Chapter Summary: Vestra comes to terms with love. Sort of.
Continuation of 'In You, Freedom', after Lana flies to Vestra's ship.
Strolling out of her quarters, Vestra ran a hand through her hair, smoothing it back. Even as wavy tresses fell to the sides of her face, framing it nicely, she frowned in dissatisfaction. Combing it at an angle this time, she guided her hair back in a picture of casual dishevelment, then growled and raked both hands over her head. This time, fluffing her hair up for a little more volume, before the sight of Andronikos ambling out of the refreshers shook her out of her preoccupation.
While he slung a towel over his shoulders, yawning widely, Vestra lowered her hands so she wouldn't look absurd fussing over her hair while dressed in sleepwear. Andronikos sniffed, and smiled lazily as he walked past Vestra.
"G'night, boss."
"Good night, Niko." Vestra slowed to a stop by the airlock's door. "Talos is on bridge duty tonight?"
"Nah, Ashara's taking his shift. And she'd better not fondle every console while I'm not looking," he raised his voice as he spoke.
"I'm gonna lick the pilot's console if you keep nagging at me," Ashara called back from the bridge.
"Gross," Andronikos laughed.
Vestra smiled, a quiet chuckle warming her throat as she strode through the airlock and into the docking tube outside – still connected to the shuttle secured to the Fury, drifting in tandem through space. Gripping onto a red-painted ladder rung, Vestra swung herself up effortlessly, and climbed up to the shuttle's entrance. She took a moment outside the doors, tugging on the hem of her sweater and running a hand through her hair one last time, before tapping on the controls.
Lana stood beside the only table in the shuttle, staring intently at the datapad in her hands. But she glanced up when the doors opened, and flashed a smile that made Vestra's heart flutter in a way that should be illegal.
"All work and no play."
Lana cocked a brow, and turned back to her datapad, fingers flying over its interface. "Just tidying up. I'd left in quite a hurry."
"Oh?"
"Your letter was one of the most anxiety-inducing things I have ever experienced in my life. And that's coming from someone who's spent the last few years on warfronts."
Vestra laughed, quiet to hide her embarrassment. "If it makes you feel any better...it made me anxious too."
"Good."
Another laugh, louder this time, at the satisfaction in Lana's tone. She took a moment to look Lana over – similarly dressed down, Lana wore a simple undershirt with sleeves that reached her elbows, and leggings that hugged her muscled legs and firm butt nicely. Resisting the urge to reach out for a squeeze, Vestra went to sit on the bed in the corner, mouth curling at the firmness of its mattress.
Waiting for Lana to put her datapad down, Vestra's eyes roved over the shuttle's cramped living space. When necessary, a long-distance vessel such as this could house a crew of six, who would trip over one another with every other step, but still live passably for the whole voyage. For a lone traveler, it was a luxury, and even then Lana seemed to have taken only a portion of the space for herself. Just one locker in a row of four was used, its door hanging slightly ajar, allowing a peek at the red Imperial crest stamped on the standard-issue duffle bag stored within. Only the table and its accompanying booth looked well-lived in, with a leather jacket draped across the seat cushions, datapads and cards stacked neatly on the table beside clean utensils, a mug, and two metal flasks. If she knew Lana well enough, one of those flasks held either whiskey or bourbon.
The urge for a drink came and went like a breeze, and she looked back at Lana – who was still absorbed in her datapad. With a silent sigh, Vestra shimmied farther into the bed and laid down, passing the time by staring at dull grey durasteel, content to just feel Lana's presence nearby. Something she'd longed and waited for in the countless weeks that they'd spent apart, with a gnawing sensation in her chest that had turned sharp enough to provide revelation, and forced her fingers to a keypad. All the unease that had churned within her, dispersed into thin air by Lana's mere proximity. How easy. How ridiculously, dangerously easy.
The mattress dipped to the side, and Vestra's eyes snapped open from a doze she hadn't been aware of slipping into. A shadow fell across the bed, but the rush in her veins slowed when she realised it was Lana leaning over her. A smile quirked the corner of Lana's mouth, and she dipped down for the briefest peck on Vestra's forehead before sitting back, unaware of the flush that had risen to the base of Vestra's neck, hidden by her sweater.
Fidgeting with the collar, Vestra pushed herself up, and met Lana's eyes. Those damned, beautiful eyes that she chased after even in dreams.
"The way you worded it," Lana continued, as if they'd never stopped speaking. "The way it started. I'd thought something was wrong, but it was just...you." She heaved a sigh, and Vestra smiled sheepishly. "I read it in the middle of a planetside campaign. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to focus on the war, while fighting the urge to fly off and pummel sense into your fool head?"
"I have some idea," Vestra uttered, more truth than Lana knew. She had felt Lana's unease in the recent weeks, a mute, constant buzz in their Force bond that fed into Vestra's own discomfort.
