Chapter Three: Where the buffalo roam

A/N: I'm really hoping to have this done by Christmas, but life keeps interfering.

Nick came back with the groceries. He set down four boxes of pancake mix, some blueberries, and to Bonnie's surprise, several gallons of lemonade and punch. "Oh, Nick! You didn't need to do that!"

"Well, I thought about it and I knew there wasn't enough for everyone to drink."

"Oh, you're a saint, Nick!"

"Now, now. There's only one Saint Nick and it's definitely not me."

"Well, I'm thankful that you have a kitchen small enough for me to operate with. You seem to have to bend a lot. Why did you get an apartment for smaller mammals?"

"It belonged to the Ottertons They're very close friends of ours. They moved into a bigger house and gave me this one on a lease that was paid up for almost a full year. I had to change the toilet to my size, but the deal on the place was too good to pass."

"Mmm-Hmm. And I'm sure the thought of a certain little bunny moving in here didn't cross your mind either."

"It was… a very convenient coincidence. Where's my spice rack?"

"Pardon?"

"My spice rack! I see the bottles here, but the centerpiece that spins is gone!"

"Oh! About that. It turns out it can hold small kits as good as the spice bottles. Stu is using it to help move the bathroom line faster."

"What?"

Meanwhile, in the bathroom…

Stu was hanging some of his youngest daughters and granddaughters over the toilet while they were clamped down in the rotating spice rack. "Okay, girls! Hurry up and finish so I can get the next rotation in. Good thing you agreed to go by size."

"Spin us again, grandpa!"

"No way! The last time I did that, I ended up with wet feet. And you boys standing on the side of the tub! Hurry up and finish peeing! We got 50 more people waiting!"

Later on…

Nick was enjoying his pancakes on the couch with a ton of bunnies around him. Patch and Ebony were sitting on his lap while Ivory, Argentina, and a jealous Cotton were sitting on Judy's. Everyone was sitting around the living room and watching Christmas specials.

"And now, we return to 'Rudolph's Reindeer Games.' "

"C'mon, Rudy! I got ya out of prison, and now it's time to rob that casino!"

"Uh-Oh! I think I'm in the wrong 'Reindeer Games'!"

Patch was bored. "This stinks! See if there's something else on, Uncle Nick."

"Sure thing bud," Nick replied. He used his remote to change channels.

"And now we return to 'A Charlie Bruin Christmas'."

"Gee Linyx, I'm just not in the Christmas spirit this year."

"What's the matter, Charlie Bruin?"

"It feels like the true meaning of Christmas is lost in all of this crass commercialism."

"How cares?! Why do you talk like this?!"

"Like what?!"

" 'Crass commercialism'?! Kids don't use words like that! Stop talking like an adult! You're freaking ten! You're trying to get sage advice from a boy who's a few years younger than you, sucks his thumb, believes in the Great Pumpkin, and can't let go of his blanket! Act like a child already!"

Nick whispered to Patch. "Hey, Jigsaw! You got that list made out?!"

Patch looked up. "Not all of it, but I know what my cousins want."

"Alright then, we'll be going soon."

Valerie sneered at Nick from across the room. "What are you two mumbling about?!"

"Nothing," said Patch.

Valerie looked over at the girls. "Ivory. Tina. Why don't you come over here and sit with your aunt Val, After all, I'M the one who's taking care of you when your grandparents aren't around. Not those two."

Ivory reluctantly climbed off Judy while Argentina stayed behind. This upset Valerie. "Tina! Come!"

"No!" Shouted Tina. "Aunt Judy didn't make me feel ashamed! She's nice!"

Valerie was furious. "Fine! At least my favorite is with me."

Judy put her paws on the other two bunny's shoulders. "Oh, yeah? Well, my favorite is with me!"

Cotton looked up at Judy. "You mean me, right?"

"What?! Oh! Well, ummm… Yeah! Y'know." Argentina looked up at her. "I-I-I mean a favorite doesn't just have to be one y'know? I umm… Oh, boy. This is awkward."

