Everything was starting to feel like a dream extending to reality.
She knew what was real but everything felt like the blissful moment when you'd wake up, head still filled with the dream and the reality being it. The longer days went on the more she couldn't tell them apart. Soon enough everything was a mash of wants and needs, the real and unreal mattered not when everything conjoined to form a serene life.
But then there were moments where she'd be left alone to the thoughts eating her mind. Today was one such day with Eren gone out fishing and the only distraction she had was mundane chores. She tried them for a bit but her mind wouldn't stop falling back on the things she left behind. Not again, not now.
Wine. They had a bottle or two stashed away after the little escape into the town. It could help, it could dull away the mind's constant need to remind her of the pain.
The cabinet in the kitchen revealed the half-filled bottle, the other empty one denoted Eren's involvements. She poured herself a glass and sat down on the chair, the bottle now resting on the table. It dazzled under the sunlight pouring in from the window filling the kitchen and grazing the potted flower.
Everything looked quiet and beautiful; unlike her mind.
Eren . She'd take a sip, another sip, another one until the whole bottle was drenched. The events left her in a state between incoherent thoughts and general waste. Helpful in the moment but the inevitable was simply buried.
Her head bobbled on the table as she left her arms dangling to the side. This was good, having nothing to claw at her consciousness. The spiral continued till she had completely dosed herself into the land of forgetting.
The backdoor opened and Eren came inside carrying a bucket of freshly caught fish. He noticed Mikasa slumped over the table, assuming she could be having a power nap he proceeded to cleanse his hands and put the gear away.
"Mikasa? He finally spoke after placing the bucket on the sink. No response.
He looked at her again with concern. "Here I got the ― are you alright?" The red scarf around his neck came loose as he hurried over to her.
"I am absolutely, absolutely fine," she responded with a wobbly thumbs up.
"You don't look that way, though," he processed, brow knitted together as he continued to study her state.
"Believe me," she tried to lift her head and a hiccup escaped, "I feel so fine right now." She tried to stretch her arm out to salute, but it nearly threw her off balance.
He caught her instantly and the scent of sweet wine lingered in this close proximity. Taking a firm hold on her waist he helped her sit up again on the chair. It was obvious what had occurred.
"Wait, did you . . ." the bottle came into clear view.
"I did?" She stuttered.
"You, did ," he sighed, but his eyes remained soft as she rarely looked at ease.
"I don't know what I did," she muttered, shrugging her wobbly arms.
Eren couldn't help but stare at her fondly. Things had been on her mind, things she'd brush off but a sullen face showed him enough. He was afraid to ask at times, other times he just feared the answer because he knew. He always knew.
"Let's sit you down, alright, I'll get you water and we can ―" She flung her arms around his neck. It was sudden and nearly toppled them both over.
"Carry me," her voice pleaded, those big dizzy eyes watching every little bit of his face.
He couldn't help but blush. There was too much and too quick, she'd normally never budge an inch until he'd take the initiative, even then there were reservations. Yet in this state, she hadn't minded the close proximity of their bodies.
"Okay, anything you want," he muttered, his smile trying its hardest to remain subdued.
His arms went under her knees and she was lifted off the ground. It was strange carrying her with her body melted against his, especially when he was so used to her rigid demure. There was nothing of that, yet a body that held onto him as if dear life depended on it.
They arrived in the room and he placed her on the mattress. She had dozed off and the soft rise of her chest only fastened that indication. He sat next to her touching a loose strand, doing his hardest to memorize her face. The beautiful face he wished filled every inch of his mind.
"Anything I want?" She drowsily muttered, moving a little to his side.
"Yes, anything, but not something you'll regret when you're not drunk," he replied after consideration.
She was drunk and she was going to regret it a lot. He couldn't be the reason for it because that was anxiety he wanted to never awaken again. Not when things had been smooth between them, not when he could control his urges. Yet his eyes wandered over to the unbuttoned top of her blouse and how accentuated her chest looked, almost sheer to the point he could make out what was hidden. He had felt enough to know what and any thought of that feeling coloured his face crimson. He couldn't, he shouldn't, but it was a sight he didn't want to miss.
She turned to his side as her eyes remained shut. In this angle, he could almost look at the places the blouse was supposed to cover. His mind wouldn't stop going to place and he had to reprimand himself for looking. He tore his sight off her and tried to get up, a little bit of distance always helped when things got too hot for him.
