"What need is there to weep over parts of life? The whole of it calls for tears." ― Seneca

It's only when I'm miles into the woods, the scent of decaying leech in my nose, and the characteristic blur of red hair ahead that tells me once again I've lost, do I realize I've made a mistake. I should not have left Bella.

Every instinct in my body tells me to go back, to reach for her, to claim her. There's some magical frenzied force that swims inside my head. Something that tells me I should be fucking thrilled. This is what the imprint is for. To pass on the protective genes for our land. To cement a legacy with the one I'm meant to spend eternity with.

I want to scream.

I want to scream because there's that part of me that is thrilled. Happy beyond belief. Absolutely dumbstruck and awe-inspired. But there's a much larger part that's worried about her. About what I've done to her. How is she feeling? Can she handle this?

I'd go to her, I would. If I didn't feel the unholy urge to throw her over my shoulder and march to the nearest bedroom to celebrate.

The inhuman howls coming from my body cause me to shake. Fuck, I'm too out of control. If I was in human form, I might have looked down to find my hands flickering in and out of reality.

Like steam from a boiling pot of water needing somewhere to go, all of these chaotic feelings center on the blood-eyed vampire responsible for so much suffering. The desire to kill her is different now. Potent in a different way. It's no longer just for vengeance, but a bodily need. She threatens my family. She's going to die.

There's no use in chasing her, in continuing to cut my paws on the jagged rocks, worsening the further out I get. But I still have to anyway. I have to try.

"Yo boss, you doing okay?" Jared's voice reaches me finally.

No description exists for the strangled cry that echoes through our minds. They all know it originates from me. But they can't know why. I realize that immediately. I won't betray Bella while she's still clearly struggling to accept the truth herself.

"Well, that sounded just great," Paul huffs.

"Clearly not," Jacob's annoyed tone threatens to make me spill over in rage.

All I can do to not to turn around and lunge for his throat is to keep my focus on the fantasies of the redheaded demon's face getting smashed in multiple creative ways. Seth and Leah especially echo my sentiment of wishing to kill her, but like the rest of the pack, they're confused about my uncharacteristic rage. I fight to make a reasonable excuse float to the top of my mind. I need to chase her right now. Alone.

"Everyone's getting the day off," I bark out. "Go home now."

I'm not going to be able to stay around them much longer without them finding out. And I'm truthfully not ready for that shitshow either.

"You just gave us last night off for the bonfire," Jacob argues.

"Listen to me when I command you, Black," I growl. "Go."

For the most part, I can hold it together until I feel their minds disconnect from our mental connection. Jacob lingers on for a second, enough to share his disapproval meant to irk me even more.

Of course, the woman I used to date refuses to phase back. Shouldn't have expected anything less.

"Alright, what's wrong, Sam?" she asks. She asks in that goddamn knowing tone with the condescending thrill. I am not in the mood to deal with this. It's one thing I know for sure is different between her and Bella. Any of the latter's attitude towards me has been from a place of anger at me interrupting her self-destruction, rather than perceived moral superiority. The reminder of Bella and our situation stirs me again.

"Nothing," I spit out. "You need to leave too."

"As if," she laughs.

I'm going to fucking throw myself into these trees so I can feel a thousand splinters enter into my body. It'll be a worthy distraction.

"Don't make me order you, Leah," I threaten.

It's an open secret that she detests being ordered even more than the others. Her spitfire personality always fought every suggestion I tried to make in our relationship. And now that she might have to listen if I command it, she makes it known that it would be immoral to do so. Not that I disagree, it just happens to have its perks for battle management.

"Is this the hill you really want to die on?"

I don't say anything. I keep imagining my fingers closing around the leech's neck, snapping it right off where only a rocky stump remains. It's all I can think of.

