[A/N]: Last Updated: April 23rd how 'bout it? Sorry gang. I got covid in May, moved across the world in June, got behind updating my other story so I tried to play catch-up in July, and have been busy dealing with culture shock and work since then. I have the next chapter written but it's so late that I need to reread it tomorrow or over the weekend to make sure it sounds right (being in another country has also diminished my command of the English lexicon so there's that too).
Anyways - thanks for sticking with me on this story! Enjoy!
"Are you done with your homework yet?" Sasuke whined when Itachi snuck downstairs.
"Not yet." Itachi lied. He finished his homework within ten minutes of returning home. But as much as he loved his younger brother dearly there would be a time in the not so distant future, that Itachi would have to spend more time doing his homework and wouldn't have as much time to play with Sasuke. When that day came, Sasuke would need to find other outlets of entertainment and what better outlet than a friend his age?
"Hey, are you sure we can't have another popsicle?" Naruto asked Sasuke.
Sasuke shot Itachi a pleading look that said "hurry up and finish your homework already" but Itachi simply smiled and disappeared into the kitchen.
"I already told you my mom doesn't let me have stuff like this for dinner." Sasuke explained.
Itachi, pretending to fetch a glass of water from the fridge, simply wanted to eavesdrop on his little brother's interactions with his new friend. If you could call them that. Naruto sort of always invited himself over and his mother, a reading specialist at their school, always allowed it. Their mother was fine with the agreement as the two had known each other since they were in college.
Sasuke never really had a say as Itachi and their mother were heavily in favor of Sasuke making more friends instead of clinging to Itachi all the time.
"But she let us have one anyways so why can't we have another one?" Naruto pressed.
Sasuke groaned and rose to his feet. "You are so annoying you know that!" He yelled and stomped into the kitchen. "What're you doing? Hurry up and finish your homework so he can go home already."
Itachi had to smile at Sasuke's fractured logic. Naruto didn't go home when Itachi finished his homework but rather, whenever his mother picked him up. On the days that Itachi finished before she arrived he and Sasuke would play their usual games in the backyard or around the house with the addition of Naruto. Only Sasuke would pretend that the blonde didn't exist most of the time which is why Itachi tried to stay in his room until Naruto left.
Looking back he wished he would have spent more time playing with Sasuke and Naruto as his days peacefully coexisting with his younger brother were limited, unbeknownst to Itachi back then. On the other hand, however, Naruto would remain an integral part in Sasuke's life for years to come, a stand-in of sorts for whenever Itachi became busier with schoolwork and eventually college.
Sasuke and Naruto's dynamic didn't change much since they were younger though.
"It's not fair…how come you always get done so fast?" Naruto would complain when they worked on their homework together at the dinning room table.
"Because I understood what we learned and you didn't." Sasuke would offer blandly in response.
And even over time when Itachi went off to college, their father's alcoholism reached its peak and Sasuke started to disengage from everyone around him, Naruto's friendship was unwavering.
"Where are you going?" Itachi asked Sasuke one evening.
Sasuke was roughly shoveling clothes into a backpack on his bed. "To Naruto's."
His terse response caused Itachi's chest to tighten but he didn't let it show. "That sounds great, Sasuke."
"Sure."
"Perhaps we can hang out some other time then. Before I go back to college." Itachi suggested.
But Sasuke shrugged his bag onto his back and pushed past his older brother. "Sure. Whatever. It's not like you keep your promises anyways."
Whether he had any intention of taking Itachi up on his offer, he never knew. After an argument with their drunk father and an unexpected assignment being posted, Itachi too, began to disassociate with the world around him and concentrate his energy on his studies. Just like he always did.
Even though Sasuke, at some point in the recent past, cut ties with all of his former friends, Itachi felt like Naruto would have some sort of clue as to what was happening in Sasuke's personal life despite the severed friendship. He was just that kind of guy. The kind of guy who would continually check in on those he cared about even if it was one-sided.
And sure enough, a few days after Sasuke's death, Naruto wrote a post:
Naruto Uzumaki – is feeling heartbroken
Numb. Everything feels numb. My head, my heart, my legs, everything. Someone I cared about who wasn't even a year older than me lost his life to drugs and there was nothing I could do about it. How can you save someone who shuts himself off from the rest of the world? Someone who changes their number and moves without telling you? Someone who threatens to kick your ass when all you've done is asked "how have you been?" Call me a loser, an idiot, or a knucklehead. I don't care! But I was dumb enough to try to save him anyways. And I failed. What could I have done differently so I wouldn't have to sit here typing this up stupid post thinking about how the next time I'll see him is at his funeral. I'm just so angry!
Sasuke wasn't always a friendly guy but he was a human just like the rest of us! He had a beating heart and feelings and hopes and dreams but life dealt him a shitty hand and it's all wrong! This isn't a game of poker! This is real life and I know things could have changed for the better for him! He had so much promise! So much to live for! And now it's all been taken away in the blink of an eye!
Itachi closed the lid of his laptop and reclined in his chair. Naruto's words might as well been Itachi's own. It was clear that he still cared about his friend despite the distance created between them but at the end of the day Naruto was just as lost and frustrated as Itachi was. Emotionally volatile and craving answers.
The day Sasuke died was just another day in Itachi's life. He was working on a case he started weeks before and was arranging to meet with his client to paint a clearer picture of situation. Itachi hadn't heard from his younger brother in several days which was commonplace for the brothers. He and Sasuke would get into an argument about something trivial or a misunderstanding and Itachi would give him a week or so to cool down before trying to approach him again.
The day he found out was like any other. A trip to his favorite coffee place before going into the office, putting in a solid ten hours of work and returning home to relax for the rest of the evening. He had no idea that the sand in Sasuke's hourglass was trickling to a halt.
