Sunlight split my eyes open and my ears popped, as though I had just been on an airplane. It was a good thing I was still kneeling on the ground, because my stomach twisted and I puked in the dirt. A woman made a disgusted sound behind me and stepped away.

"That is so gross. Warn a lady before you do something like that."

I ignored her, focusing on keeping my stomach internal rather than dumping it in the puddle along with my breakfast. The dry heaves continued for a moment, and I groaned. I hadn't been that sick since the Company Christmas party. Or, the morning after at least.

Water. I needed water. I popped my briefcase open, but my eyes must have still been too sensitive to work properly. It looked like it didn't have a bottom. Just darkness, like a pit deep in the earth. I reached in, fumbling, and brought out the bottle of water I always kept inside. It was the best thing I'd ever tasted, but I forced myself to swish and spit out the first mouthful to get the taste out of my mouth.

When I had regained my composure and finished half of the water bottle, I closed my briefcase and took my first look around. I was… outside? On a grassy hill, specifically, looking down at a moderately-sized and tightly packed city straight out of a fantasy visual novel. A packed dirt road led from the city gates and broke off in various directions, including up past the hill I was currently still sitting in the dirt on.

Also, there was a puke-mud puddle. Gross.

"Where… am I?"

"You are outside the city of Axel in the Kingdom of Belzerg. If this world has a name, it hasn't been important enough to document as far as I know." That same woman's voice.

I stood up quickly, not wanting to humiliate myself further. A pale woman in a deep red dress was looking at me like a particularly disgusting worm had just crawled out of her refrigerator. She bore a striking resemblance to the devil with no eyes, but this couldn't be her. The devil had been attractive, you know, except for the horns, hooves, and no eyes, but this woman was smoking hot. Her dress fit her tightly, showing off her sinful curves, and split up one side to show the pale flesh of her thigh and side.

"If you're done staring," she said with cold satisfaction. "You have work to do. And I suggest you get to it immediately. Lord Asmodeus is infinite, but is patience is not."

"Wait, wait, wait!" I called out, and the smile disappeared. "What the hell happened!"

My memory was hazy and head was still spinning. Things had been going so fast I was having trouble keeping up.

"I thought you were supposed to be smart." The woman said, and crossed her arms. One delicate finger started tapping. "You died. You impressed Lord Asmodeus enough for him to give you an opportunity. Now you're here. With a job to do. That you aren't doing."

"Right. I died…"

I looked down, but all evidence of the knife wound was gone. My suit was as clean and well-pressed as it had ever been, not a spot of blood or sign of damage anywhere. There was some mud-vomit splattered on one sleeve, but as I watched it shrank to a single spot, then disappeared. Was my suit self-cleaning now? That would save me a fortune on dry cleaning.

"Okay. I died and went to hell? Asmodeus-"

I was cut off as the bitch slapped me, dragging razor sharp fingernails across my face and splitting my cheek open.

"LORD Asmodeus, you fool." Her voice was a deadly whisper, and the fear in her tone registered even through the sudden pain in my cheek. Compared to being stabbed, though, it wasn't that bad. And I had recently become intimately familiar with how that felt.

"Right, sorry, Lord Asmodeus took my soul. So, I'm going to hell when I die, huh? I know I was a good businessman, but I didn't think I was that good."

"It is one of your few redeeming qualities. Watching that old man kill himself after losing his family's shop and his grandson imprisoned for murder was… delightful." The crazy bitch squirmed when she said it. Actually squirmed like some kind of degenerate.

Wait. Mr. Benson killed himself? Well damn… I kind of felt a little bad about that. I didn't even get paid for it!

"And now I'm supposed to hunt down one of As- uh, Lord Asmodeus' other subordinates, kick his ass, and then live a long, safe, and healthy life here to avoid hell for as long as I can, huh?"

"Confident, are we? Good, maybe you will even do some damage to his generals before you are obliterated and Lord Asmodeus has to send someone else."

Hol' up.

"So, I'm not the first?"

Hepzam-, Zaneph-… the demon scratched her cheek, much softer than mine, and looked down at the town idly.

"Wow, it sure is peaceful here, isn't it?"

"I'm not the first?"

It was one thing to be sent by the devil to a new world to ice somebody, that was bad enough, but to only be here because someone else had failed? That was downright alarming.

"What happened to the first guy?" The woman started watching clouds now, avoiding my gaze. "Hey! I'm talking to you, uh, devil woman!"

She moved, deceptively quick, and slashed out at my chest. I expected more pain, but her nails alone glided across my suit without damaging it. I took a few steps back, in case she decided to go for the face again.

"I have a name, worm. I am the Lilitu Zephaniah, and right now I hold great power over you. One word from me, and Lord Asmodeus will know every failure you ever make. It would be wise of you not to offend me."

