Note: Here is chapter three!
Disclaimer: obsessedwithstabler and I don't own SVU or the song All of the Stars.
A little over an hour later, Olivia's nurse returned to the room. "Mr. Stabler?"
Immediately alert, Elliot sat upright. "How is she?"
She sat down beside him. "They found two fragments," she started carefully. "Her fever was caused by her body attacking them."
He nodded slightly. "When can they get her into surgery?"
"They're ready to take her, but she won't go until she sees you." She motioned for him to follow her.
Elliot followed her until they found the surgical team getting ready to prep her for surgery. He made his way to her bedside and took her hand into his, gripping it tightly. "Liv?"
She stirred and opened her eyes for him. "Elliot..."
"I'm here." Without thinking, he raised her hand to her lips and kissed it gently.
Sighing softly, she squeezed his hand. "Wanted to see you before they took me back..."
He nodded and touched her cheek. "I'll see you as soon as you're out."
She leaned into the gentle touch. "Okay..."
The nurses nodded at him and Elliot reluctantly stepped back so they could take her to the operating room. Once Olivia was out of his sight, he felt his shoulders slump wearily. She had to be okay. He reluctantly went back to her room to make some calls.
After surgery, Olivia remained asleep until well into the morning. Elliot only left the room for a few minutes to grab breakfast and coffee, and when he returned, she was still asleep.
He sat down next to her bed and rested his hand on top of hers. When she responded by curling her fingers around his hand, he squeezed tightly.
The little gesture stirred her, and she shifted a bit. "Elliot..."
"I'm here." He reached over and felt her forehead, relieved when it was no longer warm with fever.
Her eyes slowly opened and he could see that they weren't as glassy as before. "Hey..."
"Hey. How are you feeling?"
"Mm...I feel okay..."
"Good." Elliot smoothed his hand over her hair. "They said you'd be drowsy for a while. You'll be more awake later."
She nodded tiredly and enjoyed the sensation of him stroking her hair.
"Do you need anything?"
"No..." she was quickly slipping back into sleep. True to his word, he remained at her side even after she fell asleep, stubbornly refusing to leave.
Her nurse came in to check on them a little while later. "Hello, Mr. Stabler."
"How did her surgery go?"
"Her surgeon will be in to speak with you soon, but I know they successfully removed the remaining fragments."
"Okay." Still, the worry didn't leave his face.
She patted his arm reassuringly, and as promised, Olivia's surgeon came to speak with Elliot an hour later. "Mr. Stabler?"
Elliot looked up. "How was her surgery?"
He sat down beside Elliot and studied the other man intently. "It went as well as we could have hoped," he replied honestly. "We removed the fragments that were hidden by the initial swelling."
"How bad is the damage?"
"There is still quite a lot of swelling around her spine. Until that goes down, I cannot speak on the exact damage. We're going to watch her closely, and continue to keep her visitors to a minimum to minimize the risk of infections."
He nodded, relaxing just a little. "I'll be staying with her."
"Of course." His pager went off and he nodded at Elliot. "Please call for a nurse if you notice anything different about her."
"I'll keep an eye on her."
"Great." The surgeon excused himself from the room.
Elliot made himself comfortable, twining his fingers with Olivia's when her hand squeezed his. She remained asleep, but her hand held tightly to his. Knowing she wouldn't be awake for a few hours, he slipped into a light sleep.
"Elliot..." She had been dreaming, but the pain was settling in, dragging her out of the comfort of sleep.
Lightly asleep in the chair next to her, Elliot stirred. "Liv?"
She winced and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.
"You're okay..." He touched her cheek.
Olivia inhaled sharply as her eyes finally opened. "Elliot."
"I'm here. How do you feel?"
She blinked slowly, struggling to focus on his face. "Sore... what happened?"
He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "They missed two bullet fragments because of the swelling," he began carefully. "They had to do surgery again to remove them."
A moment passed as she tentatively tried to move her leg, and panic swallowed her. "I can't... I can't feel my legs."
Elliot's heart skipped and he inhaled sharply. "Your surgeon said there's still a lot of swelling, so they don't know how bad the damage is yet. But I'll get him in here."
