Remus ran across the floor, desperate to get away. He stumbled over his own tentacles. They felt heavy and weren't moving well. They looked and felt bigger than they should be. Remus didn't really mind being swollen, and sometimes he actively searched it out just because he thought the way it made him look was funny. It wasn't ideal for trying to run away though.
As Remus almost tripped for the dozenth time he realized that the only reason he hadn't been caught yet was because he'd left Janus temporarily incapacitated. He hadn't meant to bite him and share his own intrusive thoughts, it had just come out.
He didn't want to be afraid of Jannie, and deep down he wasn't, he'd just been hurting and lashed out. Even as an octopus Remus felt sore and itchy, like he always did when he touched soap. He'd been expecting that feeling, but he'd just thought that only his mouth and maybe throat would be affected. He definitely hadn't expected to feel like his entire body was trying to eat him from the inside out.
The water had helped with the itchy feeling crawling across his skin, and he hadn't even noticed that he was still swollen until after he'd been listed out of the tub. Remus had wanted to return to the comfort of the water, like Janus had promised he could, but then everything had gone wrong.
Thomas had ruined everything, and thinking about him still hurt. He's been trying to catch Thomas' attention for his entire existence, and now that he finally had it his host wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Thomas saw him as nothing more than a nuisance. Even when Remus was choking on air, unable to move at all, Thomas hadn't even thought to be concerned until Janus showed that he was worried.
Remus could drop dead in front of Thomas, and he would just be annoyed at the inconvenience.
It was odd. Everybody had a completely different reaction to him. Virgil saw him as a monster. Patton wanted him to change everything about him before he would even consider hearing him out. Logan brushed off all of his ideas without a second thought. Roman wished he didn't exist at all. And now there was Thomas, who seemed to encompass everybody else's reactions to him, and it hurt.
It made sense that the way that Thomas saw Remus was a mix between everybody else's opinions, but where was Janus' influence? Where was the part of Thomas that actually cared about Remus? That would listen to his ideas, even if he never went through with them? Where was the side of Thomas that was actually amused by Remus' thoughts?
Why was it that the first time that Thomas showed even a little bit of interest in Remus was when he was an octopus? Small, non-threatening, and cute.
Remus hadn't really been planning on biting Thomas. He'd just wanted to show him that he could still be intimidating, even as a small octopus. Janus hadn't let him get that far. Remus' one and only friend had thought the worst of him and held him back. It wasn't really unusual for Janus to do this kind of thing, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
Between his hurt about Thomas, his hurt about Janus, the fact that he was sore everywhere, and the itchiness already spreading , Remus had panicked. There were just too many different kinds of hurts happening all at once, and he needed it all to stop, so he'd reacted instinctively.
Remus needed to get away from Thomas, both so he wouldn't be called cute again, and so that Janus wouldn't assume he was going to attack their host. He needed water, to make the itchiness and swollenness go away. Since Thomas was in the bathroom Remus struggled to make his way down to the kitchen instead.
When Remus got there he found a problem in his plan. He had just been wanting to turn on the water in the sink and let it wash over him, but the sink was level with the counter. As an octopus on the ground, whose tentacles were so swollen that his suckers wouldn't even properly stick to anything, it was impossible to get to the sink.
He tried and failed to climb up to the sink, but when he heard Thomas call out his name he knew he needed to make a drastic decision. He grimaced, prepared himself, and turned into his human form. He could already feel the painful squeezing in his chest as he couldn't bring in enough air. Remus gasped for breath as he climbed onto the counter, turned on the faucet, and turned into an octopus.
He dropped into the sink and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the water against his skin. He wriggled and splashed in downpour for a long moment before he heard Thomas start to come down the stairs, still calling for Remus. Why was he looking for him? He probably just wanted to appreciate Remus' company while he was cute and harmless just so he could show his fans that he was loving and accepting of all of his sides, even the gross, slimy ones.
Well, Remus wasn't about to allow that. He was a lot of things, but a tool to make someone else look better was not one of them. Roman already used him that way, and Remus refused to give Thomas the chance to do the same.
