"First we feel. Then we fall." ― James Joyce

There are going to be more vampires.

The thought hits me acutely when I wake up on the last day of 2005. It's another one of those certainties I've come to stop fighting.

It's still a crushing feeling. The freeing rage and subsequent success in devouring the dark-skinned vampire still do not alleviate the creeping suspicion that we are all in over our heads. There are only four of us, but I go through ten battle planning positions before I get out of bed. If I let myself think anymore, I might not get up for the rest of the day.

I decided to be generous for the holiday and allow all of us to attend the New Year's beach party tonight. But there remain shifts to complete throughout the day beforehand. Since Embry is still so new, I let him sleep in today before he'll too need to wake up at the crack of dawn before school. I also didn't feel particularly compelled to pair him with Paul, so it's my responsibility to join him today. Yet, with my anxiety about potential attacks upcoming, I ought to be speaking to the more experienced members.

Well, I can save it for tonight, I suppose. No other plans.

Embry is anxious to do something fun tonight. I can see his thoughts buzzing around wanting to see his old friends. I try not to dampen his mood despite knowing those close to him won't be entirely receptive to his change. Short hair and a giant tattoo will cause raised eyebrows from even the most close of relationships. There are enough memories of parents demanding explanations between the four of us to go around.

I let the poor kid off early. His constant shaking from excitement to finally have a break away from pack responsibilities became too great a distraction for me. It's probably best I go deeper into the surrounding forest alone anyway.

I know what I'm looking for, but I don't know if I'll find it. The smell of a rotting vampire is a hard one to forget. Perhaps broken trees, crushed boulders, or anything extraordinary would be evidence of a recent infestation. Unlike them, our form is meant to blend with our environment, become a part of it. Nothing here indicates a Cold One's presence. I don't even smell the fresh blood of a mauled hiker.

There's hardly a point in sticking around hours after I need to. There's a party I'm meant to be a guest at. Fortunately, I had the foresight to tell the others to wear full clothes to this. It would be hugely suspicious if we wore only shorts in the middle of winter.

I turn to leave. For a second there's a flash of something orange in front of me. But I blink and it's gone.

The beach is slowly filled with people. Many who I've hardly seen in a year. Many who talk about me without knowing I can listen. It's stopped bothering me. I've hurt enough people close up to care about the grievances of passerbyers.

However, the smell of potluck food does elicit some joy out of my current mood. Never a day where I'll turn down a full meal. Especially since eating is a good way to get out of talking to people.

But there comes a time after I've sufficiently stuffed myself that I must acknowledge what else I need to do here. Catching Jared's eye, I make a motion to call him over and away from his girlfriend. He follows wordlessly and without question.

I tell him what I believe.

"You're out of your mind," Jared laughs at me. "I haven't smelt a leech since the one. You really think there's going to be more?"

"The legends suggest they might be pack animals too," I counter. "I find a solitary one unlikely."

Paul decides to join us at that moment, flinging his arm around Jared's shoulders and trying to rub his hair. Jared throws him off while Paul just shrugs and takes a sip out of a beer bottle. My eyes narrow. We'll talk about this later.

"What's this about solitary things?" Paul winks.

I almost roll my eyes. I hardly need laughing at my expense for not being paired off with a woman. As if I could do that to Bella.

"I want our patrols to extend deeper into the woods," I tell them both. "Try to catch a whiff of something that lets us know if this area is being hunted."

"Man, we're the hunters. We can easily kill one of those freaks," Paul chides.

"Take the threat seriously. The spirits have gifted us these powers because the Cold Ones are so dangerous. We have a whole tribe to protect."

Neither has anything to say about that. I catch Paul and Jared both wistfully looking out at the beach where their girlfriends gather. Seeing Emily smile while holding her hair down in the wind as she talks to Kim pierces my chest.

"Well, get out of here," I add. "Nothing can be done about it tonight. Go enjoy the festivities."

