If ur lazy and didn't read the note in the summary, I'm telling u again that there are manga spoilers here. Anime-onlys, shoo shoo

Part 1: it's a beautiful day today, kacchan

April 7

It's been a long time since I wrote on something like this. I should thank All Might for bringing it up. Thinking and muttering have always been my forte, but nothing beats writing my thoughts down. It just, how do I put this– it grounds me. Writing down whatever pops in my head helps me organize them. Something I'm thankful for, especially with my situation now. I still can't believe what's happening– what happened. Haven't really got the time to process it. Nor the leisure to do something time-consuming as that. Because I have to keep going. Doing this– writing– is good but only during breaks. And even those I'm hesitating to take if not for All Might and the others' nagging. Wait, no, I won't call it nagging. That word reminds me of… mom. I wonder how she's doing. She cried a lot. I wonder if they did too. I hope they didn't. No one should waste their tears on me. Not when I– I… I have to go. Break's over, and there's another commotion in another city. I have to keep moving.

April 11

I still have my provisional hero license with me. I wanted to leave it behind with mom or Gran Torino, but I couldn't. One moment I'm shrugging on his legacy, and the next, the quite battered plastic card's still in my pack. All Might saw it once. I didn't mean for him to. Actually, I didn't mean to take it out at all. I just… it jostled out of my pack, and then it got into my hand. All Might told me I stared at it for a long while. I asked him if there was something on my face then– other than dirt. "You look liked you hated and missed it at the same time," that's what he answered. Hate. That's a strong word. Missed, so much so. I think I'm rambling again. Sorry. If Kacchan was here, then maybe I would've gotten to the point. On why I wrote about my license all of a sudden. If he'd been here, I would've mentioned seeing that guy he hated so much when times weren't so bleak. He looked bigger than before. Not in the physical sense, no. More like Shindo had to be bigger to carry the weight of everything's that happened. So it isn't just me. Not just us five who's running across the country reeking with desperation to salvage the peace we had before. He was with someone else. The two of them reminded me of us, Kacchan. I don't know if I wanted to be reminded then. Not when the last time I saw you was… Anyway, I saw how I looked in my license. It's in my hand right now. For some reason, I keep taking it out when I can, even though I told myself I won't. Should I throw it away? Maybe. No. Yes… All Might was right. I wish he wasn't.

April 13

They're fighting again. I stopped listening a long time ago. No matter how many times All Might starts up his argument, they all knew I would disagree. The best they can and did do was the GPS tracker. It's not that I don't respect him anymore. The thought of me not respecting All Might is impossible. I owe everything to him. I don't think I'm conceited enough to believe that I'll be nothing right now if not for the man. Just as I owe it to everyone else to do this– to play the role of bait. OFA's active all the time now. If it isn't, I… there's this anxiety that cripples me. I know everyone tells me to rest, but I can't. What right do I have to rest when everything's my fault? All Might keeps telling me that isn't the case. Hawks, Best Jeanist, and Endeavor… they say the same too. They tell me that it isn't "because" but instead "if it wasn't for me." That if it wasn't for me, they'd be in a worse situation. If I hadn't succeeded All Might, the war would be less of a battle and more of a massacre. I don't know which one's worse– me taking the blame for everything or me skirting from it. I don't know, but I know I can't stop. Not now. Maybe not ever. And even when I get the chance to, most likely, I won't want to.

April 18

I always liked explosions. Of course, they're loud, produce so much smoke that makes it hard to breathe, hot and scarring, and scary. But I like them. I like explosions because I know it isn't always like that– big and scary, I mean. Rather than a boom of impending destruction, I think of explosions more as miracles of sound, light, and heat. Though I'm a bit biased. The first explosion I saw was Kacchan's, after all. It's scary and loud, but for a moment– just a moment– it stops time for me. I hear the crackles, smell burnt sugar and smoke, feel heat raising the tiny hairs on my arms, and see… something ethereal. Artists say that it only takes the right manipulation of light and shadow for something to turn into a masterpiece– otherworldly, divine. Somehow, explosions aren't scary as long as I know it's from Kacchan. I wish he was here. I want him to be here. If he was here, would we have saved her? Kacchan, if I could've heard your explosions by my side, would I have been less scared of the one in front of me? I don't know, I don't know. I've never felt so much hate. Hate. It's a scary word. More horrifying than any explosion.