The bond. Damn it. Lana was still unaware of it. And Vestra hadn't even considered if she wanted to let Lana know, now that…
"What you wrote," Lana said, shaking Vestra from her thoughts. "Do you mean it?"
"I–" The single word stuck in her throat, as mild panic built in her chest. "I...may have been...a little drunk."
"No, you weren't."
"No, I wasn't." Vestra grimaced, correcting herself without a pause in beat. She swallowed thickly at a pointed look from Lana, and gave in. "Yes. Every word."
Where she'd been guarded before, as if bracing for a blow, Lana's inhibition lowered, allowing affection to trickle through their bond. Vestra took a breath and held it, fingers curling into the sheets as she was embraced by such tenderness, such sincerity, that she could feel minute tremors in the taut muscles of her arms.
"I feel the same," Lana murmured. She held Vestra's cheek, stroking smooth skin with a thumb, then traced her fingertips slowly down the curve of her jaw. Her eyes remained locked with Vestra's, unwavering, and Vestra averted her gaze as a knot formed in her gut.
"You're nervous," Lana observed.
Vestra attempted a smirk, which ended up as a weak, wry smile. "In my position? Naturally."
Lana lowered her hand, laying it over Vestra's, where it was clenched tight over the sheets. "You're safe with me."
Vestra wasn't sure what she was afraid of – that Lana was just saying what she wanted to hear, or that she was ready to believe it, truth or not. "I…"
"Have I not earned your trust?" Lana said, soft.
"Many times over." Truth, coaxed so naturally from her own forked tongue. Such power wielded over her; it made Vestra giddy.
She loosened the fist she'd pressed against the sheets, knuckles grazing tentatively over Lana's palm. There was little hesitation as Lana's fingers curled around her own, and Vestra found it difficult to breathe.
"And...do I have yours?" Vestra asked.
"Yes."
No. No, don't…
She stared at Lana, at that soft gaze, and felt her chest pang with a foreign, hollow ache.
Do you deserve it?
Doubt rose and made a home in her throat, making her next dry swallow hurt.
Do you deserve her?
Did it matter? Did she not pride herself on shameless greed, hoarding power and wealth through theft, deceit, and conquest, laying claim on what had been beyond her grasp simply through sheer possession alone? So long as it was in her hand, she was worthy. She would abide no challenge to her authority, crush every attempt at justice.
And yet, her conscience had chosen this inopportune moment to wake from years of slumber. A thread winding around her desire, too thin to deter, just enough to slow her down. To make her painfully aware of how much she wanted this. Needed this. As if its absence would leave her choking for air.
Heart pounding in her chest, Vestra reached up, stroking Lana's cheek ever-so-gently with the back of her fingers, then trailed her fingertips down beautifully defined cheekbones. She drifted to Lana's mouth, and traced the curve of her bottom lip – in its natural pink, instead of the deep red Vestra had grown accustomed to. Lana tilted her head, placing gentle kisses on her fingertips, and smiled.
Already mine, she realised. The one thing she hadn't snatched for her own, hadn't dared to claim, had been given to her freely, willingly. And it turned Vestra's heart soft, sweet enough to hurt.
Vestra closed the distance, pausing a hairsbreadth from Lana in fleeting hesitation, then brushed their lips together in a chaste kiss. It made her feel weak as the time they'd kissed beneath the tree, cloaked in night's shadow – except the dark wasn't here to protect her this time, to hide the longing written clear on her bare face.
Yet Lana still gazed at her, soft, all the same.
Before she could break, Lana kissed her again – a firmness that she relished, a lifeline that pulled her from the murky depths of her mind. Vestra clutched onto it, onto her, and sought Lana's lips in another, desperate kiss; a moth to flame, ready to burn.
Lana's hands started to roam over her body, as one kiss led to another; feeling her through the sweater, luxuriating in the slide of her palms over Vestra's curves, before slipping beneath the hem to touch warm flesh.
Vestra purred when teeth nipped at her, then gripped Lana's shoulders, an unvoiced protest behind moist lips when Lana pulled back.
"Did you come here just to say good night, or…?"
It took a while for Vestra to pry her eyes from Lana's lips, and even then, she stared blankly as the words sank in.
Oh, right. She'd come for a reason.
"Actually," Vestra started slowly, a waver in her voice as she struggled to gather her wits. "I came to ask if you'd like to sleep in my quarters. The bed's much more comfortable…"
"Oh, I know." A smirk curved Lana's lips, lopsided. "But I don't feel like moving at the moment…"
Her hand traveled up the skin of Vestra's back, and Vestra slung both arms around her neck, holding her close.
"Then don't," Vestra said, breathless.
Her smirk tilted into a knowing, maddening angle, and Vestra surged forward carelessly, kissing her hard. Lana hummed against her lips, then shifted onto her knees, pushing Vestra down to the bed with her body. She settled comfortably between legs that parted and wrapped around her as she lavished Vestra with kisses, growing deeper with each pass, eliciting a moan when she delved in with her tongue.