Nick looked down at the kits on his lap. "Why didn't she call you two over?"

Ebony's ears dropped. "She only wants the pretty ones."

"Hey, now. Don't talk like that. You're beautiful."

"But it's true! She plays favorites."

"Does she ever hurt you guys?"

Patch looked up at Nick. "Does she still have all of her teeth?!"

"Don't talk like that."

"Sorry, but I'd never let her hurt my sisters, but she does play favorites and is a bit manipulative. She likes the girls. Especially, Ivory, but ignores me, and that suits me just fine."

"Why did your grandparents leave you guys with her?"

"She's the only one near Judy's age that's still single."

Nick smirked. "Gee. I wonder why?" he said sarcastically.

They returned to watching the Christmas special.

"Hey, Charlier Bruin! I got a football. I'll hold it for you, and you run up and kick it."

"C'mon Moosey, you always pull the ball away and I land right on my head!"

"Charlie Bruin. It's Christmas! The season of giving. This will be my present to you."

"Alright then. This time, I'll kick that football into the stratosphere!"

"Stop using big words! You're like, ten!"

Charlie Bruin ran at full speed, only for Moosey to yank the football. However, Charlie Bruin never went for the kick. Instead, he stopped and stood in front of Moosey who now was exposed for her lie. "Uh-oh."

"I KNEW you were lying! RAAAWR!"

"AAAAHH!"

Linyx went running to the other kids. "Help! Charlie Brown is mauling Moosey to death!"

"About dang time!" they said.

Stu blocked Nick's view. "Sorry to interrupt your show, but we gotta get going."

Nick nodded and looked over at Patch. "You got the list ready, kiddo?"

Patch nodded back. "Yeah. Let's go."

"Where are you going?!" asked Ebony.

"I'm gonna help grandpa and Uncle Nick do a bit of shopping for… umm...his cousins!"

"I wanna go!" she cried.

Nickl tried to explain. " Sorry, kiddo. This is… top-secret Christmas stuff."

"I wanna be with my brother!" She cried.

Stu tried to assure her. "We won't be gone long. Your grandma and Judy will be getting groceries for tonight while I'll be helping Nick. So be a good girl and watch over your sisters, okay?"

Ebony sighed. "...Okay."

Nick stood up. "Good. That's settled. We'll be back soon guys. Enjoy your Christmas specials."

Before she headed out, Judy remembered something. "I have to get my purse. I left it on the couch."

Bonnie was walking past the couch and got Judy's purse for her. "Nevermind dear! I got it! Whoo! Your purse is heavy! You must not notice due to how strong you are."

Judy took the purse and they headed out. What she failed to notice was two tiny, black bunny ears sticking out of the purse. They slowly disappeared down into the handbag. Ebony had become a stowaway.

Later on, at the Dollar Store…

Stu was talking to one of the store clerks. "We're gonna need about 36 stockings. Can you help us out?"

"You're in luck, " said the clerk. "We just got in a shipment."

Stu was surprised. "This close to Christmas?!"

"Everything's on backorder due to the freight backup at the docks. We're still getting old freight from Halloween. Let me break out a box from the back."

Nick was pushing a cart around the store with Patch sitting in the front. While the clerk was looking in the back, Patch had an idea. "We may be able to get some stocking stuffers here. The candy should be cheap enough. Oh! And we can get some Hot Cars for Hot Cars."

Nick was confused at that last statement. "Wha?!"

Stu explained. "He's talking about my favorite grandson, Brian. 'Hot Cars' is his nickname. The kid loves Hot Cars. I love him because I collect those toys myself and it makes him cheap to shop for since they're just a buck a piece."

Nick was about to say something when in the distance, something caught his eye. "Oh, no!"

"What is it?" asked Stu.

"My boss, Chief Bogo! I'm supposed to be sick, remember?"

Patch chuckled. "I remember making the fart noises."

