My emergency fund hadn't gone very far, but it had been enough to get me on my feet. I'd been able to register with the guild, pay for a week's room in advance, and purchased a staff that would, supposedly, increase my magical ability. As soon as I picked it up, I could feel that pool of energy tighten and become more potent, so I figured it was working and spent quite a bit on it. You are your most valuable asset, after all, and it is important to invest in yourself. It wasn't particularly high quality, only common in rarity according to this world's logic, but it was professional looking and went with my suit.

I had forgone buying any armor. Some initial, and discreet, testing with a knife while waiting for a meal had shown that my suit was now extremely resistant to damage. Surely some attack would be able to penetrate it, and my face and hands were still entirely exposed, but I wasn't able to generate enough force to stab through the suit myself. Also, I had confirmed the self-cleaning function. Even smearing some dark condiment on my sleeve wasn't enough to stain it.

With my room and board settled for the upcoming week, my equipment ready to go, and my wallet much, much lighter than it had been when I arrived, I was ready to get down some adventuring. The problem was, I couldn't find a quest that looked suitable for a single spellcaster.

Request: Kill a pack of White Wolves that have been terrorizing my sheep! Ten skulls.
Request: Help me with my magical experiments. High magic resistance or HP a must! Eight skulls.
Request: Repair my fence. My tuskhorn is in heat and keeps breaking it. You may need to dodge him while you work. Eight skulls.

I didn't know exactly what the skulls meant, but I assumed more than five meant I didn't stand a chance in hell. Ah. Right. Oof.

The only reasonable looking quest was fighting giant toads. Five in three days? Sounded like I would spend most of my time trying to find where they were. After all, how big could a toad really be?

XxXxX

"This is bullshit!" I screamed as I ran for my life.

The ground shook every few seconds as the GIANT toad hopped after me, almost causing me to lose my footing. I focused my power through my new staff and launched a [Firebolt] blindly behind me. The toad let out an angry burble, so I assume it hit, but I didn't slow down to check. Six or seven more hits, according to my estimates based on the damage the first hit had done, and I would bring it down. If it weren't for my glasses confirming the first hit had done damage, I would have assumed the toad hadn't even felt the hit.

I should have exercised more back in Japan.

When the giant toad finally collapsed to the ground and burst into a cloud of particle effects, I leaned against my staff and gulped down air. I hadn't been injured during the fight, luckily, but there was a stabbing pain in my side from all the running.

"This is… bullshit…"

Other than my body going on strike, I felt good though. Really good, actually. And there was a warm feeling in the pocket I kept my registration card in. I pulled it out and, sure enough, I had gained enough experience from that one toad to level up. I guess killing a creature solo meant not having to split the reward. My attributes had gone up, though my Strength was still abysmal, and I had a few new skill points to spend. I was getting the hang of this isekai world.

Now. Just four more frogs to go. Lie down. Try not to cry. Cry a lot.

XxXxX

I only ended up killing two more toads before calling it quits for the day. That last one had actually grabbed me with its tongue and had been in the process of trying to swallow me when I finally killed it. The suit was great against being stabbed, but there wasn't much it could do about that one.

On the bright side, at least only my head was covered in slime. I'd wiped my hands on my suit on the way back to town. It felt like a sin, somehow, but I couldn't argue with the results.

"Oh, Kazuma! You're ba- oh…"

Luna, the guild's receptionist, had looked happy to see me until she noticed the slime. She quickly turned and went back to cleaning the table, not willing to make eye contact with me.

"The, uh, the baths are in the back and are complimentary for everyone with a room."

"Thank you, Luna."

"Did. Did it go well?"

I looked at her blankly and she glanced up at me. A glob of toad slime slid off my head and hit the floor. She looked away first. I made my way to the baths, avoiding the slime on the floor.

"Hey Kazuma, how's the toad hunting!"

There was laughter from one of the tables, but it wasn't jeering. It was the laugh of someone who had also been eaten by a giant toad. A laugh of comradery. I hated it. I gestured rudely to them as I entered the baths, and the laughter intensified. At least the bath was hot and long. It almost made it all worth it.

