This chapter is long, filled with dialogue, and completely unedited. Sorry for any mistakes that you may find and thank you for reading!
III. Jay
A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground
with no one around to tweet it
He felt like he was trapped in the punchline of a joke that was not at all funny. Maybe somebody found the joke to be a humorous one, but not him…definitely not him.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olivia.
Olivia who?
Olivia, your sister, that's who! She's back for the first time in eight years with a kid and a blackened eye to boot!
He spent the entirety of last night trying to wrap his head around those three facts: Oliva was finally home, she had a kid with her, and she was in some kind of trouble. Despite how much his mind wanted to diverge and explore the accusations Will had heatedly made and the counter arguments Olivia spat back at him, he forced himself to stay on track and come up with a plan for how he was going to be there for his little sister and actually act like the brother he neglected to be for the past eight years.
Except, looking at her now, he failed to find the girl he had comes to terms with seeing and resolved to help and support in any possible way he can. In her place was someone entirely different…until he squinted hard enough.
The bruise that rocked his very core was expertly covered up and practically unnoticeable—even a trained eye would have a hard time figuring out which eye was painted black and blue. Makeup had always been a magical mystery to him and there was a reason he hated it and spent his whole life attracted to girls who hardly ever wore any of it: the substance covered up somebody's real face a little too well.
Yesterday, aided by the bruise on her face, Olivia had been a walking contradiction. She was strong but weak, confident but scared, assertive but meek, cowardly but brave. Today, there was nothing contradictory about the woman sitting across from him at Erin's kitchen table.
Posture perfectly straight, articles of clothing impeccably matched and hanging just right off her body, and not even a single strand of hair out of place, she was the embodiment of someone who was strong, confident, assertive, and brave. She spoke with a sureness and ease she did not possess the day before and she exuded an air of cockiness and entitlement he never in a million years would have guessed possible of his sister. Because yes, despite his struggles to reconcile this woman in front of him and the woman he encountered yesterday, both personalities were his sister. His sister!
She, whoever she really was, had finally come home and no amount of makeup and pretty clothes and flawlessly dictated words was going to change the fact she and the little girl she brought with her needed help.
"So Liv," he started, interrupting her passionate speech to Erin about why waking up at five in the morning to do yoga and meditate was a good thing. (Where was the girl their father had to physically drag out of bed each morning before she made him and Will late for school and their parents late for work?) "I was thinking maybe I'd take the morning off and spend the morning with you and Mads here." He made it a point to keep his tone light and friendly, knowing he'd either scare or piss her off if he made his real intentions for taking the morning off known.
He needed answers and he wanted them now. Call him selfish, call him greedy, call him insensitive…he quite honestly could care less. This was his sister, his little sister, and he needed to know what happened over the past eight years that led to her showing up unannounced at his work, bruised and strapped with a little girl that was not biologically hers.
A little girl, he was beginning to notice, who did not make a single sound and only barely acknowledged her name being spoken.
Olivia waved his offer off with a light flick of her wrist and a very obvious roll of her eye. "Don't worry about it Jay," she said, taking a sip of the glass of water she had chosen to drink instead of the coffee he and Erin were gulping down. "I actually have plans for us today, starting with a nine o'clock meeting at Madison's new daycare."
"You already found her a daycare?" Erin asked, taking the words right out of his mouth.
Olivia shrugged. "Technically, her grandparents did. They made some calls yesterday once they found out this was where we were heading and all I have to do today is go down to the place, fill out some paperwork, and drop her off."
"Shouldn't you vet the place or something? Make sure it's reputable and such?" He was grateful for the skepticism in Erin's voice; it meant that he did not have to express his own.
"Maureen and Thomas are more than capable of finding a great place for their granddaughter to be looked after," Olivia huffed. "I trust them and their decision to send her there entirely."
Erin looked like she wanted to say more but was reluctantly biting her tongue. Out of respect for Olivia or for him, he could not quite discern because his mind was already be taken over by a flurry of entirely new questions, all of them centered around these apparent grandparents.
"Okay, so that's like one thing," he found himself pointing out. "I could come with you guys and then you and I can go grab a cup of coffee somewhere and catch up."
He watched with a bated breath as his sister narrowed her eyes at him and mulled over her response. "I don't like coffee. Besides, you've already had three cups since you've been here. I can't imagine your body can take much more caffeine before it combusts with energy or something."
A bark of laughter leapt out of him before he was able to stop it. If only she knew just how high his coffee tolerance had become since he arrived home from his second tour. The three cups he had consumed in her presence, as well as the one he polished off while watching the morning news before he came here was nothing. Of course, how could she possibly know that? Like Will so eloquently pointed out last night, she had not been here. He quickly squashed the bubbling feelings of resentment; he was glad she had not been around to witness his traumatic return to Chicago and his exhausting efforts to reacclimate to civilian life.
"I assure you," he chuckled. "My body won't combust with energy. But fine, we don't have to get coffee, we can get tea or lemonade or whatever, I don't care. I'd just really like to—"
"Jay," Olivia cut him off sharply. "I can't, okay. I have things I need to do, stuff I have to get done and I just don't have time to sit and chat about nothing and everything all at the same time."
Her rejection stung, but deep down he was expecting it. Eight years had passed since the two of them had an actual, meaningful conversation. There was no way she was going to let them revert back to their old relationship just because she was home.
Holding both his hands up in defeat, he mumbled a quick "fine" then dropped the matter altogether.
Just as an awkward silence was preparing to insert itself on a seat at their breakfast table, Olivia's voice halted it. "But, if you're around later, maybe we could get dinner? Just you and me?" The implied warning was heard and received clearly: in no way was Will to be invited or informed of the outing.
