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"W-wait" I said, as I ran up to him," I held his shirt and asked him in a timid voice, "you will check on me, once a week. Right?"

"I said I will Sayori. I don't break my promises, so you'll see me soon."

I smiled genuinely at him, and said "Thank you for everything Guy-san. This promise… it really means a lot to me."

"Haha, stay youthful Sayori." Guy said as he ruffled my hair. He then gave a small wave and walked away into the darkness. I watched him leave, happy to gain someone's support as it will help me live peacefully a little while longer.

Kyoko then held my hand and pulled me to the door, "come on, you must be tired. Let's go eat." As I was turning around, I noticed that no one was outside except one kid sitting under a tree. "Hey, there's someone there, should we tell him about dinner?"

She turned to see who I was talking about, looked at me weirdly, then shook her head. "Don't worry about it Sa-chan. let's go inside for now."

—

I followed Kyoko as she entered the orphanage. She took off her shoes at the entryway and wore some slippers. I imitated her and wore some myself. The entrance led us right into the living area, where some kids were talking to a caretaker who was sitting on one of the couches. The living room had three doors; one on the right, one on the wall facing the entrance, and one on the left next to a set of stairs that led upstairs. She opened the right door, and suddenly the quiet bubble we were in burst. Loud sounds were coming out of the room, which seemed to be the cafeteria. It had many tables that were full of children eating, talking, laughing, screaming, and moving. I froze in place, staring at the kids with wide eyes, overwhelmed by their energy, then felt Kyoko pull me towards her.

"Sayori, hurry up! We need to get something to eat before the food runs out." She said.

As I was being pulled, I wondered when the last time I talked to a child was. Even though I enjoy being around kids (for short periods of time), I didn't really have a reason to see them. I didn't have any siblings or cousins that lived close by. I lived on a college campus for the last four years, then I rarely left the house after I graduated. I have also never visited an orphanage before, so I was shocked by the sheer number of children. There were around thirty of them in this room alone. I sighed, feeling complicated. I knew living here would be difficult, but experiencing it for myself was going to be something entirely different. What I saw in front of me was out of my comfort zone. It was the exact opposite of what I'm used to.

'How am I going to survive living among these people without losing my sanity?' I thought, 'maybe I shouldn't have accomplished that mission.' Was what I thought right after. I knew then and there that these notions questioning my sanity would hunt me as I lived in this new world.

"Was it always this noisy?" I asked Kyoko, losing the last bit of optimistic energy I had that day.

She sighed, then whispered, "Stop complaining, it's not the right time or place… Let's just eat here today. I don't think you want to risk getting punished."

'Oh, god. What punishment is she talking about?' I thought as I held up my tray and watched as she helped serve me food. The food was grey and mushy. I had to blink my eyes again to check that I wasn't seeing things. I couldn't figure out what our dinner was and started poking my food when we sat down.

"Where were you today?" Kyoko asked while eating.

"I was just walking around."

"That doesn't explain why you came back this late."

"I got lost."

"That doesn't explain why that Ninja was with you."

…

"What? Did something bad happen?" She asked.

"Don't worry, nothing serious happened." I said.

"Okay, but you need to be careful… You know, we shouldn't leave the orphanage. Especially after sunset." She whispered.

I stared at her silently, 'well, the kids here seem to be smart. They noticed how abnormal the situation here is… Just how many times am I going to be reminded of going through Sayori's memories today?'

"What? Don't look at me like that. You know it's dangerous." She added.

"Yeah, sorry for worrying you." I said.

"Don't mention it. Tell me what happened when you're ready."

I smiled slightly while thanking her.

She nudged me and said, "anyway, start eating your food. You must be hungry."

"I will. But, what is this?" I asked.

"What is what?"

"What is this thing you just asked me to eat? Is it even edible?"

"Oh, I think it's chicken… But, I'm not really sure."

I stayed silent for a moment, reminiscing about the comfort I was living in just a few hours ago, then tried to persuade myself into eating. My reasons were simple: Sayori ate this food before, so this body should be used to eating it. Many children are eating this dinner right now, and no one is complaining about it. Maybe it's actually not that bad. I shouldn't judge a book by its cover, right? So, I set up my mind and ate a spoonful of the chicken mush. I visibly gagged and ran out into the hallway, ignoring Kyoko calling me from behind. I left the building and threw up near the entrance. I was on my knees after finishing, breathing heavily, with some tears flowing down my cheeks.

I started grumbling angrily as I slowly gained strength. I have never complained about food before. I was generally okay with eating anything. So, this reaction was a first for me. I was cursing the workers of this place and complained quietly to no one in particular. "The food here was a crime against humanity," and "the chef was a child abuser," were only some of the remarks that came out of my mouth. As I was grumbling, I heard some noise come out of the bush beside me, so I rushed towards the door without thinking twice. My heart was beating quickly. I really did not want to encounter any more trouble today or any other day, if I was being honest. I peaked through the door but didn't see anyone.

"Who's there?" I asked, but no one answered. So, I brushed it off as the wind or some animal moving and quickly closed the door. Skipping dinner, I went upstairs exhausted and ready to lie in bed.

I looked through Sayori's memories and moved towards the bathroom. The bathroom was truly another horrifying memory I wished to erase from my mind. I looked at one of the bathroom mirrors and saw how sickly I looked. Tear stains, puffy eyes, disheveled hair, I looked truly horrible. But, I was thankful for one thing. I looked exactly as I did before. A kid version but still me.

