10. Morgan
Morgan was to be married. The letter, which had arrived earlier that day, mentioned that the engagement had taken place while Morgan was visiting Kjelle's family in Valm. Upon returning to West Ferox, the pair then decided to continue on and visit Ylisstol, in order celebrate the engagement with Morgan's family as well. Their visit would be accompanied by Kjelle's mother, who had followed them back to Ferox on a whim and decided that she might as well take the entire trip too.
The Tuesday that Morgan was to arrive, there was another letter from somebody in Plegia. Mother skimmed it over breakfast, frowned, and ate only half her meal before leaving the table.
"Is something wrong?" Nina asked Father, because he had looked over the letter also.
"Not any more than it has been," said Father. He, too, had abandoned his plate and stood. "Still, it's something we should discuss before your brother and the others arrive. Would you watch for them in case they come early?"
It was now early afternoon. Nina had taken one of the books Mother kept pushing on her out to the anterior garden, but had spent most of the time picking at dandelions hiding between the sprouting golden crocuses. She hadn't heard from either of her parents since breakfast.
A clattering of wheels and hoofbeats sounded from the gate. Nina saw Morgan step down from the driver's seat of his awful rickety wagon, speaking loudly and cheerfully to the guard.
She bolted the instant the gate opened. "Morgan!"
He turned just in time to catch Nina as she barreled into him. Morgan pulled her up into a hug, and her feet left the ground as he spun her around. The book flew out from under her arm and landed with a smack on the stone pavement.
"Oh, crap – sorry about that –" Morgan put her down and dove to pick it up. "Landed closed, that's good. Hey, Nina, since when do you spend spare time reading?"
Nina laughed and pushed back her hair. Morgan was as easygoing as ever, clad in his old long coat with its new yellow trim up the sleeves. By this point it was probably too childish for her to horse around with Father, but with Morgan, it was okay. "I had to wait out here. I was asked to watch for you."
"Really? Well, I'm sorry to make you wait. We didn't arrive in the middle of court or anything, did we?" But before Nina could answer, the we resolved itself in the form of a stocky woman wearing an impressive breastplate.
"Well met," said the woman. She had a heart-shaped face beneath gray-blue hair. "Nina, right?"
"Yeah, Emma's a lot younger," said Morgan. He stepped aside and held out his hand. "Nina, this is Kjelle. My, uh, fiancée."
It was surreal coming from Morgan's mouth. Kjelle bowed, shallow but elegant. Nina stumbled over a curtsy, as usual.
"I know," said Nina. "I heard. You're getting married."
"Damn right he is," said a second woman who clapped her hand on Morgan's shoulder. She bore laugh lines and cropped curly hair. "Going to make Kjelle some kind of goddamned princess. As if there aren't enough running around. Hasn't quite sunk in on my end, either."
"Technically, I'm out of the succession, so it doesn't mean much," said Morgan cheerfully. "Anyway: Nina, this is Sully, Duchess Rosanne, Kjelle's mother. Sully, this is Nina, the elder of my younger sisters, as you've probably heard by now. Pietro, we know you already, how have you been by the way –" (Here the guard stationed at the gate gave a rather unenthusiastic thumbs-up.) "Excellent, good to hear. I'll take the horses to the stables. Nina, are Mother and Father free?"
"Actually," said Nina, "they had something come up this morning. I don't know how long they'll..."
But she trailed off as she noticed Sully waving past her with great energy, calling out, "Chrom!"
Her father walked from the castle, alone. Nina stood aside as he came to stop in front of Morgan.
"Father," greeted Morgan. He had long since caught up to Father in height.
"Morgan," returned Father, smiling warmly. Nina figured that whatever the news from this morning had been, it couldn't have been as bad as it seemed. "And Sully, and Kjelle. It's great to see you again." He turned particularly towards Kjelle. "My wife and I are honored to have you as part of our family."
"Thank you, sir. I promise I'll meet your expectations," said Kjelle. The face that reddened was Morgan's.