With a curt nod, he accepted her invitation graciously. "Dinner sounds great, you pick the time and place, and I will be there."
Olivia matched his enthusiasm with a bright smile before turning to Erin to confirm that she'd be okay watching over Madison while she went out. He was so happy that his sister decided to give him an inch that he missed how she said "again."
Scarfing down the last few bites of the eggs Erin managed to make (and not burn) for them, he embraced the success he felt over making dinner plans with Olivia. It wasn't much, but it was a start. Plus, it gave him time to prepare himself for what he might want to say and what he was going to have to say, he thought as Erin stood up and announced that she and him needed to leave for work. There was so much he wanted to tell her, so much she deserved to know, but there was also so much he just knew he'd never be able to bring himself to say. She was his little sister. In the back of his mind, she was still the little girl with the lopsided pigtails that tagged along with him and Mouse one too many times. That little girl was cute and innocent and did not deserve to have her older brother shatter either of those things with his grotesque memories of a reality that still haunted him to this day.
"Hey Jay?" Olivia's voice snapped him out of his rambling thoughts. "If you're riding in to work with Erin, do you mind if I steal your car for the day? It'd make getting to the places I need to go all that much easier."
He didn't think twice about fishing his keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and tossing them in her direction. She caught them with an expert ease and a swift "thanks."
"Okay," Erin raspy voice called out as she began dumping all the dirty dishes into the sink. He grimaced at the clattering sound the plates and cups made while they were being unceremoniously stacked on top of each other; no doubt was he going to have to take care of them later for his girl. "My number is on the fridge, as well as Jay's and Sergeant Platt's direct number—"
"—Only use that one if it's a legit emergency and you can't get in contact with me or Er," he butted in.
"Right," Erin continued on, facing him and Olivia with a smirk on her face. "I don't know what time we'll be done by, depends on if we catch a case or not, but probably around six thirty or seven-ish."
"Guys," Olivia snapped. "Thank you, seriously, but I'm good. I got it and can definitely take care of myself. Jay, I'll text you about dinner once I get a new phone."
It never even occurred to him that she didn't have a phone with her.
"Right, uh, cool, sounds good," he mumbled dumbly. "I guess I'll see you later then?"
Flipping him a quick thumbs up, Olivia turned all her attention to the still-silent Madison—her way of giving both detectives their cue to leave.
Punching a clenched fist into the palm of his hand, he nodded a few times to himself before turning on his heel and following Erin down to where her vehicle was parked.
The couple remained silent the whole trip down and it wasn't until both of them were buckled into their seats and Erin was turning the car onto the main road that he decided to break the silence.
"So," he started, his gaze set firmly outside the passenger window. "That's Liv."
"That's Liv," Erin's lips smacked together. "I didn't even know there was a Liv."
He sighed and turned his attention away from the houses and stores that blurred by to his apparently upset girlfriend. Correction, he thought as he took in the sight of her clenched jaw and white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, his visibly pissed off girlfriend.
Stomach clenching in fear that Olivia's sudden reappearance in his life could very well be the nail in the coffin of his renewed relationship with the first girl he thought about seriously dating since Allie Corson, Jay struggled to quickly find an explanation that would placate her anger while also giving her the details she wanted to know.
"She took off eight years ago and I haven't really seen or heard from her since," he opened with. "After I…after I came back, I was so wrapped up in my own…my own shit I kind of forgot about everyone and everything that was in my life before…"
Fuck, he thought. This was hard. A part of him wanted to open up to Erin, to give her access to the part of his life that had been so vehemently denied to everyone else in his social orbit. But the other part of him, a much larger part, was refusing her entry and making what he wanted to say practically impossible to get out. As much as he trusted Erin, as much as he knew he could love Erin with time, he was still petrified of allowing someone else that kind of access to him.
"Will was gone and she was gone and it just became easier to not mention or think about them at all," he concluded lamely.
"But I knew about Will!" Erin exclaimed. "I may not have known much, but I at least had an idea of who he was when he showed up a few months ago without a word."
"Will stayed in touch more," he said simply with a shrug of his shoulders. "And I knew he was coming home for a visit. He just came a few days earlier than planned."
Erin sighed deeply, coming to an abrupt stop at a red-light Jay knew she was banking on turning green before she got too close. He was careful to not make his annoyance at being jerked forward in his seat known.
"She's your little sister Jay," her voice rasped softly. "How did I not know you have a little sister?"
"I don't know," he found himself blurting out with a surprising amount of spite that was in no way a direct response to her question. "How did I not know that Voight was basically your dad? How did I not know that you had a younger half-brother? How did I not know that your mom is a psychotic enabler? How did I not—"
"—Stop!" Erin snapped, slamming her hands roughly against the leather steering wheel. "Just stop! I don't want to fight with you about this, I just…I just want to understand."
The vindictiveness drained out of him not even halfway through her request. Bringing up those parts of her life was not fair of him, not by a long shot.
"I wasn't ready to talk about her," he found himself confessing. "Olivia is just one more person that I let down and I just wasn't ready to talk about her with you, with anyone. I'm sorry."
Erin heaved another sigh and delicately placed a hand on his thigh. If it was any other day, he would have cracked a suggestive joke about her hand placement. But he bit his tongue and found comfort in the silent support she was trying to provide.
"I don't think you failed her Jay," his girlfriend whispered softly, giving his leg a slight squeeze. "She wouldn't have come here if she thought that."
"Did she tell you that? Last night?"
God, he still hadn't even gotten around to asking Erin about her night with Olivia and if she was able to get any more information on his sister's predicament out of her.
"Uh," Erin stuttered. "No, we really didn't talk much last night."
"Oh," he tried not to feel disappointed. "Well, what did you guys do then?"
