Disclaimer: This story is based off of the characters written by Stephanie Meyer in the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of these characters.

TW: This chapter contains discussions of suicide.

Edward

We sat in the living room of Tanya and her sister's home. I sat across from the family and Alice refused to make eye contact, she turned her entire body away from me and was looking at Carlisle.

"I can't see where Rose and Emmett are heading. From what I can tell Rosalie hasn't made any decisions yet, but I don't think they'll be coming home for a little while." Esme's shoulders drooped. Alice paused and I frowned as she thought of what she was going to say next.

"I don't see that our family is going to look the same again." She whispered. Esme's eyes shifted to her's and the sorrow and worry that filled her mind sent yet another guilty ache through my chest.

I tried to focus in on Alice's thoughts, to sort through the strings she saw of the family's future, but I could only catch glimpses and none of them made any sense to me. I briefly wondered if she was doing it on purpose, but I could also see her trying to put things together herself and realized that she wasn't sure of a clear future yet either. She was right however, things would be changing no matter what string we followed.

"Not all the possibilities are bad," Alice continued. "But whatever decisions that need to be made to solidify things, haven't been made yet." The thought of her and Jasper leaving ran through her mind briefly, which highlighted a future for them, without us. But as quickly as she'd thought it up, she pushed it away.

"I suppose we should focus on the now, and worry about the future, later." Carlisle said, he was worried as well, but was thinking about it a bit more logically. He wanted everyone to be happy, and recognized we had a long road ahead of us to get there. I watched Alice give him a soft smile, and he returned it with one of his own.

My thoughts shifted briefly to Jasper as he recalled Bella's emotions for a moment. I found myself surprised once more as his thoughts shifted to helping her through things. He wanted to go back, but didn't want to leave Alice. In Alice's head the possibility of him leaving highlighted through her thoughts. She couldn't see his intention or where he would go and panic edged her mind for a moment before she decided to put it on the back burner and discuss it with him later.

"As things stand, I am entirely upset with Edward and what has become of the decisions he made." It was then that she turned to me, "I know you can see exactly how upset with you I am, but I will feel better saying it out loud." She paused for a moment, though she knew I wouldn't protest, "You should not have dismissed what I'd told you would happen if we left. I know I'm not omniscient - you remind me more often than we hunt. But I know what I saw, and with what happened to Jasper-"

The image of him grimacing on the ground flashed through her thoughts. "I know I was right, she was miserable. She was on a path that could have gotten her killed and it ended up getting her turned. You need to learn that as old as you are and as smart as you think you are, you are not all knowing either. Clearly you didn't know this.

"You do not have the right to give ultimatums, and it wasn't fair for you to make me choose. I know you can see this, but if I could go back - I would choose Bella." Her voice broke and she paused for a second. I didn't speak as I knew she wasn't done. "I don't hate you, and I don't think you should hate yourself, not entirely. I can see that you feel guilty, and I can tell you that ending your own life will not make any of this better for anyone else." Esme's thoughts jumped at me, her eyes were on me and she wanted to interrupt. She wanted to console me, make sure I didn't go through with whatever plan I had to get myself killed. I held up I reassuring hand. I wouldn't kill myself, I deserved to live with this guilt, and they didn't deserve to grieve me.

"It would seem that something both of us need to work on his not making decisions for other people, and instead only being there for them while they decide. Interfering has gone too far this time. And I don't know about you but I don't want to make mistakes to this great of a measure ever again." Her eyes lingered on mine for a fraction of a second before she turned back to Carlisle. He was looking at me, processing what Alice had said.

Before either he or Esme had time to speak I started, "I realize my train of thought wasn't fair to the rest of you. neither when it come to Bella or when it comes to my own life. I am deeply sorry for leaving and I have no good reason for doing so. You are my family and I should have embraced your support rather than running from it. I'm sorry to have disappointed all of you in my decisions. You deserved far better than that." I turned to Alice and she peered at me front the corner of her eye.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I understand that it will take time, if or when that happens. But I want you to know how terrible I feel about pulling you from Bella that way. You're right, I'm not all knowing and I will do my best to step back and let things happen as they are meant to." I turned and shifted my attention between Esme and Carlisle. "I want to be honest with you, when I thought Bella was dead, I was intending to go to the Volturi and ask them to kill me. I realize that it was a selfish choice, but I didn't feel as though I could live in a world where Bella didn't exist." Esme's breath was caught in her throat and concern filled Carlisles mind.