My rented room was simple and rustic, but it was clean and the bed was comfortable. It beat sleeping in a stable, that was sure. Three toads down, only two to go. With any luck I would finish up the quest tomorrow and have some money in my pocket again. I had levelled up again, and was well on my way to another, so that was something to look forward to tomorrow as well.

A couple of new skills had become available to purchase on my registration card. A couple of valuable looking passives, increase mana regeneration, decreased usage, that kind of thing. Practically a feat-tax when it came down to it. Why would you not buy those skills? That left me with enough points for a new spell or two. A healing one was granted; I wasn't about to let myself die because I had skimped on heals. That was the last of the easy choices.

I was stuck between [Mage Armor] to increase my survivability or [Corruption], a damage over time effect. The suit was nice, but it only prevented certain types of damage. The defensive magic would protect me from the rest. On the other hand, if I was going to be kiting enemies to death anyway, maybe being able to focus on running away better was the way to go? I rolled over, pressed my face into the pillow, and groaned. This wasn't how I pictured my fantasy adventure going.

Wait… I lifted my head and sniffed the air. Was that sulfur?

"I've got to say, I thought being sent to babysit you was going to be unbearable, but watching you get chewed on by that toad? That was hilarious. Do try to do that again tomorrow, would you, worm? For me?"

I dropped my head without looking.

"Zephaniah, how lovely to see you. Please, come in. Make yourself comfortable." The pillow muffled my voice.

"I'm not staying long. Just wanted to remind you that I am always watching you, Kazuma. Always."

"That's not creepy at all. Even when I'm poopin'?" There was another whiff of sulfur, and I could feel the room was empty again. "Coward!"

XxXxX

"I'm sorry, kid, but I got no use for someone who can only cast one spell a day!"

I slowly munched on a toasted mutton sandwich as I tried to wake up. I kept having nightmares all night of Zephaniah sitting in the chair at the foot of my bed, watching me sleep. Every time I jolted awake to check though, she was gone. I couldn't tell if the faint hint of sulfur was fresh, from earlier that night, or from my dream. It was maddening, really.

"Please keep me on! I swear, I won't catch you in the blast anymore! I promise!"

A party was arguing with each other a couple of tables down, and it wasn't doing my mood any favors. I was never a morning person, even working a nine-to-five office job, but waking up early after a night full of nightmarish fever dreams? So much worse.

"I'm telling you, I ain't got room for you! Now beat it, you're scaring off the new applicants."

Two more toads to go and I would get paid. A few more levels under my belt and a few hundred thousand eris in my pocket, and I would be able to start really moving up in the world. I just had to decide if I wanted to party up and split the rewards, but go on more dangerous missions, or stay solo and keep the rewards for less dangerous work.

"You're replacing me already! But, but I haven't gotten paid my share for the last quest!"

Then again, the 'less dangerous' work wouldn't actually be less dangerous if I was doing it all alone. Going by meta-knowledge the action economy of being outnumbered would put me at more of a disadvantage than the mere math would indicate. Two enemies means twice as much damage coming in. One ally meant half as much damage, at most, coming in. It was a trade off with no clear answer.

"There isn't a share! You vaporized the target! The target we were supposed to capture and bring back alive, remember!"

From what I had been able to gather through idle chatter in the tavern last night, healers were always in high demand. Just went with the territory when you are risking your life every day. I would be able to find a spot in an existing party easily enough. Or, if I wanted more control over who was in it, I could put out an ad for my own party and pick through who showed up.

"Oh. Oh yeah… Sorry…"

The argument at the other table went quiet. I glanced their way to see a bombshell of woman, maybe two or three years younger than me, wearing relatively modest, for this world at least, witch's clothes wandering away from their table looking dejected. She hadn't been in the guild tavern yesterday, so I didn't recognize her. My glasses showed something interesting.

Megumin, human, LV: 6

Class: Archwizard [Detonation Specialist]

She passed by me, not even noticing my presence, and collapsed into a chair. Her stomach gurgled loudly enough for me to hear it and she groaned, dropping her head to the table. I looked down at my plate. I still had half a sandwich left and I was already pretty full. No sense in gorging myself or just throwing it away. And she just looked so pitiful. And hot.