Sully jostled Father's arm. "So, Chrom. How's everything been in Ylisse recently? Frederick holding up?"
"About as well as ever, I think," said Father. "Morgan. A letter came from Istra this morning. I'm sorry to have to ask you this today, but would you join your mother and me for just a while in the study?"
Nina's previous fears surfaced again as Morgan's eyes went wide. "Of course." He looked towards Kjelle, who nodded. Without another word, he and Father went quickly up the path into the castle.
There was a dinner, of course. Morgan and Kjelle hadn't wanted a feast, and neither had they wanted it beyond close family. So it was Nina and her siblings, sans Lucina; Mother and Father; Kjelle and Sully; and, having either found out about the gathering through hearsay or just having chosen a lucky evening to drop by, Aunt Lissa and Uncle Vaike, completely unannounced.
"Thanks for having us at the last minute," said Aunt Lissa brightly, turning towards the head of the table where Father and Mother sat. Nobody was dressed formally, but her aunt's typical combination of sensible working clothes and the large, elaborate ribbon pulling back her hair still stood out, to say the least. "We would have come earlier, but we had to track down Imogen so she could watch the boys. You know, she's at that age where she wants to spend the whole day running around with her friends."
Abel was seated on the other side of the table from Nina, propping his utensils up against each other in triangles. He glanced up and caught her eye. Both of them knew that Imogen and her gang were the most respected law enforcement in her town.
Father probably didn't know, though, since he smiled warmly. The settings in front of him and Mother, though nicer than the others, were mismatched. Nina had been in charge of the settings and was mildly annoyed that her aunt and uncle's arrival had forced her to pull out part of another set.
"It's no problem," said Father. "We're glad to have you." He glanced towards Morgan, seated just past Mother on his right. "Right?"
"Yeah," said Morgan. "Actually, we would have liked to invite Owain and maybe Severa, also, if they were still around. But this whole trip was pretty spontaneous on our part, too."
Nina was annoyed by the settings. But she was more concerned by how her parents and Morgan had given no indication of what was going on with Lucina.
And Mother was already on her second glass.
"Soooo," said Emma, who drew out the word long enough for everybody to look to her, obviously intending to take advantage of this rare occasion of being seated with the adults. "Which one of you proposed?"
Next to Nina, Uncle Vaike snorted. He was clean-shaven and his shirt at least had sleeves today, which was good.
Morgan and Kjelle looked at each other.
"Well," said Morgan, "I suppose there wasn't exactly a proposal..."
"Not in the way that you're thinking," said Kjelle.
"We were just talking one day, while visiting Kjelle's parents, and we sort of realized..."
"That this is what we were heading towards," said Kjelle with a half-shrug.
"Yes," said Morgan. "That sounds better than how I was going to put it."
Mother put down her glass and looked straight at Kjelle. "I'm sorry to ask, but are you pregnant?"
Before Father or anybody could cut in, Morgan, Kjelle, and Sully all burst into laughter.
"What did I tell you?" said Sully, bracing herself on the edge of the table, barely missing Father's arm. "How long was that?"
"About – six hours, I think," said Morgan, catching his breath.
Kjelle's hand was over her eyes. "Oh, that's good. It took my father hardly thirty minutes!"
Father looked from Sully, at his left, to the couple on his right, frowning. "So..."
"We're not expecting," said Kjelle, wiping her eyes.
"But we've been waiting for somebody to ask that," said Morgan. "Trust me, we know exactly how this looks."
"It's true, though," said Kjelle, her voice suddenly warm. "Morgan and I had been spending so much time together that it made sense. He came to all my matches, even the ones outside..."
"And Kjelle, uh, really helped me when I didn't have any place to stay. I mean, I've lived out of a wagon for most of the past decade, but it was still nice."
"On days I showed on both foot and horseback, he brought my other armor through the freezing cold." Kjelle, heeding no manners, was leaning over on her elbows now, smiling almost mischievously.