"Nothing. We uh, we ate a quick dinner, she put Madison to bed, and then she, she left."
His head spun at this revelation. "She left?" he spluttered, his voice reaching an octave higher than normal. "What do you mean she left?"
In the driver's seat, Erin raised her shoulders up and let them fall dramatically. Jay felt some sense of justification that his girlfriend was clearly just as perplexed and frustrated by Olivia's actions as he was.
"All she said was that she needed to go out and clear her head," Erin reminisced. "She didn't say where she was going and when she'd be back and when she did come back, all she did was thank me for watching over Madison and then she went to bed. She was gone maybe two, two and a half hours tops."
Huh, Jay thought, his mind racing to think of where his sister may have gone. From what he did know about her life, he was certain that she had no friends in the area she would have been itching to go see. Plus, judging by the hurry in which she left Chicago and her determination to stay away for the past eight years, he really could not think of a single place she'd want to go to 'go out and clear her head.' A sense of helplessness enveloped him; Olivia was starting to seem more like a mystery to him than his sister.
Rubbing a hand over his face, exhaustion settling deep into his mind and body, Jay let out a low groan and dropped his hand so that it fell on top of Erin's, which had yet to leave its place on his thigh.
"What do I do Er?" he whispered, ashamed of how desperate he sounded. "What am I supposed to do with her? How am I supposed to help Liv if I don't even know a damn thing about her?"
Erin interlocked her fingers with his and, in an uncharacteristic display of affection, brought their intertwined hands up to her lips and placed a chaste kiss on his knuckles. "You'll figure it out babe," she assured in a soft and gentle tone that he honestly found to be a little jarring. "I know you will."
Too nervous to speak any more on the matter (what if he didn't figure it out? what if he failed Liv yet again? what if his actions sent her running again for good?), he gave a minuscule tilt of his head as he forced himself to believe in his girlfriend's confidence in him the rest of the ride to the district.
…
By the time the end of his shift came around, he wished he could say that his mind was totally on the case they picked up. He wished he could say that he acted as the pillar of support Erin so clearly needed him to be. He wished he could say that he was able to take an objective approach to the case and not let his own personal feelings cloud his judgement. There were a lot of things he wished he could say but wouldn't be able to because picking up a case involving a doctor (who just so happened to be Voight's wife's doctor) that purposely poisoned women with chemotherapy drugs after diagnosing them with cancer they didn't have hit just a little too close to home for him—especially with Olivia's arrival and his impending dinner with her looming over his head.
An unknown number had texted him just after they arrested Dr. Dean Reybold with nothing but a time and a restaurant location as the message.
[Unknown number]: Does 7:30 at Mastro's work?
Head spinning, trying to figure out if the text was meant for him, he had been ready to ignore the message altogether when a second one from the same number came through.
[Unknown number]: You still like steak right? They're supposed to be one of the best steak places in town.
And a third…
[Unknown number]: In case your detective brain can't figure it out, this is Liv. I got a new phone this morning.
Gulping anxiously at the thought of what might happen if he turned down his sister's restaurant selection, he simply texted back a thumbs up and a generic 'see you then.' Had he been in the right state of mind and not trying to restrain his disgust towards the case the unit was now dealing with, he would have rejected Mastro's instantly and suggested a place that was much more in his price range that didn't have a specialized dress code in order to get a table.
"Take what you can get," he had mumbled, as he lumbered his way towards the break room for another cup of coffee (if one could even call the sludge they made that). "Take what you can get and deal with the financial fallouts later."
"I can't believe you keep a suit in your locker," Erin commented as she sauntered into the locker room. Looking up to see his girlfriend and partner leaning against the blue metal cubbies, he offered her a small smile before going back to buttoning up the final few buttons on his white dress shirt.
"Never know when it might come in handy doing undercover work," he responded, digging through his open locker for a belt. "And you can't judge, I know for a fact you have a few dresses and pantsuits yourself in your own locker." Erin simply hummed in agreement as she watched him swiftly a brown belt through his navy suit pants.
"You don't think I need to wear a tie to this place right?" he asked, praying to every and any God out there that the answer was no, he didn't have to. There weren't too many things he hated more than having to wear a tie.
"How would I know?" Erin scoffed, pushing herself away from the lockers to get closer to him. Once she was within reach, she started straightening out the creases in his shirt. "I've never been to Mastro's."
Tilting his head back and letting it collide with the open door of his locker, he let out a deep, guttural groan. "Neither have I. And I'd love nothing more than to keep it that way."
Erin's hands paused their movements. "Then why are you going there?"
"It's where Liv wants to go," he answered with a shrug. "And I didn't want to fight with her about it."
"Is she paying for it?" She did very little to hide her disgust at their dinner plans in her tone.
"Er…" he sighed, not wanting to fight with her either, though what the fight would be about he honestly had no clue.
"Sorry," Erin numbled, her hands resuming their actions for a few strokes more before she reached behind him and pulled his suit coat off its hanger and handed it to him. "I just think it's a bit odd that she made reservations at one of the most expensive places in the city when she doesn't even have a place of her own to stay."
He didn't want to admit that the same thought had crossed his mind every time his mind got a free moment to think (which today wasn't much).
"Is it bad that I kind of wish I was coming to?" she continued speaking, a small chuckle accompanying her words. "A nice steak and a big glass of wine sounds great after a day like today."
Glancing around the room to make sure that they were still alone, he reached forward and pulled Erin into his arms for a hug. "You doing okay?" he asked gently, knowing that she must be having as tough of a time as Voight—if not tougher—dealing with the last doctor Camille Voight had seen before she died.
Erin's arms wrapped around his waist as she let out a shuddering breath that answered his question better than the words that followed it. "I'm fine," she breathed out. "Just really looking forward to when Madison falls asleep tonight and I can just curl up and watch trash TV until you and Olivia get back."
