DON'T FEAR THE SCRAPPER
Based upon "Stepney Gets Lost" by Britt Allcroft and David Mitton
Adapted by Zack Wanzer and Rachel Ravens
It had been a few days since three 08 shunters were transferred to Barrow-in-Furness.
"Oi can't believe we're near that ol' steam railway," grunted Arry. "Quite a downgrade from our ol' shunting yards."
"Yeah," added Bert. "We're supposed to be revolutionary. 'Ow can we prove that if we're down 'ere wi' these relics?"
"I'm not too impressed with this arrangement either," grunted Diesel. "Let's just do our jobs."
The next day, the engines' manager came.
"There's been an accident on Sodor with the Flying Kipper," he explained. "I need a volunteer to go to Sodor to fill in for Duck."
Duck? Diesel thought to himself. That's a name I hadn't heard for a while. He pondered to himself. If I go… maybe we can at least try to get along, if I pass this trial and stay on after he's repaired, that is. Besides, these two may offend the engines further. "Er… I'll go," Diesel spoke at last.
"Very well, Diesel," said the manager. "I'll inform Sir Topham Hatt about this decision."
"Ya really wanna go there again?" asked Bert in shock.
"What?" grunted Diesel. "I just want to go there so I can joke about how the Flying Kipper appears to be cursed. Besides, knowing my luck, I'd probably come back as soon as Duck's repaired." Still scowling, Diesel oiled away.
"Well, 'e does 'ave a point," Arry admitted.
That night, when Arry and Bert were in their shed without Diesel, Arry heard a peculiar noise.
"Oi, Bert! Wake up!" snapped Arry.
"Wh-what is it, Arry?" muttered Bert sleepily. "Oi was 'avin' a nice dream!"
"Listen!" Arry demanded. "D'you 'ear that?"
Bert listened, and then he heard the soft puffing of a steam engine approaching. The engine in question looked a lot like Duck, but he was painted black instead of green.
"We're getting there," he said with a smile. "Not far now, driver and fireman."
"Sounds loike fresh meat, Bert," grinned Arry.
"But we're made o' metal, not meat," said Bert, confused.
"It's an expression, idiot!" snapped Arry. "Come on, or else we'll miss our chance!"
The two diesels roared into life and chased after the black pannier tank engine.
"Oi!" Arry yelled at the signalman, honking his horn. "Stop that steamer!"
The tank engine found himself being switched off the main line and onto a siding where some trucks stood.
"Oof!" he cried as he bumped into the trucks, his brakes quickly applied. "How did we get switched onto this siding?"
"You was tryin' to escape' yer fate, weren't ya?" came an unfamiliar voice. The tank engine gasped as Arry and Bert rolled up alongside him; Bert stood on the points so that he couldn't escape.
"Wh-wh-what do you want with me?" the tank engine asked, trying to hide his fear.
"We've got a score t' settle wit' ya," growled Arry. "You were one o' those steamers that bullied our bruvver, didn't ya?"
"I didn't bully your brother!" snapped the tank engine. "He bullied one of my brothers and Jackie and I called him out for it!"
"We don't care," snapped Arry. "You were tryin' to get to Sodor, weren't ya?"
"Er… I…" stammered the tank engine. "I heard a rumor or two that a new branch line was going to be built there, and they needed another engine."
"So… is that a yes or no?" Bert asked.
Arry growled. "Seriously? That wasn't enough of a clue?!"
"Oi was just makin' sure," insisted Bert.
"You really are thick sometimes," muttered Arry. He turned his attention back to the tank engine, a devious grin spreading on his face. "You'll make very fine scrap indeed. Buffer 'im, Bert!"
Bert was coupled up to the tank engine and his crew were forced out of the cab unless they wanted to know what was good for them.
"Save yourselves!" the tank engine called to his crew as he was dragged away to meet his doom.
"Collet!" cried his driver, and he and the fireman tried to give chase, but the doors slammed shut. To their horror, they heard Collet's ear piercing screams behind the door…
"No…! Git awa' fae me...! HELP!"
"Douglas! Wake up!"
"Whaur am Ah?" asked Douglas, panting with fright. "Whit happened?"
"Ye wur haein a nightmare again," sighed Donald.
It was the night after Oliver had pulled Scruffey apart, and the Great Western engine was the one who had called out to Douglas. Duck and Donald were also startled awake by Douglas' panicked screaming. Oliver stared for a moment at the soft-spoken Caledonian engine. He hadn't seen Douglas in one of these moments before, but he didn't need to ask what the dream was about.
