Hi,

I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. School and work are getting busier! Anyway, thank you so much for all of the love you give this story. Thank you for favoriting, reviewing, and following! I hope you like the new chapter.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, implied sexual relationships, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my OC's and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 20: Burn Down The World

"I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul."

― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

4:22 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I stared up at the sky, grimacing at the fight. It wasn't the first time that we disagreed, but it was the first time Paul left. He was being unreasonable, and that stupid girl would get them killed. I had overheard Paul talking about how the police were now on a manhunt for them, and it made my stomach swirl with the thoughts of bullets being shot at them. I scowled up at the sky, Paul dismissed me so quickly, and part of me felt like it was something more profound. He was essentially going to war with the cold ones while being hunted by the police and I was scared for him, for them. I knew the legends, the strength of the cold ones with blood eyes with skin as hard as a stone, and how they killed the warriors without remorse slaughtering everyone in their path. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts of them.

I sat up from the grass, staring at the porch steps. Grace had spent so long waiting on those steps for Dad. I got up from the ground; I would not be her. I grabbed my phone, heading back into the house. My phone started buzzing rapidly as I walked up the steps. I glanced down at it, seeing John's baby face staring up at me. I didn't have the heart to speak with him. I clicked the red button, yanking open the screendoor letting it slam behind me. My phone buzzed again. I sent a quick text to him before tossing it on the entry table, slowly making my way to the kitchen. Our plates of food were still on the counter from lunch, and all I kept thinking was that it was not how I expected the conversation to go.

Flashback

I grinned at him, setting our plates down. Jay hated spaghetti, and I never got to eat it. I pulled the stool out, sitting down, sliding the plate with more spaghetti towards Paul. He smiled, placing a glass of water down. I felt my heart swell when he and I worked together. There were times when I felt like a sap for swooning over the small things, but it still made my heart beat like it was gonna shoot out of my chest.

He sat down across from me, hooking his foot with mine. The more I thought about it, we always seemed to be touching. My mind flashed about how he could easily be ripped away from me. I shoved the thought down, feeling my stomach squirm. My appetite disappeared as I moved the pasta around.

"This looks good," He hummed, starting to shovel the pasta in his mouth. "Tastes good," He smirked after he swallowed what was in his mouth. I shook my head at him, slowly twirling the pasta onto my fork as I forced myself to eat. "I don't have work until tomorrow afternoon. We should go to that art place in Port Angeles that you wanted to visit after we finish. Maybe we could eat dinner up there?"

"The new art supply store, Brilliant Brushes?" I asked, sitting up straighter, setting my fork down. I had scoped out their website again last night while Paul had gone to sleep. "It's your last day off for a while. We can go another time." As much as I wanted to go, he needed rest.

He rolled his eyes, "Babe, it's fine. You've wanted to go because they had the paint your dad used to use." He shoveled more food into his mouth. I bit my lip, weighing the pros and cons. He was exhausted, and I could see it. Whatever had happened on his last shift must have been difficult, and I could recognize the front he was putting up.

"We can go another time, Paul." I sent him a small smile picking up my fork finally savoring the warm pasta. I ignored the skeptical look on his face. "Really."

"Laryssa. What's this about," He asked, setting down his fork. His eyebrows furrowed, making the dark circles under his eyes more prominent. It would take about five hours, give or take and then we were meeting with his dad tomorrow.

"Paul, you look exhausted," I murmured, staring at him watching him tense up. "We have a busy day tomorrow before you have to go. We would get back late tonight and get up early. Babe, you have to be ready for your shift."

Paul let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his face like he was trying to rid himself of his exhaustion. "I am fine." He took my hand, squeezing it gently. "No tick will have the upper hand on me. We have to protect our tribe and her. Laryssa, trust me that if a fight comes, I'll come out on top."

"I do trust you. It's the cold ones that I don't trust. The stories... beings without souls and how they took out all of the protectors with little effort. The trust I have for you doesn't remove the fear and worry I have for you and the others. I don't trust the police either." I squeezed his hand back, hoping that he would understand.

"None of that will happen. The leeches have n-"

"Nothing on you... I feel as if my worries are nothing," I frowned, setting my fork down. "I am scared, Paul. Each time you go out there." My stomach dropped at the angry look that crossed his face.

"So you have no faith in us..." He grimaced, pulling his hand out of mine. My heart dropped at the lack of warmth, and I wanted to reach out and take his hand again. "I don't know what more I can do, and maybe you don't really trust me after all."

