So we have passed 30k of words in this story, I hope you enjoy it. I would say we are in the middle of it, slowly flipping all the cards. I know they didn't even touch yet, but wait.
Patience is a virtue.
Let me know your thoughts, emotions.
Beta: One and only, Ann 3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
XIII
Present
Hermione swallowed hard as Ginny let her go of her warm cuddle. She felt a slight spin in her head with all the emotions that she felt now. Chest tightness, a mess of thoughts.
Ginny looked at her warmly and Hermione saw the longing in her eyes. They mirrored her own.
Ginny pulled her and they sat down at a table that was cluttered in the small room.
"I want to tell you everything I have in mind, Hermione," Ginny's voice was trembling, and the tears from before were still glistening on her lashes, "But we have so little time."
Hermione grabbed her hand tightly and squeezed. Her presence meant more than a million words and was more precious than the world's most expensive gems.
Ginny had matured as well. She still had a glow of grace, but it was a different grace than it had been years ago. More mature, evidently more maternal than girly. She rounded here and there, still sporting a broad, warm smile. She emanated a sense of security. She was so familiar and unknown at the same time.
"Harry doesn't know I'm here." Her voice was soft and full of scraps of emotions that erupted like a volcano.
Hermione nodded, unable to utter a word. She felt that if she said anything, she would burst into tears and uncontrollable spasms.
"Once Astoria wrote to me, I knew I had to see you. That I will do anything to hug you. To have this opportunity "
So that was Astoria's plan.
"Thank you." The word sounded so anemic in comparison to Ginny's words, but Hermione couldn't do anything else, say anything wise. Her emotions were oppressive, and Hermione was breathing hard. Ginny grabbed her other hand and squeezed both tightly.
"I've dreamed about this moment for so many years, I've missed you for so many years. I prepared scenarios of what I would do and what I would tell you. And now?" Ginny paused for a moment, feeling emotional. "And now I remember absolutely nothing, my mind is blank. However, it doesn't matter because you are here. Alive, in person."
Hearing those words, Hermione realized how much she missed Ginny. And how could she have gone so many years without her. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.
"Ginny." She whispered her name and smiled weakly for the first time, "We're coming back." They were difficult words to say aloud because she had been afraid of it for a long time. "We're coming back." She repeated, more confidently this time, though those words still made her shiver.
"Hayden is going to Hogwarts just like James." Ginny was well aware of what forced this decision.
"Yes, and Scorpius, too," she clarified, but it was obvious. There was silence for a moment and they just stared at each other and discovered the passage of time. "Thanks for the letters, Ginny."
The redhead flinched.
"Sorry I never wrote back. I hadn't had the courage to read them all these years," Hermione's eyes glazed dangerously, "I just looked through them recently." Her face tightened slightly. "We have looked."
Ginny wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione." She just whispered and there was silence again.
Both women heard a noise and the curtain moved slightly aside. Astoria wanted to be very discreet and subtle, so she was looking at them uncertainly for a moment. Then she said softly, "We have to get back together, Hermione. Draco let me know the boys had already chosen their wands. "
Ginny released Hermione's hands and they both stood up. They hugged one more time.
"It's gonna be easier now, Hermione, when you come back. " Her warm voice spoke of hope and Hermione wished she was right.
But she wasn't sure anything was going to be simpler, easier. They would return after almost fifteen years, stigmatized, with considerable baggage. A story that shocked the wizarding world. Wounds that most likely were healed, but could open easily, within a moment.
From a self-imposed exile that was salvation.
With a son for whom they were both willing to sacrifice everything, to do everything. And to protect him from the ballast of the past, even at the highest cost.
2000
Unlike before, Hermione remained silent or replied casually for the rest of the week. She was acting so strangely Lucius wondered what was going on in her head. Never in his life would he admit this silence was tiring. But to some extent it decidely was.
The evenings grew longer as autumn became a permanent feature in England. The trees shed their leaves, the mornings were dark, and the wind was cool and piercing. The mood of the surrounding nature became more and more depressing.
Hermione had no strength for anything, feeling resignation fill her entire body. She was like a defeated player, fourth place winner, just off the podium. Or a player who was disqualified.
She felt more and more that she had lost the fight with Kingsley.
They lost.
And that awareness no longer upset her, it started to frighten her. Made her paralyzed, gasping for breath, seeking clarity of thought. And fear was also stopping her will to continue living.
Muted and listless, she sat in an armchair in Malfoy's office, staring straight ahead.