"You were running from diesels, and they were chasing you from all directions," he said quietly. "Not knowing if you were able to escape them."
"Aye, that's whit happened," sighed Douglas.
"That's not happening now," Oliver said firmly. "We are all safe in our shed and we're under Sir Topham Hatt's protection. If anyone tries to harm us, they will get into serious trouble with both him and the police."
Douglas managed a small smile. Duck and Donald observed this little moment with surprise.
"Ah've ne'er bin able tae calm Douggie doon this quickly," Donald murmured to himself.
"There must be something… special between them," agreed Duck, though neither he nor Donald could quite put their buffer on what it was. Whatever the case, Douglas had managed to fall back asleep, and the others followed suit.
More time went by, and eventually, Dowager Hatt had moved back to Sodor with her dog Gremlin, which was the talk of the island for a while.
"So, get this," said Oliver to Douglas at Knapford the day after this occurred. "Apparently, there were 'gremlins' in Gordon's firebox, the points, Pip's cooling system, and the tracks on the main line."
"Soonds lik' 'twas quite th' day fur us engines," chuckled Douglas.
"That probably explains why Dowager Hatt named her dog 'Gremlin'," Old Slow Coach laughed.
"There better be no more of these gremlins," grunted Diesel as he shunted another train on platform three. "They've caused enough delays on Sodor and the mainland as it is."
Fortunately for Diesel, there were no delays on Sodor for the rest of the day, and everything ran like clockwork. Unfortunately, there was a problem that evening.
"The Midnight Goods will be heavier than usual," said the overnight stationmaster to Diesel. "Bear is to doublehead the train with Douglas."
"That's probably a blessing," Diesel said quietly as he went to get the trucks. Arry and Bert may be malicious, but they didn't seem to go after other diesels.
"Just imagine the looks on their faces when Bear arrives and departs," the black shunter mused to himself with a small chuckle.
Soon the goods train was ready to go, and Bear and Douglas buffered up to the train.
"Thanks fur helpin' me, Bear," smiled Douglas.
"Oh, anytime," replied Bear. "I love being able to travel by night. Nothing but the station lights and the moon and the stars to guide you."
"Aye, it does mak' runs lik' thae mair enjoyable," agreed Douglas.
The two engines started to pull out of the yards, but then there was trouble.
"Oh, grease and oil!" gasped Bear as he felt himself slowing down before clearing the yards. "Not this again!"
"What happened, Bear?" asked Diesel as he was about to go to the sheds.
"It's my brakes," he sighed. "They've failed on me."
"Dinae fass yerself, Bear," soothed Douglas. "This could've happened tae a'body."
"But the train's too heavy for you to move on your own, Douglas," said Bear.
"Er, maybe BoCo or Derek are available," Diesel suggested.
"Last I spoke with them, their drivers were turning in for the night," Bear explained. "Maybe Donald's available."
"Aye," smiled Douglas. "Ah think he wis workin' late at Tidmouth harbor."
Douglas was right; Donald had a few extra trucks to shunt at the harbor and his fire was still burning well. He was happy when he got the message and headed to the yard.
"Juist lik' auld times, eh Douggie?" chuckled Donald as he buffered up to the train.
"Aye, Donnie," smiled Douglas.
"Just… be careful," called Diesel. "Arry and Bert may get some… ideas."
"Diane fass, Diesel," said Donald. "We'll be fine."
"Besides, Ah scared thaim aff whin thay tried tae git Oliver," added Douglas.
"That's all the more reason to be careful…" Diesel whispered under his breath as the twins puffed away. Bear, who had been shunted aside, couldn't help but notice Diesel's anxiety.
"Diesel?" asked Bear. "Is there something you know that the rest of us don't?"
"Oh, Bear…" sighed Diesel. "I… I heard Arry and Bert mention something very alarming when I was in the scrapyards with Thomas and Percy when they found Old Slow Coach."
"What was it?"
Diesel took a deep breath. "It's a long story…"
Meanwhile, Donald and Douglas were puffing down the line.
"Th' island sure looks peaceful th' nicht," smiled Douglas.
"Ah heard fae driver thir's tae be some fog," said Donald. "Ah dinnae see whit he's talking aboot."
"First Diesel seems tae be in a panic, noo this blether o' fog," Douglas remarked. "Mibbie th' gremlins ur back." Both engines laughed at the idea.
The twins arrived at Barrow in good time. By now, there was fog covering the area.
"Driver wis richt," said Donald. "Suddenly, everything looks spooky aroond 'ere."
"Aye," agreed Douglas. "We'd better git oor shunting dane quickly. We'll dae it better if we split up."
