A/N: Not really anything to say for this part. So I'll shut up and we'll get on with it.
Italics are for emphasis and thoughts.
Muse: "Lucky One" by Vertical Horizon
Waiting
By: Leafsdude
Chapter 2: Changes
Present Day
"Change, it's always around us," I read out. "Sometimes things around us change. Sometimes it's the people, sometimes even ourselves. It can be for a little while, or it can be forever."
I pause and frown. I take a moment to compose myself before continuing.
"Sometimes change can be good, but most of us usually expect it to be bad," I sigh audibly. "It can be easy to get used to sometimes, though. But sometimes we lose ourselves in what used to be. There's a reason nostalgia is a thing, right?"
I don't get much of a response, but it's not like I'm expecting one.
"But none of that matters, because change happens anyway," I will myself to continue. "There's nothing you can do about that. But once in a while, sometimes when you least expect it, you can change things. And when that happens, don't ignore it. Embrace it. You'll thank me when you do."
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
My alarm clock goes off again at 7:30, blaring with the tragedies from the night before as I stir from my bed. I get up quickly, gathering my uniform again before I head to the shower. I don't usually take showers on back-to-back days, but I decide to make an exception today. Perhaps it's because of the club that I have this extra motivation?
I decide to compromise, only rinsing myself down before washing my hair. This way, I should have enough time to make a decent breakfast instead of sustaining myself on yogurt.
I walk into the kitchen, open the fridge and once again look at the eggs. This time I take three of them, gathering everything I need to cook before cracking them open. I look at the time and see I have just over 15 minutes, so I decide to just scramble them. Not long after, I pour the eggs onto a plate and add a pinch of salt before I dig in.
I find I have a bit more time left when done than I expected, so I take to cleaning up a bit. I'm quickly satisfied enough that I decide to pull out my poem for one more look. I read it and scrunch up my face. This sounded much better last night, I think to myself, but it's too late now as I place it back into my backpack. I put my shoes on, not worried about my jacket again since the weather is supposed to be the same as yesterday, outside of the chance of rain around lunch hour.
I open the door and try to be surprised that I don't see Sayori before heading out to the sidewalk and down the road. I stop at her front gate like usual, losing track of time before the door opens.
Sayori is wearing a light jacket today, the whiteness reflecting the few rays of sun that hit it. See, just cold, I tell myself with some relief, recalling the night before.
"Good morning," I greet as usual.
"Hi Johnny!" She responds with a bounce in her step.
We walk in silence for a few minutes before I speak up. "I'm really looking forward to the club today," I announce with a smile. Sayori doesn't return it as she stops in her tracks.
"Oh, no," she says with dread. "I forgot my poem!"
"Well, let's go back and get it," I say immediately, turning around towards her house.
"But we're already gonna be late!" Sayori says.
"Yeah, whatever," I say dismissively. I think about telling her how I'd stop waiting for her if I was really that concerned about being late, but I worry she might take that the wrong way, so I start walking back instead.
Sayori takes a moment to realize I've moved before chasing after me. "Hey…catch me…if you can," she challenges between breaths, rushing past me with a playful laugh.
I catch up to her with ease, but I slow my pace so we run together the rest of the way. We're both out of breath when we reach her house. She heads in while I wait outside. It's only a couple moments later when she hurries back out.
"I was making some changes last night and left it on my desk," she explains as we start walking again. "I guess I forgot when I woke up this morning."
We discuss the club for the next few minutes. Just as we reach the bottom of the hill, we feel some drops of water hit us. We look at each other for a second before we break into a run again.
Thankfully, the rain doesn't pick up until we've made it into the school. We've got a layer of rain covering us as we enter, but that's it.
I look down at my uniform and decide it could be much worse. I shake my hands in an effort to dry them off, but I don't realize just how close to Sayori I am.
"Hey!" she shouts. Having taken her jacket off, she shakes it at me, laughing.
"Okay, okay," I finally manage to stop her through my own laughter. I smile at her again for a moment before looking around. "We should get to class."
