He watched as she scrunched up her nose in concentration as she flicked through the giant book in front of her. She'd always been most at home in the library, but since Potter's name had come out of that goblet, it was like she never left the place. He wondered if Potter really appreciated everything she did for him, he didn't see saint Potter lowering himself to sit in the library trying to find something to ensure he didn't get himself killed. No he left it to Ganger. Again.
He'd been watching her for years, it was a bit creepy if he thought about it too long so he chose not to. It had started because she was everything he had been told Muggle-borns couldn't be, but the longer he watched the more intrigued he became. It wasn't like he was allowed to want her. She was off limits, strictly forbidden unless he wanted to get both of them killed. Or, more likely, her killed. He'd probably be made to watch or forced to do it himself if anyone caught wind of his feelings. So he watched, rather than approach. Cataloging every expression, wishing that her smiles were for him. They were never for him. She was polite enough, he got away with not baiting her by pretending she was below his notice, so she had no need to be as openly hostile as she was with Malfoy. It wasn't enough. Not really. He wanted to beg her to run away with him, leave all this madness behind. Something was brewing, he knew. He'd heard his father and his friends talking about darkening marks, a feeling in the air, anticipating what was coming. He didn't want it to come, she'd never be safe if it did.
She'd never leave Potter behind though. So he had to stay, so he could watch over her, keep her safe from a distance. Not that she made it easy, always determined to jump headfirst into whatever harebrained scheme Potter was involved in. Had she no concern for her own wellbeing?
She was stunning. Oh, she was always beautiful, but tonight? She looked like a Goddess. She wasn't with him though, never with him. Her smile was radiant as she looked up at Krum. It made him want to hit something. His only consolation was that Draco looked as stunned as he felt.
Weasley. He'd hit Weasley, he decided. After a night of watching her float around the room, beaming at that bumbling oaf who couldnt even say her fucking name right, he was on edge. And then Weasley had made her cry. She didn't deserve that. Not tonight. She rarely seemed as sure of herself as he'd seen her tonight and he wanted to see that smile on her face always. He just wished it was directed at him.
She was missing. Where the fuck was she? She'd never miss Potter competing. Weasley was missing too. Were they together? He'd seen her watching him, not that the ginger idiot was aware. Oh. Oh fuck. She was in the fucking lake. Why did it always have to be her? Why couldn't it be someone else for once? Had no one any concern for how hard he had to work to remain impassive, to not pick her up and take her away somewhere. She wouldn't like that. He knew that really. Sodding Gryffindor tendences. None of them had an ounce of self preservation. At least Krum had saved her, surely she wasn't in any real trouble, Dumbledore would never have allowed it. He'd prefer it if she stayed above water from now on though. His blood pressure would be eternally grateful.
He was back. He sought out her horrified face in the crowd. Pale, wide eyed, completely stunned by the sight of Potter cradling Diggory's body. They knew it was coming, it didn't make it any easier though. She was a target because of her blood status, Potter was the biggest bloody target there was and she'd be right beside him, meaning she'd be doubly at risk. How the fuck was he meant to keep her safe now? How the fuck was he meant to keep himself safe?
The mad bitch was beginning to take over the school, did she look in the mirror, he wonderd? How could she stomach all that pink? He'd been told to keep his head down though, listen to the pink Toad, so he supposed he'd have to. It appeared as if she were keeping her head down too, trying not to anger the Toad too much. Potter was doing a good enough job at that for all of them. Hopefully they could get through this year without anything that could potentially murder her, that would be a nice change. Although for fucks sake, who holds a secret meeting in The Hogs Head? She's usually more intelligent than that. If anyone gets wind of this, the Toad will have a field day, he wonders if there's a way to help.
Apparently, yes, there is a way to help. Bloody Inquisitorial Squad, are prefects not enough? He'll do as he's told though, appease the Toad like his father asked and hopefully he can help prevent some of the Gryffindor idiots from being caught. Have they no sense of subtlety? Rampaging through the castle as they weren't doing something that would cause untold pain to rain down on them if they're caught. It's not as if the Toad has many scruples. He's heard about the Blood Quill. Fucking barbaric.
She sent the Toad into the forest. He has to admire her balls. Draco is furious, which is to be expected. She's not back from the forest yet though, Draco is speculating that the Centaurs will keep her for trespass. Fuck he hopes not.
She's there, in that hospital bed, looking so incredibly pale he has to watch her breathing to make sure she's not dead. Dolohov, Draco said. He's seething, his fathers now in Azkaban and he's blaming Potter. Because why wouldn't he? Why wouldnt he blame Potter instead of the grown fucking adults who attacked school children? His father is in Azkaban too. He hopes he rots there. He'll have to be careful though. The Dark Lord is furious and under that bravado, he can tell Draco is scared. Although he's not sure he'd be able to hide his fear if the Dark Lord was living in his house, so Draco's doing better than him. The man is unhinged. Can you even call him a man anymore? He has no nose for fucks sake.