"I don't want you to worry now, I have firmly decided against that course of action." I stared into Esme's eyes, "But I need you to understand that I will not go back to Bella unless she wishes for me to. As much as I wish I could hold on to her for the rest of eternity, she is the only one who can make that decision. I can only imagine the way she feels about me now, and I couldn't force her into forgiving me, just as I can't push any of you to."

I could tell that if Esme could cry, she would be now. I looked to Carlisle and he gave me a soft smile.

"What happened to Bella was unfair, but you did not tell another of our kind to find her. You should not hold her change over your conscience." His eyes shifted to Alice and back to me. "You are only responsible for yourself and your choices, not those of others. It is your responsibility to make things right where you have wronged not where other's have. This family has a lot to work through, but I want you to know that I accept your apology. I forgive you for leaving and taking the space you needed."

Esme nodded beside him, she stood up and reached an arm to me, I met her hand with mine. "You are allowed to make mistakes, we are immortal not flawless." She told me, I met her eyes and nodded once. She glanced to Alice with a soft smile and excused herself from the conversation. After a moment Carlisle stood up, he crossed over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him as he silently repeated how much would need to be done to earn the other's forgiveness. Then he too looked to Alice and Jasper before excusing himself and following after Esme.

I turned to Jasper, "I need to know what Bella went through. I need you to show me what I caused. I've seen it bring you to your knees but I need to know what it felt like." I pleaded. Jasper looked at me, he was pleased to know I wanted to feel it, but he and Alice had pre-discussed and there was more to be done before he would be able to do so.

He didn't speak, knowing that I heard full well what he would have said, then he turned to Alice. I kept my eyes on him for a moment, before I too shifted my attention.

She showed me what I needed to do next and with a sigh I stood up.

...

I found Irina outside, she was filling bird feeders around the property but halted at my approach. She turned to look at me with a curious look in her eye. I offered a sad smile and she set the bag of seed on the ground.

"Welcome back Edward," her tone was formal, I clasped my hands behind my back, unable to find the right way to start. Alice had only showed me what to do, she hadn't showed me the best way to go about it. I sighed and thought through my options.

My eyes met Irina's and I decided I needed to just get on with it. I sucked in a deep breath.

"I have news about Laurent." I told her, finding that my gaze had trailed to the ground in front of me. This was much harder than I thought it would be. When Irina didn't speak I lifted my eyes to hers again. She was frozen where she stood. I knew she could see by my body language that the news was nothing good. "It seems he was the one who had been in Forks just before Alice and Jasper headed that way." I explained further. She took a solid step toward me and held my gaze. Behind me I heard her sisters as well as Eleazar and Carmen approach.

Her expression willed me to continue and I pushed through my hesitation. "He was the one who turned Bella." I whispered, "And we have reason to believe to wolves killed him shortly after." My voice was soft but I knew she heard me. I hoped she also heard the apology in my tone. Irina coughed out a sob and her sisters were at her side immediately.

"I'm sorry for your loss." I told her, and as upset as I was that he was the reason Bella had been turned, I was truly sorry. I knew what it was like to feel the emptiness of the world without your other half. My gaze shifted back to the snow and I turned and walked passed Carmen and Eleazar. I would give her privacy with her family as she grieved her mate.

I walked slowly back to the house, and was stopped in the entry way by Alice.

"You were right," I said as we entered the house, "It was probably for the best that she heard it from me." Alice analyzed the tone in my voice for a moment and thought through my sorrow as well as her own. I knew she could see the path of forgiving me, but her stubbornness was keeping it at bay. She was compartmentalizing so many things that her thoughts were louder than usual.

She thought about asking me why there was a possibility of Jasper leaving and I couldn't stop the reply until it was out of my mouth. "He's worried about Bella and wants to go help her. But he doesn't want to leave you, and I don't think he will." We both froze, and I turned to her. "I'm sorry, your thoughts were screaming out. That was something you should have spoken to him about first and I apologize for interfering." Her thoughts had paused for a moment and she stood there with a shocked expression for a moment. My answer was so sudden she hadn't been able to see it coming.

With that, her panic of the possibility of her no longer being able to see Bella was brought forward and a new flood of thoughts sprang to the front of her mind. She pushed through them and focused on what I said, after a second she shook her head and silently thanked me for putting that worry at ease.

