I know it's been a long time from the last update. I got a baby 9 months ago and she's kept me busy since then so no much time for writing right now. But it doesn't mean that I've quit.
I can't remember how many times I've edited this chapter and I'm still not satisfied with it. I think Syx is little bit out of character but that's the best I can give right now. I'm sorry if the text isn't fluent. I haven't slept properly for nine months and my brain doesn't work the best way, so if there's some mistakes in text which doesn't make any sense - please, let me know.
Hope you like it!
The gravel was crunching below Syx's sneakers when he was running along the avenue in the park. The sun had just risen, and the wind blew lightly against his face while Guns N' Roses was playing in his headphones when he headed through the quiet park. He'd seen only few people jogging past him, that's why he enjoyed doing his running exercise early in the morning when the city was still half asleep.
He kept jogging up the hill until he reached the top and stopped to admire a view opening to the sea. Sunshine was reflecting from the turquoise surface, making the calm water look like it was wearing a diamond blanket.
Syx breathed deeply the sea air while he was stretching his thigh muscles against the bench standing next to his path. The water had always had calming effect on him and that was surely one of his favorite places in his hometown. He took one last deep inhale through his nose before going on, he must not let his heartbeat drop too low or his exercise would be unsuccessful.
He kept running along the well-known avenue, enjoying the music playing in his ears while his thoughts kept drifting all the time back to memories from the date of last night.
The kiss
That was the first thing he was thinking about when he woke up this morning and the memory still made him smile widely. He couldn't do anything but think about Wayne when he was brewing his morning coffee, recall how weirdly good his touch had felt when he'd hold his hand gently in the café-bar while having his morning cigarette, how soft his lips were when they were pushed softly against his hesitant lips while dressing his running clothes.
It felt like he suddenly couldn't think about anything else but that tall, good-looking guy smiling sweetly at him.
Then it hit him.
'It's a crush – Oh god, I'm crushing on Wayne Scott!'
The realization made Syx suddenly feel very terrific. He'd never been crushed before and the thought about having crush on the guy he didn't know well was at the same time scary, thrilling, unnerving but so fucking amazing.
He was running faster, thinking desperately it would help him to shake off these terrifying new feelings which existence he'd just figured out, thinking he could get rid of them when he saw by side-eye how someone ran past him and then he heard somebody calling his name.
"Syx – Syx!"
He could hear his name through the music, through the noise his shoes were making on the gravel road. Instinctively he slowed down and turned to look behind him.
His heart skipped a beat and a bunch of butterflies gathered out of nowhere to flutter in his lower abdomen when he saw a tall, muscular man running to him.
'Wayne' His lips formed the name, but any sound couldn't be heard.
"Hey, it's you." Wayne breathed shallowly. "Damn man, you run fast." He kept on panting and leaned to support his hands against his thighs.
Syx pulled his headphones off unable to say anything like someone had just cut his tongue off. He couldn't do anything but just stare the divine looking guy in front of him. Then panic swept over him.
'Oh fuck, how am I looking? Am I all over the sweat? Do I smell bad? Shit, shit..' He was thinking frightened, being afraid he was looking like a mess in front of his crush's eyes.
"You're up early." Wayne stated when his breath finally calmed down and he turned to look at Syx. "How can you look so fresh after all that running?"
That statement made Syx relax and he felt how his cheeks blushed though he was sure they were already earned a hint of purple because of the running so Wayne couldn't see it was his compliment which made the effect happen.
"I just like run in the mornings." The blue man shrugged nonchalantly, squeezing the headphones in his right hand. Wayne's presence was making him feel nervous and he was afraid he'd end up waving his hands awkwardly back and forth or something like that if - at least the other - wouldn't be occupied.
"Oh – Maybe we could go to run together someday. – If you want." Wayne suggested, smiling at him.
The gesture made the butterflies flutter more powerfully in Syx's stomach and love-sick smile spread on his lips.
"Maybe." He muttered shyly, being unable to look at Wayne. He was too gorgeous and Syx had problems to understand why he was interested in him. He was blue, bald and skinny, total opposite compared to Wayne who looked like a Greek god.
"Well, have a nice exercise – and nice day." Wayne stated when time passed, and it seemed Syx wasn't in the mood to talk with him. He flashed a smile at the other man and turned around, starting to jog away from Syx.