"Right, sorry, Zephaniah, got it. It's been a hectic… day? Forgive me."

I picked up my briefcase and noticed my glasses had fallen from my pocket and landed in the dirt. Fortunately, not in the quickly drying and even more strongly stinking mud. As I put them on, the world came into sharp detail. Not just corrective, but magically sharp. I could make out words on the signs in the city a kilometer away and the faces of people on the road. I turned to Zephaniah to comment, and the words died in my throat. Lines, words, and numbers were originating from her like a heads-up display from a video game.

Zephaniah, Lilitu, LV. 17

Class: Devil

"Why are you staring at me like that?" She covered her chest. "It's creeping me out."

I took off the glasses, still staring at her, and the display disappeared. Interesting. I rubbed my chest where Zephaniah had tried to slash me. Sure enough, the suit hadn't taken any damage from the blow, despite the same attack ripping straight through my flesh. I popped my briefcase open again, still dark on the inside, and dropped them into it. As soon as they touched that inky darkness, they disappeared.

"There is something strange going on here, Zephy."

She kicked me, hard, in the back. Well, stomped would be more accurate. I suspected she had tried to stab me with the heel of her stiletto.

"Didn't hurt." I said, deadpan, and reached into the case. My hand passed through the inky black, but I couldn't feel anything as I groped inside. When I thought about trying to find my glasses, I felt their weight settle into my palm and I was able to pull them back out.

"My briefcase is a bag of holding…"

I thought back to my mentor, the family friend whose job I had taken two years in. Back then, I had still been a borderline shut-in video game addict, and he had taken to using metaphor to try and teach me the ropes. It had seemed cringy at the time, but I'll admit they had done the trick. He had been adamant that every businessman should have, at minimum, four things.

They are everything to a businessman. His sword, his shield. So long as you have these things you can overcome any obstacle. First, and most obvious, is your suit. Appearances are everything in the world of business. The smartest man in the world will be thrown out on his ass if he is dressed like a bum, but a well-dressed maniac can become a CEO. A suit is your armor, an impenetrable shield. A well-dressed man can survive anything.

Impenetrable shield, huh. That would need some testing. Careful testing. Safely.

Second, your briefcase. Snails and turtles are smart. They take their home, their safety, with them. Everything a businessman needs can fit neatly inside a single case and be secured against any trouble. Learn to pack everything with you, and you'll never leave anything behind.

"What are you doing, worm?" Zephaniah asked with bored disinterest, but I ignored her.

I gathered a handful of loose rocks. The heaviest ones I could find. All together, they were heavier than I could carry all at once. I was a gamer turned businessman. I hadn't exactly spent a lot of time at the gym, you know? I shoved them into my briefcase and watched them disappear into that seemingly-bottomless pit. When I lifted the case, it weighed no more than it had when I'd first arrived. It was magic. My briefcase was magic.

"Zephaniah. What is this place?"

"What do you mean?"

"This place isn't like earth at all, is it? Does… does magic exist here?" She gave me that 'how do you manage to wake up in the morning without drowning in your own incompetence' expression.

"Of course it does. Magic exists everywhere, moron. Your people back on earth have just convinced themselves it doesn't."

Ignoring the mind-warping reality of that statement, I thought back to what else my mentor had told me.

Third, and I realize you don't wear them so this might not apply to you, is his glasses. You notice how many businessmen wear glasses in the Company? Well I guarantee you at least half of them don't need them. Fact is, it is part of the mindset that goes with putting on a well-made pair of glasses. They are your x-ray goggles and your lie detector all in one. When you put those glasses on, you are reminding yourself to see through the façade to the heart of the matter. To the way things really are.

"Now come on," Zephaniah grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to my feet. She looked wiry, but she was stronger than a man twice her size. Namely, me. "You have a job to do. Your target goes by the moniker Demon King, which I suppose he thinks is terribly clever considering who his boss is. If I recall correctly, he has eight generals, so you should probably start off by killing them. That will give you enough practice to take on the big man himself. Then I can get out of this stupid place."

I had stopped walking, but the devil woman didn't notice. She had just dragged me along instead, my shoes leaving furrows in the dirt.

"Wait, the guy I'm here to kill is a demon king! And he has eight generals? What the hell am I supposed to do about that! I'm a businessman, what do you want me to do, sign him up for a timeshare?"

I wasn't panicking. Not the slightest bit. My voice was just getting higher because I was thirsty, that's all. Zephaniah stopped dragging me at that point and looked at me again, the condescension almost dripping.

"Not right now, obviously. You'll get obliterated. You'll need to level up a few times first, get some decent skills and gear. Maybe a party to help you out. That should do the trick."

I was clearly missing a few details. Still, the way she was talking made it seem like… I had been transported to a world… with fantasy game powers…

"Holy shit. I've been isekai'd."