Vestra breathed heavier when Lana moved away from her lips, planting kisses down her jaw, and she arched into Lana's hands when they kneaded her breasts.
"I've missed you," Lana murmured on the curve of her neck, and Vestra could only manage a sigh as teeth nipped her skin.
Her fingers threaded in short blonde locks as Lana moved down the column of her neck, kissing and nibbling her way down exposed flesh, stopping where it disappeared beneath the collar. Vestra arched her back, wanting the hand beneath her sweater to pull it up, then whined when Lana mouthed her breast through the fabric.
"Lana…"
Lana chuckled, a deep note in her throat. "Patience, my dear."
It only made Vestra whine louder, fingers twisting in blonde hair, and Lana laughed again. She lifted her head, gifting Vestra with another kiss.
"Be good, for once." She smiled when a pout was the reply, and sighed. "Oh, very well."
Lana's hands moved again – but she bypassed Vestra's sweater, sliding down to hook her fingers into the waistband of Vestra's shorts. Of course she wouldn't give in, not completely, choosing instead to give a concession to settle her partner down. Not that Vestra would object, not when Lana pulled her shorts off, and she could already feel the heat that had pooled between her legs – from Lana's attentions, from the months they'd spent apart.
She moaned quietly when fingers slid along her folds in gentle tease, gathering slickness as they glided up to massage her clit. Clutching the pillow above her head with one hand, Vestra held herself down, allowing Lana to take her time, retracing her path up the length of Vestra's neck and jaw, peppering her with kisses. Vestra's eyes fluttered shut when Lana's lips ghosted over her ear.
"I love you," Lana whispered, and Vestra's breath caught in her throat.
A kiss on the shell of her ear, then Lana slipped into her easily, Vestra accepting her twin digits with a low moan.
"I–, I love you too."
The words scratched against her throat, rusty and unfamiliar in disuse. To hear those words, in her own voice; it was alien, it was wonderful. It built a pressure in her chest, a warmth of such intensity that edged on discomfort, held in check by an immeasurable softness that had poured through their bond since she uttered those words.
Love. She was loved. Because of her. In spite of her.
Her throat squeezed painfully, but she forced air down into her lungs, and blinked to clear the mist from her eyes.
Then she felt Lana kiss her ear, and start pumping into her slick heat.
Vestra laid her back fully against the mattress, forcing herself to relax. Her eyes fell shut as she focused on the sensation. This, she knew how to deal with.
"Say it again."
"I love you." It fell from her lips, still rough, but easier this time.
Lana was slow, soft with her, coaxing those three words from her over and over, until they found a home on her tongue, residing so naturally beside Lana's name. She gasped and moaned both, surrendering intimate truth on command, while her lips sought Lana's endlessly, hips rolling against Lana's palm.
Lana worked patiently on her, thrusting with steady, unhurried rhythm, stroking her from within at just the right pressure. Vestra squirmed beneath her partner's weight, an arm slung over Lana's shoulders, a flush on her cheeks burning to match the dripping heat between her legs which coated Lana's callused fingers. When her breaths turned shallow, marked with short, quiet keens at each firm thrust, Lana kissed her deeply, then bit her bottom lip with enough force to demand attention.
"Look at me."
Vestra forced her eyes open to meet the simmering, golden gaze that watched her, enraptured.
"Again."
"I love you." She gasped when Lana's fingers sheathed deep within her, thumb bearing down on her clit. "I–"
Lana crooked her fingers just so, and her back arched as she was brought to a gentle climax, riding its peak just a little longer on Lana's experienced digits.
Her lover's name left her lips on a trembling breath, as tense muscles slowly unraveled in the wake of pleasure. Her hips twitched at the languid movements of Lana's fingers, guiding her down from her high.
"Beautiful," she heard Lana breathe, reverent.
Vestra opened her eyes which had fallen shut, and was greeted with the gentlest curve on Lana's lips, dipping down to cover her own in a soft kiss. She wore a drowsy smile when Lana lifted her head, slipping her fingers from its home between Vestra's thighs.
Mind still cloaked in a pleasant daze, Vestra reached both hands up to mussed blonde hair, smoothing it back with the same fingers that had ruffled it in the first place. Lana closed her eyes as nails raked gently over her scalp, and with that serene smile still on her lips, lowered her head to rest against Vestra's.
"I love you, Vestra," Lana whispered, its husky note sending a tingle down Vestra's spine.
Love. She had never expected to fall in love. Never expected to find someone who would return her affection so truly, without guile when her fall could bring them so much prestige. But here she was, holding close the one who'd glimpsed her deepest flaws and pains over the years, and still chose to embrace her, to stay despite countless reasons to do otherwise.
Vestra wondered if she hadn't gone mad with delusion.
She tilted her chin up, pecking Lana on the lips, and received one in kind. So simple, yet so sweet. As she gazed up at Lana, she already knew. There was no coming back from this. She had fallen – ardently, perfectly – and she would raze the entire galaxy to keep her love from harm.