"Wayne – wait!" The blue man was suddenly shouting after him. Wayne stopped and turned to look at him curiously.
"Would you like to come for a dinner tonight?" Syx blurted out before his brain registered his words. Then the wave of pure panic hit immediately through his whole body. 'What the hell I just went to ask?' He thought terrified while cold sweat was rising on his skin.
The taller man was looking at him abashed until soft smile spread on his lips.
"I'd love to." Wayne said sounding pleased about the invitation.
Syx gulped. He honestly hadn't planned this, at least he hadn't waited Wayne would accept the invite.
"Seven p.m.?" Words escaped through the blue lips again before he got any chance to cancel the whole thing.
"Seven is fine." Wayne said softly, still smiling widely. "See you then." He waved his hand at Syx before turning around and jogging away.
Syx put the headphones back on his ears and started to run opposite way.
What the hell he just did? Why on Earth he went to invite Wayne for a dinner? What was going on in his big blue head? He groaned quietly while keeping running fast.
This was bad, really bad thing. He had no idea about what to talk with him. What if Wayne would ask why he asked him for the dinner? What would he say? He couldn't tell he has a crush on him.
'This will be disaster.'
Syx thought sadly until he realized something. He couldn't cook. His bravura was to bake frozen pizza in the oven and from two times to five he managed to burn it.
He had no idea what to serve for Wayne and the thought about he would make a bad impression by his cooking skills was only making him feel more distressed and helpless.
'I'm screwed.' Syx thought and run to home thinking furiously how to survive through the night.
…
Syx gulped when the doorbell rang. Nervously he glanced his appearance in the mirror, making sure his goatee and brows were in shape as well as he had buttoned his black dress shirt and remembered to zip his dark blue jeans before going to open. He hoped he hadn't added too much the cologne since he hadn't used to that kind of situations.
He stood at the door and took a deep inhale before opening it. Smile spread on his face when he saw the taller man standing there, smiling that heart melting smile at him.
"Hey." He breathed while stepping in. "I brought us some wine." Wayne said and handed a red wine bottle for Syx.
"Thank you. Come in." The blue alien breathed and guided the taller man to the living room.
"I'm sorry the food isn't ready yet." Syx apologized and went open the wine bottle in the kitchen. He'd decided to order food since he didn't want to take a risk Wayne would get a food poisoning by his cooking.
"It's okay. Do you need any help?" The masculine voice was emanating from the living room while Syx was pouring the wine in the glasses by shaking hands.
"No, I'm fine." He shouted, trying to calm down. He'd never felt as nervous as he was right now. He'd never asked anyone for date, not to mention to come at his apartment. The excitement was tearing him apart. He closed his eyes, concentrated to breathe slowly in and out couple times, trying to slow down his furiously beating heart before he took the glasses and went to the living room.
'Everything good so far – You're gonna handle this – Remember to breathe – Keep on smiling' He encouraged himself calmly while handing the other glass to Wayne with a genial smile.
The taller guy thanked and smiled sweetly back at him.
Syx couldn't help but the smile made him gulp and hint of purple flushed on his cheeks. His mind made an imaginary facepalm and shook its head disappointedly. He should pull himself together if he didn't want to make fool out of him in front of Wayne.
For his luck Wayne's attention had drawn somewhere else.
"Have you studied chemistry?" The muscular guy asked interestingly - interrupting Syx's silent self-scolding - while observing his bookshelf full of books about chemistry, physics and astronomy.
"No." Syx shook his head shortly. "It's just a hobby." He continued quietly, letting out a wistful sigh when he glanced the books which were decorating the one corner of his living room.
"I didn't know you're interested in about sciences." Wayne stated astonished, brushing the back of the books softly by his fingertips.
"Yeah, well –" Syx muttered and shrugged. He really didn't know what to say and for his luck he didn't need to say anything when the doorbell rang again.
Wayne looked at Syx questioningly. "Are we having more company?" He asked puzzled when Syx went to open the door and received the food delivery.
"I hoped the food would be here before you." Syx muttered ashamed and his cheeks blushed again when Wayne lifted his other brow while staring at the food bags the blue man carried hastily to the kitchen.