"It wasn't that heavy," said Morgan, hand behind his neck. "Didn't you want me to start wearing some trinket just so it could end up destroyed on your lance?"
"Nothing of worth. Just some common token!"
"So are we gonna get the entire courtship?" Uncle Vaike cut in. He tipped back a drink.
Morgan laughed again. "Sorry. It's just...things were working well, you know? And that's enough for us."
From somebody else's mouth, it might have sounded like a low bar to set. But Nina looked across at her brother, apparently unlucky in love, who nevertheless had always preferred the drama from adventures rather than relationships, and thought that she could almost see him as somebody who was about to get married. Almost. Kjelle was an earnest sort of person, cute too with her long bangs and pink lips, and clearly returned Morgan's affections in a way that nobody had before. So in that regard, Nina was grateful to her, and happy for Morgan.
There was another course. Nina saw her father lean up and whisper something to the butler, who frowned. When the butler came back with wine, he only refilled Mother's cup halfway. Mother glanced into it for a while when she next picked it up, but didn't say anything.
"Sully," said Aunt Lissa, breaking an awkward silence. "How is your son doing? I just heard this winter. Congratulations, by the way!"
"Huh?" Sully leaned over. "Oh, yeah! Sometimes I forget how long it takes for word to get to Ylisse from us. Yeah, he's doing well. Walking and everything. Actually, Kjelle's got a portrait –"
Kjelle reached into a pouch on her belt and produced a small cloth bag, which held a miniature that she passed around. Nina took it from her uncle after his cursory look. There in a silver frame was an acceptably-done portrait of Sully, her thin-faced husband, and a child whom Nina took to be Kjelle's sole sibling, a small boy with red hair.
As she handed it back, her uncle jabbed a finger towards the miniature and spoke in a low voice. "Check out that collar. The guy used to be even more of a stuffed shirt. Still, they look happy, so good for them."
"Sully's husband?"
"Yeah. Not that he's some awful guy, but if it weren't for Sully knockin' some sense into him, this would probably have diamonds around the frame. Like, the whole difference-between-class-and-money thing they talk about here, y'know?" He gave her a conspiratorial grin, but Nina wasn't in the mood for joking today. Besides, she didn't know Sully's husband.
"I know," said Nina. "Um, what does that have to do with his shirt?"
Uncle Vaike stared at her for a second until Aunt Lissa tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to hand the miniature back. Nina found herself wishing that there was somebody seated to her left. She looked at Abel, who was slumped low in his seat. He was obstinately giving one-word responses to Kjelle, who had been trying to converse with him all day. Emma, seated on his other side, seemed perfectly happy to rescue him by talking to Kjelle herself.
"Well, what do you think I did?!" exclaimed Sully, in conversation with her parents. "I told them if I found out they'd overlooked another smuggler, I'd have them arrested first! Meribia's already pissed with us for letting these guys through – how am I supposed to say it's because our customs officers don't give a damn?"
"It shouldn't be your job to make them give a damn," said Mother. "It should be your job to put people there above them who do."
"Yeah, well, easier said than done, right? Virion tried the whole diplomatic approach with them before. It only got him so far when it was the entire damn duchy that hated him; I tell him it's not gonna get us much farther now." She leaned back. "You two probably know this better than I do, but I've realized that trying to make everyone happy doesn't work, you know? At some point, you have to say: I'm in charge here, and you don't have to like everything I do, but you better understand I've got a reason for doing it."
"You know," said Father, "Lucina and Inigo have found themselves facing a situation in Istra similar to what you and Virion found in Rosanne, I think."
Morgan's smile went tight. Nina could tell the exact second he went from real to faking.
"Have they?" asked Sully. "What'd they do?"
"It's not what they...well. The council just found out that their militia leader is considered Ylissean royalty. As you can guess, not everybody –"
"Oh, is this Lucina we're talking about?" Aunt Lissa cut in. "I hardly got to speak with her when she was here. Duncan was trying to tell me some insane story about how Inigo broke his arm earlier, but I think the details must have been mixed up. Do you know how that really happened?"