Nick hid on the other side of an endcap. "I'm dead meat if he finds me here!" He peered out from the corner, and it looked like Bogo might have made eye contact from a distance. He yanked his head back. "I'm doomed! How do I get out of this!"

Just then, the store clerk came from the back with an entire box of Christmas Stockings. "Here you go, sir."

Nick yanked the box from him, ripped it open, and poured all of the stockings into the cart. "We'll take them all!"

Stu protested. "We only need 36. Not a hundred!"

"And I need to keep my job!" He dove into the basket and burrowed himself deep into the stockings. He hid every bit of himself under the cheap fabric.

It was then that Bogo walked by Stu. "Have you seen a red fox?"

"Not since 'Salamander and Son' went off the air. That guy was pretty funny."

"That's not what I meant." Bogo looked at the cart. "That's an awful lot of Christmas stockings."

"I have a very big family."

"As a bunny, I would imagine. Good day, sir. Merry Christmas."

Bogo walked off, much to the relief of Stu and Nick. "We gotta get you outta here," said Stu.

Nick whispered to him. "Just keep shopping until he leaves."

"Sigh! Alright. I might as well get the candies."

Stu piled the cart with bags of candy. As he pushed the cart to go look at coloring books, he saw that Bogo was leaving. He could hear some crinkling of plastic. "Coast is clear, Nick. Are you eating the candy?"

Munch. Munch. "Umm… Mo. Mo um mot."

Meanwhile…

Bonnie and Judy were doing grocery shopping in WalrusMart for the evening's Christmas party. Bonnie almost immediately brought up the discussion of her living with Nick. "I just think it's too early, dear."

"It's not too early!" Judy argued. "We've been partners for a while now and dating for a full year."

"And lying to us about it."

"Well, I'm sorry, but we didn't know how you'd react. You should see the looks we get on the street when we're just holding paws. We've had people yell at us just for having dinner together. They quickly shut up when they see our badges. We've even had death threats!"

"Oh, my goodness! Do you really think he's worth it?!"

"Yes, mom. He's just… so sweet and caring. You saw how he is! You guys interrupted our first Christmas together and here he is, helping us have a great Christmas for the little ones. And it's obvious Patch is really fond of him."

"Yeah, I see that, but still. You know how your father is."

"He's not the bigot he once was!"

"I don't mean that. I mean, living together without getting married."

"You got married while pregnant!"

"I know, it's hypocritical, but still. He just wants what's best for you."

"I have to do what I think is best for me, not what he wants. Besides…. SIGH!... I really shouldn't be telling you this until after the holidays."

"GASP! Because you're pregnant?!"

"What?! No! We're not... compatible like that!"

"Oh. I imagine he doesn't fit."

A frustrated Judy blushed. "He fits!... Barely. Foxes can't breed bunnies. What I was trying to say, is that dad won't need to worry much longer. We're… We're engaged."

"Engaged?! When were you going to tell us this?!"

"On New Year's eve! We're planning for Valentine's day."

"Well, that doesn't give us much time for planning, y'know?!"

"I know, it's just… we're so busy and we're both worried. We get enough hate just dating. I could only imagine when we're married."

"Let them hate, dear. Nick's sweet and you deserve this."

Judy smiled at her mother. "Thanks, mom."

"I hope those two hurry up at the Dollar Trunk. "They still need to shop for some stocking stuffers over here. Ooh! Here's the cinnamon. I like to add extra to the nog. Are you sure Clawhauser will be there?"

"Trust me. Ben loves being Santa. The kits will be so happy."

It was then that Ebony poked her head out of Judy's purse. "You mean the real Santa isn't coming?!"

Bonnie and Judy were both surprised. "EBONY?!"

Meanwhile…

Nick was driving with Stu in the front seat and Patch in the back. Stu was complaining. "$1.25 for each stocking! It's a dollar store! Everything's supposed to be a dollar!"

Nick shrugged. "That's the economy for you. Man! That was super close with Bogo."

"He looks pretty intimidating."