"That's not fair. I do. I just-"

"Y'know I need a break." Paul cut me off, moving to stand. He walked quickly to the door, yanking it open.

"Be safe," I whispered, digging my nails into my palm staying planted in my seat. I wanted to trail after Paul and beg him not to leave, but I couldn't do that to him. The logical side of my mind knew he was leaving because he needed space to calm down, but the other side only recognized that he was leaving.

"Laryssa?" I took a deep, shaky breath as I looked at him. "I will be back. I need some air, okay?"

I nodded, seeing a pained look cross his face. He closed the door with a quiet click, and I finally understood why Grace would rush out after dad when he shut the door.

I felt an overwhelming feeling of abandonment and loneliness when the click registered in my brain. The house suddenly felt small, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I took a deep breath and reassured myself that Paul said he would be back. Yet that didn't stop the feelings settle in the pit of my stomach. I got up, needing to get some fresh air. I slowly put my shoes on, focusing on tying them. I shrugged my jacket on, opening up the front door. I felt like I could breathe easier when I realized his truck was still parked beside my car. I walked out the door, slowly moving to sit on the steps. I faltered, remembering Grace, and I made my way to the dewy grass, laying down.

End of Flashback

I got to work cleaning up our mess. The one thing that I hated was doing the dishes. I huffed, scraping the rest of the food into the trash. I scrubbed the plates, rinsing them before setting them in the drainer. My mind floated the thought that I was stressing Paul out with my worries and how unfair I was to him. It wasn't fair to have him keep reassuring me. I should've just kept my mouth shut. I loved him, and the last thing I wanted to do was add more stress to his plate.

"Sister!" The front door slammed against the plant beside the door as Jayden bounded in with Seth on his heels. "I figured out what I want for my birthday!" I eyed the pot making sure it wasn't broken. I opened my mouth to scold him, but he held up his hand. "I'm sorry, I was just excited. I'll be more careful. Promise."

"Just be careful. I don't wanna replace the pot again." I said, wiping my hands on the dishtowel. "Hi, Seth." Seth grinned at me, sending a bashful wave. "What do you want for your birthday?"

"Well, I want to go to a concert in Seattle with Seth." I narrowed my eyes at both of the boys. Usually, they would try talking over each other to persuade me of their great idea, but it seemed like Jay thought it best to take the lead. "Without you going with us."

"So you want me to send two underage teenage boys to Seattle without adult supervision," I inquired skeptically, feeling my frustration rise. I glanced at Seth only to see his eyes dart to the floor, and he gave me the answer I needed. "Not gonna happen."

"But Laryssa-"

"No." I sighed, already burned with the days' events. "If you wanna go to a concert with Seth in Seattle, fine, but there needs to be an adult with you. It's okay if you don't want it to be me." I moved towards him, taking his dejected look. I set my hands on his cheeks, lifting his face to look at me. "I love you. Your safety is my ultimate priority." I kissed his forehead, "I'll be back soon." I let him go, ruffling Seth's hair as I grabbed my phone and keys. I shoved my arms through my jacket, opening the front door, freezing when I noticed Paul's hand raised to knock.

He dropped his hand, shoving it in his pocket. "Are you heading out?" I nodded, stepping out of the house. I closed the door behind me so that the boys didn't hear me. I stared at him, taking in the leaves in his hair. His eyes roamed over my face.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

We shared a small smile when we both apologized at the same time. Paul opened his arms, pulling me into a tight hug. My world felt right again when I felt his hand in my hair and his other arm wrap around me. I gripped him back just as tightly, rubbing his back, and I let his scent wash over me. I pulled back slightly, looking up at him. "I do trust you. I'm just so scared of losing you that I didn't realize the stress I was putting on you. I'm sorry, Paul. You told me that they don't have anything on you, and I trust that."

Paul cupped my face, stroking my cheek lightly. "That was a jackass move that I did, and I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry, Laryssa. I know you trust me. You communicated how you felt, and I wasn't really listening to you. I am exhausted, and I wish that I wasn't, but I am. But that doesn't mean it's an excuse. I want to know your worries. I want to know what you are thinking." He sighed, looking away from me to stare behind me. "Jayden, I know you and Seth are listening."

Two thumps sounded from behind me, and I felt my anger rise. Jayden was so noisy, and he was getting worse with his spying. "Ouch, sorry!" I rolled my eyes at the weak apology.

"We are leaving," Paul called, glancing down at me. I nodded, answering his silent question about wanting to have privacy.