Her eyes watered and she held his hand tighter. Elliot pressed the call button, holding her hand firmly in his other hand. A minute later, the door opened and her doctor walked in.
"You paged?"
Elliot nodded. "She can't move her legs."
Olivia couldn't focus as the doctor examined her and talked about the swelling and letting her body heal. All she could think was Noah. Would she be able to chase him again? How could she take care of him if she was stuck in the hospital, or physical therapy?
Elliot listened to the doctor's explanation, absently stroking her hair. He cautioned them that even though the paralysis could be temporary and they'd know more when the swelling went down, there was a significant chance that it was permanent. Olivia didn't say anything in response to that, and Elliot dismissed the doctor once they'd heard what they needed to know.
"Liv…"
Her lip trembled. "Yeah?"
"You know that no matter what happens, I'll be here, right?"
She exhaled raggedly and closed her eyes. "Maybe you shouldn't..."
He shook his head. "I'm staying."
"Elliot…"
"I mean it. I'm not going anywhere. Not again."
His hand tightened on hers and she tried to stifle a sob. She couldn't let him do this.
Elliot's thumb brushed against her cheek. "I'm not leaving," he repeated, his voice softening.
She sank into the pillows, too exhausted to keep pushing him away. "Okay..."
"Try to get some rest. I'll be here if you need anything."
Nodding, Olivia closed her eyes and held his hand tighter. Over the next several hours, Olivia remained stable. She was still exhausted, but gradually staying awake longer as they waited for the swelling to go down so her doctor could reassess the damage.
Elliot remained at her side, only leaving for a few minutes at a time, and even then he was reluctant to leave.
Olivia was asleep that night when Elliot dozed off. He'd only been asleep for an hour when he stirred. A muffled groan escaped him and his brow furrowed. "No…"
Olivia stirred at the sound. Elliot had pulled his chair directly up to her bed, and she could hear his rapid breathing. Slowly her eyes opened. "Elliot...?"
He didn't hear her, his breaths quickening. "No!"
"Elliot." She reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it firmly. "Wake up..."
"Olivia!" Elliot awoke with a start, gasping and sweating. When Olivia's worried eyes met his, he relaxed slightly, letting out a long breath.
"Hey..." She weakly tugged on his hand, urging him closer. "It's okay..."
For a moment, he tensed before he leaned closer to her. "Sorry I woke you up."
"No, don't be sorry." She raised her free hand and hesitated just a moment before running it over his hair.
Elliot leaned into her touch, sighing shakily and letting the feel of her hand comfort him, reminding him that she was here, safe with him..
"You're alright..." Her sleepy eyes searched his.
He nodded slightly and gripped her hand. "How do you feel?"
"I'm okay." She continued to smooth her hand over his hair.
"Good." He leaned further into her touch. "You can go back to sleep if you want."
"Mm, in a bit," she murmured, urging him closer. "Right now...I just want this."
Elliot nodded in agreement and shifted until his head rested on the bed. He paused for a moment before he draped his arm across her. "How's this?"
"Better," she sighed contently. Her fingers resumed threading through his hair. He closed his eyes, focusing on the comforting touch.
After a while, she murmured, "Do you feel better?"
"Yeah," he replied honestly, nodding. "Thanks."
"Good." She squeezed his hand again, drawing comfort from his closeness. "Can you stay here...?"
"Mm hmm." Unwilling to move, he nodded again and moved a little closer. She moved just a little as well until their foreheads touched. Her eyes were growing heavy again but she just wanted to stay with him.
"Are you comfortable?"
"Mm hmm." She let her thumb stroke his temple. "What about you...?"
"Yep." His hand gently rubbed her arm.
Pleased, she struggled to keep her eyes open and on him. Comfortable and content, they soon slipped back into sleep.
The following morning, Olivia was the first to wake. Elliot was still there with her, his head pressed against hers. For a moment she allowed herself the luxury of simply watching him and enjoying the closeness.
Elliot slept for a few minutes before he awoke, stifling a yawn as he lifted his head. "Morning."
"Morning… did you sleep okay?"
He nodded. "Better than I have in a long time," he responded truthfully.
"Good." She let him coax her into drinking some water.
"Can I get you anything?"
She finished off the water with his help. "Maybe you can go get some breakfast? I'll try to eat something."
