, Samuel. She needs to be with her dad. Who knows what they did to her and how long it will take to get over it."
My throat constricts. I don't want to think about it.
Despite Billy sitting feet below me, he forces me to meet his eyes. They've become hardened with determination, much like when he bestowed the responsibility of Alpha upon me. I realize I'd give it all up just to be with her again.
"You'll see her again."
It's not much comfort.
"Do what's best for her," is his final push.
My chest pulses and I finally stand up straighter. Every muscle in my body clenches.
"Alright," I answer, tearing my eyes off the house for the last time.
If I stand here for much longer, I won't leave. It's not the easiest decision, but I run back into the forest and phase once I am out of sight.
There's only one thing I can manage to do: run. My hind legs propel me through the forest at a pace I'm sure I've never reached before. If I'm honest, it's almost flying. Maybe it would be thrilling, even fun, if I didn't feel as I do, completely shattered. So I let the branches hit me hard and I tear my paws on the jagged rocks I learned to avoid. My flesh splices open and re-heals again and again. The sting does nothing to take away the cuts inside of me.
"Woah!" Paul's voice finally reaches me, after many miles of sprinting aimlessly. "What was that?"
I don't answer. But the flickers of Bella Swan's pained face flashes before me without my control. Mate, Imprint, Protect, Mine. The chant echoing in my mind leaves room for little else.
"Okay, that's insane," he says. "You sound completely buzzed. Where are you? I'm coming."
"No," I answer back to him finally, "You need to keep trailing Jared's house. I'll deal with this on my own."
"Yeah, alright, man. Good luck."
The reality of what has just happened to me finally hits me full force. I have to go back to my house, I have to see Emily. Shit. Fuck. Oh god, Emily.
It's disturbing how the once somber, romantic love I thought I had for her disappears instantly. Any stronger feelings of physical attraction also dissipate. She is at once just a woman I could have seen on the street, a friend for years maybe, but nothing more. I almost gag on the bitter taste of my betrayal to another woman who stood by me. Who still does, since she knows nothing until I break her heart too.
Waiting outside my own house is ultimately pathetic. I feel each raindrop hit my body and roll down. I'm not soaked, but I will be if I stay here much longer. I try not to imagine what I know is beyond that door. Emily will be standing with an apron on and smiling in the kitchen. She'll tell me she's got a new recipe for carrot cake. It would be delicious.
Vaguely, I think of lying to her. Yet, the immense guilt ricocheting through my shoulders tells me I couldn't. Worst of all, the guilt centered around how I would be betraying the imprint, not Emily.
I tell myself to man up and push through the door.
It's unfortunate just how right I was about Emily. She's mixing something in a bowl when she looks up at me, taken aback. She's too perceptive. She knows there's something wrong with me right away. Usually, I'd think how cute she looks when her eyebrows squish together, but the pang of another stolen emotion only remains.
"What's wrong?" she asks. She sits the bowl down on the counter and wipes her hands in her apron.
I stand paralyzed. Rain or sweat falls from my hair and painfully spills down my neck. I've long since learned to master the impulsive shaking, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it internally.
"I saw her," I say. It might have come out as a whisper. I barely pay attention to my own words. They bounce around inside my head.
Yeah, I saw the most beautiful woman in existence and now I could never love anyone else. It's torture only I deserve. Having yet another choice in my life ripped away from me is my penance.
"Oh," Emily says.
She doesn't say anything else for a long time and neither do I.
When the fan turns towards her, her bangs are blown to the side gently and return once again to the center. I try to breathe in her scent for the last time, but it no longer brings me any comfort.
Emily works to untie her apron and clean up the mess she started in the kitchen.
"You don't have to do that," I'm quick to say.
She raises her eyebrows at me, "I can't leave this place dirty, now can I?"
"Emily…"
She shakes her head with a soft smile playing on her lips, "It's not like we were blind to this happening. It's okay, Sam. Really."
I take three long and fast steps and rest my hands on her shoulders, "No, it's not okay. You don't deserve this."
"It's not about deserving," she looks up at me with those wide dark eyes. "Sometimes it just is."