April 20

Happy Birthday, Kacchan. I can't send another letter, but I'll write the rough draft here for now. Did you get my letter? All Might told me he'll handle delivering the ones to the class, but I couldn't not do it myself. For yours. Maybe because it's different from the others? It took longer to write, too. Harder. I hope you weren't too angry, Kacchan. I really hope you understood why I had to go. When I slipped it under your door, packed my bag, and went off, I swear I heard your voice. It made me pause, you know? All Might and the others were calling for me, but I couldn't help but wait. I wanted to hear it– wanted to make sure I really heard it. Then the sun rose, and we drove off because I didn't hear it again. Maybe because it wasn't real. I know I told you I can't take you with me. Or rather, that you can't come. Wrote down all the dangers– you being a target, a pariah just as I am now, and that this is a path that a true hero shouldn't tread. You always wanted to be a hero, Kacchan. Even before me. So I couldn't take you… but it's your birthday, and I want to be selfish a little bit more. Let me take your wish, Kacchan. I have this cupcake and candle that I snagged from an abandoned konbini. Will you, Kacchan? Will you let me wish that when I open my eyes, you'll be here with me?

April 26

(There's too much blood to read)

April 28

(There's too much grime to read)

April 30

OFA's growing. Or rather, it's making me grow around it. When I'm awake, there's always one or the other voices reverberating in my head. I don't really mind much. They're helpful. Shoichi-san's been more patient with me than the rest. Maybe because we both began at the same starting line? Him assumed quirkless, and me really so. But I think I'm making fast progress because it's been weeks since En-san piped up about how I'm using too much of Smokescreen or the 3rd on managing Fa Jin. I'm getting faster too. Sometimes I think about how fast I'm going.

Too fast, maybe. That's what All Might keeps telling me. He keeps telling me to wait. "Wait, Young Midoriya. Wait and take a rest," he keeps telling me. And I want to listen. I really do. He's my hero, my mentor, and my father figure to who I owe everything of who I am now. But he's also… slow. All Might's never experienced what I'm experiencing now– the cumulation of eight different personalities and quirks nurtured over lifetimes and decades, all in one body. One mind. My mind. I remember asking him once: "How do you save everyone?" And he told me that he can't. That there'll always be someone who he ends up failing to save while he's saving another one. I believed him then. Do I still believe him now when I can do– be so much more? I–

(The rest of the entry is torn)

May 4

It's an energy bar again today. I'm glad mom isn't here to see me like this. I bet she'd cry, and I'd cry, and then our tears would give me a bath. Then she'd drag me back home and… I don't know why I'm writing about that. I should be writing more about the strategies I'll use when I finally face AFO– no, Shigaraki– no, both of them. I'm not sure what's the situation with them anymore. Is the boy I saw crying still there? Is all of this worth it? I… I know I keep saying that it's my duty as the holder of OFA, All Might's successor, and a hero to do all of this. But sometimes, like right now, while I'm hiding in an abandoned shack somewhere in Saitama-ku, I can't help but think. Ask. Was this right? I told myself I'll go farther away from U.A. Farther from where my friends and my precious people are. But I feel it sometimes. That sharp pain from Danger Sense in their direction. Was this right? Am I doing this right? In leaving, am I really protecting them? In becoming bait for a madman, am I really one step closer to saving that crying boy? Kacchan would tell me no, definitely. He'd shake me by the shoulders, get in a punch or two, and scream that "You're just a boy too, Deku! You're a fucking kid, you smell and look like shit, so how can you fucking save another kid that way?" I want to say it's been a while since I thought of Kacchan. But that'd be lying. I miss you, Kacchan.

May 15

It's always been you. Always, always. When I'd think I'd lose, I'll just think of you, and then I'll win. Hey, Kacchan. Do you remember that time we saw All Might on TV? It hadn't been long since I met you then. We weren't even proper friends back then. Just me following after you and you looking back to make sure I still was. You were always shining so brightly, Kacchan, that I couldn't resist. There's that thing about Icarus– with his wax wings and desire to fly to the sun. When you saw All Might then, you shone brighter than the sun. Kacchan, he was your hero. But for me? That's you. Always, always you. Before I met you, I've never thought of heroes, and I wouldn't've had it any other way. So thank you. I wouldn't mind having my wings melt off if it means I'll get to be by your side– even if that's only for a fleeting moment. I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to say all of this to you. Maybe I'll just tear this page and slip it under your door again. I hope you don't burn it like last time, Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight. My hero.

July 15

I never thought I'd get this far or this old. When had death become this thing that I wasn't afraid of anymore? Why am I no longer like the others who cry when they experience the touch of it? Those are the questions that keep me up at night. I sleep with them, but they greet me soon after when I wake up all sweating and dry heaving by the side of the bed. It must've been then, I think. When my body moved on its own, and fire and smoke were all around me. It must've been when I smiled through the tears and sludge that I didn't mind dying if it was as a hero. Or… if I'm truthful– I didn't and don't mind embracing death if it's for Kacchan. I remember telling Kacchan that once. When everything was over, and we've won; the sky was blue, and the ground under me red. He punched me. Really hard too. It hurt, and I nursed it for days after. Not that anyone knew it was from him. By the end of it– god, that's still weird to say. That it's over– it was down to the two of us. Kacchan's hand was warm, and I told him that too. I've told him a lot of things over the past months. Maybe I haven't told him everything yet, but I think that's okay. We have all the time in the world now. Now and forever I'll–

"What are you reading, Izuku?"

