Prologue.

But if I just showed up at your party, would you have me?

Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself,

or lead me to the garden?

She knew their eyes could not help but linger over her, but that did not mean she was completely unfazed by it. Truthfully, she wished more than anything that they would just continue about their day and pay no attention to her, her baggage, and the little girl half asleep in her arms—fear being the only thing keeping her from completely nodding off.

The 21st District was the third to last place that she wanted to be (though, if she thought long and hard about it, she knew she'd be able to make the argument that it held the second spot instead of the third). Undoubtedly, Charlestown, Massachusetts was the absolute last place, and she was determined to never set foot there again if she could help it. Chicago, Illinois held the second spot, but she resolved no more than three hours earlier that there was nowhere else for her to go, not when she had little Madison to think about.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she forced herself to muster up the courage she had been searching for since she climbed the cement stairs into the dreaded third to last place she'd rather be.

'You came this far,' she thought to herself. 'Don't turn into a chicken now.'

She and Madison had come too far for her to keep them sitting on the uncomfortable wooden bench in the district's busy lobby any longer.

Heeding her own encouragement, she adjusted the large, black framed sunglasses on her face and stood up with such gusto it startled Madison from her groggy state.

"It's okay Mads," she whispered to the little girl when she felt the child's breathing speed up and shallow out. "It's okay sweetheart. We're safe and going to visit someone who can keep us safe, remember?"

Maybe it was a big ask of her to expect a just turned two-year-old to remember a frantic and rushed conversation late last night, which was why she was fully prepared to launch into a brief, summarized explanation of the situation at hand when she felt Madison slowly start to calm down as she nodded her little head against the thick fabric of her coat.

Madison remembered.

"Okay, good, good," she breathed out, thankful to have avoided a hurdle she quite frankly did not have it in her to deal with.

Adjusting the child on her hip, she turned back around and used her free hand to grab onto the handle of her slightly too large suitcase with the smaller, overnight bag with Madison's belongings resting on top of it. They hadn't had much time to pack, but enough that the two of them would be set for a decent amount of time while she figured out a way to firmly plant both of her feet on the ground of her hometown.

With a deep exhale, she set her gaze firmly on the front desk and the grey-haired woman sitting behind it and, with a false sense of confidence, walked towards it. The clacking of her heels against the tiled floor grounded her and prevented her mind from activated its 'flight' response.

Reaching the desk, she unwrapped her hand from around her suitcase handle and cleared her throat to get the attention of the desk sergeant. Waiting for a reaction from the older woman, she clenched and unclenched her hand against the side of her leg, both out of nerves and to loosen it up after gripping the handle so tightly.

She anticipated a certain level of nervousness when she decided to come back to Chicago—it had been almost eight years since she'd been in the city after all—but the levels of anxiety she kept forcing herself to fight off since she and Madison walked into Logan International Airport back in Boston was unprecedented.

When she left all those years ago, she was convinced she was leaving the Windy City for good. She had no friends and by that point, her family had shriveled down to basically nothing. Her eighteen-year-old self took one look at what had become of her life and quite literally said, "Fuck this," packed up her bags, and booked the first flight she could to Boston. So what if her freshman year orientation at Harvard University didn't start for another week and a half? So what if she used up a majority of her savings on the plane ticket, luggage fees, and a hotel room? So what if she left without so much as a word to her father?

So what?

That had been her attitude for the first three months on the East Coast until she met Caroline.

Caroline Ann Sullivan is, no was, her best friend. She gave her a home, a family, a life when she all but convinced herself she'd never find either ever again. Caroline gave her a reason to stay away from Chicago and all of the uncharted pain that came with it and now…well, now Caroline had given her a reason to come back.

Thinking of her deceased friend and what Caroline would say if she was the one being ignored by the desk sergeant, she plucked up her long-forgotten 'so what?' attitude and cleared her throat again. This time though, she accompanied it with a sharp, "Excuse me?"

She watched as the desk sergeant aggressively rolled her eyes and swiveled her chair around towards them. She noticed that the name on the badge read Platt.

"May I help you?" Platt drawled out in a bored but agitated tone, the woman's eyes glaring straight through the dark lenses of the glasses she was wearing. She knew she was supposed to be intimidated by the look, but if there was one thing life had taught her, it was to be intimidated by almost nothing or anyone.