...

I ran across the snow north of the house and paused as I heard the thoughts of Alice and Jasper. I moved to change directions when I caught the conversation they were having.

"Jazz I need to know," her voice was soft, pleading.

"No." He clipped, I could see that he had decided when it happened would not put her through what Bella showed him.

"Jasper." Her eyes shone as she stared at him and I grimaced at the direction of her thoughts. She had been planning how to ask him nearly as long as he'd decided he wouldn't show her.

"No." There was no give in his mind.

She stared at him for a long moment, "I left her too." Her voice broke, "Edward may have forced me to choose, but I still left. I need to know how she felt, I owe her much more than that."

As he processed her words, Jasper's decision wavered slightly and that was all it took.

Alice latched on to the possibility of him showing her Bella's pain and held onto that feeling. She clutched her chest, "Oh," she gasped.

I huffed out a breath as I read the mental toll that had taken on Alice. Jasper was staring at Alice with a horrified expression. He hadn't even considered showing her nearly half of what Bella had brought forward and it was my turn to be horrified.

What had I done?

Once again my actions were ahead of my thoughts and I found myself running to them. Alice saw me coming and though she was still processing what had happened, she silently welcomed me to them.

I froze for a moment when I saw them, then ran to her side. Jasper looked at me skeptically, his gaze flicked to Alice's and she nodded. Jasper didn't wait a second and pain hit me like a freight train. My vision went dark as the weight of Bella's anguish pulled me down. I gasped and sank to my knees. I had no idea a human could feel this sort of pain and survive.

I felt a hole burning through my insides, loneliness and loss creating a void where my chest should be. I felt like an would split in two. Nausea wove through me, and a ghost of the fire of change stung across my skin. Jasper held me in this agony for several minutes as I clutched my arms around my body. I wanted to gasp for air I didn't need, and my own guilt for putting her through this wasn't able to come forward through the pain. Instead it melded with it, building the emotions.

Slowly, Jasper let up until it was only my own sadness and guilt clouding my thoughts. I remained on the ground as I recovered. I knew I'd hurt her, but I could never have imagined I'd done this. I stared at the snow unmoving.

Alice's eyes shifted to Jaspers and she frowned. "You need to go to Bella." She told him. He looked at her for a long moment before his eyes shifted to me and back. He knew I'd told her what he'd been thinking and irritation flicked through him. He briefly contemplated another round of Bella's pain. I shivered, bracing for it knowing I should feel this for the rest of my existence, until I realized how draining it was for Jasper to project it.

He shook his head, "We can discuss that possibility later. But as of now I need to stay here with you." Alice shook her head in return.

"She needs you," I didn't need to see her thoughts, I heard the stubborn trill in her voice.

"So do you, I'm not going." He paused giving her a pointed look as she opened her mouth to retort, "Not until we know where Rose and Emmett are." Alice closed her mouth, partially satisfied with this response. She shifted her eyes to me and back to Jasper.

"Fine."

...

It had been nearly a day since we'd heard anything from Rosalie or Emmett. Everyone was in a state of unease, but Alice was struggling the most. She was trying to hide her frustrations, but she wasn't able to see if Rosalie or Emmett had made any decisions.

Instead of trying to sort through all the strings, Alice busied herself with helping Carmen redecorate. Kate and Irina had gone for a run yesterday evening and had not returned. Eleazar and Jasper were locked in a game of chess and Tanya and Esme were upstairs talking through things.

I sat staring blankly at the TV, Carlisle sat in the living room reading, but was unable to focus through his worry for Rose. He spent several moments with his eyes on each page of his book not taking in any information, and eventually gave up to stare at the TV with me.

We went on with our mundane tasks for a few hours, and suddenly Alice paused as she placed a small bouquet on the coffee table in front of us. I saw her vision as she did, and moment later Carlisle's phone rang. Alice looked at him with her brow furrowed.

"It's Rosalie." She whispered. Everyone in the house went silent as Carlisle answered his phone.

The frustrated look on Alice's face didn't disappear and Jasper was at her side placing a gentle hand on her elbow.

Everyone migrated to the living room as Carlisle spoke to Rosalie and Alice and my eyes locked when she announced her and Emmett were in Forks.

So it was confirmed, Alice could not see the future where Bella was a part of it.