I am going to say something else, maybe apologize more profusely, but there's a tingle at the back of my neck. An unfortunate and familiar one. I think back to my last words spoken with Paul and I swear I curse god again in my kitchen.
"Another kid phased," I grit out. I look back towards the front door. It's my responsibility to deal with this. Knowing everything I do about Paul, he can't handle it.
Emily looks worried, "Go then."
I swallow hard. "But…"
She shakes her head again and smiles more brightly, "I promise I'll have everything cleaned out by the time you get back."
"I don't want that."
She places her hand on my shoulder and I unnaturally tense at the contact, "But it's what has to be done."
I leave her there in the kitchen because there's not really anything else I can do. It doesn't take me long to shed my clothes, phase again, and run through the woods. I know exactly where I'm heading after trailing his house for weeks.
"Oh shit, Sam!" Paul's unusually freaked-out voice hits me instantly. "I fucked up."
There are bangs of raw pain bouncing through the void into my head. It shakes me. The confusion, hurt, and fear all surround me and threaten to steal the breath out of my lungs for a second time this night. The only difference is the awe I felt earlier is replaced by anguish.
His whimpers shatter my soul again. Younger and worse than Paul's first phasing. Another boy's future ripped out from underneath him.
"Listen to me, Jared," I reach out. "You're alright. I'm coming to you now."
He gives no verbal response, but the shudders of apprehension and misery tell me that he's heard me. It's a good enough sign.
"Are you there with him now, Paul?"
I pray for a yes. Please don't be an idiot, Paul.
"No, man, look. He ran off. I only thought to maybe talk to him for a bit, try to see how far along he was. I...I pushed him too much, okay? He phased and ran."
"Shit," I curse.
Paul doesn't do a good job of covering up the memory in his mind. He taunts and insults the poor kid. Questions his manhood. Insinuates, maybe, a threat against his home life.
Jared's memories flash forward. The similarity of my own time strikes me in the gut. At least with Paul, it was pretty obvious he was always a pissed-off asshole. But Jared's horror at himself, for the unexplained anger at his family, snapping at his school teachers just trying to help, cripples another part of my soul. When I see him standing in the mirror with his fists balled up and shaking uncontrollably, I see myself. Even with all that anger, the instinct to protect his family from Paul's antics was that final straw that broke the wolf's back.
"Jared, you don't have to say anything, just show me your surroundings," I tell him. "We'll come to you."
He whines in my mind.
"Show me ," I demand gently.
Jared is running, but he's doing it in circles, thankfully. The familiar markings of trees and rocks tell me we're not far off. Paul recognizes it faster and takes off from his location. I growl and push my legs as fast as I can; he'll make it worse if he gets there first so I ensure he doesn't.
There's a whimpering brown wolf trotting around a group of trees. The first thought that courses through me is what a pathetic sight he makes. And the instant comparison to how I must have looked doesn't escape either. It's not the pathetic-ness one would attribute to
His eyes look glassy.
"Paul, tell him that you were lying," I say. "No one is going to hurt you or your family. There's no threat right now." Bile would be rising in my throat if I were in human form now. "In fact, the threat just left…"
Without conscious effort, I think of Bella Swan and I suddenly find it in myself to bear just a small piece of my soul to Jared. I show him some of my own memories of when I first phased. I show him how the confusion and fear finally transformed into desperation, making me master the wolf form just enough to scout and hunt. I even show him my memories from a year ago of trying my best to figure out how to lead Paul.
I make Paul begrudgingly do the same. His memories center around anger at me, fortunately. And that's easy enough to confront.
Finally, I tell Jared that the tribal elders are proud of him for being chosen, that he isn't alone in this, and that maybe, he has a new family to join now. I try not to let my veins ice up at the possibility the last part is a lie for me.
Jared calms down and phases back into a boy before he puts any effort into trying. I thank the gods again for an easy enough time for him. We all phase back to communicate verbally.
Paul lets him lean on him until Jared's feet stop wobbling.