Sayori nods and we head our separate ways.
I'm surprised as I realize how much more fun the past couple days with Sayori have been. While we do hang out after school, we really haven't had much to talk about this year. With no classes together and not a whole lot of interests in common despite our friendship, or at least nothing dear to us, it's been hard to keep a conversation going. I suddenly wonder why I was so reluctant to join her club. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed her the past few weeks.
I don't get a chance to dwell on this, however, as I reach the door to my homeroom and take a deep breath. I just hope Mr. Izumi is still as understanding as ever…
It's the end of the day again as I reach my locker and put away my belongings from today's classes. Pausing for a second, I pick up what I need for the Literature Club meeting before I close the locker and head towards the stairs.
Opening the door, I hear someone call after me. I turn around and am surprised to see Natsuki walking over. Our eyes meet, but she doesn't say a thing as she pushes the door open. I guess I didn't make her as mad as I thought I did?
"You're not going to ask to carry my backpack today, are you?" she asks as we walk up the stairs side-by-side, a mix of annoyance and teasing in her voice.
"What? No! I mean…" I sigh as I notice her grin at my flustered reaction. I shake my head. "Look, I know you didn't need any help…"
"Damn right I didn't," Natsuki cuts me off, a prideful grin on her face. I feel myself get defensive.
"No really, the first thing I thought when I saw you was, 'hey, this person seems to be just fine carrying that thing'," I catch her incredulous look and I shut my mouth. Okay, take it down a notch, I tell myself as I rein myself in.
"She was right, you do tend to try too hard sometimes," Natsuki says quietly, though the words make it to my ears. I decide not to ask her what she means by that. It'd probably just make her upset again.
As we enter the clubroom, Sayori's eyes immediately land on us.
"Oh my God!" She exclaims before either of us can react. "You guys! You're friends!"
I roll my eyes before I notice the groan of frustration from Natsuki as she makes her way to the desks.
"We are n-not friends," she tries to sound assertive, but her voice falters a bit.
"Oh, no," I feign shock and heartbreak in my voice. "You've ruined the charade! Was I such a fool all this time, trusting that your feelings for me were true?"
I hold my hand out dramatically before looking around to see the unimpressed faces surrounding me. Well, I thought it was funny.
"Okay everyone," Monika saves me as everyone's attention shifts to the brunette. "Do you all have poems to share?"
I set my backpack on a desk and pull out my poem as I nod the affirmative. Everyone else also acknowledges their success the night before.
"I'm happy to hear that," Monika says with an almost-giggle. "How about we split off into pairs and…"
"Uh," Sayori interrupts, doing her thing with her index fingers. "Can we relax for a bit, first? My stomach's all in knots."
Yuri and Natsuki both quickly agree. "I need a moment to psych myself up, too," Natsuki says.
"Alright, we'll take a few minutes to get settled first, then," Monika concedes.
I'm a little disappointed, but don't say anything. I was looking forward to just getting this out of the way, but I guess I can wait for a little while. I notice that Yuri has once again set out cups of tea for us at the front desks, but I decide not to take one. I'm not a huge fan of tea, and with nothing to eat today, I don't have any reason to join in.
Natsuki and Sayori sit down together and calmly chat as they drink from their own tea cups. At the back of the room, Monika is gathering some papers, probably some notes for the club that she's put together.
"I'll be okay, I'll be okay," I hear coming from the other side of the room. I look over at Yuri, staring at nothing in particular while muttering to herself. I look around and see that no one else has noticed. I sigh as I begin to walk over. I know I'm just as likely to make it worse than better, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Her head is on her desk with her arms wrapped around it when I quietly sit down next to her. I notice her empty tea cup off to the side.
"Are you okay?" I ask gently. She jerks up quickly, her face a shade of red I didn't know was possible.
"I-I'm n-n-not, err, umm," she stutters and looks away. Clearly her nerves are frayed. I sigh.
"Hey, look," I try to keep my voice as calm and soothing as I can. "You've been doing this longer than any of us, right? I'm sure you're the last one who has anything to worry about."