"You know, you're not the only one who has things to be pissed off about," she bites out. I feel her rage still simmering from her father's death. It's what she leaves me with: the knowledge that I'm not the only one who wants to kill Victoria. And I'm not even close to the person who is most angry about her. Underneath my wrath is fear, the desperate fear that she's going to hurt my imprint and the child my imprint now carries. But underneath Leah's? Only a void of raw vengeance.

Maybe I run for another couple of miles. I run until I'm certain no one can hear me. And just when I want to phase into a human and scream my lungs out do I finally stop. I stop and the desire to yell vanishes.

I'm a man again. Naked and broken and on the verge of being lost in the Pacific forest.

When Bella spoke those words to me, there has only been you, I knew. I knew her baby was mine too. Our baby.

It's not that I'm ignorant of how babies are made. It's just that I made one. Somehow in Bella and I's frenzy, our DNA combined and a new life just poofed into existence. We actually created something beyond ourselves.

Something else hits me too. The terror that maybe Bella doesn't want this. She certainly didn't seem thrilled when I told her. And now I realize as my knees buckle that she's well within her rights to get rid of it. Something that has suddenly become so precious to me could vanish. Even if she wishes to keep it, maybe she won't want me to stick around.

I wipe at the pathetic droplets of water gathering in my eyes.

Now I can't stop thinking about a little kid with Bella's eyes and my dark skin. My fucking wolf genes. Jesus.

If she does keep the baby, as I pray to the gods she will, then I might have to tell her about the imprint. Dread pools at the back of my throat. Swallowing doesn't help it dissipate. There's still time. She doesn't need to know everything right away. Most of all, she needs to know she has a choice even if I don't have one.

I spend hours running around between trees and rocks. I go until my breath gets weary and my muscles scream at me to stop. There isn't anything more I can do. And that continues to be a hard thing to admit.

When I make it back to my house, the pack is gathered outside waiting for me. I barely want to look them in the eye. It hurts enough to keep realizing that a bunch of shirtless and barefoot teenagers running around in the forest isn't natural at all. If I hadn't been the first person to phase, if I was too old, which one of them would be leading? Jacob? It doesn't seem very likely.

I can't look any of them in the eye, so I mutter a command and hope they get the picture.

"I'm going to be taking the majority of shifts watching the boundary. I'll let you know when you're all needed."

I don't wait to hear any responses, my feet carry me into my house, up the stairs, and straight into bed. My exhaustion prevents me from dreaming and for that, I'm grateful.

I spend a week, an entire goddamn week, pushing myself to the brink of collapse so I can avoid the chaos in my mind. So I can avoid thinking about Bella. Now, all I feel is the instinct to tear into the vampire that stole a father figure from me and continues to threaten my people.

Truthfully, I'm getting very tired of telling the pack I don't need their help with this. No one else can imagine this level of murderous desire. I am forced to give them responsibility when I need to sleep, however. It grates on my nerves. But most of the time I collapse on my couch unable to use the last bit of energy to make it to my room. No time to ponder

It takes a wake until there's a loud knock on my front door that stirs me from a nightmare of Bella giving birth to an actual wolf. Maybe I'll psychoanalyze that later. Probably not though.

I wipe my eyes and squint at the harsh light. I'd yell to tell whoever it is to go away, but I'm too slow in the split second I take to wonder if it's my mother and how I should let her in if so. But I realize who it is immediately after and groan in anticipation.

She throws the door open widely, hitting the other side of the wall. Her short hair swooshes beside her and her hands are on her hips before I can count to three. I recognize a new green tank top she has on and deduce she's probably shredded more clothes accidentally. It hits me then that my lack of presence has probably negatively impacted the time. Guilt comes once again. I can see why she's here to berate me now.

"Stop trying to chase the vampire," Leah growls at me.

What a marvelous idea.

I scoff at her immediately.

Leah responds by sneering loudly enough at just the right frequency to threaten to burst my eardrum. Kind of an impressive feat considering my body's changes.

"Don't you have any idea what she's doing?" Leah asks as if the answer is the most obvious thing in the world. "She's trying to get inside your head."