"Yes," she answered, maintaining a cool and steady voice so the sergeant would know that her intimidation tactics were not working on her. "I am looking for Detective Jay Halstead. He's in the Intelligence Unit."

If Platt was surprised by her specific request to see that specific detective, she did not let it show.

"I know what unit my officer is in," she barked. "What business do you have with him?"

"That is between Detective Halstead and me," she volleyed back. Why she was seeking him out was no one's business but her own.

Platt continued to stare her down, clearly under the impression that she would eventually cave.

She wouldn't.

"What is your name?" Platt eventually asked with a huff. "So I can call Detective Halstead and let him know you are here."

Given the way Platt said his name, she couldn't help but feel curiosity towards what the relationship between him and the sergeant was. Operating under the assumption that it was not that great of one, she ignored the questions she wanted to ask and instead said, "He's not expecting me. But I really need to see him now, please."

"Name?"

"Olivia" she admitted. "And this is Madison. Now, can I please see him?" The urgency of her tone must have been apparent because Platt asked no more question as she got up from her seat and gestured for Olivia to follow her.

"I'm assuming the need to see Halstead has something to do with why you won't take those ridiculous glasses off?" Platt conversed; her tone much gentler than it had been moments before.

Trying not to feel slighted over the insult to her eyewear, Olivia gave a half-hearted shrug and responded, "Yeah, something like that."

No more questions were asked as the two women made their way up the stairs. Olivia tried not to be put off that Platt did not offer to help her with the bags she was lugging behind her. She was nothing but a lowly commoner after all, the desk sergeant owed her nothing.

However, each step up was a struggle and the closer they got towards their destination, it was not just because of the heavy bags and child in her arms.

The moment her ears picked up on the sounds of muffled voices, Olivia's anxiety broke loose from the very haphazardly put together restraints she had corralled it into prior to stepping foot into the 21st District. In just mere seconds, her life was going to change even more than it already had, and she was in no way shape or form prepared for it.

Eight years had passed since she last saw Jay, eight long years and it was only out of sheer desperation eight didn't become nine.

She wished she could ponder over whether he'd be happy to see her but honestly? She was petrified that he wouldn't even recognize her. A lot had changed in eight years…

Platt reached the top of the landing first and Olivia heard her call out to Jay, "Halstead, there is someone here to see you. All I was able to get out of her was that her name is Olivia."

The blood pounding in her ears blocked out his response and for a brief second, she was thankful to be laden down by luggage and a child because she was provided with an extra moment to collect herself.

Halting her foot from taking another step, she inhaled slowly, sucking in as much air as she could, and then blew it out in a barely controlled breath. She did this four times until her exhales were just as fluent as her inhales and her ears were once again able to pick up on what the people in the room she was about to enter were saying.

"She was right behind me," she heard Platt grumble. "Hang on." And then, Platt appeared almost out of thin air in front of her barking, "What's the hold up? I thought you needed to see Detective Halstead?"

"I-I do," she said, cringing at how shaky her voice sounded. "It's just, these bags are-are heavier than I thought."

The lie was obvious, but the sergeant made no comment on it.

"Forget the bags," she ordered. Then, in a softer tone, Platt added, "Halstead looked as anxious to see you as you do to see him."

Feeling that she had no choice but to comply with the thinly veiled order, for the second time Olivia loosened her grip on the two bags that contained all she and Madison had left. Trying not to think too much into what Platt just informed of about Jay, Olivia tilted her chin upwards and climbed the final few steps in the only way Caroline would have wanted her to: with ease and an air of superiority.

A lot had changed in eight years, and she was going to be proof of that, she had to be proof of that. Because if she wasn't, then did those eight years away even mean anything?

Stepping onto the landed, relishing in the way her heel made contact with the wooden floor, she hoisted Madison up in her arms and quickly cast her eyes around the room until they landed on the face of the man she had come to see.

If she had changed, then so did he, was her first thought. Gone was the baby fat and carefree smile that never seemed to dim and in their place were hardened lines and a slight frown. He looked older—older than he should—and like he had been through hell and only barely made it out on the other side.

She refused to think about whether that was because of her or not.

"Hey big brother," she said lightly, talking as if she was greeting an old friend in a grocery store. For eight years, she always wondered what she'd say when she saw him again and for all of that speculating, she was disappointed that "Hey big brother" was all she managed to come up with.

