Hello everybody, thank you for tuning in on today's episode of 'Tabletops with Tyrants'. Before we begin, I'd like to go over the reviews so far:
Daemon Satonik Lucifer: Thanks, I'll iron it out and given the content we'll be dabbling it, it'll be one chapter for the story, one for the podcast of sorts.
MidnightAmbush: Nah, it was for a different reason, it is IsseixSona for a reason.
Guest, McLoggernaut, GraceusLykos, Sageofchaos: Thank you, I'm hoping to make something that isn't discontinued yet good.
PhantomKnightPercival: Thanks, it feels alienating seeing him in such circumstances.
Also, I cordially invite you all to the 'Extalia/Writer's Realm' Discord server by using the following Discord link:
/NUKjDGfh6N
Without further ado, let's begin!
"This episode was brought to you by Kaichou's Fried Phenex, hide your gloom before you're sent to the Usual Room."
*Scene cut to a temple*
"After 2000 years, you were the one to master Musou Tensei?!" Riser asked, looking at Issei, who looked at him with sorrow in his eyes. Behind him, the blonde saw the ghosts of Raynare, Kalawarner, Mittelt, Dohnaseek, and the deceased Miki and Gorou Hyoudou.
"This, is Tabletops with Tyrants."
Tabletops with Tyrants, Session 3
"Hey all, Issei here! Nothing makes the DnD player more uncomfortable than a good ol' fashioned 'good idea, bad execution'!" he said, looking at the camera before pulling a picture towards him and showing a bald boy with a blue arrow painted on his head as he wore a set of orange and yellow robes.
"Hehe, whoops... anyways, I'm Issei Hyoudou, and today we'll be kicking off the series of episodes that break down the existing DnD classes and to a degree the approved subclasses, so anything that is still in playtest is a bit of a no-go. Given popular demand, we may mess with Roles of Na- no wait, wrong podcast. Today, we're dabbling with Monks, and we'll be having two guests per session of this block unless stated otherwise. Our first guest lived under a rock for 500 years due to his short-sightedness, with an array of characters and media inspired by him, Sun Wukong!" he said, as a ferret was on the table, only to jump off the table and into the chair, transforming into a human with monkey traits, wearing elaborate robes and with a staff in his right hand, the staff said to be as golden as the sun itself.
"Heeheehee, being here is a pleasure Issei, especially after dealing with that stuffy Jade Warlord!" the monkey-like human said, his tail briefly swishing before it was hidden by his body.
"Thanks, and as our second guest, hailing from the Underworld as the 'dud with a deadly punch', Sairaorg Bael, tamer of lions," the brunette said, as a taller, more defined young man appeared, his hair black and eyes the color violet.
"Sairaorg, thank you for coming to today's show."
"The pleasure's all mine, Ise. When I heard about this show, I had to join, especially after seeing Ajuka cover a board with ideas on what to cover."
"Oh? The Bookworm Beelzebub, interested in this show? Oh my," Sun Wukong said, laughing as he now had a peach in his hand.
"To be fair, Ophis somehow made her way onto the first episode," the heir of the Bael clan countered, reaching for a coffee pot and filling a clay cup before taking a drink from it. "Where's this bean from?"
"The state of Veracruz, went ahead and added cinnamon and piloncillo (1)."
"Clay pot coffee, huh (2)?"
"Yep, and this is where we begin. Some say that a good spell fixes anything, others say that a sharp weapon does the trick, but few venture out and attempt to become at peace with oneself and master the usage of their body while manipulating a source of spiritual energy. The Monk, the class that delivers more punches in an encounter than a rapper does in a battle rap. As part of the dominating hit die, the Monk is a member of the d8 gang, dwarfing the amount of classes whose hit points are defined by d6's, d10's and d12's combined."
"That is pitiful, but the abilities make up for it. The first trait is its Unarmored Defense, which unlike the cases of the Barbarian, the Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer's 'Draconic Resilience', and a few races such as the Lizardfolk, I may have missed something," Wukong said, before eating the peach in his hands.
"And unlike the others, the Monk's case is 10 plus its Dexterity modifiers and Wisdom modifiers. Speaking of, is it me or is Strength a bit useless here aside from the fact that it is one of the Saving Throws the class is proficient with?" Sairaorg added.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Shit," the brunette said, looking down.
"In fact, how many Monk builds prioritize Strength over Dexterity?"
"Anyways, let's get to the Martial Arts. Digging Strength further into its grave, Dexterity can be used instead of Strength for attack and damage rolls involving unarmed strikes and monk weapons. The die for unarmed strikes starts as a d4 and eventually goes up to a d6, a d8 and finally a d10. Also, you can make an unarmed strike as a bonus action. All of this is of course if you're only wielding monk weapons or unarmed, and no armor nor shields."
"What about Bracers of Defense?" the Monkey King asked.
"Same benefits of the shield, but are compatible with Martial Arts. Speaking of, Sairaorg, isn't Ki like Touki?"
"Well yes, but actually no. At level 2, you gain a pool of energy known as Ki which can be used for a lot of things depending on the subclass as well. This starts at 2 ki points and goes up by one per level. There are three traits that every Monk gets at level 2 which involve or consume your Bonus Action. The first is Flurry of Blows, the 2-for-1 in your bonus actions where you can pull off two unarmed attacks instead of 1 at the cost of one ki point. There's also Patient Defense, the most circumstantial of the three since it is 1 ki point to take the Dodge action as a bonus action on your turn. Finally, Step of the Wind which consumes your bonus action but you gain the Disengage or Dash action. Basically, you can Dash and lose your Bonus Action, but still have your action for punting your enemy. By the way, are we bringing up optional traits?"