She looks down, a frown on her face. "I'm sure your poem's pretty good," she says softly.
"Me, too, for someone's first try at least," I decide to agree with her. "But I'm sure it's nowhere as good as yours."
She finally looks at me for a moment before the hint of a smile appears. "Thanks," is all she says.
"Alright, is everyone ready now?" Monika's voice comes out of nowhere. Natsuki and Sayori don't voice any objections, and I guess I got Yuri to relax since she doesn't say anything, either, so we all grab up our poems and start gathering together.
Having our things placed close together in the classroom, Sayori and I decide to share first.
"I like it," she says after a minute, beaming. "It's simple, but it speaks to me. I can feel the words when I read it!"
I smile my thanks as I look at her above the poem in my hands before I look back down. I'm surprised it's a clean copy in ink with nothing scratched out, as I remember she mentioned she had made changes all night. I wonder if this was what she brought from home or if she wrote it down in class when she was finally satisfied with it. I decide not to worry about it and just read.
"This is actually pretty good," I say to her earnestly once I finish, though I can't hide my surprise. I found myself lost in the poem as I read it, and the structure seems solid, though I know I'm not an expert. Perhaps it's because she rewrote it so many times? "Have you done this before, or is this really your first poem?"
Sayori looks sheepish. "I might have made a few others," she admits. "But I never took them as seriously as this one. They were just doodles, you know, for myself!"
She smiles at me.
"Well, this really is good," I repeat myself. "I'm proud of you, really!"
For a second I swear I see her smile falter, but Sayori's face shines as bright as ever as we exchange our papers again. A voice nags me in the back of my head, but I ignore it as Sayori and I both go find someone else to share with.
Both Natsuki and Yuri's poems are very good. I tell both of them I like their styles, and I'm really not lying, even if they are wildly different. They both offer suggestions on how to improve my poem, though Natsuki is definitely much more blunt with hers. I appreciate it anyway.
Monika, meanwhile, gives me more general feedback, not focusing on anything regarding my poem specifically. I admire her willingness to give positive encouragement to beginners like me. It's definitely good for my confidence.
Monika and I are returning our poems when we hear Natsuki's angry voice suddenly.
"You're just trying to impress our new member, aren't you?" She says, averting her gaze from Yuri in disappointment.
"N-no, not at all," Yuri responds, though it's not very convincing, even to me. "But if I wanted to do that, it definitely wouldn't be cute."
My mind pauses for a second. Wait, are they fighting over me?
"I'm not cute!" Natsuki screeches. "And, he liked my poem, too," Natsuki says after taking a moment to compose herself. "Probably better than yours!"
I think to correct her on that, but then consider if she might be right. Actually, I think I preferred Sayori's poem, I decide after a moment. Though I did like Natsuki's poem as well, and if I knew what half the words she used meant, I'd probably also like Yuri's poem just as much. Monika's poem was so strange and abstract, I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to like or hate it.
My focus stays squarely on the two girls in front of me, so I don't see that Sayori has noticed the argument as well. She takes a couple steps towards them before speaking up.
"Hey, guys," she starts timidly, though neither really acknowledges her. My focus, however, does shift as I look at her with curiosity. "Both of your poems were great. And it's not a competition!"
"Shut it, Sayori," Natsuki responds sharply, finally glancing at her.
"Yeah, t-this is between me and Natsuki," Yuri agrees. I watch Sayori slouch away in response and I snap. I don't usually get angry, but when I do, I definitely have a bad temper.
"Hey, you two," I nearly yell, gaining their attention. I'm not sure if they realize how upset I am. "What is wrong with you guys?" I sputter before I get the words out.
I think they know now, as their jaws drop.
"Natsuki, I did not like your poem 'better'," I continue, looking at her sharply before turning my head. "And Yuri, there's nothing wrong with 'cute', especially with poems. You two really need to just get over yourselves!"
Both look away, not saying a thing in response. I sigh. Calming down, I start to regret some of what I said.
