I felt cold, a lot like I did that night. Cold and alone. All I could see was darkness. I was utterly alone. I felt like I was floating, but it was almost harsh. It felt like people were grabbing me. I was being tossed around like a ragdoll. I was choking, but I was already dead. How was I choking now? I felt a pain in my stomach and then in my chest. I could hear a voice. My mother's voice. She was calling my name. I saw a light in front of me and I tried to walk towards it, but something was holding me back. The closer I walked to the light, the farther away it got. I finally got to where I could almost touch it, then suddenly I was ripped back away from it.

I felt like I had hit a brick wall. All of the air was knocked out of my lungs and I started coughing. I saw a light again, but this time it was different. It wasn't as bright and there was something in the way of it. I squinted my eyes, but the object wouldn't come into focus. I felt hands on me again and tried to pull away, but I felt so weak. I was so tired. Finally the object blocking the light came into focus and I could see it, or so it happened, her.

"Mom?"

"Oh, baby. Thank God."

"Oh careful." I said as she pulled me up to her chest. My whole body ached.

"Are you okay?" She asked, pulling back and holding my face in her hands.

"What happened?"

"You tell me. I came in here and you were lying on the floor and you weren't breathing."

I tried to blow it off so maybe she wouldn't find out about the pills again. "I must have fallen." I said, getting up and going to sit on the bed. I was in too much pain to stand and talk to her, but I needed to get out of that bathroom.

"Fallen? You really expect me to believe that?! What happened to not keeping secrets, Amelia?!"

"All this family does is keep secrets."

"Not us. We have always told each other everything."

"Why did they come to dinner tonight then?"

"I don't know. Your dad invited them. He told me he needed to see something before they retaliated."

"Retaliation got voted down."

"Yeah I know. I think Clay wanted to show the guys that there was a reason for retaliation with the dinner. Get them to vote yes."

"Otto getting attacked and Tig getting blown up wasn't reason enough?"

"Not for Jax apparently."

"Jax was the no vote?"

"Yeah. He got some of the others to vote no too."

"I still don't understand what having dinner with them was supposed to accomplish."

"Well, when Clay called me earlier he told me to tell you he's sorry about what happened."

"He could have told me himself."

"He didn't think you would answer. And judging by your state at the time, he was right. He said that he wanted to have the guys see your reaction to them."

"What? Why my reaction? What do I have to do with any of this?"

"You've been off ever since your 'accident' and he knows it as well as I do. He knew that Zobelle had something to do with it and wanted everyone else to know that."

"He doesn't know anything."

"Apparently. What happened after Bobby's party? You started to say it earlier when my phone rang."

"I was in a car accident."

"No, you weren't. You would not still be this shaken up by a car accident. Especially with the things you've seen. Things you've grown up with."

"I can't mom."

"Why not? You've been pushing us all away for months now. What is so bad that you can't talk to me about it. Hell, you called me the night after you and Tig got together. You tell me everything. Always have. What happened, Amelia?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. Why? Why won't you talk to me?"

"I can't." I was starting to get upset. If she didn't quit pushing I was afraid I was going to go off on her. I could still feel the high in my system, so it took everything in me to think straight."

"Well, if you won't tell me that then maybe you'll tell me when you started using again."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me, Amelia. I'm over this shit. You want tough love? You're about to get it. I just had to stick my fingers down your throat because you ODed in the bathroom. Don't make me go to Darby. You know he'll tell me."

"I started again after Bobby's party. I couldn't deal with the pain of the accident so I went to Darby."

"No more. You're going to rehab."

"You're shipping me off?! Mom!"

"No. You're going to the rehab where if you use again, I'll rip your tits off."

I sighed and laid back in the bed. Something told me that this was going to suck more than the first time I visited this particular rehab.

"You're dad told me to tell you something else too. They're retaliating against Zobelle tonight. His guard is down. That was the reason for the dinner."

"I hope they've thought this through. Zobelle is different from a rival MC. He's a whole nother kind of monster. We've never seen anything like this before."

"He's just another villain, baby."

"That implies we are the heroes."

"Everyone is the hero in their own story. You know that."

"Yeah."

"What did they do to you, Amelia?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does."

"Why? I'm an 18 year-old dirty biker whore with a record. They're good, clean businessmen. Who the hell is gonna believe me?"

"I will. Your father will. Jax, Tig, the guys, Wayne even. The people that matter will believe you."

"I can't mom. It's how I protect the club. You guys have spent my whole life trying to protect me; the least I can do is return the favor. This is how I do my part."

"Baby, you always 'do your part'. Just being here with us and loving us and standing by us is doing your part. You were never meant to take hits for the club."

I looked up at her then. Did she know already or was it just a turn of phrase?

"I know Zobelle hurt you. I don't know exactly how, but I know it was bad."

"How?"

"You forget that I've always been able to read you, Amelia. That's why we don't keep secrets. We can always tell when something's wrong with each other. I knew it wasn't a car accident, but I didn't want to push you. I thought you would come to me about it, but you never did."

"I'm fine, mom. I promise."

"Then why are you using again?"

"I have been struggling with the accident and Tig and all the tension in the family lately, but I promise you I will get my shit together."

"You better cuz I wasn't kidding about ripping your tits off, ya know."

I laughed at that and she smiled back at me. "Yeah I know you will."

"Get some sleep, baby. I'll see you in the morning."

She kissed my forehead and got up to go back into the guest room. I worried my lip and thought about asking her to stay. I didn't want pity, but I really needed my mom. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you, um,... will you stay with me?"

"Of course. Let me go get the sheets. Brush your hair and your teeth again while I make up the bed."

"Yes ma'am."

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I brushed them twice so I could be sure that the acid taste was out of my mouth. I was going back into the bedroom with my hairbrush as Gemma was finishing up with the comforter. I changed into my lace short shorts and my white SAMCRO tank top crop top with hot pink lettering. I sat on the bed and mom crawled in behind me. She had put on her pajamas too so we would both be comfortable. She took the brush and did my hair into a french braid. It was something we had done millions of times before. It felt normal, finally.