"Hm? Ah, it's nothing. Wait– Kacchan!"

"What?" asked Katsuki teasingly. "I thought it's nothing, hm?"

"It really is nothing so just give that ba–"

"…a diary?" The teasing tone in Katsuki's voice faded. There was a downturn to his lips, brows furrowed as scarlet eyes took it in.

The plain brown cover was all battered with lines cracking along the spine, singed edges, and looked like it took a field trip down a canal. Flipping through the yellowed and brittle pages, Katsuki surmised it must've been a decade old.

A flash of ink and letters caught his eye, and he stopped flipping through. He absentmindedly registered the date, but his focus was entirely on the words written with that chicken scratch of Izuku's that hadn't changed one bit. It still gave him (and the secretaries in their agency) a fucking headache.

Katsuki smirked, looking down at Izuku's embarrassed form. "'He called me Izuku'?"

Izuku moaned and sunk further into the couch, face still hidden in his hands. "Please don't."

Leaning further over the back of the couch, Katsuki chuckled. "'It was like time stopped. No, I'm sure time definitely stopped. It always does when Kacchan's with me' Oh god, you're such a fucking sap."

"Kacchan," moaned Izuku. He looked ready to blend in with their burgundy couch, if not already. "Just– just give it back!"

Katsuki cackled and went back to rifling through the rare discovery. He wasn't too concerned about pushing Izuku's privacy too much. If Izuku was really touchy about it, he wouldn't just lay there like an embarrassed teenager on their couch. No, the man wouldn't hesitate to do an impromptu wrestling match on their living room floor.

Katsuki learned that the hard way when he found one of Izuku's fanart sketchbooks about All Might.

He was randomly flipping the pages when a particular one caught his eye again. It was on Izuku's birthday almost a decade ago, now. It was the only birthday the man ever spent in recovery in a hospital.

'Only' because Katsuki had made sure, in the past decade, that Izuku would never need to blow out a birthday candle while half-dead.

Reading it made his laughter of seeing Izuku's later entries trail off. Katsuki didn't realize when Izuku noticed the change in the atmosphere until a familiar hand cupped his face. He was at the first page when another pair– scarred, wrangled, and strong– pulled it away from his hands with no resistance. Setting it aside somewhere out of sight, the hand joined its pair and tilted Katsuki's face up until finally–

"Hi there," Izuku's smile was blurry, and it took a couple blinks for it to clear. Something wet clung onto Katsuki's lashes, making them heavy and tempting to close. He didn't, though.

In any opportunity, Katsuki wouldn't miss seeing Izuku's smile for the world.

He held Izuku's hands against his face, tilting his head slightly to plant a kiss on his lover's palm. "Hi."

It was a bit colder than usual, but he didn't mind much. His hand could be warm enough for both of them. Just as his silent tears spilling between them could be enough. If not for the Izuku of now but the Izuku of back then who had no one to weep for him.

"'Now and forever I'll love him. Always, always I'll follow after him. Walk with him. Lead him. And maybe– who knows– I'll get to know if Kacchan's lips are warm too,'" Katsuki chuckled and gazed softly at pine green eyes. "God, you really are such a fucking sap."

Izuku laughed and leaned in for a kiss. And two. And another. Until the golden band glinting on their fingers became indiscernible– inseparable from each other. The wind coming into the open veranda fluttered the weathered pages of the past until it came to the very last.

June 6

It's pouring outside. The power's been out most of the day, and roads have been closed off because of the storm. We're almost out of candles, and the generator's clogged up. I think the wax in my hair's even softening from the humidity. So's the wrinkles on the suit rearing for a comeback. Even so, I should've known nothing would've stopped Kacchan. Not a storm, not frantic phone calls from their parents and friends, and not when the world seemed to want to stop them. "We got two old neighbors. I refused to hand over the papers to the extras 'cuz I know they'll fucking lose it. What else do we need, nerd?" I know mom and Auntie's going to be mad at us for doing this. So's Ochako and the others who practically carried the entire thing in the past months. They'll whine and tell us we had all the time in the world anyway. Well, we did. It's my fault, really… I didn't want to spend any more of our time not being Kacchan's and him being mine. So, "yes," I said, smiling. "It's a beautiful day today, Kacchan. Let's get married."

AN:

I assume Paranormal War happened early April (right when cherry blossoms are at full bloom), and dk goes on his stinky journey till mid-May.

June 6 (of this year) is taian 大安 (very lucky day). Couples in JP usually consult the rokuyo 六曜 and decide wedding dates so it lands on taian.

Wrote this as a break from rewriting six chapters of my darling angel wwwww