"Look, we're supposed to be friends here, right?" I ask softly, though I keep my voice firm as I raise my eyebrows. "Friends don't care about who's better, they support each other. And they definitely don't say mean things when a friend is trying to calm them down."
Natsuki speaks first. "I'm sorry, I guess I got…carried away."
Yuri slowly nods. "Yeah, I-I guess I did, t-too."
Monika jumps in before I can add anything more.
"Okay, everyone," she says. "I think that's it for today. We'll meet again tomorrow! Remember to write a new poem; hopefully you'll see some improvement from today's! Have a good night!"
Natsuki and Yuri quickly move to their things on either end of the room, both seemingly happy to escape the awkward situation. They both begin to head towards the door at the same time, causing them to almost run into each other. They pause, looking at each other before Natsuki says something I don't quite catch. She then reaches into her backpack, and I'm surprised when Yuri does the same and they exchange sheets of paper. Clearly their poems.
Gathering my things, I hurry over to the door where Monika is waiting once I'm ready. Suddenly, I realize something and look behind me.
"Sayori," I singsong, as I notice she's still at the back of the room. She doesn't respond, staring off at nothing. I walk over to her and place my hand on her shoulder. She snaps out of it and looks at me. For a second, I swear I see her eyes well-up, but she smiles quickly. I'm not sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me…?
"What is it?" She finally asks, sounding cheery as always.
"The meeting is over," I tell her, a little surprised she didn't hear Monika. "You gonna walk home with me?"
"Oh," Sayori's expression seems off for a second, but then an even wider smile takes over. "Yeah, just let me grab my things!"
Monika doesn't say a word as we leave.
Just like yesterday, our walk home starts silent. It's mostly the comfortable variety, but I'm still confused. Even with the time we've spent together in the club, I'd think Sayori would have something to talk about by now.
I stare at her for a moment, careful not to be too obvious about it. She seems lost in her own head, like she often is. I wonder what's going on in there that has her so distracted. Has she even looked up since we left? I try to think of things to break her concentration, but nothing enters my mind that's not dull or embarrassing.
Her eyes suddenly meet mine. Was I staring too long? My cheeks threaten to heat up. She doesn't seem to have noticed, though, as she finally speaks up.
"Hey, Johnny?" She has my full attention. "What would you say, if Monika…asked you to, well, walk to school with her?"
I'm a bit taken aback by such a direct and, well, personal question, but I don't take a moment to answer. "I'd tell her no. That's our thing, Sayori. I wouldn't want to change that, no matter who it was."
"Change can be good, though, right?" I'm not sure if Sayori is trying to argue the point, or is just asking a simple question.
"Sure, I guess," I respond carefully. "But I've already joined her Literature Club. I think that's enough change to last me a while. Besides, Monika lives on the other side of town anyway."
Sayori just stares at me for a while as we continue our walk. Eventually, she looks down again in thought. I'm surprised when she asks me another question without looking up.
"What…what if she asked you to walk her home?" She's more tentative in asking this question. I frown in thought.
"Well, I suppose…perhaps?" I'm non-committal for the most part. I realize there's one situation where I would undoubtedly say yes. "I mean, if you came along too, of course."
Sayori sighs at that. She almost seems…frustrated with me? "But then I'd just be the third wheel. It'd be uncomfortable."
"You'd never be a third wheel, Sayori, no matter what," I reassure her. "Even if I was dating Monika or something," I use all my willpower not to laugh at the thought. "You'd still be my best friend. And if she can't accept that, we wouldn't be a couple."
Sayori's smile is off, just enough for me to notice. It's not that it's fake, but I don't feel the warmth that's normally there just by looking at her. It makes me feel something's wrong.
Everything about Sayori has been off today, I finally realize, but I can't put my finger on exactly what it is.
I don't get a chance to consider any of my thoughts further as we arrive at my house.
"You going home first again?" I ask her, remembering yesterday.
"No," Sayori answers to my surprise. "Mom's away for the next few weeks, so it's just me!"