He noticed that a six pack of beer, her usual companion with cases like this one, was noticeably absent from her plans.
"That sounds way better than my plans, want to trade?" he joked, giving her a tight squeeze before releasing her.
Erin socked him in the shoulder. "Go have dinner with your sister," she ordered. "And be prepared to tell me all about it when you get back."
"Yes ma'am," he saluted. Rolling her eyes, Erin quickly glanced around the room and then stepped up onto her tip toes and pressed a light, chaste kiss to his lips. Before he had the chance to deepen it, she turned on her heels and stalked out of the room.
Once her figure retreated completely out of his sight, he opened up his phone and sent a quick text to his sister (Leaving work with Erin now, be there soon.) before rushing after Erin so she didn't leave without him.
"Hey!" a voice called out behind Erin and Jay as they walked side-by-side to Erin's car. "Hey guys, wait up!" The two of them stopped walking and turned around to see Mouse rushing towards them.
"What's up buddy?" Jay asked. "Something jump off?"
Shaking his head, Mouse waited until he was standing right in front of them to say, "No, no, I uh, I was just wondering if I could get a ride home. Atwater was supposed to take me, but something came up with his brother and Ruzek and Burgess are going out on a date and nevermind because clearly you are too, sorry guys forget I—"
"Mouse, Greg, buddy!" Jay interrupted his best friend's fast-paced rambling. "Slow down and don't worry about it, of course we can give you a ride home. You're on the way back to Erin's anyway."
"And we're not going on a date," Erin added. "Olivia convinced Jay to take her to Mastro's for dinner which is why he's all dressed up. I'm stuck babysitting for the night."
"Mastro's huh?" Mouse's smirk was illuminated by the lights hanging over the parking lot. "She loves that place. Have fun paying the bill."
"I wasn't aware she's ever been there before…" Jay trailed off, confusion written all over his face and dripping over each of his words. "How do you know?"
"Oh, uh, she told me about it once. An old boyfriend or something took her there. D-don't remember his name though." The tech specialist stammered out.
"Not Danny O'Connor?" Jay inquired, trying to think of all of his sister's previous boyfriends and only being able to recall one of them. "The guy she dated junior and senior year of high school?"
A pensive look fell over Mouse's face and, for a moment, Jay was convinced he wasn't going to get confirmation. But, just as he was about to drop the subject and just wait to ask his sister, Mouse perked up and confirmed his guess. "Yep, that's the one!"
"I hated that kid," Jay grumbled.
"You barely knew him, we were deployed for most of their relationship," Mouse pointed out.
"Jay, you sound like such a protective older brother, shut up," Erin laughed.
Jay gaped at his girlfriend, crying out indigently, "I am her older brother though! And that kid was such a loser, I don't even think he went to college."
"You didn't go to college," Mouse stated with a laugh.
"Neither did I," Erin chimed in. "Does that make me a loser?"
Groaning in frustration over the hole he dug himself into, Jay looped his arm around Erin and grabbed Mouse's upper arm with a light force and shoved him towards her Jeep.
"Let's go," he commanded. "I don't need Liv killing me for showing up late and screwing up the dinner reservations."
Somewhere between getting into the Jeep and pulling out of the parking, Erin managed to convince Mouse that she needed him to help babysit Madison until Jay and Olivia got back from their dinner, which was why all three of them were making the trek up to Erin's apartment some fifteen minutes later.
"Liv, we're back!" Jay called out as Erin unlocked the door and let them in.
A faint sound of heels clacking against the floor reached their ears, alerting all three of them that Olivia was clearly dressed and ready to go.
"Hey," she greeted, stepping into view. Dressed in a mid-length black dress that looked more like a double-breasted coat with a wide sash around the waist, sheer black tights littered with an array of dark polka dots, and black high heels, she made Jay instantly feel underdressed. Her makeup looked different from this morning—darker around her eyes, her lips now sporting some shade of toned down red—and her hair was no longer falling down around her shoulders, but rather up in a high ponytail that left no strand out of place. "Madison is just finishing up some ice cream in the kitchen, a special first day of daycare treat. You can probably put her to bed around eight or so. I already gave her a bath and put her in her pajamas so she's pretty much all set for the night. If you need me, just call. I stuck my new number on the fridge so you can't miss it."
"Between the two of us, I think we can handle her," Erin said, pointing her thumb in Mouse's direction.
Jay watched as a soft smile took over his sister's features at the sight of his best friend. "Hey Greg," she greeted softly.
"Liv," Mouse replied with a small nod, a typical response for him. "Heard you got Jay here to take you back to Mastro's."
She laughed, shaking her head as she did so. "There was no convincing needed. I just threw out a place and he agreed to it. Dummy here didn't even think to suggest anywhere else."
Mouth gaping open like he suspects a fish's mouth would, Jay started spluttering in annoyance. "What are you talking about? I didn't think I had a choice!"
"Everyone has a choice Jay," she said simply, suddenly sounding older and wiser. "It's just a matter if they are able to act on it."
Groaning in frustration, Jay promptly shoved Mouse and Erin further into the apartment and gestured for his sister to follow him out of it. Olivia took his cue and looped the bag she was holding, which he recognized as designer, over her arm and rested it in the crook of her elbow. "We can go somewhere else if you want," she muttered as Jay shut the door on Erin's and Mouse's laughter. "I'm totally fine with that."
Something about the way she said it told Jay that, while she was being serious about her offer, her heart had been set on going to the place they had initially planned on.
"Mastro's is fine," he assured her, trying to sound as resolute as possible. "Just consider it eight years' of worth of missed dinners."