I grunt without looking up.

"And clearly it's working."

My eyes squeeze shut. Victoria knows enough about our land. I haven't been ignorant to that fact. I had wanted to keep her from knowing more, but if she had the ability to run free and kill Harry, she knows at least one path to threaten more people. Maybe I've directed too much energy into trying to plug up holes when.

Yeah, she's messing with me alright. And soon she'll likely discover another reason to taunt me. She might even expect me to act more irrationally because of it. She would be right. The realization alone fills me with anger. A few deep breaths fill my lungs and the image of Bella's soft brown eyes pops into my head. It's enough to calm me for a moment.

"Fine," I concede. "I'll deal with it."

I hear her huff from across the room, practically seeing the smoke come out of her ears.

"Tell me what's really up, Sam," Leah levels her voice. If I look at her now, I know I'll find her hands glued to her hips, leaning slightly forward. She always copied Sue in that manner.

I don't know if it's the weeks of pent-up loneliness, missing Leah's still friendship somehow, or just the desire to tell the truth, but I do it. The weight of it is too great to bear on my own.

"Bella's pregnant," I say. The words still don't feel real. But the pressure build-up at the base of my spine tells me it is. Somehow this is real and still, all I want to do is wrap my arms around Bella and never let go.

I sense Leah's body completely freeze. The living room becomes dead silent. A pin could drop and neither of us would move.

"Damn," she finally utters, trying to mask her shock with her usual nonchalant tone. "Guess I know why you're so glum. Jealousy's a bitch…"

Her words trail off and our eyes connect from across the room. I can see her pupils expand as she recognizes the expression written on my face.

"Oh, you fucking idiot."

She's in front of me faster than I can blink my eyes. Still, I see her hand moving towards me and decide to let it come. A hot, painful slap across my cheek. Enough my head to twist to the side without any effort on my part. If I focus hard enough, I can almost feel my brain swish around in my skull. It's fortunate that I wasn't biting my tongue or else I might have bit it clean off. I let the pain subside and try to keep my expression straight.

"You motherfucker!" she sneers at me and raises a fist next. She makes the ignorant move of moving her arm back in an effort to increase the momentum when it actually does the opposite. Too much energy is wasted on the wind-up.

I'm able to catch it before she even gets close to hitting her target. My eye, most likely.

"That's enough."

My calm tone only works to further her fury. Once again.

"She's in high school!"

I swallow as I register the look she's giving me. I think back to the many years ago when Leah and I were just starting to get intimate and how pissed-scared I was of knocking her up while we still had chem class together.

"I'll ensure she graduates," I answer. I think that's happening soon anyway.

"I should fucking murder you," she reaches forward and grabs a fistful of my shirt. If she's trying to pull me up from the couch so we face each other, she should know she doesn't have enough leverage to do so. My shirt will just rip off and we'll both be upset.

And as if I haven't been thinking of how I deserve murder all week, Lee.

"Make sure she graduates!" Leah mocks. "As if that's even close to what babies need."

"I'll take care of everything else too," I answer immediately. I sit up a little straighter as I didn't expect myself to sound so sure of my capability to do so. My voice isn't laced with the nonstop fear I've been feeling.

My hand closes around Leah's still clutching to my shirt, but I manage to get her grip to loosen. Maybe seeing the sincerity in my eyes causes her to let go, but she eventually does. I guide her to sit down on the couch next to me instead of towering over.

"Does she know that?" Leah asks, still venomous.

I don't answer for a minute, but the fiery woman in front of me won't leave until I say something. A sigh escapes.

"I'm not sure she wants to talk to me."

Her eyebrows fly upwards and then she shakes her head, "You really are an idiot, Uley."

Okay, I've reached the limit of Leah's 'sass.' It's not like she can understand the difficulties of an imprint. Wishing to please her requests while also wanting to provide comfort. As if this hasn't been tearing me apart for the better of seven months now. Leah herself has voiced the exact reasons I've been carrying such guilt around with Bella.