"Well," said Father, "you see, Lissa, we were –"
"Inigo was lying!" cried Emma. "He never got punted off a horse or anything. Is that what you heard?"
"I think a horse was in there somewhere, yes," said Aunt Lissa.
"Well, that's not what happened," said Emma. "Fiora told me. Inigo messes it all up to be funny, and it's dumb because he takes out all the actually good parts."
"Really?" said Sully. "Well, let us hear the real story, then!"
Father sat back in his seat, resigned.
"Okay," said Emma, who clasped her hands before her, eager to prove herself the most well-informed person in the room. "So it was a normal day and he was out on patrol. He says sometimes that they were surrounded in the fort, but Fiora says he's lying about that. Anyway, it was a normal day, I mean night..."
Nina had heard this version before. It was the one Lucina told; the one adults generally accepted as the truth. It began with Inigo leading the regular patrol around the fort instead of Lucina one evening, since Lucina had gone out with some of the men earlier to scope out an old shrine they'd heard was nearby. She had been expected back before nightfall.
"And they saw a fire off in the distance. And so at first they thought it was Lucina, but it wasn't –"
"It was an unknown flare," said Mother. "Not a fire."
"– but it was really close to where she was supposed to be. So Inigo got on his horse and went where the fire was, and when he got there he saw that there were all these tracks leading to the shrine!"
"Wait, so there was a shrine?" asked Aunt Lissa.
"That was where Lucina had been scouting," said Mother. "Obviously, when this group sent out the flare, they were under the impression that she was somebody else." She lowered her glass. "There was only one horse at the fort, apparently. Inigo rode out alone."
"No, Mommy, I'm telling the story!" cried Emma. She looked back around the table, blinking, her rhythm broken. "So...Inigo was alone. And when he got to the shrine, he saw that Lucina...wasn't."
The way Nina had heard the story before, it had sounded like some grand romantic gesture. The soldier riding off recklessly across the desert to aid his wife. But to hear Mother and Emma tell it, it sounded idiotic.
"She and her soldiers weren't the only ones there, is what Emma means," said Mother, more quietly this time. "It was a Grimleal faction, maybe fifty strong, which had also been looking for the shrine. Lucina's lookout saw the same flare. They arranged an ambush, but she had fewer than twenty men with her."
"I thought it was more even by the time Inigo showed up, though," Morgan added.
"Yes," said Mother. "Somewhat. There wasn't much they could do to make up for the difference in numbers. Not in the desert like that."
"Except fight better," said Father.
"But," said Emma, "Lucina was about to die."
"She wasn't about to die," muttered Abel, remarkably. "She was about to be hit."
Aunt Lissa stared at her lap. "Sometimes, you can't tell if there'll be a difference."
"Well...Inigo didn't think there was," said Emma. "Lucina was fighting somebody, and there was another cultist about to loose a spell on her, and Inigo wasn't fast enough to stab him. So he just ran into him. And then when they were on the ground, Inigo stabbed him." Emma's voice quickened, as though trying to salvage the last bit of excitement from the story. "But – he landed on his arm in the fall. So that's how he broke it."
But the climax had fallen flat. The table was silent.
"Well," said Sully, "that sounds pretty heroic to me. And it must've been, too, if both of them are still here to tell the tale."
"Lucina lost ten men," said Mother.
"Yeah, and she would've been lost, too, if Inigo hadn't rushed over like an idiot," said Uncle Vaike. "Are you sayin' you would've put somebody else on that horse?"
"I don't know, Vaike," said Mother. "Unlike you, I don't consider idiocy a battle strategy."
Father reached for her arm. "Robin, let's not –"
"Tch, that's not what I meant," said Uncle. "But, fine. I know what you think of me."
"I don't think anything of you," said Mother – as a dismissal to Uncle's words, not to throw a worse insult than the last. Nina could tell the difference, but she didn't know if Uncle could. "I'm saying I'm not sure Inigo riding off 'like an idiot' was the best decision."
