A/N: Eh, still see Chapter One.

Trust

Chapter 3: She's Not Fine

"How is she?" Harm asked when Mac's nurse came out of her room. He was concerned that it had been several hours and she still couldn't stay awake for any length of time. The last time she had woken up, she'd looked around the room, her eyes avoiding his. He'd softly called her name, but she still wouldn't look at him, and a moment later, she was sleeping again.

"She's doing fine, Mr. Rabb."

"Why hasn't she really woken up yet?"

The nurse smiled gently up at him. "Don't worry about that, Mr. Rabb— "

"Harm."

"Okay, Harm…don't worry about that. Part of that is the anesthesia but she did lose a lot of blood; there's also the general trauma of something like this and considering what happened to her specifically…she needs the rest and she'll need a lot of support in the coming days."

Harm nodded, swallowing hard before thanking the nurse and returning to Mac's side.

Considering what happened to her specifically…

Bile rose in Harm's throat as he contemplated what Mac had gone through.

She hadn't been in any condition to answer his questions when he'd found her in the ER, but from what he'd been told by the nurses and doctors, he gathered that Mac had begun to miscarry earlier that day. She'd started bleeding heavily at home and had called an ambulance to take her in. When he'd arrived at her side, they were preparing to take her to the OR to do something called a D&C. He preferred not to contemplate what that actually entailed, but somehow it was supposed to stop the worst of the bleeding. Things had moved faster, however, when she'd essentially started to hemorrhage in front of him.

Five minutes later she was in the OR, and he was in the bathroom crying and vomiting because he could still see all the blood. He could still hear her whimpering in pain. He could still feel her tears as he brushed them away with his thumb.

So unlike his Ninja Girl…well, she wasn't his Ninja Girl.

But she wasn't Webb's either…

Harm had so many questions. Did Webb know about the baby? When did Mac and Webb's relationship end? How had she hidden the pregnancy from everyone at JAG? How had she hidden her pregnancy from him?

Easily, you bastard.

God, he was a bastard. He could think back now with stunning clarity how tired she'd looked in the last few weeks. How he'd frequently seen her nibbling on Ritz crackers in her office up until a couple of weeks ago. Once he'd walked by her office and seen her staring at a photo. She'd hastily shoved it into a drawer when he'd stopped to say hi. He knew now what it was.

It was an ultrasound picture.

Of her baby with that bastard Webb.

Harm suddenly wanted to punch the wall, furious at Clayton Webb and absolutely livid with himself as well.

He had been her best friend, and he had let her down.

Badly...

Horribly...

Harm was dozing with his forehead resting on his fists, Mac's hand clutched in both of his, when she finally truly awakened. He snapped awake when she rather forcefully ripped her hand from his grip, but when he saw the complete clarity in her eyes, he grinned.

"Hey, welcome back, marine," he said gently, reaching forward to stroke her hair.

"Thanks," she answered hoarsely. He reached over for the glass of ice water the nurse had brought in a little while ago and held it for her to take a drink. "Thanks," she said again, her voice a little clearer. "What time is it?"

The question surprised Harm; Mac always knew the time practically to the second, and he'd never seen her falter no matter what duress she was under. He couldn't control the widening of his eyes and was surprised when hers filled with tears.

"I haven't been able to since…since…" She waved vaguely toward her stomach.

"Oh." Harm didn't know what else he could say, or even what he should say. So much had been going on with Mac, about which he'd had no idea.

"Harm? The time?" Mac repeated, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah…um, it's 1430."

"So, I've been here overnight, then?"

Harm tried to lay his hand on her knee and didn't miss her subtle move away from him. He answered her with a nod, trying not to be hurt that she'd shied away from his touch. "And you'll be here at least another night."

"Why?" she asked in obvious consternation.

"Mac, honey…"

"Stop calling me that."

"Um, I'm sorry, Mac." He glanced down at her, but once again she wouldn't meet his gaze. "Anyway…they…they want to keep you because you…you lost so much blood…" he choked on the words a bit, remembering once again the redness spreading underneath her in the ER.

"Well, I should be fine then…the transfusions…"

"Mac…you haven't even gotten out of bed yet. You still have a-a catheter. You've been running a bit of a fever and they started antibiotics. You can't go home yet."

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I have, Mac."

He heard Mac sigh, and he knew what she was going to say next.

"You should go. I'm fine now. Thanks for staying."

"I'm not going to leave you, Mac."

"Harm—"

"No. Dammit, Mac, you just lost—you just lost…"

"A baby?"

"Your baby, Mac."

"Then…then…this isn't your concern."