The twins both took different areas of the yard; Douglas on the west side, and Donald on the east side, splitting the train in half. The only other light source they had outside of their lamps was the odd light illuminated from the nearby buildings.
"Tis a pity thir's fog," Donald said to himself. "Ah wid hae liked tae see th' stars." Because of the fog, he and Douglas had to be very careful with their shunting.
"Ah think thir's some buffers 'ere, Donal'," called his driver. He applied his engine's brakes.
"Oof!" snapped a voice from behind the last truck.
"Whit wis that?" asked Donald. "That doesn't sound lik' ony o' th' trucks."
"Oi! D'ya mind where yer goin'?!" snapped the same voice.
"Terribly sorry," gasped Donald. "Tis hard tae see in this fog. Th' signalman mist hae switched me doon 'ere by mistake."
"Oi, Arry," whispered a second voice. "Does that voice sound familiar to ya?"
"What d'ya mean, Bert?"
"It's that engine 'oo stole our chances of scrappin' that autotank an' 'is brake van fer cash!"
"Well then, Bert, what d'ya say we get a little payback?"
The engine Bert was referring to was Douglas, but because of the fog, they couldn't see that it was the wrong engine. Furthermore, there was the fact that they hadn't had enough time to get to know the twins individually, so it was easy to mistake one's voice for the other. Not that it would have made much of a difference for the duo, anyway.
As Donald had puffed out and shunted the trucks to another siding out of the way, Arry rounded the bend in front of the Scottish engine, while Bert took the track next to him.
"Och, whit's this a' aboot then?" snapped Donald. "Ah hae shunting tae dae!"
"Not fer long, ya don't!" smirked Arry. His driver got out and coupled him up to Donald.
"Whit urr ye daein'?!" cried Donald in alarm. His crew were thrown off the footplate thanks to a sharp bump by Arry.
Meanwhile, Douglas had almost gotten his half of the train marshalled together.
"Okay, mibbie Donnie 'n' Ah shuid sing a song oan th' wey back," Douglas was saying to himself. "Ah'm thinkin' Bluebells o' Scootlund…"
"HELP!"
Douglas stopped where he was as he recognized that voice.
"DONAL'!" he cried. "Driver, fireman, quick!" His crew wasted no time and threw his regulator open.
Back in the Ironworks shed, Arry had shunted Donald under a big grabber.
"'Aven't used this in a long time," chuckled Bert.
"Bye bye, Scottish engine!" smirked Arry as he was uncoupled and raced to the other track. His driver went to turn the grabber on.
"This engine's nae fur scrapping!" cried Donald in alarm.
"Donal'!"
Donald, still very scared, was relieved to see his twin race into the building, along with his crew close behind. Donald's driver coupled up Douglas to him, and Douglas reversed as quickly as he could. He was just in time, as the claw grabbed nothing but the rails where Donald once stood. Donald's fireman switched it off, and for good measure, threw a nearby bucket of water on the grabber's controls, causing them to short out.
"Donnie, urr ye a'richt?" asked Douglas, panting with shock at what he and Donald just avoided.
"Ah am noo," gasped Donald. "Thank ye, Douggie."
Douglas let out a sigh of relief before turning his attention to Arry and Bert. "Whit wis a' that aboot?" he snapped. "Gaun aroond trying tae scrap mah brother!"
"Well, yer bruvver, as ya put it," sneered Arry, "managed to steal an engine and brake van we were tryin' to scrap a couple of years ago."
"That wasnae Donnie, ye clods!" snapped Douglas. "That wis me wha saved Oliver 'n' Toad fae yer clutches!"
"Wait, it was?" asked Bert quietly. "Er… oops…"
"You ruddy idiot!" snarled Arry. "'Ow could you 'ave mistaken one o' them fer the other?!"
"There was fog in the area!" argued Bert. "'Ow was I to know?!"
Donald and Douglas figured this was a good time to leave, and Donald's crew got back in his cab. The two puffed away while the ironworks diesels were still arguing.
The next day, the twins had gathered everyone together at the sheds for a "code red" indignation meeting. Douglas stood to attention at the turntable; the main line engines, Donald and Edward were in the sheds, and everyone else was on the tracks around the turntable.
"I tried to warn you," gasped Diesel. "Donald, are you okay?"
"Aye," sighed Donald. "Ah a'maist thought Ah wis dane fur."
"You were right, Diesel," said Derek. "They are dangerous. This is a criminal offence, especially given that we are all preserved by Sir Topham Hatt."
"What do you think he's going to say about this when he finds out?" asked James.