"You should try working with him. There's the van."

Nick drove up to Finnick's van. Patch and Stu had a hard time not laughing at the painting on the side of the van.

Stu chuckled. "Good Lord! That looks like something out of an 80's metal album!"

Nick shook his head. "Hey now! He's real proud of that mural. Painted it himself."

They got out of the van and knocked on the back. Finnick busted the doors oped and held his bat in a threatening manner. "Who is it?!"

"You're going to break your doors if you keep opening them like that." Nick replied.

"Well, if it ain't my ex-partner."

"Are you still butt-hurt about me breaking up the business?! You told me you were doing good on your own."

Finnick looked around for the elf outfit. "I'm doing okay. Who are the bunnies?"

"Well, this is Judy's father, Stu and the tiny one is Patch. I call him 'Jigsaw'."

Finnick chuckled. " 'Jigsaw' I like Sounds tough."

"That's what I said," said Patch.

Finnick found the outfit. "Here we are. It was under the seat so you may need it washed."

"Thanks again, Finn! Hey, Stu. Think one of your older sons can fit this?"

Stu took a look. "I guess so, but the young ones might recognize one of their uncles or older brothers."

"It'll have to do. Jigsaw, why don't you give uncle Finn a hug for helping out?"

Finnick protested. "Hey, no!"

Patch ran up and hugged the fennec fox. "Thanks, Mister! It's nice hugging an adult my size."

"Yeah, yeah. Nick, you know I hate hugs!"

"I also know you won't hurt a kid, and frankly, you could use a hug every once in a while, ya little grump. Oh, I almost forgot your Christmas present."

He handed Finnick a bag. "A six-pack of Bud and a copy of Foxy Ferals monthly! Thanks, Nick!"

"You're welcome, big guy. And Merry Christmas!"

Meanwhile…

Bonnie and Judy were both upset with Ebony. Bonnie chastised the little bunny for her stunt. "Ebony Hopps! What do you think you're doing?!"

Ebony tried to explain. "I-I'm sorry, grandma! I was just so bored at the apartment. It was so cramped too. Patch got to go. Why can't I?"

Judy sighed "Well, looks like the cat's out of the bag."

"Yeah," Bonnie agreed as she looked across the aisle. "How'd he get in there, anyway?"

"Security nabbed him. Must have been shoplifting. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I guess the secret's out. Santa isn't really coming, Ebony. Nick, Patch, and Stu thought it would be a good idea to get stockings for you guys for Christmas to make it special. Our friend, Clawhauser will be playing Santa. Please don't tell the others."

"Okay," Ebony said with a frown. "How come Santa can't come?"

"It's Christmas, sweetie. He's much too busy. But since you're here, you can help me pick out small gifts for your sisters and cousins."

Ebony smiled again. "Okay! Can I pick out my gifts?"

"No. Patch will be doing that."

"Dang. Alight. He's a good brother, hunh? Just like you were a good mommy to Argentina."

Judy chuckled. "I'm not a Mommy, Ebony. Just a good aunt."

"You're the best aunt!"

"Awww! You cute, little suck-up!"

Meanwhile…

Nick, Stu, and Patch were now inside Walrusmart. Stu was talking to Nick. "Engaged?!"

"Yup," Nick replied. "We're planning the wedding on Valentine's day. We were going to tell you guys on New year's, but since you're being so pushy about me and Judy living together in sin, you didn't give me much choice but to tell you. Besides, I didn't know how you felt about me. Seems like the whole city hates us being together as-is."

"How bad has it gotten?"

"We've received death threats, had people look at us funny when we're dining together or holding hands. One couple even tried to assault us, but it didn't work out well for them."

"This is terrible! I don't like my little girl being put in danger."

"Relax. Your little girl practically put them in the hospital."

"Still…. It's not right. I know I once feared people like you, but… I learned to look past such things. We've got a great business relationship with Gideon Grey now. You two have the right to be happy without so much harassment!"