"Well, that's why I didn't smell food when I came." Wayne smirked playfully while observing Syx who was taking the dished out of cupboard.
"I'm not good at cooking." The slim man stated quietly, avoiding Wayne's gaze.
He was already regretting to invite him to his place. The night was only beginning but he could sense the whiff of disaster in the air.
'That's not gonna end well..' His mind was whispering by stultifying tone. Syx tried not to care about it.
"I'm not master chef either-" Wayne breathed softly beside him, swirling the wine glass in his hand. "But I don't believe you're so bad like you declare." He continued, the blue eyes twinkling gently at his company.
Syx gulped and turned hastily his gaze away from Wayne. He could feel how his cheeks were now burning because of the smile the taller man had flashed to him. Was he flirting with him? Syx wasn't sure, he hadn't used to that kind of situations.
He closed his eyes for a second and inhaled slowly, trying to calm down his tensed nerves before turning to look at Wayne again.
"Believe me, you'll be grateful I didn't cook these myself." Syx laughed nervously and started to pick the content of the bags on the plates; spring rolls, rice, fried noodles, shrimps, chicken, pork and vegetables, et cetera.
"I hope you like Chinese." He said, smiling shyly at Wayne who was smiling acceptably back at him.
"I do." He said staring at the delicious looking dishes in front of him. "Funny, I just thought today I haven't had Chinese for a long time." He continued thoughtfully and gave a knowing smile at Syx before sat down at the little kitchen island.
Syx took a long gulp of his wine and sat also down, opposite the other man.
He couldn't help but his hand which wasn't holding the wine glass was shaking slightly because of the excitement he was feeling because of Wayne's presence. Unnoticed he hid it underneath the table.
'What if Wayne thinks I'm a total weirdo? What if he doesn't want to see me after this evening?' Syx wondered terrified. Why in tv shows all that kind of circumstances seemed to go on so smoothly? He really didn't know.
"Everything okay?" Wayne queried and side glanced the blue man who was obviously very nervous while observing how Wayne was gathering food on his plate.
"Yeah – I just – yeah." Syx stammered and took another sip of wine. The situation was at the same time weird, new and exciting. Syx honestly didn't know how he should act. Wayne was looking so good and attractive. He couldn't help but beside Wayne, he felt himself insufficient. He would never be good enough for Wayne, never. Oh, why he had to fell for him? Syx bemoaned quietly while he glanced secretly the taller man and admired his appearance. Wayne would only be a daydream for him, nothing else.
"More wine?" Wayne asked suddenly, awakening Syx who hadn't noticed he was gulped his glass empty.
He nodded shortly and Wayne leaned to pour Syx's glass full.
"Thanks." The blue man said quietly and let out a deep sigh.
Wayne looked at him kindly and reached to take Syx's hand in his hand. He squeezed it reassuringly while smiling genially at the blue alien.
The touch made Syx's heartbeat race and he inhaled sharply. The green eyes were widely staring at Wayne.
"Hey, it doesn't matter you didn't cook the dinner." He spoke softly. "I didn't come here because of the food - I came because of the company." He told genuinely, still smiling tenderly at him.
"Oh." Syx breathed and the blush on his cheeks was getting deeper. "I'm glad you came." He said shyly and flashed a little euphoric smile at Wayne.
'Maybe I haven't ruined the whole night yet. Maybe I can evade the disaster.' The hope ignited inside Syx.
"To be honest I was a little surprised when you invited me here." Wayne confessed bashfully. "It seemed you weren't really interested in about me." He continued before biting his spring roll.
"I wasn't –" Syx blurted out first. "I mean I am –" He hurried to correct his words. "I –" He breathed and pushed his head in his hands while letting out a frustrated sigh.
'Concentrate Syx before you totally embarrass yourself in front of him.'
"I'm sorry. I'm not used to that kind of situations." He admitted timidly and shook his head. He was sure Wayne would leave without saying anything. He was ashamed of his lack of conversation skills. Why this was so hard?
'That was bad idea invite him here. And now I'm making a total fool out of me.' Syx thought quietly while his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. The spark of hope about successful night flamed out as fast as it ignited.
"Really?" Wayne asked sounding genuinely baffled. "I could have sworn that's very ordinary to you." He stated astonished.