Looking up at him, Olivia's face split into a wide, sincere grin. "Deal," she agreed, looping her arm around his own and walking in step with him the rest of the way down to his truck.
The ride to Mastro's was filled with irrelevant small talk. It was almost as if both siblings knew that a much larger, more important talk was going to take place in the next few hours, and they were saving up their words for then instead of wasting them now. Jay was fine with that though. Over the years, he had developed an acute hatred for small talk. In his mind, what was the point of dancing around what really needed to be said and why waste words just for the sake of using them? As someone who liked to keep things close to his vest, he personally felt that engaging in small talk was the exact opposite of doing that (a lesson he learned in his very brief stint in therapy following his second tour).
"Hi," Olivia greeted the host at Mastro's with the same sureness and ease she spoke with that morning. "We have a reservation for two under Olivia."
Jay watched the host look up from her post and discretely look both him and his sister up and down to inspect their attire before turning her attention to her computer. "Two for Olivia," she mumbled, scrolling through the page open on her screen. "Ah yes! Found it! Alright, you two are all set, someone will be here shortly to show you to your table."
"Perfect, thank you," Olivia said, shooting the host a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Maybe she noticed how the girl inspected them before confirming their reservation to, he thought, curious to know if his sister had become more observant of her surroundings than she had been when he last saw her eight years ago.
The wait was hardly able to be considered a wait; barely any time had passed from Olivia's expressed gratitude to when a middle-aged waiter came up to them, menus in hand, gesturing for them to follow him to their table.
"If I remember correctly, they have the best bread here," Olivia stated after sitting down in the chair the waiter, whose name was Robert, pulled out for her. "I swear last time I was here, I could have just eaten bread the whole night it was that good."
Chuckling at her enthusiasm over something as simple as bread in a restaurant as fancy as this, he rolled his eyes and said, "If I'm paying for us to eat here, you better eat more than bread."
He felt awful as he watched Olivia's face fall ever so slightly at his words. He thought he was making a joke; he didn't mean to make her feel bad.
"Look, dinner is on me," she stated, the poise in her voice dropping as well. "I suggested that we come here, I pay for our meals."
"What? Liv, no," he scoffed. "I was just joking, dinner is on me. I owe you eight years' worth of them anyway, remember? I am more than happy to knock that off in one night."
When her face didn't lift, he reckoned his attempts at cracking another joke was a fruitless one. Damnit, he thought. How had he already managed to screw this up so badly when they only just sat down?
"Dinner is on me," he firmly asserted. "And I'm really glad we're doing this."
"Doing what? Eating? You can do that anywhere."
Rolling his eyes again, this time at her sass, he shot her a pointed look and elaborated on his claim. "Not eating. Catching up, talking, spending time together just the two of us. Contrary to what you probably believe, I really did miss you."
Olivia leaned back in her seat and eyed him warily, her winged eyeliner making her look much more menacing than she probably (hopefully) meant for it to be. "Funny way of showing it," she remarked, immediately reaching for the glass of water Robert just placed in front of her. "But I'll take your word for it."
So, they were going to get right into it? Okay…
"Look," he paused, waiting for Robert to get the hint that they were not ready to order any additional drinks or food just yet. Once the waiter left them with the promise that he'd be back shortly, Jay squared off his shoulders and met her look straight in the eye. "I can't even begin to tell you…coming back from Afghanistan that second time…it was hard alright? I struggled…I struggled so much and I-I didn't want you to see that. I didn't want anyone to see that."
Olivia quirked her head to the side, taking in what he was telling her. "Eight years Jay," she snapped, her hand clenching around her glass in what he expected to be a way for her to stop her hand from slamming down on the table. "I get the struggling, I really do and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through that. But eight years and all I get from you are a handful of random texts, most of them on my birthday and that's it?"
He could understand now why Will got so pissed last night, why his brother immediately went into attack mode to justify his actions (or lack thereof). He could also understand now why Liv may have picked a restaurant like this; it was one where he was unable to make a scene. Here at Mastro's, they were able to fire off all of the verbal ammunition they had just as long as they kept their emotions in check.
"Phones work both ways Liv," he snapped back. "I can pretty much say the same about you."
"You abandoned me first," she volleyed, not missing a beat. "You left to fight a war, then you came back but you weren't really back no, you were too busy with Mom and then doing whatever you could to avoid Dad and your grief. Then you left to fight that same war again and left me no choice but to move out on my own and figure my shit, my life, out on my own. So, sue me that I found new friends, a new life, a new family after all the people I considered my real family left me."
The air around them was vibrating with a tension that was just begging to be let loose.
"Have either of you decided on what you would like to drink? Perhaps an appetizer as well?" Robert suddenly appeared, looking very eager to get some sort of order out of them.
Olivia didn't miss a beat, Jay had to give her that. With a smile, she looked up at the waiter and said sweetly, "I'll have a glass of the Santa Margherita pinot grigio. And I'd like to have a bowl of lobster bisque for an appetizer please."
Jay, who hadn't even thought to look at either the drink or dinner menu, quickly fumbled his way through the wine list and ordered the cheapest glass of red wine he could find. Never mind the fact that he didn't even like red wine, or any wine for that matter. But, he didn't think this was the kind of place he ordered a bottle of Heisler.
"And would you like a soup or salad or any other kind of appetizer sir?"
"I'm all set, thank you," he shot the waiter his own half quirked smile. "Heard the bread was to die for so I'll be too preoccupied with that." He took pleasure in the fact that both Robert and Olivia looked mortified with his words.
"Have some class Jay," Olivia reprimanded once Robert was out of ear shot.
"What?" he chuckled. "I was just trying to make a joke!"
"Yeah, well, your jokes suck," Olivia insulted. "Like, seriously suck."