Lucius worked in silence, and at one point he took off his glasses, grunted and looked at her.
"It's Monday, did you send your report, Miss Granger?" He broke the silence for the first time since that memorable event. So far they had exchanged only pleasantries.
Hermione heard his question and shrugged. "No, I didn't." On the contrary her short answer did not surprise him.
"You should send it," he said in her direction and waited to be graced with a glare.
"It's none of your business, Mr. Malfoy. I am doing what I want to do, " she huffed and looked at him. For the first time in days, he saw a spark in her eyes.
Malfoy eyed her and saw her face grow harder and harder.
"I understand you want to penalize him. But… but he'll punish you faster than you can punish him."
Hermione shrugged and bit her lip. Malfoy was right, she had to admit. She sprang to her feet and walked over to the desk. Lucius raised an eyebrow, as she took the parchment and quill from the inkwell.
She wrote 'The Report' and signed it with her name.
"Can it be like this?" Her sassiness had surprised him in the past, but that was exactly what he had expected today.
He watched her silently as she tucked the parchment into the envelope and called out the owl. As soon as the owl flew away, Hermione returned to the chair and sank down into it. Lucius felt her reaction was just momentary and she would still remain depressed.
"Get up, Granger, and follow me." He got up from the desk and went for the oil lamp. Granger tilted her head, not quite understanding what he meant.
"Don't test my patience," he said and went to the door, which until now had been closed. Lucius opened it after uttering a few silent words, and Hermione froze.
One of the most closely guarded private libraries owned by a person appeared before her eyes.
The Malfoy Library, shrouded in legends, inaccessible like the Golden Grail.
The library was filled with books from floor to ceiling, teeming with inexhaustible knowledge.
"Treat it as a kind of thank you for your help with the contract. You can make yourself comfortable, Miss Granger." Lucius' words were low, measured, but Hermione knew how much they must have cost him.
Malfoy hated being obligated to anyone, and tonight's action was to settle the bills, pay off the debt he owed her.
Hermione's eyes began to glow and her lips parted slightly. She felt confusion being slowly replaced with excitement.
So many books, so many titles, authors. So much knowledge at her fingertips.
Lucius watched the color return to Granger's face and sighed. He returned to his desk and watched from the distance as Hermione walked timidly into the library. She looked drunk, swaying slightly. At one point she gripped the ledge tightly - she staggered and rested her forehead against the wood.
Hermione breathed faster and faster, and her nostrils filled with the smell of old books, ink and stuffiness. She had missed that smell since she left Hogwarts. She rested her forehead and ran her fingers over the spines of the books, the letters smearing, jumping, creating a long-forgotten mess.
She would have started dancing with them if only the circumstances were different. But if they had been different, she would never have set foot in this room.
She paced the room with increasing admiration, along and across. She had seen all the titles she dreamed of. She saw all the books that were not at Hogwarts, that were inaccessible to mere mortals. The rare birds she could never afford - the ones she could easily sell and grant a few months of being carefree.
Suddenly she was struck by lightning.
Or maybe… could Malfoy have the book Snape had mentioned in his letters? Maybe this book is in here somewhere, and she just needs to look for it ...
The thought sent a thrill of excitement, and all the stagnation of autumn escaped Hermione's mind.
She must find it.
The next two evenings, Lucius sat in the study, fully absorbed in the papers Blake had asked for. Hermione, of course, accompanied him, and since he had opened the library for her, she did so with tremendous enthusiasm he had never seen before.
Every afternoon she wandered between the stacks and watched. She touched the spines, leafed through the pages, closed them tenderly and lovingly put them aside. She put the more interesting items in the basket, which she later placed next to the armchair.
She conjured up a footstool and a small table on which she kept a cup of tea handy.
That first evening she finished with him and all she said was, "Good night."
Contrary to what she said, she did not sleep well that night, because the book she was reading was about tormented souls; research by an Asian doctor who analyzed this problem and looked for solutions. Despite extensive study, Hermione found nothing valuable for herself. But the description stayed in her mind for a long time.
As she lay in bed that night, feeling that she couldn't handle it anymore, she called Lissy and asked for a Sleeping Draught. She gave up for the first time since she had come to Malfoy Manor. The bittersweet taste of the purple potion left a warm mark on her tongue, and a few minutes later she drifted away.
The second evening was a long one for Lucius, because the detailed business plan he was about to prepare had taken him more time than he had expected. Focused on the task, he ignored Granger as she circled between his office and the library.