Paul doesn't wait for any more orders before he scammers back to Emily. He kicks the sand near them as he approaches causing them to squeal. I peel my eyes away at that moment.

But Jared still lingers around to look at me, "Are you worried it's about her?"

My mouth dries and I look back at the ocean extending into the horizon. The sunlight is almost all gone at this point.

"It wasn't safe for her to hang around a coven of them for so long. It could have been noticed by others."

He nods, and then grips my shoulder tightly with one hand, "But she's got you now to look after her."

"I suppose."

Even Jared finds hanging around my depressive state to be too much. Especially when his own imprint calls his attention. They sit around and laugh. Embry even joins with a soccer ball and challenges Paul to a game.

As the night drags on, my body grows even more restless and uncomfortable. My mom continually tries to get me to talk, brings around her old friends, but my head is too gone for any conversation to go far. She looks at me curiously and then shakes her head as she leaves. Great, I know she's got me painted as a lovesick puppy.

I sit down on a log and nurse a beer that barely affects my cognition. I was never big on drinking before, but perhaps increased tolerance is just another one of those things I must now accept. It's not like I want to be drunk exactly, just distracted.

"Son," a rough voice comes up behind me.

I purse my lips. Have I actually been so distracted by thinking of someone I shouldn't that I ignored the sounds of someone approaching? Being snuck up on happens too rarely these days.

Billy Black looks at me. I can't say he's looking down since his wheelchair is at my sitting height, but once again, his knowing gaze renders me minuscule.

"Billy," I nod.

He sighs but says nothing else to me. We both watch the tribal people enjoying themselves as the incoming New Year approaches. Jacob and Quil have shrugged off Embry more times than I can count now, and the kid is starting to feel resentment. But he's always welcomed back by Jared and Paul. Seth joins Jacob while Leah sits alone by her mother and father. Sometimes, I think, she looks over at me. I won't look long enough to confirm it.

"Either your son or the Ateara boy will be next," I decide to say.

Billy nods, "I believe you will be right. This season is not over."

I turn to look at him fully. Perhaps to imbue the seriousness that I feel or perhaps to beg for another person to believe me.

"No, it's barely begun."

When the illegal fireworks explode in the sky, the cheering of the crowds can be heard for miles. Little kids spin sparklers around in circles. Many women are lifted atop the shoulders of strong men to clap loudly. The celebration never enters my body, however. The part of myself that is missing demands my attention. It demands comparison to the happiness of everyone else. Ultimately, it demands I try harder for her.

I find myself leaving early. I make the excuse of needing to patrol early for those who'll ask, but not many press me to stay. It's another disappointment in itself. I can't be that surprised, however, when I've been on guard the whole night and not particularly approachable.

The walk home feels sort of shameful. That I shouldn't be walking home alone, is the problem. I look at the van parked near my house. I don't think I really used it since going to the Swan house. I grind my teeth. The air in my house feels more stuffy than usual. I look around. There's a message on my answering machine.

Her voice is angelic: "Hi. Um, it's Bella. I don't know if you'd want to, maybe, meet me at a party? I won't be drinking or anything tonight, so you know. You don't have to come, but I'll give you the address anyway. If, maybe, you do."

Oh, yes, I do.

I'm not a fan of high school/early-college-life parties. Nothing with lights and probably a thousand different types of happy pills. I wonder if Bella will keep to her word about staying sober.

Even in a 'relaxed' environment, I still get a lot of people eyeing me suspiciously. Towering over most people by over a foot puts me at the center of attention for many uncomfortable moments. Even the particularly tall and lean guys look small against me due to their lack of muscle mass. I'm sure people are quickly wondering what I'm doing here. I ignore them. I am, in fact, here for only one person.

I see her dart across the room and jog up the stairs. She looks pained, but she hasn't noticed me yet.

Even if I called out to her, she probably wouldn't hear over the music. Or be able to reach me easily through the crowd of dancing fools.