Syx gave an inquiring look at him. He'd honestly surprised about Wayne's sentence.
"I mean you seem about a guy who doesn't have to worry about lack of company. I must admit I'm a little bit surprised you're still a single. You're a single, right?" He continued and Syx wasn't sure did he only imagined but he thought he heard a hint of hope in Wayne's tone.
The compliment made the blue man smile shyly though at the same time he was staring at Wayne unbelievingly.
'Does he really mean that?' He mulled furiously.
"Yeah." Syx breathed softly. "I guess porn stars are not very popular on the singles scene." He laughed nervously. He hadn't used to compliments and it was still hard for him to believe them, though deep in his heart he hoped Wayne really meant what he said. He hoped it was not just a nonchalant flirting.
Wayne flashed a charming smile at him.
"It's not so rare porn stars are in relationship. I know some who have even family." The taller man spoke softly.
'Oh god, he means it! It's not just flirting.' Syx rejoiced elated. Wayne hadn't flinched the blue man's social clumsiness. He was really interested in about him. Little boy inside Syx was cheering like a kid on Christmas.
The blue man smiled gently back at Wayne, staring at him like a love-sick teenager.
Unfortunately, Syx's joy didn't last long when he suddenly remembered something. Soon the smile on his lips replaced by unhappy expression.
"Besides Javier's rules forbid dating." Syx stated quietly, pointing at the rules Javier had composed on the contract of employment.
Javier was convinced if his porn stars would date and have sexual relationships, they wouldn't have energy to give everything they got during the shootings. Even one-night stands were forbidden. Syx who never had even dreamed about dating, not to mention relationship, was fine to accept such a rule. He wouldn't have problem to obey it. Except now when he was having a dinner with his crush. And it seemed Wayne was genuinely interested in about him too.
Then the blue man got a lump in his throat.
'I'm breaking the rules – what if Javier finds out?' He thought terrified. Only thinking about a possible punishment was making him feel very anxious.
'It's just a dinner with friend. I'm not doing anything wrong.' He tried to convince himself. He sighed and took a sip of his wine, hoping it would calm his nerves.
Wayne's smile died and he frowned at Syx thoughtfully.
"He can't do that." He said coldly. "It's not right."
Syx shrugged and shook his head.
"I guess he wants to control possible STDs." The blue man stated. "We have tests between every fifth week."
"What?" Wayne shrieked puzzled. "We used to have tests every second week." He stared at Syx unbelievingly, mouth open.
"Yeah. Javier is very miserly. He is afraid he should cover the possible medicine and healthcare costs. That's why we use condoms in the shootings. Haven't you read your contract?" Syx asked, lifting the other brow while staring at Wayne almost scoldingly.
"I glanced it soon. Because I'm a part-timer my contract isn't so rigorous." Wayne explained. "But still, it's not fair Javier treats you like you're his property."
"It's not so bad." Syx said for Wayne's surprise. "Or then I'm just used to it."
"You shouldn't." Wayne objected. "You deserve better." His features softened and once again he gave a tender smile at the blue alien. "Well, should we talk about something funnier?" He suggested and Syx nodded for agreement.
…
Syx wasn't sure was it wine or encouraging smile Wayne was beaming at him but gradually he started to relax after they had done with awkward discussion about work and contracts.
He was more than happy when conversation turned to more nonchalant things like music, movies and tv-shows. For such things Syx had something to say about.
Then conversation turned to Wayne.
Syx enjoyed his food and listened elated when Wayne was telling about his trips to Europe, laughed when he described how people had reacted when he'd ran errands while face smudged by marker because of the joke of his friends and nodded compassionately when he told how his cousin had died because of the brain tumor few years ago.
He admired the way how openly and fluently Wayne could change the subject and talk about even difficult things. He even felt a little bit jealousy he didn't have that kind of ability.
Syx couldn't help but after listening Wayne already a good moment he realized he'd lost to stare at the taller man's lips.
He felt pleasant tingle in his stomach and bit his lower lip when he recalled how those named lips had kissed him last night. How soft and warm they had felt against his mouth. Would he ever get a chance to kiss them again?
'Remember the rules!' His mind reminded him firmly.
"So, tell me something about yourself." Wayne said suddenly, dragging Syx harshly back to reality.