Frowning a little and shrugging his shoulders, finding that he had no real comeback to make, he let her comments slide, choosing to take a sip of his water instead.
"So, eight years," Olivia started, her tone much softer than it previously had been. "I guess a lot has happened between now and then."
Despite recognizing her thinly veiled olive branch, he couldn't help but snip back, "Yeah, you got a whole new family apparently."
She sighed but chose to explain rather than engage. "Yeah, the uh, the Sullivan's. Caroline was in one of my classes freshman year and we just, I don't know, we just clicked as cliché as that is. She became my best friend and by the time freshman year ended, you were still deployed, Will was God knows where, and I refused to go back home to Dad. So, she invited me to stay with her family at their Nantucket home for the summer and by the end of it, Maureen and Thomas all but declared me their long-lost daughter."
"Caroline…that's Madison's mom, yeah? Your friend who died?" Olivia visibly flinched at the mention of her friend's death and Jay regretted bringing it up.
"Y-yeah, Caroline is Madison's mom. By the end of sophomore year, we kind of formed our own little group. Her, Bobby, Colin, Taylor, James, and me. The six of us did everything thing together and by the end of first semester junior year, she and Bobby started dating. They got married a year after we graduated and had Madison shortly after. They named Bobby's brother and me her godparents. I miss them."
Eyebrows scrunching together, he asked, "Do you all keep in touch? Clearly you must with Maureen and Thomas if they knew you were coming here and were able to get Madison in a daycare program."
"Of course I am in touch with Maureen and Thomas," she shot back hotly. "Madison and I are literally all they have left. They were the ones who paid for our tickets here, who are helping me find a place of my own to stay at, and who are helping me find a job. The rest of them," her voice shrunk as she shifted to the current relationship between her and her friends. "Let's just say it's complicated."
"How so?" He was enjoying that Olivia was letting him in like old times, happy that she was seemingly opening up about her life and all that he missed, and he didn't want her to stop talking.
Just as she opened her mouth to say, Robert came back with both of their drinks. "Your soup will be out shortly miss," he vowed before retreating from the table once more.
Taking a sip of her wine, Olivia peered over her glass and struck up her perfect posture and regained all of the composure she let slide away during her brief recap of her life.
"I don't think it's fair that I am doing all the talking," she said, a single eyebrow rising upwards. "So, start spilling. You came back from Afghanistan, had to sort through some stuff, and then what? Clearly, you're doing pretty well for yourself Mr. Detective in the Most Elite Unit in the City."
Raising his own glass to his lips, he chuckled at her description and nodded his head. "That pretty much sums it up. Took me about a solid year to straighten some things out, uh, that wasn't pretty, so I'll spare you the details. But, once my head was screwed on right, I applied to the Police Academy, got in, and pretty much worked my way up. Started on working the shitty night shifts on patrol and managed to make it into Intelligence, uh, two years ago now? Maybe just a little bit more than that. Had to take a bullet to get in, but you know, such is life."
"You got shot?" Olivia exclaimed loudly, her voice causing a few heads to turn in their direction. In a moment of embarrassment at her outburst, her eyes widened and her hands slapped over her mouth. "Shit, that was loud," she giggled softly.
"Only a little," he smirked, holding two fingers up with a less than miniscule space separating them from touching. "But ya, I got shot. Took a bullet to the shoulder, nothing major. Had to go to physical therapy for a few weeks which sucked but, like I said, such is life I guess."
"Was it worth it?"
"Hell yeah," he answered immediately. "Intelligence was the dream, you know? From the second the unit was put together, it was all I wanted to do. Working with the specialized units was great, but I don't know, Intelligence does it all, sees it all, the impact we are able to make, the things we are able to do…"
"You just like saying you are a member of such an elite unit," Olivia only partially joked.
"I mean," he grinned bashfully, his cheeks heating up over what he was about to admit. "It's a pretty sweet perk."
"Oh I'm sure," Olivia laughed. "That and working with your girlfriend every day must be really great."
"Yeah, Er is, she's great. Still can't believe she gave me another chance."
"You guys dated before?" Olivia asked, her surprise at the concept evident. "I didn't know that."
He wanted to say, 'how would you,' but ignored the urge and just answered the question. "Kind of, it was pretty low key and no one really knew about it. She broke up—we decided to end it—after we realized our boss was starting to get suspicious. Voight has a pretty strict in-house dating rule and breaking it gets you a one way ticket back to the worst job on the beat."
"But he's okay with you guys now?"
"Uh," he rubbed the back of his neck, wondering how much he was allowed to say about the circumstances leading up to Voight's reluctant approval of their romantic relationship. "Let's just say some things happened that persuaded him to change his mind."
"Like what?" He couldn't blame Liv for being curious, but talking about Nadia and what happened to her and subsequently Erin after her murder was not a conversation for dinner, especially when Erin wasn't even around to explain her side of the story. So, Jay told his sister as much and was thankful that Olivia seemed to be okay with his less-than-descriptive explanation.
A silence fell over the two of them, and Jay took the lull in conversation as a chance to finally look over the menu so that he would actually be prepared when Robert returned. He choked on his own spit when his eyes glazed over the ridiculously high-priced dinner options. He was not stupid, he knew Mastro's was one of the more expensive restaurants the city had to offer, but judging by these prices, he was pretty sure he'd have to pick up an extra shift or two in overtime to cover the bill.
And to think Liv was willing to foot the whole bill herself and she didn't even have a job yet?
Fuck, a whole new list of questions started forming in his head at the thought.
"See anything good?" Olivia asked, her own eyes scanning the menu just like his own.
"To be honest," he looked up, briefly debated if he wanted to continue with his next thought or not. The words poured out of his mouth before he could come from an actual decision. "I'm more focused on trying to figure out how Danny O'Connor managed to afford this place while you two were dating."