We're close enough to my place to head back there. I let Jared take the couch first while Paul paces around in the freshly cleaned kitchen.
Emily.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I won't think about this now. I won't think about her now either.
Calling Billy proves to be the logical choice. There are tribal legends I can't explain properly and someone who's done their research going through the old journals should be the one to do it. Honestly, I've been avoiding reading and taking notes since I've dropped out of college. I didn't think I missed it until this moment.
"I thought those were just stories," Jared laughs dryly at my explanation. "I should be high for this."
Paul nods.
I yell at them both.
Billy brings Harry and Old Quil to my house. I let them in and try to be a gracious host by offering them something to drink. I think of Emily once again keeping the fridge stocked.
"Get this kid something strong!" Harry laughs and claps Jared on the back. He gives a sheepish smile back.
"No," I answer.
I know very well I'm no fun, but I'm not encouraging underage drinking even if Jared's body is adapted to that of a man now.
Billy does a good job, as usual, of telling the legends. It's only natural that I zone out while hearing the same story and let my mind wander.
It wanders naturally back to her. I find myself wanting to know every single detail of who she is. It pains me greatly that I'm next to a man who is a good friend of her father and I can't ask anything about her.
I grip the edge of my couch to not let the irritation of being fated with a person I don't know show.
They see it anyway.
Harry looks to the side at Billy while he's finished speaking, "And of Bella Swan?"
Great, they must have talked about this on their way here.
"She's staying out of this," I don't hesitate to say.
Billy sighs, "You'll need to get involved eventually, son. That's just how it works."
I shake my head, "You didn't see her out there in the forest. She was destroyed and I certainly won't make it any better for her. I'm leaving her alone."
"That is not the way," Old Quil hums. His eyes are distant and while I normally respect his weathered insight, I'm not budging.
"Well, it will have to work for now," I order. It may be the strongest I've ever spoken to them, their very posture confirms that to me, but I can't bring myself to entirely care. "The imprint stays out of this."
Harry and Billy exchange one final glance. Billy wheels himself out from my direct line of sight. Harry only shrugs, "Suppose you can just focus on Jared's training in the meantime. We don't know if the leeches will return."
But her broken heart indicated to me that she, at least, was certain enough they weren't coming back. It wouldn't be a reaction for just a normal breakup. I decide not to comment and press the matter.
Instead, I say: "I'll work on a schedule to keep Jared in school."
It turns out to be a rather difficult task. I realize that if I make him do the night shifts then he'll sleep through his classes, which might be worse than skipping some altogether. There's no avoiding him being stuck doing extra on the weekends to make up for the lighter load I'm trying to give him throughout the week. If he gets a couple of hours in the early morning and then maybe right after school he can manage it. Paul and I will still need to cover the most dangerous hours at night, where the cover of darkness could let any predator slip through. Jared is still too young to handle that.
The thought of how it would be easier if there were more of us spins in my mind. The horror of such a wish hits me moments later. Too far later to be justifiable.
In any such case, Jared can't go back to school until he can manage to control phasing on his own. I'm grateful he's already a better learner than Paul. His acceptance of the wolf almost completely shocks me still when I realize it days later. He doesn't entirely hate what he's become, only that he can't tell his friends and family.
We realize Jared also has the best sight of the three of us. He can find chosen targets faster than Paul and me by how quickly he can scan the environment. It gives me a twinge of regret that Jared is too young and experienced to be beta.
"Fuck off," Paul says to that. "I'm the best fighter here."
I find it to be my sworn duty to prove he's not.
After many rounds of brawling, Paul has at least proven himself to be the most animalistic fighter, going off rage and instinct rather than theory. Maybe if he can master his emotions, he'd be a real threat.
"Yeah, Paul," Jared goads, "Control your emotions!"
They fight more and I surprisingly notice the real beginnings of a friendship forming. They must recognize a very corporal kindred spirit in each other. The two young wolves beneath me, following me like I know what I'm doing.
I find myself sitting on the peripheral, and the pangs of loss hit me deeply. The work I've done around Paul to block my mind from him also pays off with Jared. Just enough.
I won't think about her. I won't.