He stays for a while, disillusioned of course, just watching her breathe, reassuring himself that she's ok. He dreads the day that she's not ok. It always seems to be her. Why can't it be someone else for a change? Surely someone else must be due a turn?
Things seem to be relatively stable this year, well if you ignore the Headmasters dying hand, what the fuck happeneed there? And the fact that Draco is clearly not ok. Not that he can help. Draco wouldn't let him even if he could offer. But it's not how it's done. So now he has to watch him too, try and force him to eat something, slip him a dreamless sleep every now and then. It's not much, but it's all he can do. It helps take his mind off her watching Weasley again, and it helps prevent him murdering the ginger weasel when he's parading Brown around the school, not noticing he's breaking her heart. Not that he wants them together. But he'll accept it if she's happy. He isn't sure he's seen her smile properly in months. He leaves a chocolate frog on her desk in the library when she goes to find another book. She's suspicious, he can tell, but after she's cast a few spells, she opens it. Her smile is radiant. And for once, it's because of him.
Dumbledore is dead. Draco let that mad bastard Greyback into the school. She was fighting in the corridors. Of fucking course she was. It's all going to Hell. He has no idea how the fuck hes going to protect her now. Dumbledore was the barrier they all needed, and now? There's nothing preventing the Dark Lord taking over the school. What will she do then? She won't leave Potter, not that it makes a difference at this point, she won't be allowed back here if He's in charge.
She's not here. Not that he expected her to be but fuck. Where is she? There's been no word of her, of Potter and he supposes that's a good thing but he can't help but worry. Although part of him is relieved. The Carrows are insane. The torture they're infliciting in the name of behaviour correction is truly terrifying. Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are disappearing by the day. Where are they going? Do the Carrows have them? Surely not. They'd have heard if Longbottom had been killed. He hopes that wherever they are they're safe. It's a laughable thought, really. None of them are fucking safe.
They were sighted at Godric's Hollow. The Dark Lord is furious. Its one way to ruin Christmas, or it would be if he wasnt so fucking relived she was still alive. Not that he can show it. He wouldn't be alive if he showed it. His father is in his element, talking about him taking the Mark. After all, Draco did. They're all ignoring that Draco looks like a skeleton these days. The Malfoy arrogance is long gone, from all of the Malfoys, if he's honest. He wonders if they'll survive this. However difficult things are for her and Potter just now, she doesn't have an insane Dark Lord constantly invading her mind nor does she have a delusional father desperate to serve her up to said insane Dark Lord. He wonders briefly what she done with her parents; they couldn't find them, despite how hard they'd looked.
Fuck. She'd survived Bella. He had no idea how she'd done it. He was grateful he'd stayed in school. He wouldn't have survived watching that mad bitch hurt her and if he'd interfered they'd both be dead. Draco wasn't her biggest fan and he had barely survived it. He wondered if she was ok, if there was a way to check. Probably not. The Dark Lord was beyond furious. Draco had said she was barely alive. She had to be alive. The alternative was unthinkable. Fuck. Why couldn't he do something? He'd never felt so useless. Weasley had offered to take her place, Draco said. Maybe he did deserve her after all. It wasn't like she was ever going to go for the cowardly son of a Death Eater.
She was there, in front of him for the first time in almost a year. Dirty, far too thin but alive. They just had to get through this battle, all of them. It wasn't likely if he was honest, but he'd do his best. He saw her surprise when she realised who was standing next to her. Where else was he supposed to be? He couldn't keep her safe if he couldn't see her. Her years at Hogwarts had taught him that lesson well. If he let her out of his sight, she'd be jumping headfirst into some sort of nonsense that would almost definitely have a high chance of killing her so no. He was staying right here, whether she liked it or not.
Fuck, he'd lost her again. It wasn't cool to sneak away when he was stopping a Death Eater cursing her. Did she not realise that by leaving him here, she'd left her back wide open? She was so bloody frustrating. Where the fuck had she gone?
They'd survived. Most of them. The Great Hall was littered with bodies. Professor Lupin was there. He felt a pang of regret for the man. But to be honest he was just grateful it was over. He'd never forget the look on her face when she thought Potter was dead. And he'd definitely never forget how painfully his heart had stopped when he spotted Bella going for her and the Weasley girl. He owed Mrs Weasley for that one. And now, she was sitting on the steps outside the front doors of the castle, sadly surveying the devastation around them all.
"I should thank you, Theodore Nott. You saved my life more than once today."
He glanced around him, wondering if he was dreaming, or was she actually talking to him. "It was nothing."
She raised an incredulous eyebrow. "It was not nothing."
"Alright. It wasn't nothing. Repay me by going for coffee with me. Once all the madness dies down, of course."
She looked at him curiously, as if trying to decide if he was serious before she smiled, actually smiled at him, just like he'd always wished she would. It was breathtaking. "Alright Theodore Nott. It would be rude to refuse to repay you for saving my life." she smirked. "Owl me once the madness dies down."
He smiled back at her, feeling embarrassingly like he was going to cry. This was his chance to stop watching. And he'd be damned if he fucked it up.