Remus knew he couldn't run. If he turned into a human he would be completely breathless and end up fainting. If he stayed an octopus he would be caught, as Thomas would easily be able to catch up to him as he squirmed and wriggled around to try to move. Since running wasn't an option, all Remus could do was hide, and he had the perfect place in mind.
Remus crawled into the garbage disposal and dropped into it. This wasn't the first time he had done such a thing. There was a reason why Janus had taken the garbage disposal out of the dark side sink. He liked the cold metal and torture chamber feel to the whole place, and the water falling down on him still felt very nice.
Remus ran his tentacles across the grinding plates. At first it was out of curiosity. He wondered what would happen to him if the garbage disposal was turned on. Would his tentacles get ripped off? Would he get turned into octopus juice? Remus knew that as sides they couldn't die, so what would happen to him if his body was torn to pieces? Would he be like a ghost, consciousness without a physical form? If he was a ghost, would he be a ghost of his octopus self, or his human self? What if he was reincarnated as an octopus? Would he still have his memories of being a side?
Remus was taken aback as the grinding plates scratched his sensitive tentacles. As an octopus he couldn't scratch the overwhelming itchiness. He'd just had to live with the uncomfortable sensation. It was nice to scratch the unscratchable itch.
Remus increased the pressure, rubbing harshly against metal. It stung, but it felt so good.
"Remus, please don't tell me you're in the disposal." Thomas muttered as he came closer. Remus flinched when the faucet was turned off, taking away the soothing relief. He looked up and saw Thomas peering down at him with a grimace. "Of course you are."
Thomas sighed, looking exhausted. "Can you come out of there before you hurt yourself?"
Remus shook his head and rubbed harder against the grinding plates. He liked the sound it made, and the feeling of rubbing his tentacles raw was surprisingly nice. Remus only stopped when he dug in just a little too hard and got a cut on one of his tentacles. He began bleeding. Remus stared at the blue blood in fascination. Thomas was much less amused.
His host swore in a way that surprised Remus. He usually tried really hard to censor himself when he wasn't around Joan or another one of his friends. Remus looked up at Thomas in shock, which only increased when he saw the man hesitantly reach a hand into the garbage disposal.
Remus had to be hallucinating. Thomas would never put his hand in the garbage disposal. Remus would know, he'd suggested it dozens of times. And yet here Thomas was, doing the one thing that most of his sides completely agreed he shouldn't do, just to bring Remus out? Why?"
Remus stiffened when he felt Thomas' hand grab him in a gentle but firm way. He squirmed a little bit, and even inked all over Thomas' hand, but the man still lifted him out.
"Hey, hey, it's okay." Thomas said quietly. He held onto Remus carefully, like Janus would when he was afraid of hurting him. That couldn't be Thomas' motivation though. The man was probably just trying to have as little contact with Remus as possible.
Thomas lifted Remus up to get a good look at him. "Are you okay?" Remus didn't know why Thomas was asking. He clearly didn't care. Thomas pet Remus' tentacles, being careful of his cut. Remus didn't want to relax in Thomas' grip, but the gentle rubbing felt even better on his itchy tentacles than the scratching of the grinding plates.
Thomas looked at the sink. "You turned the water on, even though it let me know exactly where you were." He looked down at Remus. "Did the water feel good?" Remus nodded. Thomas gave him a small smile. "I can get you more water."
Remus didn't trust Thomas, but water sounded very nice right now. He nodded again. Thomas began to open drawers in the kitchen, shifting dishes around with his free hand, before he found what he was looking for. Thomas pulled out a large, clear, glass bowl. He filled it about halfway with room temperature water. Remus would prefer it if the water was ice cold, but any water would feel great.
Thomas placed him in the water. If Remus could breathe he would let out a sigh of relief. The water was much more soothing than the garbage disposal.
"There we go." Thomas carried the bowl back upstairs and into his bedroom. He set the bowl on his bedside desk, and then sat on his bed. Thomas looked at Remus curiously. He normally liked being given attention of any kind, but Remus didn't think he liked the way that Thomas was looking at him.