I think about her every night.
It drains me to think of her pained face and ultimately, really, her love for another man. That face carves itself into my soul. It's loss personified.
I think about Emily's solemn face and Leah's disturbed, enraged one too.
The faces I can't help.
It's when I'm lying in bed during the day and unable to sleep, staring up at the ceiling I built that I feel another strange sensation course through me. It's not the same as when either Paul or Jared first phased, but it feels important regardless. It keeps me up. It's different and similar all at once.
I find out when I phase to meet Jared after school for patrols. I only just let him back.
"Wow, like, wow," he doesn't even really speak to me, but I see the memory go through his mind again and again.
It's another nightmare. Except only to me. Jared glows with happiness.
He's sitting in his English class when he asks a couple of kids around him for an extra pen. The girl adjacent to him turns and blushes while she hands him one. Looking into her eyes gives Jared's existence meaning he'd never had before. It makes everything about being a wolf worth it. It's pure love. The greatest moment in his life taking place in a high schoolroom. He doesn't mind it one bit.
I think of her without meaning to. His memories bring up mine. I feel the phantom imprint of Bella Swan clinging to my chest.
"You too!" Jared laughs. "Why didn't you say something!"
I get to see Jared trailing the girl, Kim, around school for the rest of the day. It's painfully obvious she's had a crush on him for a while. She brushes her hair back from her face and casts her eyes downward while smiling. Jared never really took notice of her before. It hardly matters now.
I focus on the smell of dirt in the forest. Bella doesn't even know who I am.
"Why are you so unhappy with it?" he asks. "This is like the best thing in the world."
I decide to tell him the truth, the weight of it all bearing down on me: "Bella Swan wanted to be with the Cullens."
Jared understands, much more than Paul anyway, whose instinct for survival is the only reason he hasn't pushed the issue to me.
"You're not to tell Kim the truth," I order Jared with the most powerful voice I can muster at the moment. "And you're only to see her at school for now."
"What? Are you serious?" his shock ripples across our link. "You're a piece of shit, alpha. "
Trust me, kid, I know.
It dawns on me that my moment there sets back Jared's trust in me. He actually leans on Paul more. I try to tell him of the risk, that Kim wouldn't be able to keep the secret. Jared fights against that assumption, but I'm far warier of a teenage girl's instinct to gossip. He's certain their love can transcend anything.
I'm constantly treated with the memories of hand-holding, hugging, and a gentle kiss on the cheek. Jared wants to claim her. Completely.
The force of this makes me almost throw up at night when I'm alone. I hadn't thought, hadn't allowed myself to think, about doing anything of the sort with Bella Swan. In fact, I take note that my sexual drive has all but dissipated. Even if I still wake up with a hard-on dreaming of the face of the brunette, the daily tasks of life push away the feeling of wanting to be close to anyone again.
I don't even miss Emily's warmth or Leah's passion. I'm destroyed by it.
My body aches every day with a loss I still can't entirely fathom. I wonder, maybe, if I should ask my mom for help. But I think of her scars and my stomach sours more.
Paul is still easy enough to spar against, his technique lacking, but Jared gets the upper hand on me long enough once to get in a severe neck bite. It takes me longer than it should to heal from the cut.
My recruits notice. Paul questions my every move, not with his words, but with the way he raises his eyebrows at the suggestion of more training. He suggests we take it easy, rest a bit since the Cullens aren't even around.
I argue that they could come back, even though I don't really believe it. They could come back for her and make everything worse again.
Paul has nothing to say about that.
Jared tells me to defend my woman.
I snarl at them both.
They know I'm angrier, weaker, more paranoid and their instinct to question my leadership clashes with their feelings of loyalty towards me. I've put them in a bad position and I don't know how to dig myself out of it. Somehow that makes it worse.
The breaking point is learning what Jared has done.
I explode in the fucking forest during our pack patrol when I hear it. I haven't had an uncontrolled phase in more than a year. Jared disregarded my order to stay away from Kim.