Nick smiled. "Thanks, Stu! That means a lot coming from you!"

They walked through the toy aisle, looking for anything cheap. Patch spotted an item. "Look, grandpa! They have those cheap, lightsaber knockoffs for five bucks!"

"No thank you! I got the kids lightsabers when that sequel came out. The children swatted each other and me with those cheap things until they Broke apart! Two of your cousins got black eyes and they injured my knee!"

While they were talking, Nick got a call on his phone. "Clawhauser? What's up?"

"Hi, Nick. I'm not doing do good. Fangmeyer gave me some egg nog that she assured me was lactose-free, but my stomach says otherwise. I'm lactose intolerant! I'm doubled over in the men's room right now!"

"Oh no! Are you going to be okay?!"

"I-I should still make it! Don't worry Nick. I…NGGGH! I won't let those children down."

"O-Okay. You take care of yourself." He hung up the phone and looked over at Stu. "This is bad."

"What's wrong?" asked Stu.

"Ben is sick from lactose intolerance and now, he's not quite sure he can make it. If he doesn't show, this whole thing goes out the window."

"Oh, no! We have to have a Santa, or the whole thing falls apart!"

"And no one fits the costume like him."

"We got a bigger problem. Look behind you!"

Nick looked behind to see Chief Bogo in the far distance. "Not again! Does he have to go by every store?!"

"What are you gonna do?!"

"Quik let's head to the clothing department. Do they sell wigs here?"

"Yeah? Why?!"

Meanwhile…..

Judy and Bonnie were still shopping for food. "How's their cabbage here?" Bonnie asked.

Meanwhile, Ebony saw a girl's dress in the distance. "Aunt Judy! I wanna see 'da pretty dress!"

"No! You've been a bad girl. You stay in the purse for now so I can keep my eye on you."

"Aww!"

Judy half-zipped Ebony up in the mesh purse and continued shopping. Just then, she got a signal from her bladder. "I need to use the restroom for a sec, Mom. Can you watch Ebony and my purse?"

Bonnie agreed. "Sure, thing dear."

Judy handed her heavy purse over to Bonnie and did a quick walk over to the restroom. While Bonnie was waiting she foolishly turned her back from the cart and the two purses. "Now where are the mashed potatoes?"

Meanwhile…

Bogo was hunting down Nick in the clothing department. He knows he saw a glimpse of him once again. "Where are you, you sneaky, red fox?!"

Suddenly, Nick appeared in the children's section. He was wearing a woman's dress and a cheap wig on his head. Patch and Stu were sitting in the front of the cart. Nick had Stu dressed in children's clothing. He put on a high-pitched voice. "Come children! We still need to buy some popcorn tins for aunt Shirley!"

Bogo walked up to him. "Excuse me, miss? Have you seen a red fox in a Hawaiian shirt despite it being winter?"

"I can't say I have sir. My husband doesn't wear that kind of attire."

"If you're married to a red fox, why do you have two rabbit children?"

"Ummmm….. They're adopted?"

"If that one is a boy, why is that one so much large?"

"... Growth spurt? Some kids hit puberty hard."

"And he looks exactly like the old bunny I saw at the dollar store."

This upset Stu. "Hey! I may be a grandpa, but I'm not THAT old!"

"AH-HA!" Bogo yanked the wig off of Nick. "Explosive Diarrhea, eh?!"

Meanwhile…

Bonnie was still picking out groceries. "What do you feel like, Ebony? Cabbage or lettuce?... Ebony? Are you asleep in the purse?"

She turned around to find only one purse remaining. Hers. "Oh no!" She looked out and saw a weasel running with Judy's purse towards the exit. "Thief!" She yelled. "Somebody help! My niece is inside that purse!"

The weasel bumped into Judy on the way out. Judy turned around and recognized the weasel. It was Duke Weaselton himself. She then heard her mother cry out. "Judy! He has your purse!"

Judy remembered what was inside her purse. "Ebony!" She bolted out the exit and the chase was on.