Hello everybody^^

To those of you, who are celebrating: Merry Christmas, I hope you have some blessed and lovely days.
And to everybody I wish that you have some calm and gentle last days of the years. If I read the calender correctly, we'll see each other again in the new year, so I just hope that you all have a good slide into the new year (as we Germans say "Guten Rutsch" which literally means "Have a good slide").

Okay guys, thank you all for your suopport this year, I'm very grateful for all your kind and lovely words! And I guess I'll see you next year, so have 'fun' with this chapter until then and I wish you all the best ;-)

Sharry

Chapter 14 – Silence

-Sanji-

Through the window, the narrow silver lining at the horizon warned that the morning was near, while Sanji prepared breakfast. Every once in a while his gaze slid to the small window of the sickbay door, which still offered warm light from within that room. He tried to ignore it, but Sanji just couldn't ignore his bad mood.

Shortly before sunset last evening, the Marimo had returned, the coffin boat Hawk Eyes' attached to the Thousand Sunny, as Sanji had seen it two years ago, an empty wine bottle in his hand and a huge sword on his back, which he had taken to the sickbay.

Only at the end of dinner had Robin finally left the sickbay, had not been willing to switch with Zoro until he had showered and put on clean clothes.

When Sanji had left the galley late in the evening, the hospital room had still been brightly lit, and when he had come in less than half an hour ago, he had seen through the small window with the curtain that the light in the hospital room had still been burning, probably throughout the whole night.

Sanji was in a bad mood. Last night, Zoro had not come to dinner and Sanji had not been willing to bring him another lunchbox after the last fiasco. At the same time, he now had even more questions, but it seemed as if he was the only one who was concerned about recent events.

Even Law and Chopper had only talked about the surgery for a few minutes and then devoted themselves to other topics, mainly the upcoming adventure and that they would face the Shichibukai Doflamingo, as if they had forgotten that another Shichibukai was just a few feet away behind a wooden wall.

Sanji had tried to raise the issue twice. The first time, Luffy had interrupted him enthusiastic and had barely let himself be stopped by Chopper's physical efforts to visit his friend Hawk Guy. The second time, Law had interrupted Sanji rather roughly and pointed out that they should pay attention to more urgent problems, as if it were not a problem that Zoro was sitting at the bedside of the man who had once slashed his upper body. As if it weren't a problem that Zoro showed up covered in blood with a Shichibukai on his back, totally freaked out, and asked for a doctor. As if it weren't a problem that Zoro simply disappeared without even telling anyone of them where he had gone to – while they were well on their way to mess with Shichibukais and Emperors – only to show up a few hours later with a dying Shichibukai on his back. Was Sanji the only one who noticed that something was not right within this crew and that it had something to do with the tight-lipped Marimo?

Discouraged, he stared at the eggs in the pan. If he wasn't wrong, the Marimo had hardly eaten any breakfast the previous morning and he had spent dinner in the hospital room. Sighing, Sanji wondered if the other had eaten anything at all during the day. It would fit this braindead idiot of a swordsman to forget something as trivial but necessary as food, on the other hand it wasn't like Sanji knew what fit the other, after all, apparently he showed gratitude towards others by now, just not towards Sanji.

But he had no reason to bring the other something to eat now, after all, there would be breakfast in barely an hour. In addition, he and the Marimo had argued so badly at their last meeting that Sanji had hid in the bathroom for several hours to his shame. Nevertheless, he placed the freshly rolled egg and a few rice balls on a plate.

The latest development did not suit Sanji at all. They already had enough problems. It was enough for Luffy to provoke battles and enemies all over the world, while the damn Marimo had nothing better to do than provoke battles within the crew and turn his own friends into enemies. It was enough that they had formed an alliance with Law – a former Shichibukai – and wanted to try through Caeser that Doflamingo would also give up his current Shichibukai title.

No, Sanji didn't like it at all. The mere presence of Hawk Eyes made him restless. Although the Shichibukai was seriously injured and hardly posed a danger at the moment, Sanji had barely been able to sleep the last night. Had not been able to sleep peacefully knowing what kind of beast they were sheltering. He disliked how naturally Law, Robin, and Chopper had decided to save the life of an enemy, although this Shichibukai could turn on them at any time as soon as he got better. It would have been better for all of them if they had let him bleed to death.