He sneaks into her house regularly, collapses on her floor to sleep. They make love underneath the moonlight creeping in from her bedroom blinds. He promises to stay with her forever and protect her from everything. She responds to his adoration with her own, if only a little confused about what Jared is adamant about.
I should make those same promises to Bella Swan. I push that thought out of my head as soon as it comes.
"How could you do that?!"
Jared's wolf form is still and unwavering to my rage. "I discovered I could break this command."
Fuck. Of all the fucking commands. It has to be about imprints!
"I haven't told her anything really," he says. "Maybe you're right about not putting her in danger. But I have to be near her."
I curse as much as I can inside my own head. It comes out as a howl. The birds within a few miles radius fly away at my shouting. Well, screw them.
Paul hasn't reacted through this whole thing.
"Did you know?" I seeth at him now. Paul should expect my outrage, honestly. Some Beta he is.
His wolf is also passive, "Look, man. You should go see Billy Black. You're kind of a mess and you should talk to him."
Shit.
"He says he might be able to help."
I discover pretty quickly Billy's idea of help is not what I'm looking for.
"You're going to see Bella Swan," he announces.
"No," I say. I stand tall in his living room while Jacob is at school. I don't focus on anything inside their house but staring Billy down. It may be a cozy home, but the chill encompassing me is about to blind my vision.
"Too late," he shrugs at me. "I told the Chief that you're coming by to do construction on his place. The old man needs it and you need to be around her."
The muscles in my jaw, neck, and shoulders tighten. I squeeze my eyelids shut. The pictures of the Black family as a happy one before Sarah's death flicker through my mind. I try to shut them out.
"You don't have to talk to her, kid. But you gotta be near her. It'll fix your nerves for a bit."
Fuck my nerves is what I want to say.
"It'll help her too," Billy adds, with a grim look on his face. "Charlie's been telling me she's practically comatose. A side effect of whatever those leeches took from her mind."
Withdrawal. The word tastes metallic on the tip of my tongue. I admit the prospect of being Narcan in this situation isn't particularly appealing, but my body won't allow me to refuse the chance of potentially helping her in some way. I do doubt, at the very least, how much I can actually do. Maybe Billy's musings taken from Old Quil's studies are exaggerated; the imprintee gets all the choice here, not me.
Billy is happy I agree to it.
I spend the night staring up at my bedroom ceiling again. There's a lot of thoughts about what Bella did with the Cullens. They couldn't have bitten her without turning her, but they could have destroyed her in a myriad of other ways. Billy pressuring Jacob to warn Bella never got through to her. I think about his warning to me that I might imprint not deterring me from still trying to Emily. Maybe we're alike in some ways after all.
Ha! Thinking I'm similar to a person I don't even know. I'm really losing it.
But the hold this stranger has over my heart never leaves.
I get up early in the morning and load the van with tools. It's a simple job, can't take more than a couple of hours. In and out. I won't see her anyway. Charlie relayed enough about her staying upstairs and doing nothing but staring out the windows.
I'm mad with anxiety pulling up on their driveway. But I find out instantly that Billy was right. The tension in my shoulders vanishes the moment I get out and find myself within a hundred feet of her.
It feels almost, so close to peace, and purpose, and identity. I'd let the feeling build and wash over me if I didn't have a job to do.
Measuring and cutting wood is a job I can do mindlessly. Unfortunately, my mind still wanders. I can't help myself looking up at the window facing the driveway. I see the silhouette of a young woman, hunched over and blank-faced. Her long hair is matted and her clothes wrinkled.
I want, desperately at this moment, to reach for a closer look.
A nail from the nail gun goes right through my hand.
I swear internally and pull it out. Watching myself heal quicker than I did a couple of days ago is another odd feeling that strikes me through this whole thing. Can one person really come so close to healing another?
These thoughts will get me nowhere. She is not mine to have. Even if I hadn't ruined my relationships with Leah and Emily, I find myself decidedly not theirs to have either. The strangeness of sacrificing myself to a stranger in a window twists my stomach.
Bella Swan slams through the front door, out of breath, and staring up at me. I was wrong. Seeing her in the forest was not the most beautiful picture of my life. This is, here. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her fists are balled up, holding a rag in one.
