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Chapter 10: Home is Where Mama's Kitchen Is

December 10, Friday

Forks, Washington

Emmett

I had been hoping the guilt eating away at me for the last few days would subside the minute I touched down in Forks, Washington, but the hard truth is that no matter what I do or where I go, no amount of distance will make this bitter feeling I have in the pit of my stomach go away.

It didn't help that Rose and I had gotten into a screaming match this morning right before I jumped the train to Newark airport to catch my plane. Whatever calm I had hoped to leave with is now thrown out the window.

In hindsight, maybe I should have talked about it with her one last time before buying the plane ticket without her. Maybe I should have bought her a ticket for her to use just in case she changed her mind about not being able to take time off from work.

But therein lies my dilemma. All of that requires us to actually speak to each other. Civilly. Respectfully.

And this morning was anything but that.

I cringe inwardly as our words, harsh and cold, play on repeat in my head. I shake it, hoping to rid them from my mind, turning my focus towards baggage claim so I can grab my things and get the fuck out of here.

Knowing how close I am to home … to walking through the front door of my parent's house, my stomach growls as if it also senses the proximity to my mother's kitchen.

My love of my mother's home-cooked meals knows no age limit; I had called her from the plane with a full menu of my favorites I was craving. All in good fun, my demands were jokingly pushed to the side, but I know my mother.

Esme Cullen never disappoints.

And neither does my brother, who never ceases to amaze me, no matter how old we are. Even now, as he stands on the sidewalk near the exit of the small airport wearing an ugly Christmas sweater complete with a lit, glowing red bulb on Rudolph's nose, I'm astounded he got here in one piece.

My love of Christmas that Rose thinks has always been over the top is nothing compared to Jasper's.

Maybe it's best Rose isn't here this year; I chuckle to myself as I hoist one of my bags over my shoulder. One look at the sweater so bright it may take my eyesight, and she would have demanded the pilot turn the plane around and put her back on it.

"You found me!" Jasper calls over once I've gone through the revolving doors and taken my first breath of the crisp, Forks' air.

The atmosphere always hits differently here at home.

"Of course. Considering you're bright enough to guide Santa's sleigh tonight, it wasn't that hard to do."

Jasper steps back and points to his sweater, admiring the tacky monstrosity with pride. "It's great, isn't it?"

Nodding in defeat because it really is fucking awesome, I toss my things into the opened trunk of Jasper's car. "Where's mine?"

"Alice has a whole wardrobe for us to wear that will last the whole month. Some Scrooge, some Ralphie, Kevin McCallister. You're set."

"And a partridge and a pear tree," I finish, sliding into the passenger seat before we fasten our seatbelts and pull away from the curb.

"Exactly." Jasper grins. Once we're on the interstate, away from weary travelers and stuffed overhead bins, he claps a hand on my shoulder. "Welcome home, bro."

"Fuck, it feels good to be back." I breathe, my head resting against the headrest in relief. Traveling is nothing new for me, but it's always so much harder around the holidays.

Jasper nods, sensing I'm talking about more than just putting my day of travel behind me. "Is she okay?"

I open my eyes, watching the tall trees of Washington pass us by as we drive.

"No," I sigh. I pause, lost in thought, before adding, "There isn't one way to handle grief, and apparently Rose and I handle it in completely different ways."

"I'm sorry, man. And you know I love Rose — we all do. But you also need to heal in a way that's best for you," Jasper offers consolingly. "And I don't think being unemployed, stuck by yourself all day while she throws herself into nothing but her work, is helping you."

"I know," I admit. "I just miss her. And everything I do to try to tell her that completely backfires. I thought space would be good, something she would want, but it turns out I was wrong about that, too. This morning she — can you turn that fucking thing off for a second? I feel like I'm at a rave about to take a hit of acid." I point to the flashing red nose on his fucking sweater as it lights up the front seat of the car.

"Oh, sorry." Jasper laughs, reaching under his sweater to find the switch. The fact that he's wearing something with a battery pack makes a boom of laughter fly out of my mouth. "Got a little too overzealous."

"It's fine," I reply, still laughing as we head closer to home. "But I'm glad to be here. You're right. I needed to come home for a bit."

And between Ma's home cooking and the air that threatens to spill a White Christmas on us, I'm determined to find myself again.

Okay, so Emmett has officially joined Alice and Jasper in Forks. Bella and Edward are in Seattle, and Rose is in New York. I feel a shift in the air!

Tomorrow - grab onto your favorite holiday gift! And hold on tight - you never know who else needs that exact item!