"Me?" Syx asked abashed. He hadn't prepared to this.
Panic raised its ugly head inside him when he thought furiously what to say. Every day of his life during last years had been managing because of his career which make him feel desperate, miserable and unhappy. He wasn't willing to talk about that. They already had talked enough about work tonight.
And the time before that - his past - was something he wished he could just erase like a misspelling on the paper. He didn't want to recall it and more important, he didn't want Wayne would know about it. It would change his image about him totally.
"There's not much to tell. I'm 27 year old, porn star, I go to run in the mornings and I'm a terrible cook." Syx listed nonchalantly and shook his head. "My life's quite boring." He confessed and sipped his wine again.
"Come on." Wayne coaxed him. "I don't believe that."
"You should." Syx told quietly and turned his green, though now very sad eyes away from the other man hoping Wayne would stop the query.
"How about all those books?" Wayne questioned. "You told it's a hobby. Tell about it."
"They're just reminder about dreams never come true." Syx said wistfully and let out a deep sigh.
Wayne seemed to be very stubborn.
"I believe all dreams can become true." Wayne breathed softly, trying to make Syx open for him.
"Not all." Syx told quietly and shook his head again. "But no more about it. Let's check what the fortune cookies are telling to us." He said before Wayne would ask more about his past.
He picked a cookie from the plate and gestured Wayne do the same.
Reluctantly Wayne took the cookie. He was obviously annoyed Syx hadn't told more about his broken dreams.
"What your prediction says?" Syx asked, sounding over-enthusiastic while he watched how Wayne broke the fortune cookie and picked a little paper in his hand.
"If you want to win, do not look up." The taller man read aloud, staring at the paper thoughtfully. "What does it mean?" He continued pondering.
"Who knows." Syx shrugged. He was pleased he'd managed to turn the conversation out of him.
"How about your prophecy?" Wayne asked and watched curiously how Syx picked his own prediction from the cookie.
First the blue alien smiled at the paper between his fingers but suddenly smile turned to frown. Syx turned up his nose and glanced the paper one last time before he crumpled it for a ball and tossed it on the table.
Wayne was looking at him questioningly.
"It was stupid." Syx explained and shook his head. Then he sipped wine again.
Wayne took the paper in his hand and unfolded it.
"Love gives you a chance." He read and smiled at the prediction. "So cute." He smirked at Syx.
"It's just a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything." Syx snorted and waved his hand. That prophecy wasn't meant to him. No matter how much he wished it could be.
"I should gather these dishes." Syx muttered while staring at the empty plates on the table. He didn't want Wayne would continue asking about his life. Not to mention, insure love would give a chance for him.
He stood up but immediately his feet hit the ground, he swayed.
'Too much wine.' He cursed silently.
Wayne had dashed up and caught Syx before he would fall on the floor.
Wayne turned him around and for a moment they just stared at each other in the eyes. Then before Syx realized, the taller man had lifted him in his arms and pushed pink lips hungrily against blue lips.
The blue man groaned against Wayne's mouth and noticed he was eagerly kissing back while Wayne pushed him roughly against the wall in his little kitchen. Instinctively Syx wrapped his legs around the other man's waist while his hands rested on his ample shoulders.
"We shouldn't – The rules.." Syx muttered and pushed Wayne gently further when they broke the kiss.
"Fuck the rules." Wayne grunted and leaned to kiss him again. "Nobody obeys them." He groaned horny between the kisses while his palm was gently caressing Syx's blushed cheek.
Syx couldn't do anything but moan softly. All night he'd secretly hoped he would get a chance to kiss Wayne again. And now when the taller man was kissing him passionately Syx surrendered for lust and gave up obeying Javier's stupid rules.
Wayne carried Syx to the bedroom and laid him down on the bed.
"Tell me what you want I do for you." Wayne huffed in his ear while kissing the blue neck passionately.
"I don't know." Syx whispered shyly.
"It's okay if you like some kinky stuff. I'm really open-minded." Wayne said encouragingly. "Tell me." He breathed softly, looking at Syx deeply in his green eyes pleadingly.
"I don't know." Syx muttered quietly, looking carefully at the taller man.
"Well, which one you prefer more, being on top or bottom?" Wayne asked curiously while observing the blue man patiently.