"All right." Uncle Vaike held up his hands. "I get that. I'm just sayin' my view, which is that probably nobody else would've fought for her the same way. So, if it were my kid, I'd be damn grateful."
"I'm sure they are grateful –" Aunt Lissa tried.
"That's not what I'm saying, either," said Mother. "I'm saying that it was a foolish decision in a situation that didn't make sense. Why did Lucina have all of their horses? They couldn't have fled a battle; there was nothing nearby but the fort. Why didn't Inigo bring somebody else on the back of his horse for such a short journey? I don't know. I wasn't there. All I know is that it was foolish." Her fingers tightened around the stem of her glass. "I believe the entire campaign was luck and foolish."
"Mother –" Morgan leaned towards her. "Please, stop this. You're an awful drunk."
Mother, in the process of raising her glass to her lips, stopped. "You know who was a good drunk?" she said. "Gregor." She paused. "Fourteen years next week. Or around then."
She held the glass aloft, stared at it like she meant to say more, then downed it anyway.
The table was silent. Nina found herself acutely grateful that this was a small affair, and that Captain Cordelia in particular had not followed in her aunt and uncle's footsteps and shown up for some unholy reason.
Morgan made a rather weak attempt to take the glass from her, swiping at air as she set it back down. "Mother –"
"I second that!" cried Kjelle, who, by this point, was probably also very drunk. "Though I knew him little, he was an honorable man. To Gregor!" Then she drank also.
Now Nina began to realize that probably all of the adults at the table were drunk. Not that this was necessarily unusual. Her father probably spent most state dinners slightly drunk. She could recall the warmth in his voice that caused him to give more compliments, and the smell of alcohol on his breath when she used to climb into his lap.
But Nina had never seen Mother like this before. Nor had she ever seen Father quite like this, as he glanced almost frantically from his sister to his son to his wife with an apologetic look on his face, but didn't say anything. Everybody was an awful drunk today.
"Who's Gregor?" asked Emma.
"Look, Chrom, I'm sorry." Uncle Vaike stood from his chair. "It was great of you to have us, but I can't stay here watchin' Robin lose it. So I'm gonna be decent here and bail." He looked down. "Lissa?"
"Vaike, I – don't know," said Aunt Lissa. She clasped her hands. "Why don't we all end dinner early, and go into the sitting room? I'm sure Robin will feel better..."
"There is nothing wrong with me," insisted Mother, her voice low.
Aunt Lissa didn't look so reluctant to leave anymore. "We'll see you sometime soon," she said as she pushed back her chair.
"Gods," said Father, half-covering his face. "Lissa, look. I am so –"
"We'll deal with all that later," said Uncle. Before turning to leave, he motioned towards the other side of the table. "I know this was supposed to be your guys' thing, so – I hope you're happy bein' each other's beards or whatever the hell this is –"
"Excuse me?" said Kjelle.
Sully was already leaning over her armrest, glaring daggers. "The hell? Don't you somehow bring her into this, you bastard!"
"I have a fantastic idea," said Morgan, raising his voice as much as he could before actually shouting. "I am going to take Mother to lie down somewhere. Kjelle, why don't you come with me?"
"Hold on," said Kjelle. "I don't know exactly what he said."
Nina looked around the table. Emma was on the verge of tears. Abel simply stared at the plate in front of him. Mother was slumped over the table with her hands over her forehead like this was all somehow affecting her the most. And Father, though he had gotten up to hold Sully back, was growling "Vaike!" as Aunt Lissa tried to usher Uncle towards the door. All the noise and chaos was causing something inside Nina to wind tighter and tighter in a panic, until finally it snapped.
"I'm sorry," she said, dumbly. Then she stood up and fled.