"Alright. I'm sure anything would be better than hospital food." He nodded and stood up. "I'll grab us some coffee and something to eat."
"And check on Noah, too?" She laid her head back down.
"I will," he promised her. As he made his way to the door, he hesitated. "You sure you'll be okay for a while?"
"Mm hmm. If it makes you feel better, turn on the tv?"
Elliot turned on the tv and handed her the remote before he left the hospital to check on Noah. When he came back an hour later with their breakfast, Olivia was still awake. She brightened when she saw him walk into the room.
"Hey..."
"Hey," he greeted, sitting down and handing her a cup of coffee and a bag from a diner around the corner. "Here you go."
She gratefully took the bag and let Elliot set the coffee on the nightstand. "Is Noah okay?"
"He's doing okay. He's waiting for you to come home."
Olivia smiled and weakly fumbled with the bag. "Maybe Carisi can bring him up soon..."
"I'm sure he'd love to see you."
"I want to see him." She finally managed to open the bag, and with a sigh she looked at Elliot. "Can you... do you mind unwrapping this?"
"I'll see about bringing him for a visit." He took the breakfast sandwich from her and unwrapped it, then handed it back to her.
"Thanks." She took a tiny bite, not missing the way Elliot quickly sat down beside her again. With her inability to lie on her back, or even sit up, it was probably a good idea as she ate.
They slipped into companionable quiet as they ate their breakfast. Elliot made himself more comfortable next to her. "Your doctor said that once they reassess, they'll have a better idea of when you can leave."
She swallowed a bite and looked at him. "El..."
Hearing her whisper his old nickname for the first time in a decade made his heart skip a beat. Surprised, he met her eyes. "Yeah?"
"If...if I can't walk again..."
He reached out with his free hand and lightly touched her arm. "If that's what happens, I'll help however I can."
She shuddered and set the uneaten half of her sandwich aside. "But it's not just me… and I can't ask that from you."
"You're not asking. I'm offering." Elliot knew he couldn't rightfully expect her to let him back in, not after he'd vanished from her life for ten years. But now that he was back, and after he'd come so close to losing her, he couldn't bring himself to stay away.
She gave a small shake of her head and laid her head back down on the pillows.
"Liv..." he smoothed her hair back.
She closed her eyes, exhaling shakily. "I've missed you so much..."
"I missed you, too."
Nodding, she didn't protest when he carefully wiped any crumbs off of the bed. Then he adjusted her pillow before sitting down beside her again. His hand rested lightly on her forehead, and after a moment she slowly settled into his touch.
"I'm gonna close my eyes."
"Alright. I'll be here." His thumb brushed soothingly against her hair. Her eyes slid shut, and Elliot stayed right there with her. He was contemplating a nap himself when her nurse entered the room.
"Hey, Mr. Stabler."
"Do we know anything else about her spine yet?"
She nodded as she checked the incision sites on Olivia's back. "Her surgeon will be in to speak with you in a few minutes."
"Alright. She's been more coherent and ate some breakfast," Elliot supplied.
"That's great. We just need to continue to keep her calm and still. The last thing she needs is to open an incision."
He nodded, and a few minutes later her surgeon came in. "How is her spine?"
The surgeon sat down beside Elliot, rubbing his face. "Mr. Stabler..."
Elliot's face fell at the way the doctor spoke. He knew by that tone that whatever the surgeon had to say, it wasn't good. "What is it?"
"The fragments did far more damage than we anticipated," he started slowly. "We're going to perform more scans, and once she's more stable we'll visit physiotherapy."
"Is the damage permanent?"
"It's too early to tell, but... it's likely."
Elliot swallowed hard. "I'll talk to her when she wakes up."
The surgeon nodded knowingly. "I'll come back in a few hours and speak to her as well."
"Alright." He nodded and rested his hand on top of Olivia's. The surgeon took a moment to check her incisions before leaving the two alone. Elliot remained at her side, waiting quietly for her to wake up.
A few hours later, just before dinner time, Olivia finally stirred and yawned. "Elliot?"
"I'm here." He gave her hand a squeeze.
She sighed in relief and grabbed his hand. "Hey... how long was I out?"