I finished off my half of the sandwich, it really as delicious, and wiped the crumbs on my suit. I could really get used to the self-cleaning feature. It hadn't even carried the sulfur smell from my room. Then I put the plate in front of the woman, Megumin.

"Hungry? Here, I haven't touched that half so it's all yours if you want it."

She rolled her head to the side to look up at me and got an eye full of half a toasted MLT, mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. I could see her mouth watering. Literally. It was pooling on the table.

"Is, is this for me!" I shrugged.

"Sure. I'm done and I was just going to toss it, but it's yours if you want it."

The words were barely out of my mouth before she had filled hers. I watched in horror as the sandwich disappeared. It was like she hadn't eaten in days!

"My name is Megumin," she said halfway into the sandwich, and with her mouth full. "Master of [Explosion] and proud member of the Crimson Demon Clan!"

I had no idea what that was, but it must have been a big deal judging by her enthusiasm.

"Megumin, huh? I've heard of you." Ten minutes ago. "They say you can kill almost anything in one spell."

I hadn't heard anything of the like, other than the griping of her ex-party. But she seemed like the egotistical-type, and it was good to build a rapport with anyone who come across. You never know when opportunity will knock. Apparently, it had been the right thing to say, as her eyes lit up. She was just so eager. Like a puppy.

"There's no almost about it!" She yelled. She was standing on her chair now, posing with her staff in the air. "My [Explosion] spell is so powerful it leaves naught behind but dust and ash!"

"Oh Eris, she's going to use [Explosion]!"

"We're all gonna die!"

There was a panicked screaming as some of the patrons scattered, leaving the building via any exit they could find. I saw the guy she had been arguing with jump out a window! It was a good jump, too. Megumin lowered her staff sheepishly, and pulled the brim of her hat down over her eyes.

Well. She was cute, entertaining, and eager to fight. I was looking to do some serious levelling myself and having some serious AoE damage on my side couldn't hurt. Worst case scenario, she didn't work out and I could just boot her from the party and go solo again.

"Tell you what, Megumin. I'm new in town and I'm just starting off as a type of mage myself. What do you say to joining me on some quests for a while? Split the experience and the reward, and-"

She practically lunged across the table at me, and grabbed my business suit with both hands. She used the leverage to drag herself the rest of the way across the table until she was lying on it, her feet off the floor.

"You can keep the reward! For the price of a roof over my head and three hot meals a day, my mastery of [Explosion] can be all yours! The chance to use my magic against a worthy opponent is all the reward I could ask for."

Alright, that was a red flag in and of itself. She wasn't just looking for work. She was Desperate for it. She was either pulling some scam or legitimately unhinged. Then again, judging by the PTSD-level reaction from her old party, she could definitely use the magic she claimed to…

What harm could there be in bringing her along? After all, the only thing better than good labor, is cheap labor.

"Alright, Megumin, Master of [Explosion]. I'm currently in the middle of a quest to deal with some giant toads. Show me what your magic can do, impress me, and I'll draw up a contract of service together."

"A… contract?" She cocked her head. Hadn't she ever seen a contract before?

"Yeah. You know, a legally binding agreement between two parties to ensure both get what they want? Help me finish the quest, show me what you can do. If I think you will be a good party member, I will draw up a contract that says in exchange for working for me, I will cover your room and board for a period of time. A year sound good to you?"

Her eyes went wide. Well, wider. Which was impressive, really. They already took up half of her face.

"A whole year? You'll let me travel with you for a whole year and feed me and give me a bed, and let me use my {Explosion] every single day?"

The hair on the back of my neck stood up. It couldn't possibly be this easy to source free labor, right? This was a trick of some kind.

"I mean, if you impress me, sure? Obviously, you would need to-"

"There's no time to waste! There are giant toads to slay and the glory of the name Megumin to spread! Come on… uh…"

"Kazuma." I supplied, deadpan.

"Right! Come on, Kazuma! It is time to kill!"

I was practically dragged out by a girl half my size. Again. I had to start working out, this was getting embarrassing.

XxXxX

I'll admit. The explosion was awesome. I had doubted Megumin's claims and devotion to [Explosion], up until she had started her incantation. Which was ridiculous. But you could feel the air around you get tight as a guitar string as she poured magic into it. I certainly couldn't have fueled a spell that size. This chick must have min-maxed the hell out of her stats in order to get the result that she did. And it showed.