She was able to keep her composure well enough until she reached the door that led from the dining hall. Then, as soon as she was through it, she ran. She ran down the dark hallways, taking corners without slowing down, until she came to the door that led outside to the stables, where the confused night guard simply let her through. She ran past the stables and around the perimeter of the castle towards the anterior garden, where she saw the stone bench that sat in a niche in the castle wall. There, coming to a halt and gasping for breath, she sat in the chill night air, savoring the silence that came with being alone.
She ran, because not only did it seem like her family, her sister's safety, and her entire inheritance were all showing cracks, with Nina powerless to stop it, but because somebody had finally said it: she was different, she and Morgan both, different in a way that nobody would talk about, and in a way she didn't want to be.
Before she ran, her mind had been turning and screaming; but now, it was oddly calm. She simply sat on the cold stone bench, stubbornly avoiding any more thoughts about what had just transpired.
From where she sat she could see a patch of snowdrops, the flowers bright white beneath a still-barren tree. It reminded her of one of the stories she had heard from her mother long ago, about the clever peasant who had won an estate by proving that he could grow flowers that would bloom even when the land was covered in frost. As the story went, he had traveled to Regna Ferox in the spring to look for such flowers, and had brought back snowdrops, which bloomed even in Ylissean winter. Thus did he become a lord.
It was a while before Nina heard anybody calling for her. First, there were a few scattered cries of "Princess!" from the castle staff. Then, a bit later, she heard her father calling her name. All sounded far away, as though they were up on the walls or balconies rather than somewhere on the grounds. Nina resolutely stayed put, and his calls stopped before she could decide whether she wanted him to come find her this time or not.
After a minute, she heard his voice again, this time much closer. Nina was still weighing whether she should flee again when she realized that the person now calling for her was actually Morgan, whose voice had grown to resemble Father's.
"Nina!" His voice became clear as he came around the corner of the wall. As his footsteps quickened in the stiff grass, Nina sat back on the bench and gazed down at her feet.
"There you are," said Morgan as he came to a stop in front of her. "I'm glad I found you before anybody else." He caught his breath. He sounded as though he had been running part of the way. "Want to tell me what that was all about?"
Nina looked up.
"Not really," she said.
Her brother leaned against the castle wall. "Okay, let's try that again. Would you please tell me what that was about?"
Nina stared back over the grounds. The snowdrops waved slightly in an unfelt wind.
"Is Mother going to be all right?" she asked.
Morgan tapped his fingers against his arm. "I think she will be. She's had a rough couple of months. You probably know that more than I do, right?"
Nina shook her head. "Everything was going so well with Lucina in Plegia, and then...they try to demote her." She paused. "It doesn't even sound that terrible when I put it like that."
"Being a ruler can be thankless, can't it?" said Morgan. "Especially when you're trying to lead people who never actually asked." He sighed. "For what it's worth, I'm not as worried about her as Mother and Father are. I don't think she and her family are in physical danger in Istra, or anything like that."
"Not anymore."
"No. Not anymore."
Nina nodded.
"But that's not the only thing that made you run out here," he went on.
Nina buried her head in her hands.
"Nina?"
"Morgan, I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want to be rude."
"I really can't picture you being rude, Nina."
She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. Took a deep breath. Lifted her head up. Morgan was looking at her patiently.
"Are you...actually in love with Kjelle?" she asked.
She tried to read his expression in the darkness. It was impossible, but at the very least, he took this with a small, accepting sigh.
"There's a lot of different ways you can be 'in love' with somebody," said Morgan, "but, yes. Definitely yes."
"So what about before?" she said cautiously. "Were you in love with...other people also?"
Morgan had to take a minute to formulate an answer to this. "Yes?" he said, bending it into an uncertainty. "Though looking back, maybe not in ways that really counted."
He stopped, as though that answered the whole question. Nina stared at her feet again.
"But, you know," Morgan continued, "that doesn't have anything to do with the others pretty much all being men. Trust me, I'm as surprised as everybody else is about how this turned out." He scratched his chin. "I think Kjelle is, too, though less so. She's always been...more open to either, I guess? But she's a lot less of an idiot than I am, so she's got a lot fewer people in her past to reckon with."