I wait a bit to see if she's coming back down, but then I decide against lurking on the bottom floor. Only now upon thinking about it does it seem she was trying to get away from someone. I won't leave her unguarded in this place. Not one person here seems trustworthy.

As what always happens when I'm close to her, my nerves begin to sizzle. I grip the handrail up the stairs and step over barely-legal couples making out. I hear the clicking of a door open. She's emerging from the bathroom and keeping her head down as she scurries to head down the stairs again, not looking at anything.

She smashes right into me. I don't move a bit from her impact, but I'm not sure she's noticed.

"Bella," I say. She doesn't hear me.

I put my hands around her shoulders and lift her easily so she's not stumbling over her feet. Holding her for the briefest of seconds makes me notice just how small and frail she is. I can't imagine this is a good weight to be at.

She pulls back, eyes blinking wearily as she registers she's slammed into me. Her expression is a mix of drunken confusion and sober realization.

The juxtaposition of it all makes me swallow, hard. I don't think I've ever seen her so beautiful.

And then she stands on her toes to cup my face with her small hands. It's electrifying. I don't know how to react. I let the current of contact spread throughout my face.

"You're who I've been looking for," she tells me. Her voice is deep and the flutter of her eyelashes sends me reeling. She seems surprised by her own words.

She stands up on her toes. Her lips brush against mine, almost tentative. She's kissing me. Her movement is chaste and timid. But if she's here, willing to be near me like this, she is perhaps desiring more. My body shudders at the realization.

The hallway lights flicker from the excess electricity used below. The music still blares, but my hearing focuses on her breath only. All my senses honed to just her. Like it's meant to be.

I'll let her use the level of pressure she wants for these first seconds. I'm still too stunned to do much else. But if she lets me, I will show her how to properly kiss a man.

Bella stops to look at me; watches my reaction to her. Her mouth parts open, waiting for me to yell or chastise her. The sizzling nerves inside of me tell me I want to do neither.

The split-second it takes for me to affirm she isn't pulling back from our physical contact is all I need. I clutch her waist and pull her to me. Bella squeaks but doesn't struggle. She relaxes once we're pressed firmly together. It's the most dazzling experience after waiting so long for her to even like me. Exactly what the bond needs and she doesn't even know it.

Though, she may be able to feel it.

My mouth works on its own to push deeper against her and with her hand reaching up to tangle itself in my hair, I'm absolutely on fire.

It's the best kiss of my life and it's only lasted thirty seconds. I'll ensure it goes on longer. Have to.

I suck on her bottom lip and she gasps but lets me do it. My teeth graze against the soft flesh and the desire to sink into her, to claim her, fills me full. For a moment, I imagine Edward Cullen fighting the urge to rip her whole face off when they kissed. I growl. In part because of jealousy, and worry, and also due to the immediate desire right in front of me.

Bella learns to kiss back harder and I welcome her advances. She licks my lips and the inside of my mouth. For technique, it isn't perfect, but I might never feel a sensation as amazing as this ever again. So I don't let go. I don't know how I've been able to these past months.

She's struggling to hold herself up high to meet me. I can feel her legs wobble as her feet crave to be flat against the floor. The solution has never been more apparent. I lift her up, or she jumps up, until her legs wrap around my waist and I'm clutching her as close as possible. She's got to be able to feel me at this point.

I am unbelievably hard right now.

It's like she sinks into me. The friction shoots straight to my spin and she almost dances while hugging to my lap. I'm growling more at this point. I've got to reign it in or she'll think I'm a complete animal. And I'll not have her thinking anything of the sort.

But Bella Swan is making it almost impossible. She pulls back again for just a moment to let me see her impossibly large, brown eyes. Her pupils nearly cover her whole iris. I know what that means. That hunger finds itself pooling inside of my stomach as well.