"A few hours."
Nodding, Olivia yawned. "Everything okay?"
He hesitated, but he knew he couldn't keep the truth from her. "Your surgeon was in here a little while ago."
Immediately she was more alert. "Did he tell you anything? When can I leave?"
Elliot's hand tightened around hers. "They need to do more scans, but... there's a chance the paralysis is permanent."
She froze, her breath catching in her throat. "No..."
He held her hand tightly in one hand and brushed her hair back with the other. "They'll know more after the next scans."
Olivia drew in a ragged breath, fiercely trying to hold herself together. "Okay..."
"They're doing more scans in an hour or so."
"Fine...it's fine..." She cringed as her voice cracked.
Even after all these years, he recognized the voice she spoke in when she was struggling to keep her emotions inside. "You don't have to keep everything to yourself," he reminded her, still stroking her hair.
"You don't need this," she whispered, looking away from him.
"I'm not leaving." He shook his head and brushed his thumb against her temple.
She sniffled and closed her eyes tightly.
"Liv, I..." Elliot fell silent for a moment, his touch never leaving her. "I love you. I know I already said it, and I'm not asking you to say it back. I just want you to know it."
I love you... The words floated around her mind at a dizzying speed. "You just lost your wife, Elliot," she finally managed. "You… you don't mean it."
He shook his head lightly. "I do."
She inhaled sharply and tried to pull her hand away from his.
"You almost died, and... and I don't think I could have handled that. You mean so much to me."
"It's different now," she managed, his hand still holding so tightly to hers.
"I know. I was gone for so long, and I regret that. If you don't want to let me back in, I get if you do, I want to be here for you."
"Don't you get it, Elliot? I'm not going to walk again!" She finally laid her head back down, defeated.
He fell silent for several seconds, quietly stroking her hair. "That doesn't change what I said."
Olivia was quiet for a long time. "I did it to save your life," she finally whispered, never meeting his eyes. "I don't expect you to give it up for me."
"It wouldn't be like that. I would never feel that way. I promise." Carefully, he leaned closer to her and draped his arm around her, mindful of her injury.
She closed her eyes more tightly as he rested his head next to hers. She couldn't do this. Not again.
Elliot's hand rested lightly on her shoulder and he rubbed gently. "I'm here..."
Olivia's breathing became uneven as she struggled to hold herself together. She couldn't break down, not in front of him. Not in the aftermath of all he had lost.
"You can let it out..."
"No...I can't..."
"You can," he murmured.
She closed her eyes tighter, a shudder rippling through her as he stroked her shoulder.
A soft knock interrupted the moment, and Olivia's nurse came into the room. "Is everything okay?" she asked softly. "We noticed her heart rate spiking."
"I think so."
She quickly looked Olivia over, working around Elliot to avoid disturbing him. Once she was satisfied her patient was stable, she nodded and finally left them alone again.
The door closed and Olivia sank deeper into her pillows. "Do you remember when Cragen introduced us?"
He nodded, resting his head against hers. "Like it was yesterday."
Olivia inhaled softly. "He took me aside, after."
"Yeah?"
"Mm hmm." She let her head rest gently against his. "Think he was worried, at first..."
"Really?" He continued to gently rub her arm.
"The thing was...I was never worried."
He nodded softly. "Good."
Her eyes watered a bit. "But I am now..."
His expression faltered but he gave her shoulder a squeeze, urging her to continue.
"I..." She brought her hand up and held it to his cheek. "I should be looking after you right now. How can I do that?"
He settled his hand over hers. "You've been doing that since I got back. Even when I didn't deserve it."
"You've always deserved it, El."
He wasn't sure if he believed her, but he didn't protest. "You don't have to look after me right now."
"But…"
"I mean it. Let me help you now."
He cupped the back of her neck and she sniffled quietly. "Okay..."
Sighing in relief, Elliot met her tired eyes. "Do you want to go back to sleep?"
"No," she said suddenly, grasping his hand.
"Alright." He twined his fingers through hers. "Do you need anything?"
She gave a small shake of her head. "Just stay here..."
"I will," he assured her.
Nodding, she gripped his hand tighter and relaxed into him.
Sleep could wait for now.
Reviews are appreciated!