"When I find out what, James?" asked a familiar voice. The engines glanced over to see their controller.
"Beg pardon, sir," said Duck, "but Donald was almost scrapped by Arry and Bert last night."
"I'm aware of that, Duck," said Sir Topham Hatt. "Donald's crew told me about it this morning, and I've phoned the ironworks manager about his engines' and their drivers' actions against one of my own."
"So, the police are already onto it?" asked Oliver. "That was quick."
"No one threatens my engines and gets away with it," said Sir Topham Hatt firmly. "I shall see to it. You all get to work now. Donald, I'd understand if you're still a bit shaken from last night and don't perform as well as usual."
"Thank ye, sur," Donald said quietly. The engines all headed off one by one, rattled to their frames about what almost happened to the number nine engine.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Regaby and a few other police officers had headed to the Ironworks.
"Oh, bugger," said Arry quietly. "Bert! It's the pigs!"
"But we're not on a farm, Arry," said Bert.
"Seriously?!" grunted Arry in annoyance.
"My father informed me about an illegal attempt at scrapping last night," Mrs. Regaby said, her voice cold as ice. "No one hurts my father's engines and gets away with it."
"Are we buggered, Arry?" asked Bert nervously.
"Yeah, we're buggered."
"Your drivers are under arrest!" Mrs. Regaby went on, and two other police officers subsequently handcuffed them.
"Don't expect to get your paycheck behind bars either," said the ironworks manager sternly as the two ex-drivers were taken away.
"Now," said Mrs. Regaby to the manager, "how long do you wish to keep these two in their shed for?"
"The maximum punishment's thirty days," said the manager, "but that's far too light for them. Hmm… maybe until the end of this year."
"I guess that sounds reasonable," said Mrs. Regaby. "It should give you time to find new drivers for these two."
"Hopefully drivers that will keep these two in line once they've served their punishment," added the manager. "I can't afford another incident like this."
One of the younger police officers, a trainee, looked curiously at Mrs. Regaby. "Barbara?" she asked. "Why is the maximum punishment thirty days? Sounds like a slap on the wrist if you ask me."
"It does sound like it at first glance, Trisha," said Mrs. Regaby as they walked off. "But for the railways, it can be very severe. As these two engines have committed a serious crime, that could potentially throw the Ironworks into debt. A much less severe case happened on Sodor, my father told me. James, Gordon and Henry were on strike for a week, and this made Edward, Percy, Thomas and the Midland engines run the whole railway. Limited motive power is quite a problem."
"Oh," said Trisha with a nod. "Now that does sound serious…"
And indeed it was. Because Arry and Bert were stuck in their sheds for the rest of the year, this meant that trains had to be shunted by the engines who pulled them. And while this provided a greater chance for preservationists to come and save engines - and they wholeheartedly took advantage of that - the iron produced by the ironworks seemed to boil down to nothing. And, as the cherry on top of this mess, Arry and Bert got a nasty surprise when the new year rolled around with their new drivers.
"Oi!" cried Bert. "Arry, look over here!"
"Wha's happened to the grabber?" asked Arry. "That was our best tool 'ere!"
"It's gone because you two tried to scrap a preserved engine!" snapped Bert's new driver.
"That will ensure you don't do that again," added Arry's new driver.
The two diesels groaned. This was going to be a long year. However, this would not be the last time they tried going after one of Sodor's engines… but that's a story for another day.
THE END?
Author's Comments
Here's the fourteenth episode of Series 5 Redux, being adapted from Stepney Gets Lost. I have no idea why Britt and David decided to make Stepney a permanent resident on Sodor when they're a real life preserved engine (sure, they didn't appear often, but it felt like they were just there for fanservice). Not only that, Stepney is very much the quintessential example of a generic nice engine that we end up seeing in later seasons, so don't expect them to appear that much in future stories unless I have an idea for them to appear. I'm sure most would write in Oliver in Stepney's place for this episode, but I decided to use Donald and Douglas instead as the latter is the only other engine of the Awdry Eleven to have a near-scrap experience himself... except Arry and Bert confuse Donald for him, meaning that Douglas is returning the favor by saving him from being scrapped. To emphasize just how cruel Arry and Bert can be, there's a cold open in which we see them capturing Collet on his escape to Sodor and scrapping him, transitioning to Douglas waking up from a nightmare of a similar situation, which takes place shortly after the events of Resource and Sagacity. The epilogue takes place after the next two episodes to come.
Upcoming stories:
- Branching Off
- Deep Freeze
- Something in the Air
- Put Upon Percy
- Oliver Takes the Post