I realize we can't just make out on the top of the stairs like this. I could hold her on top of me easily, but giving her privacy is the most decent thing to do. And if I'm honest with myself, I don't want anyone else seeing my imprint like this. It's for us, alone.

I squeeze her ass while I walk with her in my arms. The way her yelps dissolve onto my lips is sending me into an untamable frenzy. I should warn her, tell her to stop. But then I smell it and feel it when she presses her center against my navel. Arousal.

My mind is gone.

I'm carrying her into the nearest empty room I find.

Without warning, I push her onto the side of the wall just before the door. My fingers graze her thighs until I'm pulling her skirt up beyond what's reasonably decent. I'm kissing her neck until she's moaning louder than I can hear the music. I'll suck and I'll bite until she screams.

She pulls back once again and my stomach almost sinks.

But a small, shy smile spreads across her face. And I'm devouring her lips once again.

We're going into the room now. Maybe there's a bed, a couch, I don't notice. I slam the door shut and nearly throw her onto the dresser by the wall. Not gentle but not rough. It's the perfect height for her to sit on while I stand to grind against her. She moves in tandem.

"Tell me to stop," I make out. My breaths are uneven, like the moment after phasing back into a human. Perpetually stuck in an adrenaline high. I'm addicted.

She says nothing but moves to lick the muscles on my shoulders while digging her fingers into the top of my shirt.

I lay my hands on top of her and help her to rip the damn thing off me. It might be another poor choice, but I've lost enough clothes already to not mourn the loss. It does fill me with pride to see the shock and awe on her face about the quick strength I possess.

But I silence those thoughts with more pressure against her lips. They've swelled up already.

With a rare moment of bravery, she guides my hands to her hips to help her take off the constricting skirt. I am more than happy to oblige. The hideous thing is discarded on the floor before she realizes it.

I lift her shirt over her head as well. She positions her arms to allow easy removal of this article. When it's gone, I hug her tightly and nibble again at the apex of her throat and shoulder. She groans loudly. Perhaps it's teasing. I smirk at that.

She hugs me back, carving into my back muscles. I don't know if she's trying not to hurt me, or unable to hold on tightly with her limited strength. But I feel her own arm muscles spasm while trying to move me closer.

Unhooking her bra, I move back to look at her chest exposed. Her face turns red and she looks like she wants to bury herself in her hair.

But, she's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Her small but perky breasts fit into the cups of my hands perfectly. Made for each other.

I lower myself to meet my mouth with her right areola. I give a long lick. She moans in shock. I wonder if she's contemplated touching herself in this manner. I twist her nipples between my teeth and tug gently. Like trying to remove it from her chest, but never actually doing so. Her moans ring in my ears. I tug harder with my teeth.

When Bella is sufficiently writhing from my contact, I notice her smell growing between us. I growl into her chest and find myself needing to pull back.

Now just in her panties, Bella presses her thighs together. I won't have that. I move a hand between them and push them away, wide so I can see. There's a growing wet stain coming through the blue material. I'm going to pop the zipper off my pants.

With the lightest of touches, I run a finger up and down the area. The sound coming from her is new. A new altar for me to pray to.

I can't extend this torture any longer. For both of us, I pull her panties down her legs and also let them fall on this stranger's bedroom.

She's red all over her body. No need to be embarrassed, my love. Do you know how long I've wanted to see you like this? Shivering like you're mine.

Reaching for the protruding spot above her labia, I press my index into her clit, hard enough for her to squeal so loudly it's bound to be heard outside this door. Her legs begin to shake at my circling movements. But I want to be even closer to her while I extend her pleasure.

I dip a single finger inside her core. She is so hot and tight and all-consuming. Fiery warmth extends from my hand up my arm and blurs my vision. It finds its way down to the edges of my toes. If I thought I knew fire before, it is nothing compared to this.

It's only when she's bucking her hips against mine that I realize I need to move to increase her pleasure. I gently curl my finger to search for the bundle of nerves deep within. She shudders at my repositioning, clawing at my shoulders like she's never experienced such a sensation.