"No, wait," the screen door slammed open, almost hitting me. Paul caught the door, frowning. I almost wished it had hit me, so I had a reason to give them a knuckle sandwich. Seth bit his lip, mouthing a quick sorry. "We just came for this," He held up Jay's game shooting game. "We are going back to my house. Bye!" Seth grabbed blindly behind him, catching Jay's arm and tugging him down the steps, sprinting away from the house.

"It's nice being an only child," Paul smirked, watching them run off as they shoved each other. I poked his stomach at his bragging, and I was going to get Jared and the others to knock him down a few pegs since he had brothers now.

"Seth's lucky I have a soft spot for him," I sighed, the smirk making its way to my face when they almost fell. "My brother too, I guess."

Paul grinned, rubbing my back. "Let's go inside. It feels nice, so it's getting cold." I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"Why don't we just stay out here if it's nice for you?" I asked, pulling back from him to take the foliage out of his hair. He nodded, letting me finish before he pulled me to the steps. I sat down on the steps, fiddling with my hands.

"I want to know what your thinking, babe," He murmured, bumping his knees against mine. "I've noticed that you stay up when I patrol, and you won't sleep. I won't judge. I just want to know how this is impacting you."

I stayed quiet, unsure where to start. Ever since Paul told me, I needed to know he made it home safe, and I couldn't sleep until I knew. I stood up, unable to sit on the stairs as I paced back and forth. I felt a burst of emotion as I recalled every thought I had while he was protecting our borders. "I'm afraid of what the cold ones will do to you. Will they snap your neck like in the stories? Will they be sadistic and torture you? I don't want to see you hurt or lose you. I've had so little time with you, and it scares me that something will take you away from me. You told me you were scared of losing me. But you seem to not know that I am just as scared to lose you. Paul, you are so fiercely protective of me, and it is the same for me. I have lost almost everyone, and I will be damned if I lose you. I am selfish, Paul. I love you with everything I have, and if something happened to you, I would burn the world down."

I took a deep breath, freezing when my mind finally caught up with my ears. I knew how I felt, and I wasn't ashamed, but it wasn't how I wanted to tell him. I stared at Paul, watching him stare at me open-mouthed. He stood up quickly, his eyes trailing over my face repeatedly. "I love you too. I'll be safe, Laryssa. I promise. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'll be safe. I will come back to you, my heart. We are going to grow old together and experience everything," His hands settled on my cheeks. He rested his forehead against mine. "Laryssa, I love you." I grasped his wrists, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I love you... I love you..."

I sniffed, letting myself be engulfed in his embrace. He loved me. The tight ball in my stomach dissipated when Paul pressed his lips onto the crown of my hair. I stayed pressed against him, savoring the moment feeling my chest bursting with contentment. "I want to know what you think too. You can rely on me, and I can handle it." I pressed my lips to his clothed shoulder, running my hands against his back. I wanted him to be able to lean on me if he needed it. "I will hold space for you."

Paul pulled back, running his fingers through my hair. "I have nightmares about them sometimes. It started with them draining my dad, then they moved on to you, sometimes you, dad, and Jay." He rested his head against mine. "So when I say the leeches don't have anything on me, I mean it. I make sure I am ready because I will never allow any harm to those that I love. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared. I'm a protector. Like you said, it's an honor but a burden too."

Paul buried his head into my neck, his arms moving to wrap around my lower back as he pressed me tightly to him. I ran my fingers through his hair. "You're right. It is a burden. You carry it well, and I couldn't tell how heavy it was for you. I'm so sorry for putting more weight on you. I can't take the burden from you, but I will do whatever I can to be there for you." I wanted to pull back to see his face, but he didn't let go, and I knew he wasn't ready. I could feel his damp eyelashes brush against my neck. My stomach twisted at his suffering. "Will onions work to repel them?"

He snorted against my neck, his shoulder shaking lightly. "It's garlic, my love." Paul moved from my neck to grin at me. I felt my cheeks burn from the new term of endearment and that I said onions instead of garlic. His boyish smile had me pressing my palm into his cheek. "Onions," He snickered, pressing his cheek into my hand. "The guys are going to love that."

I gripped his chin between my thumb and index finger pulling him closer. "So mean Lahote." I stood on my tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to the side of his lips. "I guess it's a good thing that I love you."

Paul brushed his nose against mine, running his hands over my back. "I don't think I'll get tired of you saying that, Laryssa." I grinned at him, hearing his stomach protest loudly. "I love you too."