Well after midnight, he remembered that he had not informed Granger about his plans for tomorrow.
"Miss Granger," he began to speak without looking up. "Tomorrow ..." When he looked up, he fell silent.
Hermione had fallen asleep in the armchair, her head pressed against the back, the book on her chest and her hand clasped over the edge. She was breathing regularly, but he heard moaning every now and then. The moaning grew louder, and her, so far motionless, body began to be tormented by convulsions.
Lucius looked at her and when she screamed he jumped up as she woke up.
He saw her eyes open, full of terror, and hazy, with moans escaping from her mouth. She was trying to figure out where she was. After a moment, she became aware of her surroundings and looked at him defenselessly. If he had wanted, he could have burst into her soul and mind in a split second and penetrate it until she felt naked.
It was an attractive prospect, but he knew he couldn't.
He coughed, giving her another moment to wake up.
"Miss Granger, we have a meeting tomorrow with the iSecr board." He repeated the sentence in a neutral tone, completely ignoring the previous event. "I invited them to lunch. Please be ready around 1pm. "
Hermione blinked a few times and nodded. Startled, she jumped up and almost ran out, leaving Lucius in the room.
She hoped he hadn't seen anything, even though that assumption was naive. He must have seen it.
The next morning before going down to breakfast, Hermione devoted herself to brewing a sleeping potion. She was under the illusion that she wouldn't be sleeping at all anymore without help. With the recent bouts of insomnia and the nightmares that haunted her, she had no choice. She already felt that she was teetering on the edge of her physical endurance, and assumed that it would be worse in the fall and winter.
The darkness had long been a trigger for her.
When she finished, Crookshanks returned from the hunt. He looked so pleased with himself as he walked over to her, and Hermione scratched him behind the ears. He just looked at her, meowed and then he laid down. She was sure he was going to sleep.
Hermione sighed and got up to wash her hands in the bathroom. In front of the mirror, she looked at her face and swallowed hard.
She splashed her face with cold water and dried it with a towel. It didn't make a difference or make it better. She still looked as if someone had rubbed gray earth into her skin.
She turned off the faucet and went down to the dining room, which was empty. There was a brief note on the table that Lucius was in his chambers.
Hermione ate her toast with jam and drank a cup of black tea.
When she got up, she looked at her watch - it was eleven o'clock. She decided to hide in the library and continue her search for the diary. Maybe she would be lucky this time.
At a quarter to one she realized that they were to leave soon for this lunch meeting. Like a burning fire, she jumped up from her chair and ran to her chambers.
Because of lack of alternatives and time, she put on one of Ginny's dresses she hadn't had a chance to give back. The dress was girly, subtle and sweet. And the opposite to Hermione's wardrobe.
Hermione shrugged when she looked at herself in the mirror. Nothing in this reflection matched - a dress in a soft yellow shade, 70s style only accentuated the pale skin and dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was disheveled on her shoulders and she looked like she was going to a costume party rather than a business lunch.
She waved her wand quickly and her hair formed a loose knot.
It won't be better.
She took her purse and hung it over her shoulder. She took a deep breath and lifted her head.
It won't be better.
Lucius was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs and raised an eyebrow as she descended. There was clearly something different about Miss Granger.
"You can save your remarks, Mr. Malfoy." There were warning tones in her voice that he finally ignored.
"Don't be contrary today, Miss Granger," he replied and offered her a hand. She looked at it hesitantly, and he snorted, "Splinching is also not a good idea, but we've had a conversation about it recently."
She rolled her eyes, but didn't protest as he gripped her wrist tightly.
This time, they landed in an upscale Japanese restaurant that Hermione had heard about from her parents. It was said the wait was up to a month for table reservations here.
Hermione frowned as the host led them straight to the table.
"How do you know this restaurant? This is a Muggle place," she blurted out without realizing it, and he laughed softly.
"You are not the only one who knows how to do research, Miss Granger." She couldn't comment on his words anymore because Blake was sitting at the table. They came quite close to him and she might say something risky.
Blake was clearly surprised to see Hermione, but she stood up and greeted them without blinking an eye.
"Alexander couldn't come today, and Nicolas will be here within fifteen minutes."
Lucius sat down across from Blake, and Hermione had a moment to decide where to sit. Eventually she sat down next to Malfoy.
The waiter handed them their menus, and while the three of them were pondering the choices, Nicolas walked over to the table.
A broad smile appeared on his face as he saw Hermione.
Guess it couldn't be worse.