He let his chin come to rest in his hand and stared into the distance. His heart was pounding against his ribcage in the same way he used to knock on Sasuke's door to rouse him from his drunken stupor on the other side.
What was Sasuke doing while Itachi drove home from work that evening? What was he thinking about while Itachi perused his refrigerator to scrape something together for dinner? Were his last thoughts about Itachi and what came of their relationship? Or the future of the son he named after him?
"I'm hungry." Ta said, plucking Itachi from his racing thoughts.
Itachi blinked and forced himself to focus on the tiny human standing in front of him.
"Right." He said more to himself instead of Ta. He hoped that speaking would shake him from this waking nightmare and bring him back to reality. A reality without Sasuke.
A continuous nightmare.
Ta tapped his palm against Itachi's knee a few times.
"Yes. Something to eat. Coming right up." Itachi murmured and slid off the bar stool. Sasuke wasn't here right now. But he'd left behind a piece of him that Itachi was entrusted to take care of. It would be difficult, and it would hurt like hell at times, but he'd have to push aside his feelings of grief and heartache in order to provide for the child that was placed in his care.
"Do you want to watch TV?" Itachi asked him as he rummaged around in the pantry. In the blur of the past few days, he researched a lot of things; mainly short-term necessities that would provide Ta with some basic comforts while Itachi thought through long-term issues like sleeping arrangements and child care.
Child care. Speaking of which, Itachi would have to inform his associates that he would be taking some time off in the next week to sort out some personal issues. He stood up to fetch his computer and was met with a miniature version of Sasuke staring up at him. "Not really."
"Not really what?" Itachi asked.
"I don't feel like watching TV." Ta answered.
And just like that the recent memory of asking Ta if he wanted to watch something came bubbling back up to the surface.
While he thought of gentle ways to convince Ta that watching TV would be a good idea if only to give him time to sort through his racing thoughts, the child had suddenly disappeared around the corner.
Itachi followed him, curious to see what could be more interesting than watching TV and found Ta wandering the perimeter of the bed. "What are you looking for?"
"My dictionary."
Of course he wanted to read the illustrated dictionary from earlier. Itachi was more than happy to oblige this simple request if it kept him distracted while he cooked. "Here." He said as he nudged his shoulder. He led him through the apartment to the entryway where he had sat the bag of books from earlier. Ta waddled towards it and pulled the book from its plastic confines. He picked it up, held it to his chest and wandered in the direction of the living room.
Itachi watched as he made himself comfortable on the sectional and open the book to the very first pages. He half expected him to flip to a random page in the middle, absorb the pictures and skip to another random page until he got bored 10 minutes later. To his surprise, Ta started from the very first page and Itachi did not hear another sound from him for several moments thereafter so he set off to begin cooking for the two of them.
As he prepared the ingredients a little fire lit up inside him. How long had it been since he'd felt happy about cooking? Most days he went through the motions – come home, set up office in the kitchen – cook something simple while reading and sending emails – study his case notes between bites, and call it a night when his eyes began to feel heavy. Today was different because today he was cooking for someone other than himself. Someone who would be grateful for his hard work and efforts and would thank him immensely.
Oh he couldn't wait to see the wide grin on Ta's face when Itachi placed the warm bowl of tomato soup in front of him and the messy red smile that would surely follow once he started to eat. Maybe he could ask him if Sasuke had ever made tomato soup for him before. Maybe it would ignite what fond memories Ta held of his father deep within.
The recipe Itachi had found called for a can of peeled tomatoes but he had the foresight to buy a bag of tomatoes from the produce section of the store for Ta to snack on before dinner and whenever he was hungry between meals. An easy choice.
So once he had added the canned tomatoes, chicken stock and other ingredients he called Ta over.
Ta shambled over with curious eyes as Itachi knelt to his level. "Hey! I bought some tomatoes for you to eat while you wait for dinner to be ready! Want to have one?" He asked.
Crickets.
Itachi's smile slowly melted into a frown. Surely Sasuke had given Ta a tomato once in his life right? He had to have watched his father eat an occasional tomato here and there. Unless Sasuke didn't know he even had a child which wasn't farfetched because Itachi himself wasn't aware that Sasuke had a child.
"Here." He said, rising to a stand. "What if I cut them up into slices for you?" While he wasn't convinced that Ta had never eaten a tomato in his life, Itachi would consider it a victory if he was able to witness Ta's first encounter with one.
But what four-year old had never eaten a tomato before?
He quickly sliced the tomato, plucked a slice from the cutting board and placed it in the palm of his hands. He crouched down to Ta's level again and offered him the tomato to eat. "Here you go!"
Ta slowly extended his hand and took the tomato from his palm. He took a bite, chewed it, and took another, all the while maintaining eye contact with Itachi. After a third bite, there was no more tomato to be eaten and no widening eyes or cheery smiles. He did not stomp his feet in excitement of clap his hands. He did not beg Itachi for another slice. He said nothing.
"Did you like it?" Itachi asked.
"It was okay." He said. And without another word, he turned on his heel and ran back to the living room to continue reading his illustrated dictionary.
Please tell me what you think and if you ever want me to update just post a review - that usually lights my fire and gets me motivated.
Bonus: When I don't update for a while I often have to backtrack to remember what I was doing. Luckily this story has a lot of detailed notes but I decided to make a summary to help govern the story's trajectory (no spoilers, don't worry)
A Summary of Events So Far (for when you take a break for 6 months wtf and forget what you were doing)
Part 1: Holy shit I need to get my life together and pretend to be a shining example of a model citizen (aka - Itachi at social services)
Part 2: I have a small human to take care of – bonus points if I can keep it alive (aka - Itachi after leaving social services)