7:12 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

"Kim told me something interesting the other day," Paul started, tapping his fingers against the couch. I glanced up from my phone, tucking my toes underneath his thigh. "She said that Calican was going to ask you out." I hummed, trying to keep the smile off my face. "Y'know he was one of my friends before the shift happened, and I knew he liked someone in one of his classes."

"Really," I asked, trying to remember him and his group. "How come you don't talk to any of your other friends anymore?"

Paul sighed, grabbing his water, "It was easier to keep them away, and they couldn't ask questions." His hand rested on my thigh, and the rush of warmth sent a pleasant shiver up my spine. "He was a good guy, and I don't want to imagine you with Calican."

I sat up, setting my phone on the coffee table, rubbing his arm. "You'll never have to." He smirked, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. "Do you miss them?"

"Sometimes." He shrugged, slowly leaning into me. I laughed when I could no longer hold us up, and we both fell back on the couch. "Are you excited for tomorrow?"

I nodded, grinning when I ran my fingers through his hair. His hair was getting longer. "I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited to meet the man who raised you." I took my fingers out of his hair, resting them on his back. He groaned, putting my hand back in his hair. I smirked, letting my hands tangle back in his hair.

"He's going to love you," Paul murmured, pushing his head into my hands. "Dad's excited to meet you, and he got fish to cook." Paul had ranted and raved about his dad's fish, and I couldn't wait to try it.

11:22 p.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

Laryssa sighed in her sleep, burrowing closer into his side. He stroked her hair, looking up at the constellations. Paul couldn't turn his mind off, and his phone buzzed on her nightstand. He grabbed it, blinking rapidly, trying to adjust the brightness.

Dad: im srry i got called to seattle... idk how long ill be gone... tell ur girl ill meet her another time... talk to u soon...

Paul felt a burst of irritation at his dad. He sent a quick text to him, setting his phone back to the side. He turned on his side, curling himself around Laryssa. Paul maneuvered her as close as he could to him, trying to shake the feeling of being let down. Disappointment flooded his chest. He had triple-checked to make sure his dad wasn't going to take any work, and he had told him that him meeting her was something that he had wanted. "What's wrong?" Her voice was ladled with sleep, and he felt terrible for waking her.

Paul inhaled deeply, his senses filling with their mixed scent of roses and sandalwood. He shouldn't have been surprised that she woke up. "Tomorrow is canceled." He could hear the pain in his tone. "I'm sorry," embarrassment was trying to claw its way up at the back of his throat. He had talked nonstop about how excited he was, how he wanted them to meet, and how much they would love each other.

Laryssa hummed, maneuvering herself to be nose to nose with him. "I'm sorry too. I know you were excited." He closed his eyes, feeling his eyes start to burn. He cursed himself internally for wanting to break at something as insignificant as his dad standing him up. "C'mere." Laryssa shifted, tugging him, so he rested on her chest and her arms wrapped around him. He focused on her hands, and one was running through his hair and the other rubbing his back.

"It's stupid that this is upsetting me," He murmured after he got control of his emotions. He listened to Laryssa's steady heart.

"It's not. You were excited, and you got let down. It's okay to feel disappointed or upset," Laryssa mumbled, firmly squeezing him to emphasize her point. The emotions he tried to shove down came back full force at the recognition, and he buried his face in her shirt, gripping her closer to him. He could feel her brushing a kiss to his forehead as he tried to blink away the wetness from his eyes.

She hummed, running her fingers across his skin as if she was soothing the emotions. He caught her hand, intertwining their fingers. "Thank you," He found his voice after he shifted to peer up at her. Laryssa looked at him, and she sent him a small smile. He let go of her hand, reaching up to push her hair out of her face.

He pushed himself up, hovering over her. "Can I have a kiss?"

Laryssa leaned up, "always," she pressed her lips to his. Her hand traveled to the back of his neck, laying back and pulling him with her. He caught himself on her pillow, making sure to stay connected with her. Laryssa smiled against his lips, tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck. He groaned, pressing himself closer to her. Paul pulled back, hearing whimpers down the hall. "What's wrong?"

"He's having a nightmare," Paul got up, hearing Jay's whimpers becoming louder.

"Shit," Laryssa flung off the sheets, scrambling to get off the bed. Paul lunged forward when she almost fell face-first onto the floor. He helped her get untangled and followed after her, wincing when he started to scream. Laryssa tossed open his door, and Paul could see Jay thrashing around. "Jay..." She spoke firmly, her hands reaching out to him but refraining, "wake up." He kept screaming and thrashing. "Jayden, wake up." Laryssa sighed, "Damn it." She moved closer to him, struggling against his arms. Paul moved towards her, and she shook her head vehemently at him. "Jayden, you are safe. Wake up!" Paul watched his eyes shoot open, and he lunged into her arms, panting.