I just wondered if my hearing would come back today. Megumin was pulling one of her poses again, looking as smug as you please, and staring at the [Explosion], which immediately docked her points.

"Mawp?" I assume I said it. My throat vibrated and everything. Couldn't hear it, though. I stuck a finger in my ear. "Mawp? Mawp."

Ah, there we go. The ringing was going away and was being replaced by rushing wind and a dull, throbbing ache.

The toad, meanwhile, was gone. Not just dead, but fucking vaporized. It had hopped off the mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the frog choir invisible. It was an ex-toad.

"Alright, short-stuff. You've impressed me." There was a thump. I turned and saw Megumin face-down in the dirt and sliding down the hill. "And there it goes. Megumin? You good?"

I poked her with my staff. A muffled noise came out.

"Come again?"

Megumin rolled her head to the side with what was clearly great effort.

"Yeah, I'm good." Her voice was faint and very, um… satisfied. "Sorry, I overexerted myself casting my spell. I put all of my mana into it and now I can't move. If it isn't too much trouble, could I get you to carry me back please?"

Hm. Well, that wasn't ideal.

"And this overexertion. Does it happen every time?"

"That's right."

"I see. And how many times per day can you use this ability of yours?"

"Just once." Her satisfaction had dimmed a bit as she started to worry about the turn my line of questioning had taken. So, she wasn't a complete idiot.

There was a thunderous crash and I was knocked to my feet as the earth shook. There was a loud and very angry croaking. The toad Megumin had vaporized? Yeah, apparently that had been a bit premature. It had instead been launched skyward by the force of the blast and had just landed. And now it was looking at the two of us.

"Uh oh." Megumin said, still using that utterly spent voice. "I guess it wasn't quite enough to get it. These things are surprisingly tough, aren't they?"

Yeah, no shit. It was actually rather unreasonable that it would survive that blast. Granted, it only had a sliver of health left and wouldn't be any trouble to dispatch, but still! More crashing hops came from behind me. I guess the disturbance had attracted another one.

"I'll get this one. Megumin, you distract the new one, okay?"

With any luck I would be able to kill it while it was eating her. I'd be damned if I went inside another toad mouth.

"I would really rather you didn't. See, I'm currently unable to mmmpphh-" Her complaint was cut off as a tongue grabbed her and sucked her into the toad's mouth.

Ah, she'd be fine for a minute or two. Probably

XxXxX

I hoisted the slimy Megumin up my back again. The feeling of her oiled breasts rubbing my back and warm, oiled thighs had been pleasant for the first half-hour or so, but now she had just become hard to carry. She had been quiet for most of the walk, I assume she had passed out from low mana, or post-traumatic toad disorder. Either way, it had given me time to think and I had been using it.

Could I use the woman? There were a laundry list of pros and cons both. She was delightful to talk with, her enthusiasm for explosions was infectious, she hadn't been particularly upset at the prospect, and reality, of being a toad-food decoy, and she was mad cute. Plus, her offer to help with quests but not take any of the reward was tempting. You don't get to be as good a businessman as I was by passing by on a good deal when it came around.

On the other hand, I was currently carrying the greased-up psycho another half an hour to the adventurer's guild because she could, or would, only cast the [Explosion] spell and only once a day. Though, granted, I imagined she would do it more than once per day if she could. Unless she just wanted to maximize the effect by putting everything into a single one. Hard to tell with this woman.

She was incredibly intelligent. She wouldn't have such a mastery over magic if she wasn't, and Archmage was an advanced class. Her stats had to be high in order to qualify. Possibly higher than mine, at least in raw Intelligence, since Archmage was a pure Arcane class vs my hybrid Theurge class. And yet, as she had explained in a jumble on our way to the toad grounds, she outright refused to learn any spell other than her favorite. Not even lesser spells in the same school. She was, literally, only good for massive area of effect damage. Once per day. That was it.

I shifted her up my back again, feeling the way her body slid against mine.