"She told me to go away, Leah," I growl.

This doesn't seem to phase her.

"Of course she did, moron. I bet you said something really fucking stupid, didn't you?"

I sigh again and avert my eyes, "Victoria was on our land."

Recognition flickers across her features, she knows why I was so upset that day now. I do everything in my power to not let a drop of embarrassment seep through. Sometime in the future I might analyze my actions and conclude that I reacted as a very stressed out person might.

"You haven't talked to her since," she reasons, judgment seeping through at the end.

I don't respond.

"Pathetic," she mumbles, not quiet at all.

Leah runs her hands through her short hair, tugging hard like she always did when she's trying to think. I remember running my own fingers through her hair. It seemed to calm her after we fought. We always fought. And Leah always loved her long hair. Another reminder of a life lost.

"When did you even sleep with her? Why did you sleep with her! It's the imprint bullshit, huh? Gotta claim the woman like some fucking caveman."

"No." I spit out, feeling the hurt flicker through my chest. "I wasn't expecting that to happen. It just did."

There isn't a good reason to delve into the details of what happened. For the first time in a week, I think of what else Bella said at Harry's funeral. How a ghost of her ex had been living in her mind and our night together somehow set her free. Hope pools in my belly. An uncomfortable warmth that has no right being there.

"We've worked through it," which might not be entirely true but it's the simplest explanation for what is between us. "I'm just not sure she's happy the baby is mine."

The woman I was once in love with rolls her eyes.

"Do you know that for sure?"

I grunt, "No."

"God, you two drive me insane," she whines. "If you're not going to talk to her, then I am."

Now I groan myself, "Please don't do that."

An eyebrow raises, "Are you going to stop me?"

Choose your battles. I throw up my hands in the air to admit defeat, "Fine. Don't let me get in the way of your friendship."

Bella deserves meaningful friends and Leah is far from the worst choice. I just don't want the two conspiring against me. I remember the devious looks shared between my mother and Emily and look at how great that worked out. Bella is much more important now.

"Whatever," Leah mumbles, "I'm leaving."

I offer her a dispassionate wave goodbye as I hear her footsteps walk to the door. Once again, she flings it open without care but then stops to talk to me for the last time.

"Not long ago I wanted to bear your kids," Leah grumbles a startling admission.

A bitter taste forms in my mouth. "You'll find someone else, Leah." It's a bad thing to tell someone, I know. Still, the tethering of an imprint hums in my bones and I won't offer her false remorse for it. I've got enough to feel sorry for with her.

She looks at me abruptly with disgust pooling in her eyes as she seethes, "That isn't the problem."

I'm about to ask her to explain when she cuts me off to get the last word, "I hope you get over yourself, Sam."

Leah has never been a particularly nice person.

She lets the door slam harshly. And with our super strength, I immediately worry about the hinges. Well, nothing I can't fix anyway.

But as soon as she leaves, I know she's right about at least one thing: Victoria. A better plan begins to formulate in my head.

I still reel from the embarrassment of my earlier panic attack and subsequent shunning of the pack, but it's time to be a man again. There are many things now that are going to call for me to toughen up. I've spent enough time being sour at the hand I've been dealt.

When I'm out for my shift in the morning the next day, I tell Jared to call a meeting in the afternoon. He's surprised but doesn't press me much. I can feel his desire to ask about my imprint, seems he also understood my fever tied back to her.

Everyone is gathered outside of Jacob Black's house when I find them. The boy in question leans against the outside walls and regards me suspiciously. He's waiting to judge my words, I'm sure. Let him, I'm secure in my plans.

"Listen up," I command. "We're going to try a new technique here. I haven't been the most attentive in the last week and I'd like to apologize for that."

