Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, any of its incarnations, or any other property in this work that I did not make myself.

The many escapades of Zarbon: Volume Two

Zarbon helps with condolence letters

Zarbon, the elite space warrior from another planet, was at a human military camp run by General Wulfric, the head military officer in charge of the human army in the currently ongoing war between the humans and the elves. Zarbon had arrived at the human military base along with his friends Gasser and Nikki, and led them over to the building that General Wulfric's office was located in.

"Why are we here again, Zarbon?" Nikki asked, looking around with total dryness in her expression.

"Even though the humans are still doing well in the war against the elves, they're still taking hits," Zarbon explained, somber resignation in his tone, "Some of the men serving under General Wulfric were recently killed in action, you see. We're here to help prep condolence letters to send out to the next of kin of the men who had died."

Both Nikki and Gasser looked shocked, with Gasser saying, "Holy crap, Zarbon. How many men had died?"

"A total of twelve in the most recent battle," Zarbon said, "But there's twenty-eight more condolence letters after that to take care of, including one for an officer. General Wulfric's been a bit lazy when it comes to non-combat related things."

Nikki did a quick count in her head. "...That means a total of forty condolence letters. You, me, and Gasser can each do thirteen with one of the letters left over if we all split the work load up as evenly as possible, Zarbon."

Zarbon nodded in agreement with the Asian-Canadian teen girl. "Indeed we can, Nikki. I'll handle the odd letter out, for the slain officer." With a game plan in mind, Zarbon, Gasser, and Nikki went right on into General Wulfric's office building in order to get started on writing out all of the condolence letters that have to be sent out.

...

Inside of an office room in the building, Zarbon, Gasser, and Nikki each sat at a separate desk as they got to work on writing out all of the condolence letters. "Geez," Nikki remarked dryly as she looked right at all of the work ahead of her and the boys, "General Wulfric really has to stop letting work pile up like this."

"Well it's up to us to get these condolence letters done up and sent out to the next of kin of the brave men who had all died for the human effort in the war against the elves," Zarbon replied.

Holding up his left hand while looking at a list he held in his right hand, Gasser replied, "Uhh, actually Zarbon, twenty-eight of the total forty human soldiers we have to write condolence letters for are women. Also, only eight of the forty soldiers actually died as a direct result of fighting in the war."

Zarbon, with a confused look on his face, remarked, "Really?"

Looking at her own copy of the list that Gasser had, Nikki said, "What in the name of Odin are some of these deaths? One apparently shat himself so hard on the toilet that he died, another had shot himself in the head due to him and a few buddies playing Russian Roulette, one was smothered to death because a very fat mid-twenties prostitute he paid to have sex with passed out on top of him in the middle of said love making!"

"The officer that Zarbon's writing the condolence letter for apparently had a fatal asthma attack," Gasser said, "She was leading a group exercise at the time and didn't want to stop."

Something about the officer's cause of death, plus all of the circumstances that were surrounding it, spoke to Zarbon on something of a personal level. "...Her death bears some mild resemblance to one of the biggest mistakes that I've ever made," Zarbon replied, some sad resignation in his tone.

"Well I hope your mistake wasn't as bad as this one that I'm reading about here," Gasser said, his tone and expression both dry and unamused, "Four of the forty soldiers all died in a single accident here on the base, with said accident being a direct result of sheer but momentary incompetence on General Wulfric's part."

Zarbon had a mildly stunned look on his face as he regarded his friend. "...Umm, yeah, my own moment of sheer but momentary incompetence resulted in only one death."

Looking at her own copy of the list, seeing all of the varied causes of death for the dead soldiers, Nikki let out a sigh. "...I can just tell that this is going to be a long and hard pain in the fanny."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!" Zarbon cried out in aroused, sensual pleasure, "That's the ticket to getting through our job here quicker, Nikki! Make it sound fun!"

Nikki turned to look at Zarbon, a confused look on her face. "How is it that a long and- oh, now I understand your character."

Author's notes;

Sending condolence letters out to the next of kin of slain soldiers is another part of war that isn't usually seen up front, but it's an important part nonetheless. Here we see Zarbon and some of his friends take care of that business for General Wulfric. Anyway, the next escapade will see Zarbon help two of his friends with another ongoing arc here, and they're going to bring along two others out of necessity due to being short handed.