Get the hell Chopper, cook!

And that irked him the most! It was true that Zoro had behaved weirdly since he had returned, since the crew had reunited, and he and Sanji had had their arguments and that bothered him deeply. But this one was different. The way the other had acted the previous day was different, and whatever it was, it seemed to have to do with that damn Shichibukai. With the very Shichibukai, who had come to their aid two years ago and had probably told them that Zoro had survived without even presenting any proof. Exactly the Shichibukai, who had almost killed Zoro more than two years ago and had branded him for the rest of his life.

Shaking his head, Sanji decided to suppress such thoughts and not jump to any conclusions when he took the carefully prepared plate full of nutritious treats and went to the sickbay. At the door, however, he stopped, pushed one of the curtains aside and peeked inside.

Zoro sat at the desk on the swivel chair Chopper liked so much, with his back towards Sanji. The swordsman read the newspaper, seemed completely carefree, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Sanji had hardly ever seen him read the newspaper and wondered once again whether he knew the other at all, whether he had any idea who the other really was.

He could not see the bed from the window, but his gaze fell on the huge weapon, which lay casually on the desk, not even an arm's length away from Zoro. It was precisely this blade that had slashed Zoro almost three years ago, and now he was sitting next to it, at the bedside of the man who had almost killed Zoro back then, who had faced Luffy during the Battle of Marine Ford, hoping that this scumbag would survive.

Somehow it was all like a bad joke and Sanji felt like he was missing a part of the story, as if he just didn't have all the information. Thinking about it, he came to the conclusion that it was actually exactly like that; he kind of missed all the information. After all, Zoro did not speak, did not answer, left them all completely in the dark.

Discouraged, he decided against his good will, went back to the stove and continued with his activity. He was not as good-natured as Nami and would treat Zoro as he always did, regardless of his misbehavior. He was also not as kind as Robin, who tolerated his behavior because she believed he had good reasons to do so. Even more so, he was not as ignorant as the rest of the crew who had decided not to wake sleeping dogs.

No, his past fight with the Marimo had shaken Sanji, that was true, had stirred up his self-doubt and disappointment about his own actions and decisions, but it had also strengthened his mistrust that something was wrong, and no matter what it was, Sanji would find it out, for the benefit of the crew and also for the benefit of the freaking Marimo.

Eventually, the door to the bow opened and Robin came in to help him with his preparations. As usual, they talked, but Sanji did not miss that she steered the conversation in an awfully elegant way in safer waters whenever Sanji wanted to talk about the two swordsmen in the next room. After a few attempts, he gave in. He had no desire to argue with Robin, this energy he should be saving for Zoro or for the Shichibukai he would soon face.

Gradually, the various crewmembers and guests came in for breakfast, only Zoro did not, as expected. Not even after Chopper briefly disappeared into the sickbay to check his patient. So another breakfast went by absolutely uneventful and Sanji pulled out the next cigarette.

-Zoro-

When Chopper left and closed the door behind him, Zoro raised the newspaper again and continued to read, some boring article about the upcoming Reverie, what kingdoms would be represented there, what possible topics the meetings might have and of course a column about Lady Loreen. Most of all, Zoro was pissed off by the fact that apparently the most important thing in this regard was what Lady Loreen would wear.

Zoro really didn't like his alter ego, still wished he could have buried her in the depths of the sea, yet it bothered him that the most important thing the newspapers reported about Lady Loreen was her latest clothes and her alleged relationship with the Shichibukai Hawk Eyes. Everything else seemed secondary, and Zoro didn't really care, because he didn't want to have anything to do with all these things anyway, but if he was supposed to give a damn speech to some power-carving idiots, then he wanted that to be noted and talked about and not this unimportant stuff.

He wondered if that would change if the world would find out who Lady Loreen really was, and he wondered what other consequences this would entail. Sighing, he folded the newspaper and put it away.

If his plan would not work, all these thoughts were worthless. If his plan would not work, Zoro would soon face far greater problems than a secret identity. If his plan would not work, he would conjure up a catastrophe.

"Fuck," he grumbled and rubbed his face.