I hear murmurs between them and find myself looking at Leah. She keeps her eyes downward for now, not keen on showing the group any support she might have for me. Fine, I can lead well enough by myself.

"Victoria has been looking to upset me the most. I've been making the mistake of allowing that to happen. From now on, I'm not going to be guarding the borders anymore. Two of you will take turns watching while the rest train with me on the inside. Understand?"

"So you're going to leave us to deal with her?" Jacob presses.

"No," I keep my voice firm as I clarify. "She likely knows that if I'm occupied chasing her, I can't spend time thinking about how to take her down. That's where my energy needs to be right now as our leader. Do you disagree?"

He doesn't answer, the clearest signal he'll give for defeat.

"We can handle it," Paul speaks with his chest boasted upward. "You're giving me main command out there as beta, right?"

Shit, forgot about that. I point my finger at his chest and he straightens up even more. My eyes lock onto him as I speak, "Don't fuck it up."

"Not a chance, Alpha," Paul grins.

I hear the others snicker at him, even Leah. Their reaction stirs a fury inside of me and I snap at them, "Silence. You all are going to respect Paul. We cannot give her an opportunity to skip past us."

My gaze must be somewhat threatening because they all sober up quickly. My eyes land on the youngest member of our pack and I feel a creeping shame telling me I've been neglecting him.

"Seth, you're going to tell me if the others do not listen to him. It's very important that I know the truth."

The secret, however, is that I will also be testing Paul to see if he is deserving of this respect.

The kid stands tall and nods at me with his wide, brown eyes. Everyone else stays quiet as they watch me acknowledge the boy. His sister watches the closest of all, but her silence tells me she doesn't disagree with me involving him in this manner. He is still a wolf, after all, despite the shock of his phasing.

"Can you handle this responsibility?" I ask.

"Yes, Sam." His voice is still higher-pitched than the rest of us, sans Leah, but I can tell he's doing everything in his power to remain calm.

I look him over once again to show this is a serious decision on my part to him: "Good."

We return to an unsteady normal, as much as possible when I can tell the pack is not unconvinced the leech won't try to attack another person soon. She might intend to give us weeks, but she certainly will attempt to destroy our mental stability before then. I've let it go on for long enough as is. Harry wouldn't have wanted this.

For now, Paul seems to be doing a decent enough job. He reports later in the afternoon that Victoria kept her distance as usual. She keeps scanning the area, I'm sure, and as such, she's bound to notice the additional two members in our pack. I wonder if she knows her presence will only keep awakening the genes of the youth in our land. If she takes too long, she'll be significantly outnumbered. Fancy-dander predicting powers aside, it'll be a game of statistics soon enough. That's why I figure she'll try something again soon. Hopefully, she knows I'd rather skin myself than try to bring the Cullens back. Maybe that will piss her off enough to make a careless error.

I train with Jared and Embry for a few more hours until I decide they've made an inch of progress in their fighting technique. I only let them go because I know there's likely schoolwork or sleep to catch up on. Leah's comment about Bella's high school graduation still weighs on me.

I know someone has been to my house as soon as I approach. There's disrupted gravel and a smell that I know isn't mine. I focus a little harder and realize the scent is Leah Clearwater. Of course. The potency of it tells me she's been here maybe hours ago. Fucking around doing who knows what probably.

But as I approach my front doorstep, I see a white envelope on the ground. It may be a dumb idea, but since my abilities give me an extra sense of protection, I don't see why I shouldn't open it even if it's laced with anthrax.

It's a black and white image. There's no denying what it's depicting. A small forming body. A human-shaped head. I can even see a nose. It's real, an ultrasound picture. Obvious even if I can't recall seeing one in the flesh before.

A bolt of lightning goes through me. I almost drop to my knees.

There's no breath in my lungs. I don't notice until they start to scream at me. But I can't do anything but stare. There's a life there that I had a hand in creating. What is air worth to me when this new, precious thing deserves all of my resources?