Okay, maybe other things, too. But was it worth the inevitable shitshow that would result in bringing the Uno-Bomber with me everywhere? I couldn't even imagine how much the insurance would cost back in Japan. Probably wouldn't be available at all being honest. All it would take was one explosion a little too close to town, or catching one civilian building in the blast and we were through. Or worse, some kid.

I shuddered. It just wasn't worth it. She had to go. We entered the village gates as I made my decision. May as well break the news now.

"You awake back there?"

"Yeah, I'm awake."

"I appreciate your help today, and you're welcome to a share of the reward, but I don't think we're right for each other as party mem- urk."

Megumin locked her legs around my waist and squeezed. Hard. She may be skinny, but her legs were like a vice.

"No! The only thing I want is to use my [Explosion] spell. If I can do that, I don't need a share of the reward. You can't get rid of me! Please!"

"We're both mages, it isn't efficient for us to both be in the same party. We'll devalue each other's abilities. Go find a party that doesn't already have a mage in it and you'll be appreciate properly! One that is closer to your level, you're a higher level than me and deserve a better party."

Her grip tightened. Even with the toad grease working to my advantage I couldn't dislodge her.

"I don't care if you're a lower level than I am! And no other party will take me and besides, we make a great team!"

"How often are we going to be in a situation that requires bringing a nuke to a sword fight? I don't intend to fight entire armies at once and that is the only thing your spell is good for. And what's the point if you can only do it once a day? If you diversify a bit, learn other spells, that would change things."

People were starting to stare now, and I could hear whispering.

"No! I can't bare to betray my beloved [Explosion] by sullying myself with lesser magic. I purposefully avoided getting the lesser spells to keep myself pure! Please, no other party will have me! I'll do whatever you want. I'll carry your stuff! Or do those kinds of things, just please don't abandon me like everyone else."

Well shit. I stopped trying to throw her off of me and her grip loosened slightly, as though expecting a trick. People were talking now, and I kept walking to get out of ear shot of it. The last thing I needed was to give people the wrong idea and sabotage my own reputation before I even had one.

"Fine, fine. Look, we'll go back to the guild, have a hot meal, get you cleaned up, and then we can discuss your contract like adults. How does that sound?"

Her grip stayed locked.

"You promise?"

I hated that word. I really did.

"I promise that I'm not going to abandon you without giving you a fair shot."

She didn't seem perfectly comforted by my phrasing, but that was all she was getting. Blanket promises were asking for trouble. After a moment she loosened her grip to the level it was at before she started trying to choke me into submission. She mumbled something, but I couldn't catch it.

"Pardon?"

"…thank you. For not abandoning me like everyone else."

I looked skyward and closed my eyes. Gods give me strength. Or, er, Asmodeus I suppose…

XxXxX

I wafted the paper to dry the ink while Megumin annihilated an entire chicken solo. I had been drafting the new contract while she washed the slime off and bought her another meal. Judging by how quickly she was eating, with no sign of slowing any time soon, she may have gotten the better deal after all by making her pick up her meal tab.

"Alright, Megumin, I'm done." The woman wiped her fingers on a napkin and, begrudgingly, pushed her plate aside. "Read through this contract carefully. If you have any questions about it, ask me before you sign it."

If this world had barely heard of contracts before it was only fair that I warn her not to sign anything you didn't understand. It was common knowledge back on earth so they didn't get the same warning. This contract was one of my finest works. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell of it being signed by anyone other than a child back home, but in this world? Anything goes. Besides, I could always revise it if she wasn't comfortable with the terms.

Megumin read through it thoroughly. I was pretty impressed. A lot of people would pretend to read a contract. Or read the first few lines and then glaze over. She was actually reading and following along. It was a simple thing, only a single side of a standard piece of paper, I had plenty in my briefcase. It was the most basic contractor agreement form one could imagine with the vaguest wording possible.

I, Megumin of the Crimson Demon Clan, agree to enter into a contractor relationship with Kazuma Satou, on [date].

I will join Mr. Satou's party for one year and one day, or until released by Mr. Satou for misconduct or breaking the terms of this contract. During the period of this contract, I agree to follow Mr. Satou's orders and help him reach his goals to the best of my ability. After this contract ends, for any reason, I agree not to discuss the events that occurred during the contract period, or Mr. Satou's future goals without Mr. Satou's direct approval.

