I found Bucky with Bryn in her playroom. He was sitting on the floor, holding her Repunzel doll as she told him why Elsa and Anna couldn't come to the tea party if Repunzel was coming. I leaned against the door frame and watched as he listened patiently, asking the right questions to keep Bryn going and saying the right comments to draw the conversation on. Like he could sense me - his head raised and our eyes met. My stomach twisted with a heavy case of nerves, but a soft smile grew bigger and Bryn caught on that he'd stopped chatting.
"Brooke!" She rushed over and grabbed my hand, tugging me into her room.
"I heard all about Repunzel and the Frozen sisters' spat," I murmured, letting the fingers of my free hand slide through her dark silky curls. "But you didn't say if Belle was free for tea -"
She let me go so she could grab Belle from her spot near the bookshelf, and Bucky reached for me, pulling me down onto his lap. Snuggling into my neck and wrapping his arms around me, I sighed at the ease of him - of us and hoped like hell that I hadn't ruined any of it with my fucking mental issues.
"You look like you're enjoying toddler time," I kept my voice low, Bryn was back and she was telling me why Belle could definitely come along to our house for a tea party - Belle got along with EVERYONE. I smiled at my little goddaughter and her passion for princesses.
Bucky hummed, his lips brushing gently against my cheek. "She's a doll," I could feel his smile curling as the doll in question rushed on with the tales of each princess and who could mingle and who couldn't. "I promised her a sleepover with us soon."
I inhaled at the thought of keeping a toddler - any toddler, much less THIS toddler - for an entire night. "I'm not sure -" we were interrupted by Connie, in the nick of time.
"There you are," I looked up to see my best friend grinning at the three of us like the Cheshire Cat. "Kind of wish I had your camera, Brookie. This looks so fu-" She shut her eyes as Bryn gave a shout and I bit my lip. I'd love to see that damn swear jar - by this rate they'd make it to Disney by the end of the year. "Cute, you three look cute." Her eyes were open and she was shaking her head at me. "I KNOW, Bryn, I'll put the dollar in the jar as SOON as I get there."
"No IOUs?" I asked, earning a glare from Connie. "Pretty sure she takes after Joey's uncle Saul more than she takes after your side of the family." That had Connie crossing herself and rolling her eyes. "We should get going - it's probably someone's bedtime."
If Bryn shouted to remind any of us to pay up for a swear or ALMOST swear, then the pout and moan she gave at the reminder of bedtime was nearly as dramatic. She probably had a secondary career option as an actor - you know, if the mafia boss fell through. Bucky picked her up and spoke quietly with her, while Connie and I stood watching.
"I swear to God, Brooke," she murmured while Bucky and Bryn bonded. "If you don't figure out how to -" she didn't finish, but she didn't have to. I AND my uterus knew exactly what she was trying to get across. Bucky Barnes would make a fucking amazing dad. And husband. And I was a fucking mess and a half. Great.
We said our goodbyes, Joey getting Bucky's number so they could figure out a way to meet up with "the guys" and after everyone getting me to swear on a stack of bibles that I would answer calls, texts, and the door if they tried to touch base, we were on our way back to our house - God I hoped it was still OUR house.
"You're quiet," Bucky was pulling into the alley that the shed backed up into, he'd given me my space to - Shit, what did I do with the quiet? "Brooke?"
"I zoned out," my voice was almost too quiet still, the Mustang wasn't built for a quiet chat. "You said you loved me, Connie said we were living together - and I zoned out into some dark place where all I felt was JUDGEMENT and awkwardness." I was a little louder, not much, but I thought he heard me as he stopped the car outside the garage door to wait for it to open with a flick of the clicker. And I waited for him to say he didn't want to deal with it - the mess that was ME.
Bucky didn't speak until he had the car parked inside the shed and the garage door shut and secure behind us. That knot, the one I'd felt in the playroom was growing inside my stomach again.
He turned to me, in the dimness of the shed - the backyard light piercing through the tiny window over Dad's workspace - when his fingers brushed my cheek it startled me a little, I wasn't expecting it - the comfort of his touch. "I know you said that group therapy didn't work for you," I held back a sigh, this again. "Did you ever think to talk to someone one on one?"
"How do you talk to someone about something that no one else experienced?" I turned to face him, wanting to see his face, to see if this was a stipulation of our relationship. "I told you, Bucky, everyone - even you - thinks we just were GONE. I wasn't."
He swallowed, and this time I heard him and that scared me shitless. Bucky was silent, it was a defining trait. "What if -" He took a deep breath, another noise that I wasn't used to hearing him make. "What if I know someone you could talk to that isn't like everyone else?"
"Who?"