Nina exhaled. "I believe you," she said softly.
"What?"
"I believe you," she said, with more strength behind it, because she did. She had been able to read it in Morgan's bearing since he arrived at the castle earlier that afternoon. At least when it came to his emotions, Morgan was, like her, a very poor liar.
Morgan let out a short laugh. "Well, that's good! Considering how things went tonight."
"Does Uncle – not believe you?" asked Nina. "Or does he not like that you were attached to men?"
Now Morgan did show surprise. He stared down at Nina, then leaned back, scratching the side of his face as he gazed up at the sky. "The thing about Uncle is this," he started. "He's never said anything to me or treated me like it was a problem before." He crossed his arms again. "Actually, when I was going through the whole Laurent thing, there were people who treated me oddly, both in uncomfortable ways and...as though they were going out of their way to be nice to me."
Nina nodded, knowing how the second kind of treatment could sometimes be harder to take than the first.
"Laurent does not favor men, just so you don't get the wrong idea, but I spent a lot of time wishing he did. Anyway – Aunt Lissa and Uncle Vaike were some of the few people who knew, but kept treating me the same way they had before. And I know they knew, because I spent so much time complaining to Owain about it, and a lot of that took place in their house. I actually ended up spending a lot of time there when this was all going on, because it was the place that made me feel the most normal." He paused. "That's...actually why when Owain and I would take breaks from traveling, back when we were looking for Mother, I usually stayed there instead of at the castle. It had absolutely nothing to do with you or Father or anything like that. I just wanted to escape everything for a while, including being the prince."
He lowered his voice. "You know...I came here without much in the way of memories. Just like Mother. It never bothered me that I didn't have much of an identity to answer to – I just did whatever I wanted. But after a few years here, I realized that I'd grown an identity anyway, and it was like I didn't know what to do with that."
Nina let this all sink in.
"It was...good that Aunt and Uncle let you stay with them," she said eventually.
"What, would you expect them to kick me out?" said Morgan lightly. "So...as for what happened today...I don't think Uncle meant for it to cut like it did. He's probably half-convinced I'm lying to myself or something, and if I were to sit down with him when everybody's sober, he would go off about being worried for me." He wrapped his arms around his chest, more of an embrace than a crossing of them. "That...doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. But, then again" – to Nina's astonishment, he laughed – "I've heard loads worse."
Nina could only begin to imagine what that would be. It was yet another thing outside of her sheltered upbringing.
"You know," said Morgan, his voice quieter, "in places like Ferox, it really doesn't matter that much. You can live with whoever you want. Even in Ylisse, so long as you're not blatant about it, people will generally...leave you alone." He said it in such a way that made it clear he was speaking about Nina as much as himself. "I'm not going to lie that Kjelle being a woman doesn't make certain things easier – like actually being able to get married. But if she was a man, I think...I would be happy all the same." He held out his hand. "Now...part of that does come from my not being the firstborn. Which you aren't, either."
"I –" Nina lurched forward, shaking her head. That was the worst thing Morgan could have added. "I might as well be. I'm the heir!" She covered her face. "They're going to be expecting things of me," she added in a whisper.
In the midst of her panic, Morgan calmly stepped forward and sat on the bench beside her. "Nina, you already have a niece who's basically a decade younger than you. Not to mention a sister. And, hey...chances are, there will be others as well."
"But what if something happens to them," Nina mumbled.
Morgan paused. "I know we have duties and all that, but I think that's a bridge you can cross when you get to it," he said, his voice deliberately reassuring. "If the worst comes to pass, there are ways you could marry someone who won't take up any more of your life than necessary. Or even have an heir without being married. I know you probably don't want to do those, and I don't know what the court will think of the second, but – you're not going to be forced into some life that's absolutely abhorrent, Nina. We don't need you to make some political match."
"None of that will make a difference if I'm a poor ruler."
"Okay," said Morgan, "this is what I mean by there being some bridges you just have to cross when you get to them."