I know she looks terrible. The dark circles beneath those perfect brown eyes tell me that much. But I find myself squarely in the presence of a goddess.
I stand up a bit straighter.
"Are you okay?!"
Her voice stills me for just a second and I use it to put the puzzle together. The nail through my hand. Well, I certainly can't be honest about my super healing powers here.
I swallow, "Oh. It's fine. Nothing happened."
She frowns and shakes her head. It's beautiful. "No, I saw that nail go right through."
Maybe it's her destiny to make things just that much harder for me.
"The nail just grazed it. Only a scratch."
I don't want to lie to her but there's really no other option. She's far too unstable to know about shapeshifting wolves in her backyard, even if she already knows of vampires. I can't put that sort of knowledge on her, yet.
"But I saw…" her voice grows weak and soft. Her freckles are so cute. Her confusion itself still stings, but every facial expression she makes is utterly adorable.
I smile at her without warning, "It looks worse than it was. That's all."
Her eyes connect with me and she mutters something under her breath. I step closer to her to hear. I want to hear everything she thinks and says.
"Bella, I'm fine," I try to say. Her name tastes divine on my lips.
She's small and much less assertive of herself than Leah or even Emily. She's a shell of a person, but the sun hitting her hair and revealing spots of shimmering auburn is the closest thing to glory I'll get in this lifetime. I'd stare all day if it wasn't improper.
Bella looks at me confused still. She doesn't know who I am. Probably doesn't know I found her in the forest, crying out for the Cullens. I won't say his name right now. Not even in my mind.
"I...uh, yeah," she stutters.
I should say something else to her to keep the conversation going. I could ask about anything really, her school or her family. Maybe friends?
It's too late. She turns on her heel and rushes back into her house.
There isn't quite a hollow in my chest yet since we are still so physically close, but the interpretation of rejection sinks onto my head.
She's upset, I tell myself. She needs time. Maybe she needs help? I could give that to her. I could try to pick up the pieces. Bella deserves at least that. But could she want me to?
I hear crying coming from the house.
There are other ways, maybe, I could try to give her happiness. I could try to think of some.
I stare at their front door for a long time. Then I realize I have to get back to work and finish replacing the aged paneling.
There's a resoluteness that washes over me. A path of clarity opens up before me. It centers on Jared. And maybe Paul. I've been a terrible leader to them these past weeks. I am not above admitting my mistakes and trying to fix them. I can be better than Joshua Uley.
When I finish, I pack up my stuff and stare longer than appropriate at the Swan house. I better leave before Charlie comes back where I might not have anything intelligible to say. He left the check for me underneath the Welcome mat. Very trusting for a policeman.
I put that in my pocket without even looking at the amount. Instead, I hurry back to the reservation with my new path in mind.
Calling Jared and Paul to meet me in a forest clearing is always easy. They come without hesitation.
"You can see her," I tell Jared. "Whenever you want or need. I won't fight that."
Jared's mind fills with the possibility of getting more attention from Kim. Sexual, romantic, friendly. And how he'll give her twice as much in return.
"And you can tell her the truth," I add.
"Wait, really?" Jared asks, completely surprised.
I can't nod in wolf form so I push myself up taller.
"I've decided that imprints can know about us. They are part of the pack. Whatever you want to tell her, I support. And if you ever imprint Paul, god help the lady, then you get that same courtesy. All I want is for neither of you to question what I tell or don't tell Bella Swan. She is my responsibility alone. Understand?"
They do, of course.
Jared's happiness infects Paul enough for them to spare and hunt for the rest of the afternoon. I don't know if it's their excitement or mine from still seeing and talking to her, but I feel the edges of my own smile tugging in my mind, if only for a second.
A/N: Yay! Chapter Three done! Looks like both Sam and Bella were affected by their first *real* encounter. But don't worry! There's plenty of angst to come.
I also was aiming for 5,000 words this chapter and I think I got 1,000 more? Damn Sam for making me elaborate on things and still feeling like I'm rushing it...