I had long wavy black hair, thick eyebrows, and big black eyes, full lips, and a medium-sized nose (which I learned to love as I grew up). I had a little bit of a tan, which was different, as I had a paler complexion before due to staying indoors most of the time. I was extremely thin, which signified the bad eating habits the kids have here. The food was clearly scarce, and they didn't have anyone to complain to. After staring at myself for a while, which brought me both a feeling of comfort and homesickness, I showered and got ready for bed.

There wasn't any proper equipment to care for these children, which I was deeply disturbed by, for both me and them. There wasn't anything to dry myself with after showering, so I quickly went to my assigned bedroom, cold with my clothes stuck to my body. The room had 5 bunk beds. Each bed had a curtain around it for privacy. But as soon as I entered the room, my insecurities and anxiety heightened, as I was sharing my living space with nine other children, which meant I'd be around people 24/7.

I changed my clothes and moved into my bed, the bottom bunk, and closed the curtains. I was thankful for the curtains around the bed, as I needed some sort of privacy while sharing the living space with others. I felt so drained after everything and was ready to sleep. But sleep was hard. While I was lying down, I noticed how my body ached, and my stomach twisted from hunger. Still, my mind was going through different scenes I lived through today. I was immersed in those scenes until I saw a notification pop right in front of my face.

[You have succeeded in your quest. You can accept your rewards now.]

I sighed and thought, 'Do you think I care about this now? I don't want to hear anything from you today. Please leave me alone.'

[To receive your reward, just say reward.]

'I said I didn't want to hear from you. Leave me alone!' I wanted to scream at the system but kept it in.

I breathed hard for a while, frustrated by the system. I tried to hold myself together all day, which I failed at sometimes, but still did my best. I was in my twenties, dammit. I might be a slightly spoiled twenty-three-year-old, but that didn't change the fact that I would face my problems wisely and strategically. As this was not a dream. I already deduced that. So, I tried to face this world rationally, in a manner that I wouldn't regret later.

I felt a stinging urge calling me to break down (again), and couldn't hold my feelings of grief anymore. I felt tears pour down my face. My vision got blurry, and my chin started shaking. I buried my face in my pillow as I continued crying and sniffing occasionally. I wasn't a loud crier, so I wasn't worried about anyone noticing me.

I let all my fear, anger, despair, and frustration out into the open. I cried for many reasons. I was angry about my own death. I felt lost without my parents and felt sorry for them as they probably just found out about my death. I felt sad that I would never see my parents again. I was scared about my future. And I felt a loss that I had never felt before. I have always been dependent on my parents. They were my anchors in life, and without them, life would be much more boring and difficult than it was before.

I cried, unable to keep the facade I was trying to put on. I didn't feel strong enough to face this problem. I didn't understand why I was chosen by the system. I haven't accomplished anything in my life. I wasn't gifted or charismatic. I wasn't popular or unpopular. I just didn't do much. I didn't stand out. Even when I was a student, after studying at the same school for twelve years, I was still asked by some of my classmates multiple times throughout the years if I was in the wrong class. Which might seem weird, but it was because I never interacted with some of them.

I was a normal middle-class adult. I had loving parents, graduated from a good university, and lived in a safe community. I was truly thankful for my blessings every day and never took them for granted. But that didn't mean I thought I'd lose everything all at once. Coming here and experiencing all of this was not on my bucket list. I didn't have a bucket list in the first place. I hated doing anything adventurous or doing things out of my 'comfort zone'.

I wasn't delusional, I knew I was weak. I didn't leave the house because of my social anxiety. I didn't have dreams, as I was afraid of failing them. I didn't have friends as I always drew a line, and refused to let people in. I was satisfied with reading about other people's lives. I found happiness doing so.

At that moment, I was overwhelmed. I wanted to go back home, to my room, my bed. I wanted to be in the comfort of my parents, where they allowed me to be childish and spoiled. I wanted to eat my mom's cooking and use my clean bathroom. I tried to calm down as crying more than this would take a toll on this young body. I've kept my cool till now, but being a child made me more emotional than I was before. I tried listening to my surroundings in order to distract myself from this melt down and shift my mental state to a calmer, more rational one. I got really tired and wanted to go through all these emotions later in a healthier manner. But, even though I was thinking that, I continued crying for what seemed like an hour.

As I was distracting myself, I heard someone move nearby. I held my breath and hid under the sheets. I heard the curtains open, and someone called my name. Surprised, I looked up and saw that it was Kyoko looking at me angrily. She was about to say something, but as soon as she saw my face, all her anger was gone, and her features softened. She sat on the bed, closed the curtain, lied down next to me and pulled me into her embrace. She didn't ask me any questions and hugged me while caressing my back and whispering comforting words. I was surprised and uncomfortable at first. I tried pushing her away but had no strength to actually move her. I gave up and gave into her comfort.

I ended up clutching the kid, feeling tinier than I ever have in my life. I felt ashamed of showing my weakness and giving the child a hard time. But I wasn't emotionally stable at that moment and needed the kindness she gave me. I acted like what I looked like, a scared four-year-old child. I slept a little bit after that, exhausted and unable to continue my grieving, knowing that tomorrow would be another stressful day.

Author's note:

I didn't know writing a fanfic would be this hard（；へ；）. But, I finally finished the first day of Hanna living as Sayori lol. I hope you've enjoyed this story so far.