Thomas actually looked interested in him. It had to be just because he was still an octopus. Thomas would never give him attention if he was his loud, proud self. Right now though, when Remus couldn't talk or make any noise at all, of course Thomas liked him better like this. Especially since he was just squatting in a bowl of water, like a fascinating little pet. Cute, harmless, innocent.
If Remus could growl, he would. He twisted his tentacles around each other and inked, murking the water. There. Now Thomas couldn't stare at him like that.
"Remus?" Thomas said. "Are you okay in there?"
No, Remus didn't think he was okay, but he didn't want Thomas to pretend that he cared. His host reached a hand into the water, trying to grab him. Remus did the first thing he could think of to get Thomas to stop. He bit his hand. He didn't care that Janus would probably be furious with him, he just needed to be left alone, and sending his intrusive thoughts in Thomas' direction was a surefire way of achieving that.
Being locked up like an animal in a zoo, only to be gawked at and admired when there was a protective barrier between them.
Being trained and conditioned to do tricks for the amusement of others instead of being allowed to do what he wanted, when he wanted.
Being punished, or put down, if he dares to actually act like himself.
Thomas made a horrified gasp and yanked his hand out of the bowl so quickly one would think he had been burned. Thomas sounded disturbed, and Remus allowed himself to relax. If that didn't make Thomas leave him alone, Remus didn't know what would.
Thomas took several pained deep breaths. It sounded like he was about to start panicking. Remus half expected Virgil to show up any second now. Remus heard the bed creak as Thomas got off of it. He heard him walk out of the room. Remus didn't know where he was going, but at least he was leaving Remus alone.
This was what Remus had wanted, and yet it still stung. He had known that Thomas didn't really want anything to do with him, that he'd just been pretending to be concerned about Remus, but a part of him had wanted the man to pretend just a little bit longer.
A few minutes later Remus heard somebody walk into the room. The footsteps didn't sound like Janus, but it couldn't possibly be Thomas. Maybe Janus was just feeling a little off because he was still feeling the aftereffects of the intrusive thoughts that Remus had sent his way.
A moment later Remus felt something reach into the water. When he felt the hesitant touch of fabric he allowed himself to be picked up. He didn't want to leave the water, but if Janus wanted to talk to him then Remus would cooperate.
As Remus was lifted out of the water he was surprised to see that it wasn't Janus who was lifting him up, but Thomas, who had wrapped his hands in a soaking wet hand towel. Remus twisted and turned, trying to get out of Thomas' grip, but the man's hold was firm.
"Oh, Remus." Thomas said. He sounded sad. He sat on the bed and held Remus close to his chest. Remus froze. People didn't hold him, especially not this close, and especially not Thomas. Not sure how he was supposed to react to this, Remus held still and let Thomas gently wrap him up in the wet towel. It didn't feel nearly as nice as soaking in the bowl, but the towel almost felt like a soft blanket, while still being soothingly wet.
"I'm sorry." Thomas said quietly. Remus stared up at him in shock. Nobody apologized to him, ever. Janus was the only one who ever would, and he only ever did so with his backward speech. Remus couldn't remember the last time that someone had, unhypocritically, said 'I'm sorry' to him.
"Do you really think that I don't like you unless you're repressed and censored?" Thomas asked. "That I'll only acknowledge you if you act good?"
Uh, yes? Thomas had made that perfectly clear. He may have started to include Remus a little more in his videos, just slightly, but only if he followed the rules. Thomas had even gotten on Remus' case for not sitting 'normally', while he let Virgil get away with sitting on counters and under tables just because it helped with his anxiety. Remus had no reason to think that Thomas would ever accept him as he was, and that was fine. He just wished that Thomas would stop pretending otherwise.
Thomas sighed and gently rubbed the fabric over Remus' tentacles. "Look, I don't understand you at all. You're just a little too intense for me."
Remus folded in on himself. He didn't like this. He may want Thomas' attention, but not if it meant being told how bad he was at everything. The closest Thomas got to tolerating him was when he talked to Remus like he was a misbehaving child that he had no choice but to deal with. Remus didn't want to make Thomas feel like a reluctant babysitter who was counting down the seconds until he could get rid of him and get paid.