I drag my thumb across the glossy images. There's a lot of numbers written on the sides that I don't understand. I can see Bella's name as the patient and 15 weeks, 3 days written in the corner. 15 weeks.

What are babies capable of at 15 weeks? Hearing sounds outside, dreaming? The possibilities run through me. Regardless of any capabilities now, this picture is going to grow up to be a real person capable of everything I am. An ache inside me reminds me of my hope that maybe not everything will happen to my child. Maybe he can remain human for life. Maybe he and his mother will be safe, even if I have to lie down my life for that to happen. And I would.

Strangely, I feel the urge to flip the image over. Bella's handwriting is scribbled on the back. I know instinctively that it's her. The scent of her mixed with sharpie tingles my nose but I still breathe it in as much as I can. Anything to get a millimeter closer.

Everything looks normal. Thought you might want to know - Bella

My feet are out in front of me before I think it.

I have to see her. I need to see her. I have to tell her something, anything about how I feel. She doesn't deserve to doubt for a second I won't be there for her.

I want this child. I want it with her. It can only be her. No one else. I see that now. I haven't felt this level of certainty since I first locked eyes with her. I wanted to fight it so badly then for Emily. Emily who? She's long gone. It's Bella. It's always been Bella.

It's a fifteen-minute drive into Forks from La Push. It's about the same time running at full force, much less in wolf form of course. But I'm not allowing myself to go at maximum speed. I'm holding this previous image in my hand and I won't let it get bent. It's a battle between my mind and my heart to not lose my body entirely in my pursuit of getting to her.

I didn't go nearly as fast when I was bringing her that drugstore pregnancy test. I was on autopilot then, incapable of considering any consequences, only knowing what had to be done. The whole conversation is a blur to me now. My panic attack afterward? Nothing compared to the excitement of talking to her now. Speaking my feelings into existence.

My heart threatens to punch a hole through my ribs as soon as I'm within eyesight of her house. I feel through the imprint that she's inside. That soft glow I know now is fuller to what I imagine is because of the pregnancy. I feel her and our child's energy reach across the street. I am so close to reaching right back. I will reach back, for them.

But dread hits me harshly across the chest. Something is wrong here. I know it immediately.

The Swans' white house seems to distort in front of me as I get close. Some green, sickly hue takes over my vision. A pale, blond creature exits the house and gently closes the door behind her. No Bella insight.

My fists clench.

She's not human. I know that from her perfect features, deathly smell, and freakish amber eyes. But she's mastered the art of displaying human emotions. I can see that clearly as she looks down at me with annoyance and condensation. Much like an elder on the reservation might if they've been forced to spend every minute of their lives awake and unsatiated.

Then she narrows in on the picture I'm clutching in my right hand and huffs loudly, rolling her eyes at me dramatically.

"Of course, someone like you is the father."

I straighten up immediately, not liking her tone at me one bit. If she sees my expression grow harsh, she doesn't comment. She's yet to learn to be afraid of my kind, I deduce. I've got all the incentive in the world to make that very clear.

"What are you doing here?" I nearly growl.

Finally, her eyes take on another look. This time, somber and far away. My abdominal muscles clench and I can feel my heart race.

I don't know how I know, but I know it's bad. We both look up at the Swan house, but my imprint can't be seen through the windows. Everything in me goes hazy; I'm on the edge of panic, but I won't show it. I need to see her right now.

The vampire's honeyed voice conveys a level of terror I haven't heard before.

"Bella remembered."

"Remembered what?"

A/N: I'm back and so is Rosalie!

Man has it been a struggle to get through school this past month and a half. I definitely feel like this chapter isn't my best, but I really wanted to put it out! The second half is gonna be super crazy but hopefully fun! Gotta try to expand on the Twilight lore, amiright? Anyway, I can't promise super regular updates when the second semester comes around, but I am super eager to write the remaining chapters before I graduate in May!

And I hope any readers from America had a good Thanksgiving!