Chapter Nineteen
Matthew yawned laying back in the snow. It had been about a week since he'd suggested the therapist to Jack. He still wasn't able to convince him. He was tired. He hadn't been able to sleep well. He was worried about sleeping through and not being able to wake Jack from any nightmares. He caught up on sleep when he had the chances.
The pair were currently outside the pole on one of the roofs. Jack was attempting to use his powers. He had a handle on the wind, his powers were ruled by his emotions without his staff. He was trying to find work arounds, but it wasn't working well. The Canadian was staying close by as moral support. He didn't have much input.
Jack huffed in annoyance and walked back over to where he was stretched out in the snow. He flopped down on top of him and groaned.
"I hate this." The Guardian grumbled. "I'm a winter spirit, how can I not control winter?"
Matthew patted around the snow for his notepad and eventually found it. He held it above his head to write the reply. 'itll come back. it just takes time.'
"I know, but it's hard." Jack sighed resting his head on the Canadian's chest. "I feel so vulnerable. I don't know how to fight without my powers."
'i wont let anyone hurt you.' Matthew wrote. The winter spirit smiled. 'keep working and youll get it under control.' He thought for a moment. 'could you get another staff? would any tree branch work?'
"I doubt it." Jack shook his head. "Maybe if I go to Mother Nature? I don't know." His eyebrows furrowed. "The last time my staff was broken I fixed it. That was different though, it was snapped not burned completely!"
'when did that happen?' The Canadian asked. He didn't know his staff had been broken before.
"When I first became a Guardian." Jack said.
Matthew was still curious and the winter spirit started to tell the story. Neither one of them talked too often about their time apart. It was so long ago.
"Thank you for being here, Birdie." The Guardian said quietly burying his face in the crook of his neck. The Reaper smiled running a hand through his white hair and pressing a kiss to his temple.
—-❄️"Well I just saw there was a possibility of like thwarting democratically elected governments, and I was like, oh man, I'm up for that."❄️—-
Matthew blinked awake and looked around in confusion. It took him a moment to realize he was in their room at the pole. He heard a quiet whimper and quickly sat up. Jack was curled up in a ball on the other side of the bed. He was shaking from a nightmare.
The Canadian immediately shifted and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't wake. Matthew lightly shook him and he jumped awake ready to attack. The Reaper didn't have enough time to react was before Jack moving to throw him back. Frost spread across his chest where the winter spirit's hands were, but he didn't dare move. Jack realized who it was and what was going on. His hands tangled in his shirt. The Reaper pulled him up into his lap hugging him tightly.
"I'm sorry, Birdie." Jack's voice was thick with sleep. He sounded exhausted and worried. "Did I hurt you?"
Matthew shook his head pressing a kiss to his jaw. He rocked them slowly moving his wings to cocoon them. He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Jack pressed a kiss to his jaw and he smiled tiredly. He kept kissing along his jaw and neck. The Canadian thought he was just apologizing for almost freezing him, but quickly realized that wasn't what was on his mind. The winter spirit's hands started to wander downwards.
The Reaper quickly stopped him. Jack looked up meeting his eyes. He looked sad and disappointed. He shook his head and the Guardian pouted. He looked ready to cry. Matthew's eyebrows furrowed. He didn't want to let go of him, but wanted to be able to communicate. He quickly reached for the note pad they kept next to their bed. He turned on the lamp as well before he started to write.
'i dont think youre in a good state of mind for that yet.' Matthew wrote. He wasn't exactly happy with his wording.
"Please, Birdie." Jack begged. "I can still feel him. I hate it, I want to get rid of it. I feel dirty."
'i dont think sex will solve that.' The Canadian wrote.
"How do you know?" The winter spirit asked. There was a bit of anger in his voice, but mostly annoyance.
'i dont.' Matthew wrote.
"Then please." Jack said giving him puppy dog eyes. The Reaper shook his head.
'how about a bath?' Matthew wrote trying to deflect away to a different topic. The Guardian looked at him blankly raising an eyebrow.
"Really?" Jack grumbled. "A bath?"
'you said you felt dirty. maybe itll help.' The Reaper wrote.
"Fine." The winter spirit snapped. "You're coming in with me."
Jack got out of his lap and got up. He grabbed clothes and went to the bathroom before the other had even stood. Matthew let out a tired sigh knowing the Guardian wasn't happy with him. He stood up and grabbed his own clothes before going into their bathroom.
The water was already running and Jack was just climbing in. The Canadian followed and undressed. He didn't particularly care if his feathers got wet. He wasn't going to be flying anywhere. He stepped in the bath and sat across from Jack. The winter spirit shifted and rested his back against the Reaper's chest letting out a small sigh.
Matthew smiled tiredly. He knew the Guardian didn't really like the water. He knew touch helped, but Jack was still a bit nervous.
They sat together quietly for a while before the Guardian started to bathe. The Canadian was to tired to really bother. He relaxed closing his eyes, but tried to stay awake. He didn't want to fall asleep in the bath. He could hear and feel Jack moving to wash, but wasn't really paying attention. He had mostly zoned out when the faint scent of blood reached his nose.
Matthew's eyes open looking for the source. He noticed Jack was still just washing. He was scrubbing the same spot on his collarbone over and over again. He carefully reached out taking the winter spirit's wrist and moving it to see the spot. He scrubbed it so much with the sponge it was rubbed raw and slightly bloody. He was hurting himself.
The Guardian looked up at him confused and raised an eyebrow. Matthew gestured to the spot. Jack still looked at him confused. The Canadian let go of his wrist and pointed at his own faded scars. It wasn't exactly the same, but he hoped he'd get the message across.
"Oh." The winter spirit's eyes widened realizing what he meant. His eye moved from his skin to Matthew's scars. "I'm sorry." Jack quickly stuttered. He scared himself. "I didn't realize... I didn't mean to!"
The Reaper pressed a gentle kiss to his jaw taking the sponge from his hands. He slowly started to wash the Guardian. He watched for any signs of him not wanting or discomfort. He seemed content letting Matthew bathe him. He pressed light kisses in different places after they were clean. He hoped they help Jack feel better.
The pair finished their bath and got dressed for bed. The winter spirit was still quiet and hadn't said anything. He looked nervous as they settled into bed.
"You're not mad?" Jack asked. Matthew quickly shook his head understanding exactly what he was thinking. "I didn't notice."
The Canadian sat up and grabbed his notepad. Jack moved with him staying curled up against his chest.
'im worried about you.' He wrote slowly. The Guardian read it and nodded. 'i think talking to a professional will help.'
Jack quickly shook his head at the suggestion. Matthew nudged him gently and he bit his lip.
"You never talked to someone when you had issues." The winter spirit mumbled.
'no but i didnt exactly cope well either. i cut then was an alcoholic for over a century.' The Reaper wrote. 'i should have talked to someone.'
"But would you have?" Jack asked and Matthew hesitated. He noticed it.
'yeah.' He wrote after a moment of debate. He wanted to be honest. 'id probably need a bit of a push and would hate it at first but in the long run it would have been good.'
"I don't want to talk about it though, I just want to forget." Jack said meeting his eyes.
'i dont know if thatll happen." The Canadian wrote sadly.
"I know." The Guardian mumbled looking away. The pair were quiet for a while. "Would you go with me?"
'if you want me to.' Matthew wrote.
"Yeah, I don't want to be alone." Jack sighed finally agreeing. The Reaper smiled gently kissing his temple.
AN: My days are so mixed up, I always for get to post on the right day.