"Ereh?" She grabbed his sleeve and effectively stopped him.
"Mikasa, is something the matter?" He promptly responded, made sure he only looked at her face and nowhere else.
"Things have been on my mind, bad things . . ." She yawned, her voice was hoarse like she had woken from an unpleasant dream.
"Don't worry about them, Mikasa, I'm right here with you and nothing is going to change that," he reassured, caressing the top of her head. This usually helped her calm down and it made him better.
"Promise?" There was desperation in her voice.
He holds her hand over his heart. The beating was evident under her palm.
"Always and forever," he said with a sheepish smile encapsulating his face.
She was looking at him now. Those wide - eyes were filled with mixed emotions and then sullied by the drunkness. She sat up straight next to him while making sure they didn't look away. It was silent between them but the beating hearts were rampant.
"Kiss me," she directed, gazing at him with no hesitation present.
He was stunned to the highest degree. He has never heard her say the actual words so boldly without a feather of doubt about what she wanted.
"Are you ― I mean, sure?" He swallowed, feeling a little intimidated by her fiery gaze fixed on him. The clarity was too much for him, the want that he had craved was now pulling him in all sorts of frenzy.
"Don't you want to?" She asked, impatiently.
"I always want to, all the time, but are you ―"
She pulled the ends of the scarf wrapped around his neck and their lips met.
He hesitated at first but she grabbed his shirt and braced herself against him. It was instantly magnetic and the pulse was felt everywhere. Her fingers uncurled as he drowned her with slow kisses taking the everlasting time to savour everything. Soon enough she felt his tongue leaving her in a fluttering sensation demanding more, yet their lips remained locked and the passion deepened. With more kisses between the throbbing press of his lips, she'd feel his tongue caressing her. Just the mere act made her skin tingle and she desperately wanted more. So much more. She leaned forward nearly reclining him as her fingers pulled his loose shirt up. The more was right there.
No part of him wanted to stop, no part of him could hold back just how aroused he was starting to feel. But a lingering thought remained and it was her intoxicated nature which he could almost taste now. With the hardest choice of utter will he softly held back her hands and watched her face morph into a grimace from the absolute want she had for him.
He wanted that, he wanted that so badly. Their haphazard breathing filled the silence space as he tried to calm his erratic heart and throbbing in the bottom of his stomach.
"I don't know, Mikasa. You are clearly drunk," he tried squishing his eyes shut. This was incredibly hard as every pulse in his body wanted it.
"Really, drunk," she affirmed.
"You wouldn't be doing this if you were not," he continued, steadying his breathing and holding her hands to her side.
"I want to but I just can't bring myself to," she admitted, her face filled with confusion over her own words. There certainly were things she'd keep locked away.
Surprise filled his face, "you wanted to? I thought you just like it more subtle, I mean without anything like that ."
"Is it wrong to want to touch you all over?" She innocently asked, touching his stubble.
The look on her face, the shambled nature of her clothes and just the close proximity was driving him crazy. Yet he had to remind himself of the reality of why she was even like this and what sort of regrets might occur. He took in a deep breath and averted his eyes to the side.
"No, never. If anything I would like that very much," he exhaled, then remembered her current state again, "but not right now because you're drunk."
"I want you," she pouts, inclining closer to him and the effect of it was visible.
"Mikasa, please, say this to me when you're not intoxicated," he nearly pleaded.
"What if I can't?" She muttered, their eyes locked.
This was hard and he knew a moment longer would fail his fleeting willpower. He pulled the last of his composure and back away, the warmth of her body was missed dearly and he desperately held back the urge to hold her again.
"My point exactly," he hastily added and tried getting up, "I'll go prepare fish, we can have a sou―"
She tackled him down to the floor and sat on top of him.
"Ereh?" She whispered, her head bobbing to her side as she stared at his heightened face.
Author's note: I AM SO SORRY FOR JUST DIPPING FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS! TO ALL THE PEOPLE READING I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE PATIENCE AND LOVE YOU GUYS. I have been really busy with classes and work which meant little to no time for writing which is also why this chapter is shorter than usual :( I'll try my best to get the next part out which would be longer, and don't worry! I won't ever abandon this fanfic and will finish it, but it might take time because of life ... haha xD Again, thank you so much for your patience and I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your amazing comments or been active here. But, despite all that I truly appreciate you guys.