In return for my service, I will be compensated with room, board, and equipment replacements and upgrades with quality based on the party's recent profits. In addition, Mr. Satou will help ensure I am able to use my [Explosion] spell once per day and ensure my safe return to a place of rest. Should Mr. Satou attempt to restrict my usage of my [Explosion], it must be for a justified reason and I must still be able to use my spell before I go to sleep that night.

At the end of the agreed upon contract period, I will have the ability to renegotiate the contract with Mr. Satou and, if both parties are willing, renew the contract for an duration to be determined at that time. If both parties do not agree, the contract will end in good faith. If the contract ends in good faith, I will be given safe passage, under the contract's existing terms, to the nearest town or city and be compensated with eris, or other goods of equal value, equal to one week's provisions and board based on a two-month average.

Signed:

Signed:

To the untrained observer it seemed very reasonable. The contractor would be taken care of and compensated when the contract ran out. It was the first paragraph, however, that gave me my edge. 'Follow orders to the best of my ability" was a very powerful statement in a contract. One that would see any lawyer laugh you out of his office. My skin tingled on my neck and my pen felt hot in my hand as I held it out for Megumin to take when she had finished reading.

"Any questions?"

My voice was steady, but my heart pounded in my chest. Why was I so nervous all of a sudden? This was a farce, not a contract. It wasn't clearly defined, there were no clear terms for penalties for breaking the contract, I didn't even know for a fact if any legal body in this world would recognize this contract in the first place. Maybe it was just old habits dying hard. A way of bringing my world with me to this bizarro world.

"I don't think so," Megumin said, skimming it again. "It is pretty clear. So, when the year is over, I get to decide whether I want to stay or go?"

"We decide," I clarified. No sense getting her hopes up too much in case things went sour. When things went sour, as I fully expected them to. "We both deserve to choose who we travel with, after all. If we both want to stay together, we renew it and life goes on as it had for the past year. If one or both of us doesn't want to, you get paid a nice severance bonus to tide you over until you find a new party. Even when the contract ends, I won't abandon you. Okay?"

Megumin smiled then. Not her boisterous, chunibyo grin but an honest, gentle smile. Her eyes were a little glossy, as though she were fighting back tears. Damn. How hard that this girl had it? I almost felt a bad for writing up such a contract. I thought about Mr. Benson killing himself after losing his store and grandson.

Then I thought about being stabbed to death and getting kidnapped by the fucking devil, and I remembered why I was doing this. I had to do what it took to survive. And if I was going to take on a Devil King, it would mean fighting armies. And having a tactical nuke with a rocking body could only help in that regard.

Megumin took the pen from me and I showed her where to sign her name. She did so with a flourish, and I took the pen from her.

As soon as I finished signing, something felt wrong. It wasn't just the elation from signing a profitable contract, but something more. Something primal. My next got hot again, just as it had when I agreed to work for Asmodeus, and I heard Megumin gasp from across the table. There was a glow around her neck as well, but it was hidden by her choker. I could smell that faint whiff of sulfur again, and heard a low demonic laughter ringing in my head from somewhere far away.

"This contract is sealed."

"Kazuma!" Megumin yelled, rubbing her neck. "What the heck did you do? That really hurt."

"I didn't do anything! And mine hurt too." I rubbed mine gingerly, but the pain had already receded. "Maybe it was a magical thing? I've never had that happen before. How's your neck?"

"Better now." Her voice was petulant, though I could hardly blame her. "It got really hot, I thought I was cooking, but it went away really quick. Warn somebody before you do that to them."

"Sorry, sorry…"

I rolled my pen between my fingers thoughtfully. My briefcase, suit, and glasses had all been enchanted. Had my pen been enchanted too? And that burning and laughter was definitely Asmodeus' doing. I got a sense of immense satisfaction. I guess he was pleased with the contract too.

"Well," Megumin said, the cheer back in her voice. She slid her plate of chicken back over and grabbed a leg in each hand, alternating bites. "Looks like we're partners now! I say we feast to celebrate!"

"You're still hungry!?"

AN: "Nothing is worth more than this review." – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, fanfiction author