"Danny O'Connor?" Olivia's eyes shot up and a look of confusion overtook her features. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Danny O'Connor, that kid you dated in high school! Mouse said he's the one who took you here."
It took a moment, but Jay knew the second the memory was jogged in his sister's mind. Mouth forming an 'o' shape, she nodded her head up and down in agreement. "Right, you're so right. God, it's been so long since I've thought about him. I wonder what he's up to now."
"Probably in jail or something," Jay retorted. "You were way too good for him."
"Of course I was," Liv tossed her ponytail, which had draped itself over her shoulders, back with a very dramatic flick of her wrist. "But he was a damn good kisser. And he took me here."
"Shut up," Jay groaned. "I do not under any circumstances want to hear about you kissing freakin' Danny O'Connor."
Luckily, Robert arrived and saved the conversation from continuing. Placing Olivia's bowl of lobster bisque in front of her, Robert straightened himself up and asked if they were ready to put in their entrée orders.
Biting back the whine that he wanted to let out, Jay ordered himself a filet and sides of roasted brussels sprouts and garlic mashed potatoes. A small whimper did slip out of his mouth when Olivia ordered the herb roasted chicken with sides of lobster mac and cheese and sautéed broccoli florets.
"I take it you like lobster," he commented after Robert had left and Olivia had brought her first spoonful of lobster bisque to her mouth and let out a savory moan at the taste of it. The sound immediately transported him to a time where she was obsessed with Disney's The Little Mermaid and refused to eat seafood of any kind, petrified over the fact she could potentially be eating Ariel's friends.
"I spent the past eight years living in Boston and on Nantucket, what do you think?" she asked rhetorically, bringing another spoonful up to her mouth. "Ugh, this is so good. Not the best I've had, but definitely a contender."
"Where's your favorite place to get lobster bisque?" he conversed, wanting nothing more than to keep the conversation alive and get to know this woman his sister had become.
Olivia sat back in her seat and contemplated his question. "I don't think there's one specific place that comes to mind," she said after a moment's thought. "It's good pretty much anywhere you go in New England as long as the place isn't a tourist trap. Personally, I like clam chowder more and I will say, the best place for that is the Ocean House in Westerly, Rhode Island. They also have one of the best lobsters rolls I've ever had."
"Rhode Island? Really?"
"Just Westerly, Rhode Island, but yeah. This is kind of crazy, but Maureen and Thomas like to take us on vacation there for two weeks in the summer. They love how quaint and quiet it is down there."
"Why don't they get a summer home there instead of on Nantucket?" Jay mused, not understanding why the couple would have a summer home on an island just to vacation in a beach town the next state over.
Apparently, Olivia thought the same as he did. "I literally tell them that all the time!" she stated. "But they always say they love the island too much to leave it for good. Hence our two weeks stay at the Ocean House."
He fumbled over his words, unsure if he wanted to ask his next question or not. "Do you uh, do you think you'll keep the tradition up now that you're here and Madison is here?" He decided to go for it, genuinely wanting to know what she'd say and hoping that her answer (should she choose to answer) would give him some sort of indicator what her future plans were. Was Chicago going to be her new permanent residence? Or was she going to jet back to Boston once whatever she was running from was no longer a threat to her?
Eyes now downcast, Olivia twirled her silver soup spoon around as she debated either her answer, whether she was going to respond, or both. "Of course," she eventually revealed. "It's our family tradition. Just because…just because Caroline and Bobby are…" she let out a heavy sigh. "Like I said, Madison and I are all Maureen and Thomas have left. They're my family and I'm theirs. What happened to Caroline and Bobby doesn't change that, it won't change that." Her tone turned fierce, and Jay was certain she was not only trying to convince him of what she was saying, but also herself.
"Sounds great," he offered, not sure what more he could say on the matter. It was weird for him to hear his little sister talk about her family as not being their actual, blood related family. "Sounds great."
They were halfway through their meals when the conversation looped back around to his work.
"You got a busy case load this week?" Olivia inquired.
"Yeah," he answered. "We picked up a doozy of a case today. Definitely going to be a tough one to get through." Cocking her head to the side, he saw her unasked question in her eyes and answered her before she managed to get the words out. "Some dirtbag doctor has been fake diagnosing his patients with cancer and then prescribing them ridiculously high doses of chemotherapy. Lots of women have been dying from it."
She was silent and still for a bit, and he knew better than to push her to say or do anything. He knew exactly what she was thinking about—who she was thinking about.
"I miss Mom," she eventually murmured, turning her attention to her uneaten side of lobster mac and cheese and taking a bite out of it. "Being back here really makes me miss her."
Reaching across the table, he took her free hand into his own and gave it a light squeeze. The days, weeks, and months following their mother's death were such a blur to him, he honestly didn't even remember how his sister managed to cope with the untimely yet not exactly surprising passing of their mom. If he was a stronger man, a better brother, he'd admit that their mom's death was the start to the demise of his relationship with Olivia, not when he left for Afghanistan and basically ignored her in the eight years that followed his departure.
"Me too," he muttered with a half-smile. "Maybe now that you're back, we can go visit her? Bring some flowers and take Madison to meet her?"
If Olivia liked or disliked his suggestion, she didn't say. Instead, she changed the subject to one he deemed much more unpleasant. "So, Will said you haven't spoken to Dad in two years?"
Scoffing, Jay shot her a look. Of all the things he did want to talk about with her tonight, discussing their father was not one of them. "He's a miserable old bastard who thinks I'm working a useless job and nothing more than wasted potential. Of course I don't talk to him."
"Neither do I," she said softly. "I don't even feel bad about it."