Sayori's parents are awesome, don't get me wrong, but they're not around much, especially now. Her father is a pilot for an international airline; he's more often stuck on the other side of the world than at home, to the point where Sayori doesn't see him for months at a time. Her mother is around more often, but her position as a medical researcher means she's often off at conferences for extended periods.
It wasn't always this way. When we were younger, her mother was almost always home as she completed her university courses and thesis for her PhD, but even then she would sometimes have a few days where she'd have to be away. It was a good thing we were close friends and neighbours, as my parents were more than happy to let her stay over at our place during such days. When her mother graduated five years ago, she spent a lot more time home with Sayori, but as she became better recognized at her job, she was being called off to more and more conferences, beginning in our first year of high school. It's gotten to the point where she's been away just as often as home the past year.
Thankfully, she knows Sayori is responsible enough to take care of herself now. She can even cook without setting her house on fire! And she knows I'm not that far away, either. Regardless, I'm still conflicted. Sayori's family life has always been rough on her, even if she won't ever admit it.
I hold back my concerns, though, and smile at her as I open the gate. I pull out my key and open the front door. We're greeted by a pile of fur, and this time I see the smile I'm used to from Sayori.
"Hello," she coos, picking up Poki. As usual, she nuzzles all the way up to Sayori's red bow. I've never understood why; she doesn't even like being on shoulders. Or perhaps it's just that I'm too tall for her? But Poki and Sayori have always had a special bond right from the day I got her last spring. I stand there quietly for a second, idly watching Sayori. She's so much happier now than she was just a moment ago as I take in her smile that reaches right through to her eyes.
Finally, I close the door behind us and put my things away before I head to the kitchen. I pour the usual meal for my cat, which results in her running over to me. Sayori, meanwhile, grabs a couple snacks out of the cupboards after asking me if it's alright, and then plops herself down on the couch. She takes a couple bites out of a cookie before pulling out a binder and pens. I grab up my backpack and pull out my own before I sit across from her.
I take my time on my poem today, constantly thinking about Yuri and Natsuki's criticisms as I write, trying to put some of their methods and concepts into my own style to create something more impressive. I'm not sure how I did, but at first glance it seems to have worked. At the very least, it doesn't feel as rushed. Not writing the first thing that came to mind definitely helped, I decide.
As I put my finished poem into my backpack, I notice Sayori is doing the same.
"TV?" I ask her, grabbing the remote for my average-sized entertainment centre. Sayori smiles and nods, so I press the power button. The sitcom that plays is one we both enjoy, so we sit and relax. It doesn't feel like that much time has passed when the episode ends.
"I'm hungry," I say suddenly. "I'm going to make supper. You want some?"
While Sayori is a junk food nut, it's not always easy to get her to eat a proper meal. Whenever I get the chance, I'm always sure to offer her one.
Sayori seems conflicted, but she finally smiles. "Sure."
I pull out some breaded chicken and place a bunch of pieces onto a tray. I place it in the oven and start the timer before I sit back down. About 15 minutes later the alarm goes off and I put the results onto two plates before bringing them over to the table for us.
We spend most of the rest of the night watching TV and chatting about mostly inane things. We somehow lose track of time, and soon it's much later than either of us intended.
"Crap, I need to get home!" Sayori says, grabbing her things in a rush and heading to the door.
"Hey, wait," I call to her, getting her to stop. "Let me walk you home, okay?"
She hesitates, but I can tell she's resistant to the idea. "I'm just down the street."
"I know, but," I stop myself before I say something embarrassing. "Your mom would probably kill me if she ever found out."
"She won't!" Sayori responds, rolling her eyes.
"She might," I counter quickly. Sayori sighs.
"Fine," she shakes her head, annoyed in spite of herself.
I put my shoes on quickly and we make our way down the street. By the time we get there, Sayori seems almost asleep on her feet. I'm surprised she's this tired, but I don't say anything.
"G'night," I say, waving to her as she enters her house. She returns the sentiment.
I head back home and immediately head to bed. I don't know it yet, but tomorrow is going to be a big day.