Lifting her head, Nina stared out towards the city over her knees. There had been lights shining when she first came outside, but now many of them were gone. "Is it really that simple?"
"Yes," said Morgan, "it's really that simple."
Right now, it was difficult for Nina to imagine anything important being so simple.
Morgan fell silent. After some minutes had passed, another shout of Nina's name cut through the still air. This time, it was definitely Father. "Either you're going to them you're over here," said Morgan, "or I'll have to. Everybody is worried about you."
"You can tell them where I am," said Nina placidly. "I want to stay here for a little bit longer."
Morgan nodded and got up. Before he left, though, Nina roused herself, and stopped him.
"Wait," she said. "Thank you for talking with me."
Morgan turned back to her and ruffled her hair.
"Hey –" Nina protested.
"You're going to be all right, Nina," said Morgan. Then he jogged off.
Nina remained where she was, trying to silence her thoughts again in the dark garden, the bench cold beneath her.
By the time Father finally came around the castle wall, Nina estimated that it had been about an hour since she had ran from dinner. Father approached her, alone, missing the jacket that he had worn at the table.
"Nina." He seemed sober, though with her clear mind she thought now that Father, at least, hadn't been very drunk to begin with. "You've been out here a while. It's about time you come back inside the castle," he said. "Your aunt and uncle left."
Nina nodded. Slowly, she stood from the bench. Then – to her own surprise – she hunched over and started to cry.
"Nina!" exclaimed Father. "Come here." He placed his hands on her shoulders, as though uncertain what to do with her, but then pulled her into an embrace.
Nina leaned against him, crying into his chest in a way she hadn't since she was a child. He simply stood there, patting her back. She cried for what felt like minutes, yet when she raised her head a little and wiped her eyes, sniffling, it suddenly felt like she hadn't been crying long at all.
"Father," she managed, once she was able to catch her breath, "I'm never going to marry or have children."
"Well – nobody is asking you to," said Father, a note of puzzlement in his voice. "Besides...I wouldn't count out Abel just yet."
Nina laughed at that, the sound coming out as a half-sob. "But...Abel shouldn't have to if he doesn't want to, either."
Father's hand came to rest on her shoulder again. For a few seconds, he was silent. "We'd...figure something out."
As Nina stepped back and pinched her nose, she remembered part of the conversation she had overheard between him and Mother, about their Marks and the need for somebody in their bloodline to still rule. There was a duty in her family that couldn't be ignored.
But as for her...she was already here, and she was being trained to be the Exalt, the ruler of the country. That was her privilege and her burden. If the birthing of heirs aligned with what others wanted out of life, then the expectation did not need to fall to Nina. She would okay as the person she was – or at least, given her age, the person she suspected she would be.
After all, she wouldn't be ruling in isolation to begin with. For in addition to her siblings, she would have advisers and courtiers and attendants whom she would know and trust, just as her parents had in addition to each other.
And besides, her parents, by Naga's blessing, would hopefully still have many years left for this world.
"Here, Nina," said Father, giving her a final squeeze. "Mother is resting now. She's doing better, if that's another thing you were worried about."
"I'm glad," said Nina. "And...Lucina is all right?"
Father nodded. "It's nothing urgent. More of the same. We'll talk with you about it later," he said. "But for today, it's nothing to worry about. If Lucina were in danger, we would tell you. Trust us." He turned back to the towards the way he had come, arm around her shoulder. "Now, let's go inside."
End of Part III.
A/N: Nina's unfinished understanding of what she felt for Jeanette, and Morgan's own situation, has always led to this; but nevertheless, I spent a long time debating how I was going to handle this chapter, and if what I wanted was even acceptable to add to this fanfic.
Eventually I decided to be honest, without buzzwords. There can be a fine line between "characters discussing issues" and "the author discussing issues", and I've tried to be careful in not crossing it. Then again, I know a few published authors who I believe cross it that other readers don't seem to mind, so maybe I'm okay.