XxXxX

I took some time to grill my new 'supervisor' about the details of this place and my assignment as we walked to the town. She had grown increasingly more annoyed by my fixation on what she considered to be minor details, but after I had explained that the more I knew, the faster I would be able to complete my task, she had acquiesced.

Demon king showed up, started recruiting monsters to take over the world, selected the strongest to be his generals, and since then has been ravaging the world and the people who live there. Pretty standard stuff. The world operated on some bizarre video game logic straight out of a nerd's dream. I would know. I had had it plenty of times myself. Experience, levelling, stats, skills, magic, the works. It was everything I could have every hoped. Before I had found my calling as a businessman, of course.

And now I was stuck in the middle of it with no way back. And since 'back' could really be considered an afterlife in hell for all of my misdeeds, I was pretty eager to avoid that, if at all possible, thank you very much. The best way to do that would be to get stronger. Ironically, protecting myself would be easiest if I put myself in harm's way.

Which meant my first stop would be the Adventurer's Guild to sign up. Even fantasy worlds had bureaucracy, apparently. Go figure.

"Alright, worm." The devil said when we stood outside the guild. "Good luck out there, be safe, have fun, and don't call me unless you've already killed one of the generals. I'll be rooting for you and all that."

"What? Where are you-"

There was a flash of light and a wafting scent of sulfur, and I was talking to empty air.

"-going… Well alright then, I guess I'll go fuck myself shall I."

I straightened my tie and entered the guild with my head held high. Most of the people we had passed on the road hadn't had much relevant information according to my glasses. A lot of commoners, a few craftsmen, and the occasional adventurer. No one over level five or so. Inside, however, my display came alive. Mages, fighters, thieves, simple and advanced classes alike with levels ranging from five to forty. Apparently combat and quests were the way to go if you wanted to level up in this world. Fair enough.

" Good morning," I said to the receptionist, a blond woman in a white top and shorts that wouldn't gotten a receptionist fired back on earth. "I would like to sign up an Adventurer, please."

"Of course! My name is Luna, and I'm in charge of running the Axel branch of the Adventurer's guild. Do you have your registration fee?"

"Pleasure to meet you, Luna, I'm Kazuma Satou. And yeah, of course!"

Shit. The devil woman hadn't given me anything before she'd popped, and I doubt this place would accept Japanese currency. I popped open my briefcase on the counter and reached in, picturing the petty cash I always kept for emergencies. A small pouch popped into my hand, and I opened it to see a collection of copper, silver, and gold coins. Perfect.

The receptionist put a device on the counter and had me put my hand over it. It glowed blue for a moment, then focused the light into a laser and started etching onto a registration card with my picture on it. As it was doing its thing, the Luna explained how adventuring worked. Looks like Zephaniah had been pretty much on the money. The device stopped etching onto my card, and Luna picked it up, blowing on it gently to cool it.

"Hm, let's see. Exceptionally high Intelligence and Charm, your Luck is one of the highest I have seen since I started here, too!" Could have fooled me, judging by how my day was going. "Your Strength is a little low, but your other stats are mostly average. With these skills I would recommend a Wizard or Priest. Both are casting classes that will make use of your high stats. Although…"

She trailed off and cocked her head, looking at me carefully. Almost suspiciously.

"Although?" I prompted, and she nodded slowly.

"Your stats are actually high enough for you to qualify for an advanced job. A Theurge is a combination of Wizard and Priest, and is basically a dedicated spellcaster. You have all the hallmarks of making a good one, but they are rather vulnerable in the field on their own as their physical defense doesn't get that high without magic. If you had a party to adventure with and keep you safe, I would recommend that! One of the requirements for unlocking the class is to have a religious affiliation that will provide Divine casting, but you seem to have met that requirement, despite not wearing any religious symbols. I hope it isn't anything sinister. But that isn't my place to judge. Would you like me to apply the Theurge class?"

Well. That was probably Asmodeus' doing. Though… he did say that part of my assignment here was to spread his name, right? Best way to do that would be to do as a divine caster. And besides, what's the point of going to a magical world if you aren't going to use magic, right?

"That sounds great. Please make me a Theurge."

Luna did something to my card and it glowed orange and black briefly. My mind raced as knowledge of magic, both arcane and divine, rushed into my head at once. The secrets of the universe brushed against me just begging to be cracked open and explored. It was such a rush! I held out my hands and focused on that new pool of energy I could feel bubbling within myself. A small ball of flame burst into existence in my right hand, and a soothing white light manifested around my left. Luna gasped in awe and clapped, and I could hear cheers from the various other clients drinking at their tables.

All I saw was the magic in the palm of my hands, though. This world would be mine. I'd make sure of that.

AN: "The most beautiful thing in the world is, of course, the review itself." - Wallace Stevens, fanfiction author