Even though the water is scalding hot, I can't help but shiver, feeling like my skin has turned into ice, my heart the only real thing that's keeping me from stopping being human.

I knew. Somehow I knew John knows exactly what's wrong with me, the look in his eyes being something I'm all too familiar with thanks to our time together all those years ago.

I hadn't said anything else to him after blurting out there's something wrong with me, heading straight to the bathroom fully expecting him to follow, a little surprised when he chose not to.

I just can't seem to get that image out of my head of myself on top of what used to be Jack, my hand moving to his head, feeling some sort...of force flow through me, something I'd never felt before.

I know my brothers are probably trying to contact me, it being pointless due to me leaving my cellphone back at Bobby's place. I just can't face them right now not until I find out what's wrong with me.

I open my eyes slowly, letting out another long, weary sigh, moving my hand to turn off the shower, looking down at the water running down the plughole, wishing all my troubles could wash away as easily.

I pull the curtain back climbing out of the bath slowly trying not to slip on the quite cool floor, grabbing two towels, wrapping my long, blonde locks up in one, the other getting wrapped around my body.

I'm not surprised to find John waiting for me just outside the bathroom door, a cigarette between his lips. And for the first time, I'm wishing I'd never come here, that I'd turned my desperation to some dusty, old book instead of him.

"You got another?."

"Thought you didn't smoke, love."

I just shrug walking up to him, pulling the cigarette from his lips moving it to my own, taking a long, slow drag, moving over to the bed, sinking down on the end, letting out an exhale in a plume of smoke.

"Y'know, this is my first cigarette in...three years. Dad never could stand me smoking, would always find my hidden pack. Haven't touched them since...since he died," I sighed, bringing my knees up under me, wrapping my arms around them, staring down at the cigarette.

I feel him sit down beside me, taking it back off me, refusing to look up at him, knowing full well I was trembling.

"Alex?."

"Did...did you know?."

"I..."

"Don't you dare fuckin' lie to me, Constantine. Cause I've had enough of lies lately," I said angrily, my voice shaking, turning to look at him. "DID YOU KNOW?."

"Yes. Alex, I'm...I'm sorry."

I get up off the bed starting to pace a little, moving my hand to my mouth then moving it to my head, my hair still wrapped in the towel, pulling it off, dropping it to the floor.

"What...am I?."

He doesn't answer getting up off the bed moving to put the cigarette out in the ashtray on the dresser walking over to me. And he helps me back to the bed, both of us sitting down, letting out a sigh.

"I never wanted you to find out like this, love. The truth is...I was told not to."

"By who?. Cas?."

"No. By Zachariah."

"Let me guess. An angel?. Great, there's more. Sorry, course there is," I nodded.

"He's...higher up then Castiel. His superior, to be exact. He...paid me a visit just after the whole deal with the witnesses. He told me not to tell you the truth about you, at least not yet."

"Does...does Castiel know?."

"I don't know. But I'm guessing so."

"Please, Johnny. I...I have to know," I whispered, looking over at him, my hand finding his own, feeling a tear run down my cheek watching it get wiped away by his thumb.

"Bollocks!. What the hell. What's the worse they can do to a man already destined for hell?. Alex, you...you're a Guardian."

I can't seem to stop the laugh from bursting out of me, my hand moving to cover my mouth, shaking my head getting back up off the bed, moving back into the bathroom, shutting the door after me quite loudly, pulling my clothes back on, my hands shaking.

This cannot be possible. My entire life I'd read all about Guardians, always believed they were a myth even more then angels and the devil.

I'd never found any proof or evidence that they truly existed. But with everything that's been going on, the seals getting broken, the threat of an apocalypse at the hands of Lucifer, I am starting to doubt my beliefs.

I hear the fluttering of wings behind me turning around fast finding Castiel stood behind me. Even though I am fully dressed, I can't help but feel heat rush to my face knowing I was in such a small room with him.

"We need to talk."