"I really do like some of your ideas though." Thomas said. "They're crude, and immature, but sometimes I do find it funny." Remus blinked and poked his head out of the towel to look at Thomas. He...he thought that Remus was funny? Since when? Why was he only just now learning about this?
Thomas gave him a small smile. "Sometimes your sense of humor is really similar to Joan's. You don't see me trying to censor them, do you?" No, Thomas used to be more than happy to let Joan do their thing. Remus had loved when Thomas hung out with Joan. Things got really boring since they had moved away.
But if Thomas actually liked Remus' work, why was he so intolerant of him? Why did Thomas seem so tired and annoyed whenever Remus showed his face? Was it not even about the intrusive thoughts at all and just about the fact that he was, well, him?
Was Thomas trying to make him feel better? Because it wasn't working.
Thomas sighed and leaned back on his bed. He gave Remus a small pet, which he refused to admit felt kinda nice. "I haven't been really fair to you, have I? I've been trying really hard to listen to what all of my sides have to say, but because the others are uneasy around you I feel like I have to be too, otherwise I'm dismissing their feelings, but what about your feelings?"
"I can't promise to get better right away." Thomas said. "But I can at least try." Thomas gave a small chuckle. "You know, when I get around to editing this anniversary video I'll keep in your Pissy Princey joke."
Remus couldn't help but feel hopeful. Thomas was going to be including one of his suggestions? Without having to be blackmailed or tricked into it?
"I thought it was funny." Thomas said. "A bit mean, but Roman can be a bit mean with his nicknames too. If I can allow him to get away with it, it's only fair that I do the same for you."
Remus hoped that Thomas knew that he was going to be holding him to this. One couldn't just make a promise like this and then back out at the last second.
Remus liked the thought of Thomas giving him a little more freedom, but he lived with Janus. Remus knew how easy it could be to twist one's words and make false promises. For Remus, actions spoke louder than words. If he was going to trust that Thomas really was sorry, then he needed Thomas to give him a chance when he was himself.
It was easy to accept a cute little octopus. A smelly, clingy, loud side though? In Remus' experience, very few people were willing to deal with him like that.
Remus squirmed and twisted until Thomas loosened his grip on him. He crawled out of the towel and onto the mattress. He turned into his usual human form, grimacing when his breath was immediately taken from him. He couldn't breathe, and he felt far more sore and nauseous than he did as an octopus. It didn't feel nice at all, but Remus wanted to see for himself if Thomas was still going to hold him close and say these nice words when he looked like this.
Remus knew that it would be smart to wait until he felt better and could actually handle being in this form, but once he got an idea in his head he couldn't resist following through with it. He'd always lacked impulse control, no matter how many times Janus tried to convince him to count to ten before following through with an idea.
Thomas looked at Remus in concern, but this was probably the first time he had ever looked at him in a way that didn't include annoyance, frustration, or caution.
The two of them just stared at each other for a long moment. They would have been sitting in silence if Remus wasn't gasping and wheezing breathlessly. Finally Thomas leaned back against the headrest and patted the spot on the bed right next to him. Remus scurried to Thomas' side and cuddled close to him.
Thomas was stiff beneath him, but a minute later he allowed himself to relax just a little bit. He took the towel and began to rub it gently over Remus' swollen and itchy face. It was comforting, and not just because it felt physically nice.
This was probably just a one time thing, and Thomas would never treat him so nicely once he wasn't in such a pathetic state, but Remus was going to appreciate this while he could.
Remus nuzzled close to Thomas, making a mental note of every single way that this was different from cuddling with Janus. He was going to savor this memory for the rest of his life, long after Thomas had gone back to treating him like an inconvenience.
Remus closed his eyes. He was starting to feel a little light-headed. If he was smart he would turn back into an octopus before he made himself sick or unconscious, but Remus wasn't known for being smart. He had never been able to cuddle with his host before, and he didn't want to give it up so soon. This wouldn't be the first time that Remus made a decision that would ultimately hurt him just for a few moments of contentness.
Despite the fact that he was sore all over, and every breath he took felt like a battle. Even though Remus knew that he was probably going to faint any minute now because of a lack of air, he felt more at peace and internally comfortable than he had for a long time.