His eyes darted around the room as he held a death grip on Laryssa. She hummed, stroking the top of his head. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Jay apologized rapidly, his breathing coming out in panicked gasps. Laryssa's arm tightened around him.

Paul moved towards them, sitting beside him on the floor. "Jayden, tell me, what are five things you can see?"

Jayden's eyes shot to his before darting around the room. She rubbed his back, "my shoe..." He closed his eyes, working himself up again.

"Focus, little brother," Paul murmured, watching his eyes flutter open. "Four more things you can see."

"A white hanger... my controller... a plate and a book," He whispered, his nails digging into Laryssa's shirt.

"Good," Paul soothed, "You are doing so good. What are four things you can feel?"

Jay closed his eyes, "my heart... my breath... her shirt... the heat."

Laryssa met his gaze, nodding slightly, "almost done, Jay. Three things you can hear?"

Jay's eyes opened as he stared at him. His fingers started to loosen on Laryssa's shirt. "Her heart, the wind, and thunder." Laryssa slowly started to pull back slightly, but he dug his fingers back into her shirt. She

"Two things you can smell," Paul moved closer, resting his hand on Jay's back.

"chocolate and rain," He mumbled, letting one of his hands go from her shirt to rest on his shoulder. "I can taste salt."

Paul smiled at him, pulling himself up on the bed. "You did good, little brother." He put his arm around Jay, giving him a tight squeeze.

"Can you get me some orange juice," Jay drew back from Laryssa, glancing at his hands. Laryssa eyed Paul silently, asking if he was okay. Paul nodded, and she put her hand under Jay's chin, lifting it, so he was looking at her. Laryssa stroked his cheek, sending him a small smile, before getting up. After she left the room, Jay glanced at Paul, a frown overtaking his face. "I..."

Paul moved to where Laryssa was seated. "C'mere," Paul pulled Jayden rubbing his back like he had seen Laryssa do. "You can talk to me. If you want."

"It's not real... and never going to happen," Jay whispered, rubbing his eye as he went boneless against him.

"It's still worth talking about," Paul said, patting his back gently. Jay pulled back, eyeing Paul, as he avoided Paul's gaze.

Jay sighed, digging his nails into his palms. Paul pursed his lips, uncurling his fists. It seemed the Chiago siblings loved to injure their palms. "Everyone I love dies in my dreams, and I would be alone without them." Jay looked at him with watery eyes before pushing his palms into his eyes. "I don't want to be alone again." Paul maneuvered Jay, so he was resting against him.

Paul hummed, brushing his fingers against Jay's hair. "You'll never be alone." Jay closed his eyes, letting out a shuttered breath. "Not ever again," He promised, rubbing his arm.

Laryssa moved into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, and she handed him the small glass of orange juice. She reached over, pressing her hand against Jay's cheek. "I'm okay."

She looked at him with a small frown. "Same dream?" Jay nodded, downing the orange juice. "I can stay with you until you fall asleep, or we can drag the mattresses into the living room like when we were younger."

"I'm okay, maybe next time." Jay moved off of Paul, pressing his head against Laryssa's shoulder. "Thank you both."

"Wake me up if you need me," She murmured, running her hand against the back of his neck. "I love you, little brother. Get some rest, okay?" He nodded, pulling back. She looked at Paul, getting up from the bed.

Paul moved, setting his hand on Jay's shoulder, "Sleep well." He ruffled his hair, following after Laryssa. She opened her door, picking up the covers from the floor. He settled behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "Will he be okay?"

"Yeah," She sagged against him, "He will wake me up if he needs me." Paul rubbed her sides, walking her towards the bed. "Thanks for calming him down."

"I read up on some stuff to help with panic attacks," Paul murmured, knowing that she was prone to them, and he needed to be able to help her. "C'mon," He squeezed her gently one last time before laying down.

"Y'know that was my space before you started spending the night," She crawled over him, settling on the bed.

"Now it's mine," Paul tapped her on the nose, tossing the sheet over them. Laryssa scoffed, lifting up his arm and snuggling closer to him. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, listening to Jay's breathing start to even out. Ever since Paul started staying over with her, he never wanted to spend the night alone anymore. He tightened his arm, letting the sounds of their breathing soothe him.