He said nothing at first and, once again, the lingering eyes of his coworkers were beginning to make her feel very uncomfortable. She was well aware that she looked out of place in her fashionable high heels, skirt, shirt, coat, and scarf. She was well aware that there was a kid on her arm who was squirming around but not making a single sound. And she was more than well aware (thanks to Platt) that the glasses that continued to remain on her face made her look ridiculous. But, did all that have to warrant so much staring?

Just when she thought Jay wasn't going to say anything and she was going to have to awkwardly carry on the greeting herself, he affectionately called out her name and took a step forward, the frown on his face quirking upwards into the soft smile that was always reserved for just her, his little sister who he used to always say he loved more than anyone in the world and was his second-best girl after their mother.

The second he stepped forward, she stepped back and the smile on his face disappeared as quickly as it came.

"Liv," he halted in place, arms raising slightly in front of him either to beckon her into a hug, show her that he meant no harm, or both. "Hey. You're home."

Home. That was a word she seldom liked to use when describing Chicago but, standing in front of Jay and watching small bursts of happiness blossom across his face, she couldn't but agree with him.

She was home. She had come back to the place where she had grown up, back to the place where she had fallen in love and had her heart broken, back to the place where she experienced a pain like no other and watched her family deteriorate as a result, back to the place where her family, albeit scattered, still lived. She had come home.

"Why are you home?" Jay continued asking his questions while she acclimated herself to her realization.

Jolted from her thoughts, she looked Jay in the eye and cautiously raised her hand to take the black sunglasses off of her face.

Someone on the side of her let out a gasp. Her stomach rolled at the sound of it. She hadn't realized it had gotten that bad.

"I need," she paused and looked down at the little girl in her arms. "We need your help Jay."

She watched as his eyes scoured over the large bruise that undoubtedly marred the skin of her otherwise pristine face. Call it arrogance, but her mother spent too much breath telling her just how blessed she was to have inherited such "beautiful, clear skin" when both of her older brothers were cursed with excruciatingly embarrassing and painful acne in their pre-teen years.

"Who did this to you?" Jay growled out, his steely gaze set firmly on her partially swelled left eye. She sensed his need to rush towards her and inspect her eye up close and it was with swell of gratitude that she realized he was holding back for her sake.

Just as she was about to tell him that it didn't matter, an all too familiar voice announced its presence from behind her, the sound of it sending chills down her spine.

"H-hey guys, I think I found two potential a-addresses that our suspect could be hiding at!"

The slightly stammered words hit her harder than Colin's fists had. His voice may have sounded the same, but much like Jay, this was not the Greg Gerwitz she knew eight years ago.

"Oh sorry," he quickly apologized. "Who's this?"

Almost painstakingly slowly, Olivia forced her body to rotate towards her brother's best friend and self-proclaimed brother. "Hey Greggy," she greeted softly, hoping that he would take her sudden reappearance into his life as gracefully as Jay had.

The papers he was holding fluttered to the floor as he took in the sight of her standing there, left eye bruised, and a little girl in her arms.

She watched as his pale complexion turned completely to ash and as his eyes began to dart nervously around the room before landing on Jay and widening. She knew what was going through his mind—she was thinking of the same thing—and therefore was unable to pass judgement on his actions. Though, they did worry her. Greg always had an air of coolness around him, even when he and Jay were arguably not. The way he was acting now was a far cry from who he used to be. But, again, a lot had changed in eight years.

Eyes flickering back to her, he let them rest there for just a moment longer than he probably should have in a room full of detectives. No words were exchanged on his behalf; he scurried off towards where he came from before they could be.

"Okay, is it just me or was that weird? Like, I know Mouse can be a weird dude, but that was a bit extra, even for him." Turning her head towards the man who voiced his opinion, she wanted to ask who Mouse was before realizing that he was referring to Greg.

Finding the nickname weird, she turned back to Jay to ask him about it but changed her mind when she saw the way he was looking at her…well, more specifically, the way he was looking at Madison.

"How about me and you go talk somewhere?" he suggested.

"You and me," she automatically corrected, blushing at how quickly the words spilled from her mouth. "You're supposed to say you and me not me and you," she finished lamely, her tone embarrassingly meek.