"What happened there Livvy?" he dared to ask. "Last night, you and Will both said some things but neither of you elaborated—"
"—Like you said," she cut him off sharply. "He's a miserable old bastard."
He opened his mouth to say more, but she once again changed the subject before he could. "So Will's back and you two are now buddy-buddy?" He was just able to detect a hint of jealously in her voice.
"Uh yeah," he scratched the back of his neck, starting to feel uncomfortable in his suit. "He needed a place to crash and, well, you know Will, he loves to just make himself right at home."
"I actually don't know Will," she snapped. "Never have."
Jay didn't know how to respond to that.
"Well, I can't remember if this was mentioned to you or not, but he's now working at Chicago Med in their ED. He seems to like it."
"Good for him," Olivia said sarcastically, raising her now empty wine glass in a mock cheer.
Wanting to avoid aggravating her any further, Jay spun the conversation back towards her and got around to asking one of the main things that had been on his mind since she showed up yesterday. "So, I became a detective, Will somehow managed to become a surgeon, what have you been up to the past eight years? I thought your plan was to go to New York and try and to get a job at that fashion magazine thing you were obsessed with as a kid."
Olivia scowled at his not-so-subtle transition but nevertheless amused him by answering his question. "That was the plan, but plans change," she said simply. "I fell in love with Boston and didn't want to leave. It's where all my friends were, where my family was, and so I just sort of stayed put. And then Caroline and Bobby had Madison and I had…well, there was no reason to leave after that."
His brows furrowed together. "But you did leave, and you also didn't answer the question."
"I didn't want to leave," she sharply corrected. "And I didn't really do much, just some freelance writing here and there. Maureen was on the board of all these different committees and charities and so I helped her plan and coordinate a lot of different events and when Madison was born, I helped Caroline out with her a lot."
"So let me get this straight," Jay was trying not to seethe at her answer. "You take off, go to Harvard on a full scholarship, graduate with honors because yeah, I may have sucked with communicating with you, but I did read all of your letters, emails, and text messaged, and then just do nothing but freelance work, helping out your new mom, and basically nannying for your friend? What the hell Olivia?"
She straightened in her seat and masked her face so that it was perfectly (and eerily) calm. "Work just wasn't my priority." Her arrogant tone made his blood boil. Shaking his head in disgust, Jay shoved the last bite of his steak into his mouth before he said something he knew he'd later regret. Work wasn't her priority? What the fuck did that even mean? How did she afford the lifestyle she so clearly had become accustomed to living? How did she survive with hardly any paychecks since graduating? How could she live such a high life when all he did was work and scrimp and save so that he was able to live moderately comfortably?
"Are you both doing okay over here?" Robert suddenly appeared, breaking his train of thoughts. "Still eating or are to-go boxes going to be needed?"
Since all the food he ordered had been consumed, Jay sat back in his chair and let Liv answer the waiter.
The conversation did not pick up once their waiter left. Jay, who was still trying to get his emotions in check, did not dare to open his month until they were and Olivia had pulled out her phone and started going through it, presumably checking for any updates on Madison and how Mouse and Erin were making out with her. It wasn't until he watched a sweet smile crack his sister's emotionless, stone-cold expression that the last of his anger faded away and he felt that he could speak with his sister in a normal, calm manner once more.
"What's up?" he asked, gesturing his head towards her phone. Expecting her to show him a cute picture of Madison or to share a funny text with him, he was stunned to watch his sister's eyes widened as she internally began to freak out. Shoving her phone back into her purse, she schooled the frantic expression that had taken over her face and answered in an unaffected tone, "Nothing. Just a message from a friend."
He wanted to ask what friend but thought better of it and followed along with her desire to brush the topic to the side.
A short while and minimal small talk made later, after Liv's leftovers had been boxed up and he paid a ridiculously overpriced bill, the two siblings were back in his truck and he was driving them back to Erin's apartment.
"Thank you," Olivia spoke just loud enough so that her voice could be heard over the radio that was playing some overplayed pop song he didn't have the heart to turn off because damnit, it was kind of catchy. "I uh, I'm glad we did this."
"Totally," he agreed, turning his head and offering her a grin. "We should make it a weekly thing or something while you're here. Except, maybe let's pick a more reasonably priced place next time."
If the fact that she finally accepted his joke for what it was and even let out a few chuckles over it wasn't a sign that the night was going to end on a good note, he didn't know what was.
"Deal," she agreed, matching his grin with one of her own. "Especially since I will be sticking around for quite a while."
"Yeah?"
"I don't really have much of a choice." Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as her hand came up and gently brushed against her bruised eye, which was still expertly hidden by her makeup. "Plus, it's not fair to Madison if I keep moving her around. She needs stability now more than ever."
Clearing his throat, he decided to go for one last 'Hail Mary' pass. "You uh, you want to talk about it?"
All throughout dinner, he fought with himself over picking the right time to bring up her bruises and trying to dig the details out of her on what sent her running to Chicago in the first place and, try as he might, he just couldn't grasp onto the opportune moment. Now, about ten minutes from Erin's apartment, was the only chance he managed to seize, and he'd beat himself up if he let it slip through his fingers.
"Not really, no," she dropped his pass, having not even made an effort to catch it. "Eventually yeah, but…but not now. Not tonight."
Fighting against all of his bodily instincts to continue pushing for answers, Jay fell silent and accepted her request. Eventually…she said eventually, he silently told himself. When's she ready, she will tell him and then maybe, just maybe, she will become less of a mystery to him than she is in the present moment.
For anyone wondering, I picture Liz Gillies as Olivia, particularly in her role as Fallon Carrington on the CW's show Dynasty. Also, the Ocean House, in my opinion, really does have some of the best clam chowder and lobster rolls in New England.