I tell myself that it's the imprint. She doesn't know why it feels so amazing for both of us, but I can hardly complain at the moment. I begin to thrust with my hand, thumbing her clit while I do so. My Bella's eyes roll back in her head and she spasms like a person hit with a hot iron might. She does an exceptional job of wanting to fight the intensity and tugging me closer. My mind fills with nothing but the single thought to push her to the edge and send her flying over.

God, if this is how it feels to have a single finger inside of her...my teeth grind together and my cock twitches desperately in my pants.

She's close. I decide immediately I'm not going to let her come without putting another finger inside of her. Maybe to maximize the surface area of my skin being swallowed by hers. Maybe to send an angel pulsating against the wall with her arms spread wide like wings and mouth agape singing at a pitch so high it's silent to even me.

Fly for me, Bella.

She does.

Her walls clench down on my fingers and she bucks against my hand like she needs me to release her from this moment of death right away. I force her to ride it out with my hand still buried between her thighs.

Still lightly touching her clit with my thumb, I feel it spasm too underneath my skin. The white-hot pleasure echoing in her mind plasters itself directly on top of me. Nothing like this has ever happened before. I stop breathing entirely. Am I feeling her orgasm bounce around in my own body?

My balls tighten. I haven't considered myself able to ever finish in my pants without contact since I've been fourteen. She makes me feel ageless and vulnerable. The white behind my vision blinds everything in me for many moments.

When she comes down, I slowly remove my two fingers from her center. Hot and dripping wet, I bring my hand to my nose to smell them. She watches me, paralyzed from her climax and unsure of my intentions.

The scent will stay in my memory for decades. My mouth waters at the thought of what mixing our scents will be like. Infinity.

I match her eye contact and she tries to blush and look away. With my left hand, I tilt her chin back towards me. I make her watch. I take my two wet fingers and slowly drag them across her body, starting from her left thigh, up towards her belly button, and then just below her left areola. The moisture leaves a visible trail on her skin. I clamp down on her nipple and squeeze until she once again gasps and closes her own eyes.

Releasing her chin, I now use both of my hands to pinch her nipples until she wails and arches her back against the wall. The dress shakes for her sudden jerk forward.

Surprising me once again, Bella reaches for my pants and palms the bulge in the material. I hiss through my teeth. She's going to destroy me. She knows it. That's why she reaches for my zipper. Her struggles propel me to let go of her flesh and help with the unbuttoning and removal of my pants.

When I'm bare in front of her, she looks down at my cock pointed towards her. Her pupils cover her entire iris but she doesn't make a strong expression one way or another. There's a surge of insecurity present in my shoulders. But that's eliminated once she reaches forward to timidly hold my dick.

I lean forward to growl in her ear and hear her shiver from it. I'm seeing stars.

But her lack of confidence gets the best of her. Bella's hand goes limp and she focuses on my shaft more than anything else. I can't help the groan of frustration that escapes. However, I won't have her feeling inadequate, especially not when I see how small her hand looks on me.

I guide her hand on my cock, telling her how to touch me since she seems to want to. We work from the mid part of my shaft to the tip, making sure the skin rubs up on the glans. Pinpricks of pleasure and pain reach my head. I'm just about thrusting against her thighs with both of us guiding the movement.

Again, I circle her clit with a free hand, still leaning against her. The wetness continues to pool on the edge of the dresser. I almost feel sorry for the fucker who owns this house. I try to position us so that the moisture coming from her drips onto me.

I can feel a slow build-up in my spine, but not enough. I won't push her into anything she doesn't want. But she does want it. She pulls back from our vulgar hug and looks at me with large brown eyes. She moves her thighs further apart.

My jaw goes slack.

She nods, telling me what she wants.