He had been so confident in his plan, so proud, that he had come up with it all by himself, that he had not thought about what he would do if his plan went wrong. Like a bloody novice, Zoro hadn't thought of a plan B, no contingency plan in case the house of cards collapsed. He had precisely not done what Mihawk had instilled in him over and over again.

In the past, Zoro wouldn't have acted much differently, might not even have had a plan, and wouldn't even have thought that having no plan could be a bad thing. But that was exactly why he had failed at the G-6 back then, because he had not looked left and right, but had just done his thing his way.

Again he sighed and let his gaze wander through the room. Yoru hummed softly a soothing melody, did not show any concern for its master, as if it knew full well, that he would recover, and that in turn calmed Zoro. For a second, he let his hand glide over the mighty sword, taking in its calmness, wisdom, and patience, grateful that this weapon still received him with the gentleness of an experienced old horse. Just at that moment, he was grateful that Yoru still treated him like a puppy and not like an opponent.

Then his gaze fell on Mihawk, who lay quietly in bed, still so ashen that it was worrying, even by his standards, but breathing softly. He hadn't woken up yet, but according to Chopper that wasn't unusual, as the surgery had probably been very exhausting for him and they had also pumped him full with painkillers. Chopper had emphasized that the stats were good and the other would probably wake up soon.

"He's right," murmured Zoro towards Yoru, who hummed only approvingly. His own swords – which Zoro had fetched after Robin had persuaded him to shower and change clothes – were relatively silent, as often the case when Yoru was present and not in the hands of its master. Now, however, Kitetsu quietly lamented when Zoro lowered his guard and touched the wise sword.

Zoro, on the other hand, ignored his angry weapon and looked at Mihawk. This whole situation was absurd. He still knew that they had argued, quite aggressively even, because he remembered that he had wanted to leave with the need of not wanting to see the other again, at least for a while not wanting to see him again.

He also roughly remembered what they had accused each other of, but if Zoro was honest, the past conversation was no more than a distant memory, as if it had happened years and not just mere hours ago, overlaid by the moments afterwards.

Zoro still felt like he was in a bad dream, and he didn't even know exactly why. Mihawk was not the first person to collapse and spit blood in front of his eyes, not the first seriously injured person he had carried to safety, not the first friend whose life was in danger.

Nevertheless, it was quite different, and Zoro did not know why. When the other had called after him, Zoro had been so livid he could have exploded, but something within him had also been relieved that Mihawk had wanted to stop him, had not been willing to let Zoro leave like that. Something within him had been grateful that Mihawk had wanted to stop him from leaving the other with this anger.

But then he had turned around, had noticed the almost surprised expression in these hawk eyes. Had seen how puzzled and confused Mihawk had looked at him, as if Zoro had presented him with a riddle that even the Shichibukai could not solve, finally a riddle that even the Shichibukai could not solve.

Then Zoro's gaze had fallen on those stains on Mihawk's sleeve, but he had not understood what had happened. At first he had thought it could have been spilled wine, until he had seen this deep red trickle as it had slipped out of the corner of Mihawk's mouth, almost elegantly found its way through his beard and then dripped onto his chest.

Blood and saliva indicate internal bleeding. Probably poisoning. What a shame, if she had been found earlier, she could probably have been saved.

Zoro didn't know why these words kept echoing through his head, but for a second he had really thought that Mihawk had been poisoned by Eizen. Zoro had no doubt that this sly politician would do stuff like that; he had believed Mihawk would have been poisoned because of him.

But it wasn't poison, at least according to Law and Chopper, and Zoro relied on Chopper's expertise; they had said inflammation of the esophagus and gastric mucosa and Zoro wondered what this meant for the other's future. The other wasn't that old yet, was he? Not old enough to be defeated by things like that, right? Not old enough to scrape off canker sores or whatever it was, right?

Tell me, Roronoa, when were you so scared that you could not think clearly, that you lacked the air to breathe? When were you really terrified?

He had never given much thought to such unimportant things as age, had used it to make fun of the other, because it was obviously something Mihawk was sensitive about, but Zoro had never taken it seriously. So why did he think about it now, even though he knew full well that such things had nothing to do with age, right?

But I wonder what happens when you are helpless? If you cannot do anything to escape that fear, what will you do?