"No, those are a bit of a gray area given them being optional."
"Fair enough."
"Hehehe, that was bad, but not as bad as the Four Elements Monk!" Wukong said, laughing in a rambunctious manner as he used his hand to deflect a series of tennis balls thrown at him.
"Speaking of deflecting, at level 3 you can use your reaction to deflect projectiles thanks to Deflect Missiles. Damage is reduced by a d10 plus your monk level and Dexterity modifier." As this happened, a short white-haired girl whose walked in front of them, carrying an array of posters and letting them fall one by one conveying the following message:
"Levels 4, 8, 12, 16, and 19 are Ability Score Improvements or an A.S.I. for short, bumping up a stat by 2 or two stats by 1... unless you take a feat on an A.S.I. level, or you're a Fighter, Fighters get seven A.S.I's."
"I object to your statement on Dodge being circumstantial earlier, Sairaorg!" the legendary Monkey King said, before continuing. "Especially with Slow Fall at level 4, which reduces fall damage by your monk level times 5."
"With this I conclude that we should skip all the boring stuff, Monk is long as hell, so I'm going to put a pause on that, and we'll be right back after these messages," the host said, pulling out a white sign that said 'Intermission.'
"Thank you for that wait, we don't have the funding needed for actual commercials yet aside from the initial sponsor."
"There's always Maid: Shadow Le-" Sun Wukong proposed, only to be interrupted by Issei.
"We. Don't. Have. Enough. Funding." Issei said, dumping the contents of a bucket onto the table. The contents were a set of giant flash cards, each with an array of terms such as 'Evasion', 'Purity of Body', 'Diamond Soul', etc.
"I see. Shall we break down the subclasses?" the young Bael man asked.
"Yes. Astral Soul is a recent one, basically your mandatory J.J's Whacky Expedition if it were a subclass." Issei said, smiling as he showed a clip of a man in a Japanese school uniform punching a robed man with ghostly arms. This then shifted to a bipedal racoon that slunk around in the shadows, hopping out to deliver a few punches before stepping into the shadows once more.
"Shadow Monks are as the name implies, the Monk that took a course in the Rogue department. They're great flavor-wise, though it may vary given the campaign and all," Sairaorg added.
"Four Elements? Just play Ascendant Dragon Monk, whenever they're no longer U.A.-only," Wukong said, before continuing. "And speaking of good flavor, questionable usefulness, Kensei, which is the way of playing a sword saint. I don't know enough of it, so I can't give an opinion on it... Drunken Master on the other hand, covers the flavoring AND mechanics well, being the equivalent of playing as Jackie Chan or Bo' Rai Cho," the Monkey King finished.
"The other black sheep of the family is the Sun Soul Monk, an attempt at emulating Dragzoball Zedd, but much like the Four Elements Monk, is plagued by heavy Ki consumption. My personal favorite has to be the Long Death Monk in both flavor and usefulness. It deals less damage than an Open Hand Monk, but it can be pretty tanky for a d8 character. If you want to play as The Crow, this is probably your subclass of choice, assuming we go with the version from the first movie." Issei said, the screen shifting to a long-haired man fighting through a group of criminals as a crow observed from a distance.
"I raise you my personal favorite: the Way of Mercy Monk, a healing/damage caster if it could heal. It won't heal or deal damage as well as say, an Evocation Wizard or a Life Cleric, but the thought of turning Ki points into hit points is great! Also being able to deal with status effects and also resurrecting an ally if it's been less than 24 hours and you've got 5 ki points. You can't use it on yourself, but it always beats spending 300 gp every usage, and also somewhat strict rules in terms of how it must be in one piece and all, just have to consult the DM, such as making sure there is at least a source for the corpse to return from, such as a arm that survived a fire or something. I repeat, consult the DM, as the only limitation is the cost and the amount of time that you have to cast it on a corpse, and maybe status conditions."
"Since I'm closing, I'll share my favorite one, the only one I need: the Open Hand Monk. Sure, you may say it's like vanilla ice cream, and despite being a simple flavor, it's great. It can never go wrong and if you want a subclass that punches good, this is perhaps your best choice. It focuses on the core abilities of the Monk, and boosts them a bit, leading to something like this..." Sairaorg said, smiling as the screen showed a video of him resting a finger on a demon's head.
"Foolish boy, you think you can stop me with a finger?!" A Stray Demon asked, smirking as he looked down at the heir of the Bael clan.
"That finger, was the last one needed to complete my Quivering Palm. There's no use fighting back, you're already dead," Sairaorg answered, a deadly aura surrounding him as the Stray Devil took a few steps back and coughed blood before falling down, all signs of life involving the Stray no longer present.
"And that was it for today's video. I'll be performing a follow-up on the Monk's traits in a separate segment but until then..." he said, as the three got up before bowing and saying:
"Thank you for playing Tabletops with Tyrants!"
(1) Panela, also known as piloncillo in Mexico, is unrefined cane sugar, which is used for a few desserts/sweet beverages such as flan, champurrado, atole, etc.
(2) Clay pot coffee ('café de olla' in Mexico) is ground coffee prepared with cinnamon and piloncillo, though the recipe may vary per region. Preparing it in a clay pot is essential since it attains a special flavor.
I thank you all for reading this, I always strive to improve myself. The next chapter is set for a minimum of July 18th, or mid-August depending on my work flow. For further feedback, questions, suggestions involving the story, feel free to comment or send me a message. Until the next time, have a great day.