"I don't know." Syx breathed bashfully and turned his gaze shyly away.
"Do you like more a long foreplay or get right to the point?" Taller man asked gently, trying to coax Syx tell about his preferences while he was tenderly petting the blue man's thigh by his hand.
"I- don't know." Syx sighed miserably his voice barely audible.
"How about toys? Do you like to use them?"
"I don't know.." Syx whispered again by small voice. Carefully he turned to look at Wayne who seemed like he was losing his temper.
"How about handjobs? Or blowing? You like blowing, right?" Wayne asked by demanding way, staring at Syx desperately.
"I – I don't know." Blue man breathed heartbreakingly.
"What the fuck do you mean you don't know?" Wayne requested frustrated, observing Syx's features.
"I - I've never had sex behind the cameras." Syx blurted out hastily, watching the other man terrified.
"What?" Wayne asked confused, staring at the blue man mouth open and eyes wide while his brain was registering what Syx had just said.
Syx stared at Wayne like a deer in the headlights. He could feel how the air around them turned to oppressive and distressing. The seconds felt like an eternity when they lazily went by. They were staring at each other in the dim bedroom – silently - both of them not knowing what to say. And just then, when Syx thought the silence could kill him, it was broken by a quiet laugh.
Syx felt how his heart broke for a thousand pieces when he stared at Wayne who was laughing softly above him.
"You're kidding right?" He chuckled and smirked at the other man. "What a good joke Syx." Wayne laughed quietly.
Syx stared at Wayne feeling totally wounded. He'd opened his heart and that was the reward. Humiliation and embarrassment. Feebly Syx forced himself to turn his gaze away from Wayne.
Wayne's laugh died immediately.
"Syx?" He whispered carefully, watching the blue alien worriedly.
"You weren't kidding?" He said, the sentence sounding more statement than question. Then he leaned gently to stroke Syx's cheek.
"Syx?" He asked softly but the blue man flinched like the taller man's touch was burning and let out a scared whimper. His gaze was tightly glued away from Wayne.
"You mean your first time -?" Wayne breathed carefully, looking at Syx sorrowfully.
Syx inhaled sharply still avoiding the eye-contact with Wayne.
He hoped the mattress would swallow him. The awkward silence was hovering in the room, and it was making him feel anxious. He would do anything this weird and distressing situation would come to an end – anything. If Wayne would ask now what's the most embarrassing moment in his life he would know – he was living it through right now.
Just when Syx thought he would die for a shame, someone answered for his prayers. A sudden voice filled the air and Wayne picked the phone abashed from his pocket.
"Sorry, I have to answer." He muttered and moved to speak in the living room.
Syx lay still as paralyzed. He waited terrified what would happen after Wayne would end the call. He felt totally numb while lying on the bed - waiting, listening how his heart was beating rapidly in his chest.
After a few, very long minutes Syx saw how Wayne appeared stand at the bedroom's door.
"I have to go." He said absent-mindedly, rubbing neck by his free hand while the other was still clutching the cell phone. "So – bye." He breathed awkwardly, consciously avoiding the eye contact with Syx and then he was gone.
After the front door closed, Syx's ability to move returned. Instinctively he caught a pillow next to him and pushed it against his face. Then he let out a desperate and frustrated shout. Angrily he threw the pillow on the floor and stared at the ceiling distraughtly. He felt how the hot tears started to roll down his cheeks and breathing was getting heavier.
Wayne's laugh was echoing in his head continuously while he lied there and tried to understand what had just happened.
He groaned miserably and turned on his side where he curled up in a fetal position.
He stared ahead eyes glazed. Tears had stopped running down his cheeks a while ago.
The whole night had been such a rollercoaster. Full of ups and downs, and then the wagon had derailed destructively.
He knew it would end up to disaster. Why he was so stupid he ever invited Wayne for a dinner? Did he really believe something would happen between them? Why he was such a moron?
How could he any ever face Wayne? Syx groaned for the thought.
His body was screaming nicotine, but he couldn't move, not yet. It needed time to recover from the shocking end of the night.
In his mind he could still hear Wayne's laugh clearly. Its tone was mocking.
Syx let out a deep sigh, closed his eyes and hoped everything had been just a bad dream. And if it wasn't, he hoped he wouldn't see Wayne any ever again.