The right corner of his lip rose into a ghost of the infamous Halstead smirk girls in their neighborhood and school used to always swoon about.

"Fine," he dragged out, the same way he always did when she'd correct his grammar. "How about you and me go somewhere where we can talk?"

Unable to stop herself, she grinned at how much he still acted like the brother she grew up with. Her fears and worries were totally unnecessary; this was Jay, the same Jay who spent all his free time playing Barbie dolls and having tea parties with his little sister, the same Jay who almost didn't return to his post overseas because she begged him not to, the same Jay who would do anything for her, whether she asked him to or not.

How could she have assumed that that part about him would change so drastically in eight years?

'Because this is also the same Jay who, in the last eight years, only communicated with you on your birthday,' her conscience spoke up in the back of her head.

Mentally shoving the reminder deep down back to where it initially came from, Olivia nodded and motioned for him to lead the way.

He didn't take her far, only to what she was assumed was the unit's breakroom. Waving his hand around in a gesture that welcomed her to take a seat on either one of the chairs or the couch, Jay said nothing as he shut the door. While she got comfortable on the couch and laid Madison down on the cushion besides her, Olivia noticed him rest his back against the door and recognized his actions for what they were: an attempt to give them some privacy from the still lingering eyes of his unit members.

"This is Madison," Olivia introduced, her fingers weaving through the child's soft blonde curls. "She's two years old and is my goddaughter." A flash of contempt shot through her at the outward relief Jay was showing towards the news that Madison was not biologically hers.

"What happened to her parents?" Jay seemed almost too scared to ask. Given her black eye, she can't really say that she blamed him.

"They uh, she passed away a few months ago. Car accident, drunk driver hit them out of nowhere and Caroline, her mom, died on impact and her dad Bobby died on the operating table."

"God Liv, I'm sorry." She waved off his condolences; she was not here for them.

"Look, it's all kind of a long story and I really, really don't want to get into it right now so, to make it short, we need a place to stay while I figure out what to do next."

She expected him to immediately offer up his place the second she heard her plea and was more than stunned when he didn't.

"You're not planning on staying in your old room at home?" Was what he asked instead.

Fury threatened to lash out of her. How dare he suggest that she go back there? Yes, she could, in some capacity, admit that Chicago was home, but the place he was talking about would never, ever fall under that category again.

"Absolutely not," she snarled. "Madison and I are not staying with him."

Jay must have understood her plight because he finally started coming around to addressing what she wanted him to say all along. "My place is small but, uh, we should be able to make it work for the both of you to come stay until we can figure something else out. Will is staying with me too so it will be really tight."

She had to bite down on her teeth hard to keep her mouth from dropping open. "Will is back in Chicago? And he's staying with you?"

Jay nodded. "Yeah, he got a job working as an ED surgeon at Med and is kind of pressed for money at the moment and, like you, is not up to shacking up with Pops."

Olivia nodded her head uneasily but said nothing. Her relationship with Will was always very strained. When she left eight years ago, she and her eldest brother weren't even speaking to one another.

"Can't say I blame him," she managed to say. "And thank you, really. I know it's been a while, but I really—"

"—Don't mention it," Jay interrupted. He hesitated for a few moments, internally fighting himself on what to say next.

"Just spit it out Jay," Olivia demanded with a roll of her eyes. When she was a little girl, Jay did everything he could to shield her from all things bad and ugly. He made sure her world stayed full of sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns for as long as he could.

She was not a little girl anymore. She knew that unicorns didn't exist, and rainbows were a rare occurrence after heavy amounts of rain.

"You're back, after all these years you're just back and I don't…I don't know what that means, I don't know what to do here because not only are you back, but your clearly hurt and running from someone and you have a kid and I just…I don't know what to make of all this, I'm sorry."

Olivia couldn't meet the eyes of her older brother, the only man she ever truly looked up to and admired in her twenty-six years of living. His feelings were completely justified, they both knew that. Maybe her more so than him because the thoughts he just shared with her were identical to the same ones running through her head since she packed hers and Madison's bags.

She was back and she didn't know what that meant.

Mouse's stunned face flashed before her eyes, her mind replaying how quickly he ran away from her.

She, Olivia Grace Halstead, was back and no one seemed to know what that meant.