Despite the go-ahead, I'm hesitant. I know my size could hurt her. I still wonder if she knows what she's asking for, or if she's following the same tribal magic that I am that guides me to her. That cements my position in life as being one meant for her benefit.

Bella grips my shoulders to pull me closer.

Even positioning myself at her entrance elicits a cry of desperation from her lips. Trust me, Bella, it's in me too.

There's no reason not to delay what we both want. Not when she's writhing below me and my cock aches with the need to be surrounded by those walls I felt on my finger minutes ago.

And Hell. Holy Hell.

She clenches around me.

For a second, every nerve in my body loses feeling. Then it all comes back to me. I'm paralyzed, but desperate to move.

Only with her moans do I try to grind within her.

It doesn't take long for these swallow movements to burst into an unwavering madness, calling me to a void I didn't know existed.

Thrusting into her has never taken me closer to God. I'm bathed in holiness. I'm right next to righteousness. And I'm capable of being forgiven. For my mom, Leah, Emily, everything. The thought brings hot tears to my eyes.

At this moment, I am worthy.

It's my duty to make her feel the same.

"You're perfect," I tell her.

She cries out in a mix of agony and ecstasy.

"I swear it," my own voice wavering with the sheer awe that this is even happening.

Bella shudders and squeezes her eyes shut.

I cup her face and try to get her to look at me, but she's too far gone. I'm getting very close myself. Each movement inside of her reignites what the imprint first felt like. Our souls wrap together as I hook her legs tighter around me to slide in even deeper.

The new depth causes the sounds Bella's been making the whole time to disappear from her lips. It's as if the effort to do anything but shake in pleasure has stolen her voice. That's fine. It's taken mine as well.

I'll come soon. I let go of one of her legs, but she keeps it held up for me. Good girl. Now with a free hand, I press down on her clit once more until she explodes a second time underneath me.

This climax sends literal stars across my vision. I'm seeing galaxies die and be reborn. The past and the future collide. Maybe there's hope after all, for the woman beneath me to remain at my side. Maybe she feels it too.

I'm sputtering, hips spasming, thrusting as deep as possible inside the last couple of times before my body shuts down. I slump over on her right shoulder as we both wait for our breathing to balance out.

I'll tell her about the imprint. I will. I'll tell her what she means to me. How neither of us needs to be alone again.

But then I look at her.

Bella is staring off into the corner of the room, her mouth wide from horror. Her eyes giant saucers of shock.

It's such a strange sight that it takes me a couple of moments to realize it's real. She's not joking. And she looks positively terrified.

This whole time, I never stopped to consider what I was doing, beyond the physicality of it all. I didn't stop to think whether this was a good idea. I've been overrun by instinct, thanks to the fucking imprint that it feels like neither of us had much of a choice in the matter. My stomach sinks further when I realize I could have just taken advantage of a very emotionally compromised person who didn't understand what she was agreeing to.

She still doesn't look at me.

I tighten my hands around her shoulders, to try to pull her out of her slumber.

Bella starts to mumble something, so I lean in closer to hear.

I can only make out gibberish.

Despite our recent intimacy, I feel like a brute for getting any closer. I tell myself she could be trying to communicate pain or something else important. I need to listen to what she needs, perhaps try to explain myself for my actions.

But the whispers coming from her mouth only sound like, "Eh...eh…"

I realize immediately what she's trying to say. Whose name still lingers on her lips.

I release her, letting her back fall gently against the wall, still naked on top of the dresser. She says it again, and again. Stone armor spreads around my body, sheltering me from the implication of her true desires and what little she really feels for me.

There's suddenly no feeling left inside of me. I gather all of my clothes and leave her there.

A/N: : O

I know, I know! To leave it off here, with so much heartbreak, I'm terrible! I do hope the long amount of sexiness makes up for it. But ultimately Bella and Sam still have a long way to go with each other and hooking up doesn't necessarily solve that. They will be endgame though! I just have to make it torturous to get there hehehe...pls don't kill me!