Her words hurt. How could she think he wouldn't be concerned?

Because you've been an unforgivable ass, Hammer.

He tried to swallow down the pain of it all. He intended to be there for her no matter what she said, did, raged…and if anyone had a right to rage, it was Mac.

"Mac, I'm your friend. I'm not going to leave you alone. If Webb—"

"Don't. Don't say his name," she hissed, and he unconsciously leaned away from her vehemence.

"Okay, Mac…but does he, um, did he…"

"Did he know about the baby? Yeah. Yeah, he did."

"What are you going to tell him about the miscarriage?"

"Nothing."

"Mac—"

"Harm. He doesn't deserve to know. He didn't want…he did…Harm, I don't want to talk about this now. I really do appreciate you coming, but I'd like to be alone. Please. Go home. Get some rest."

Mac spoke with such finality, and Harm knew he'd best give her some space. He would, however, be back, no matter what she said.

"Okay, Mac. I'll go. You're right. I should get some rest and let you do the same."

"Thank you, Harm."

"You're welcome." He stood up from his chair and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll see you tonight."

"Harm, you don't—"

"Mac, I will be seeing you tonight." He stared her down, daring her to contradict him, until she finally nodded. "Okay, then. Goodbye for now, Mac. Call me if you need anything."

"Yeah," she said noncommittally. "Sure."

"Mac?" He leaned over her and waited until she finally looked back at him. "I mean it. Call me. Even if you just want to talk. Okay?" Her gaze moved to somewhere over his shoulder. "Mac…okay?" She bit her lip but eventually nodded, and he turned to go. She stopped him, however, when he'd only made it halfway to the door.

"Harm?"

"Yeah, Mac?"

"Um, d-did the doctor say if I can…if I can still have—"

Harm immediately returned to her side and cupped her cheek with his hand. She didn't move away this time, so he took a chance and stroked her pale face with his thumb. "Sarah…the doctor said he didn't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to have more children." He felt her relax under his touch as tears dripped down her cheeks. He brushed them away, then leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. Her eyes fluttered shut as his lips lingered on her skin.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he answered, hoping she'd allow the endearment. He was relieved when she didn't protest, but then again, it looked like she was succumbing to sleep once more. He raised himself up, groaning as the muscles in his lower back screamed. He really was too old to be sleeping awkwardly in hard uncomfortable chairs, but he would do it for her. Always.

"Hey, Mac? Did you need me to get anything from your place before I come back?"

The woman who'd been drifting off a moment before suddenly sat up and any color that had been restored with her blood transfusions drained from her face. "NO!"

"Mac?

The woman before him went from white to absolutely waxen. He could see certain signs, so he rushed over, grabbing a blue emesis bag on his way back to her side. His arm went around her shoulders to support her as she dry-heaved and once he was sure she was finished, he eased her back down in the bed.

"I'm calling your nurse, Mac."

"Don't…I mean, no…I-I don't need...Harm, I don't need anything."

"Okay, Mac. But I'm still calling your nurse."

"I'm fine now, Harm. Don't call her. She'll be coming around soon anyway. I'm f-f-fine."

She was shivering and he drew her blanket up to tuck around her. She didn't feel warm, so he doubted she had a fever, but something was clearly wrong.

"Mac, what's wrong? Are you pain? Do you feel sick? I'm calling your nurse." He hit the call button and asked them to send in the RN taking care of her. Once that was accomplished, he looked around for another blanket for the still-shivering Mac. He found one in a cabinet and tucked that around her as well. "Better?" he asked after a moment, but before she could answer, a young nurse stepped into the room.

"What can I do for you, Sarah?" she asked politely, hooking her up to a blood pressure monitor as she spoke.

"No-nothing. I just sat up too fast. I'm fine now."

"Any pain?"

"Not really."

Harm nearly rolled his eyes. Mac would always minimize any amount of pain she had.

"Hungry?" the nurse continued her questioning. Mac shook her head.

"Well, maybe we'll try some broth a little later?"

Mac shrugged.

"How's the nausea now, Sarah?"

"Fine," was Mac's short answer.

"Well, you do have nausea medications ordered for you—I'll bring you something in a minute. We'll want to get you up shortly and you'll likely want something on board then." Mac nodded.

"And it's about time we checked your bleeding." The nurse glanced meaningfully at Harm, and he knew that was his cue to leave.

"Mac, I'll, uh, I'll see you later, alright?"

She didn't acknowledge him, and after a slight hesitation, he left.

And no matter how many times she said the word, he knew she was absolutely not fine.

End Chapter Three