No, Zoro knew exactly why he was worried about such nonsense and all the other nonsense that was raging in his head.

What if Mihawk dies?

He had tried to ignore this question while waiting in the galley, helplessly waiting for who knows what, doomed to do nothing but wait.

All these things had gone through his mind. What if Mihawk died? Would Zoro be the one who had to tell Jiroushin, Kanan, Perona... would Zoro have to be the one to let them know? What about the five islands? Would he have to inform the mayor of Sasaki, Mr. Koumyou? Who would protect the five islands? What about Kuraigana if it lost its ruler? What would happen to Yoru? What would Zoro have to do? What would Mihawk expect from him in such a situation? What if Mihawk died?

I have dedicated my life to my dream and my crew and that means I can and will not take anything or anyone else into account.

Worse, however, was that Zoro had not been able to suppress completely different thoughts. Should this have been their last conversation? Should Zoro's angry words — words he couldn't even recall — be the last thing he would say to the other? Should this be the moment when the other would die? Should he be the one to stay behind this time?

There is no place in my life for such a thing.

Zoro's gaze fell on Yoru, but this time it was silent, gave him no advice, left him completely on his own, as if it would teach him one last lesson. He was confused. Since Zoro had left Kuraigana, he had the feeling of being confused by everything, of being overwhelmed.

Eizen confused him, with his conquest plans, with his pictures of Zoro's dead mother, with his knowledge, which he should not have. Rayleigh confused him, with his admonishing words, with his vague hints, with the unsolicited remarks that Zoro had not wanted to hear. His crew confused him, with their questioning eyes, with their outrageous demands, with their never-ending mistrust that he did not deserve. Mihawk confused him, with his blatant gaze, with his direct questions, with his ruthless answers, which Zoro did not want to acknowledge. And he also confused himself, with his own muddled thoughts, with his whispering doubts, with his decisions, of which he was no longer convinced that they were the right ones.

He longed for the silence of Kurigana, for a few days in which nothing happened, no adventures, no dangers, no unexpected plot twists. A few days in which he had time and peace to organize his confusing thoughts. He longed for some silence to find out what he really wanted, what really occupied him, and why he couldn't calm down.

But now that it was finally quiet, that the cook finally kept his mouth shut, no one asked him things he did not want to answer, no one wanted anything at all from him, it was incredibly loud in his head and his thoughts just did not want to come to rest, did not want to give him a moment of peace.

So he sat here now, pretending that this situation was the most normal thing in the world, trying to read the damn newspaper while his thoughts were spinning in an everlasting vicious circle from which he could not break out, helplessly waiting for something he could not influence.

Again he looked at Mihawk, wondering if it had always been like this for the other, the many nights and days he had spent at Zoro's bed. He wondered if it had always been like this for his crew, the many times he had been seriously injured. Had he let them go through exactly what he was feeling right now over and over again? Had they all always felt as helpless as he did right now?

Zoro hated that feeling. Mihawk had asked him a long time ago what Zoro would do in a moment when he would be absolutely helpless, with nothing but himself and fear, and Zoro had come to the decision to go further, always taking this one more step. To do everything within his power and even beyond to never end up in a helpless situation again, to never be powerless again.

Now he wondered if he had answered the question incorrectly back then. He wondered if his attempt to prevent such situations didn't make him exactly such a control freak as he always accused the Shichibukai of being one, and he wondered whether the answer wasn't something quite different. Perhaps the answer was not the persistent fight forward, the eradication of all weakness and the burial of all fears. Maybe the answer was quite simple after all...

But he didn't know what the answer was, he didn't know what else to do. Only one thing became clearer to him with every second: he had to do whatever he could do to prevent such a thing from happening again, and he would do so. He didn't know how yet, but he would.

For a long time, he looked at the unusually pale face of his teacher, one of the most powerful people he knew. Here and now, he didn't have to know the answer. All he needed to know was that he should not underestimate Mihawk under any circumstances. He was not for nothing the best swordsman in the world and if Zoro refused to give in to his injuries, then Mihawk would certainly want to be in no way inferior to him. If anyone could survive something like this, it had to be him, so Zoro could trust him in this regard, right?

"Okay, come on and wake up!"