Today started like every other day for Adora. Nothing about it should have been dissimilar to all the other days after the war ended. Shouldn't have been different. Adora had begun to stir with the rising of the sun. Even though the war had been over for a little over three months, old habits were hard to break for the ex-horde officer. She slowly opened her eyes, and a small smile immediately graced her lips with the sight of Catra before her. Catra, in her sleep shorts and compression bra, had her face carefully tucked into the crook of Adora's neck. A hand was clutched to the front of her tank top, her legs tangled with Adora's beneath the thin blanket of her-their bed.
Aside from it's new occupant, not much had changed about Adora's quarters. The bed was just a bit bigger, and an additional wardrobe was added to the frilly pastel pink room that resided in one of the towers in Bright Moon. It was still just as open, with the two doors leading onto the large private balcony, and a fountain near the off-center of the room - much to Catra's chagrin. The only other thing in the room was a massive desk that they both shared. It's not like Catra or Adora had any sort of personable items from the Horde, so the room was pretty simplistic.
Adora, not wanting to leave her lover quite yet, was content to lay there with Catra for a few minutes before she had to get up to face the day's needs from her. Adora placed a light kiss to the top Catra's head, before burying her nose into Catra's short, yet growing, hair. She closed her eyes and just basked in the calmness the morning had to offer.
Being still and calm were things Adora always struggled with. The idea of doing nothing while there were plenty of things that needed to be done did not sit well with her. The idea of taking time for herself seemed selfish; she was the unofficial team leader in the Horde, and then she was She-Ra, Princess of Power, Hero of Etheria, Savior of the Universe, etc etc. The few times Adora had allowed herself to relax, something bad almost always happened, and she couldn't help but feel at least partially responsible when it did. Instead, she always found something to busy herself with, whether that was going to nearby towns as She-Ra or throwing herself at an old punching bag in the gym. Angella had created one for Adora when she first came to Bright Moon and pledged herself to the Princess Alliance.
That is, until a certain feline friend came back into her life. Catra being back into Adora's life was a blessing in a multitude of ways. Adora didn't even realize how anxious she was until Catra was there, sharing her workload, pushing her when she needed encouragement, easily sidestepping issues Adora could only ever smash through before. No matter how well Adora hid her feelings, Catra always seemed to know exactly what to say, exactly when to say it. Catra also has the ability to get Adora to relax in some semblance of the word. Whether Catra forces Adora to take a break with her to go on a walk in the palace gardens, or it's a morning like this when Adora can't bring herself to tear away from the beautiful woman on top of her.
Adora loved waking up with the feeling of Catra being next to her. She loved the way Catra looked truly at peace with herself when she was sleeping, so much so that mornings were probably Adora's favorite part of the day. She didn't have to be She-Ra, the hero for all of Etheria, the face of the rebellion, the new leader of the Princess Alliance (as Glimmer had fully taken on the mantle of being the queen of Bright Moon since the war's end). Catra didn't have to be the General to Bright Moon's new official military, Royal Adviser and left-hand to Queen Glimmer. They could just be Catra and Adora. They could just be two people who finally found their way back to each other. They could be lovers. They could just simply be.
Something they couldn't quite do in the horde with everyone watching every little thing they did. There was almost always somebody watching them, always some senior officer or teammate. They both had their carefully constructed walls and facades for everyone around them to see. Catra's snarky attitude, an air that screamed 'I don't give a shit' so loudly she could almost believe it herself. And there was Adora, an astounding unofficial team leader who gave 110% at everything she did, utterly terrified of failure. Because if she failed, she would be letting her team down. If she failed, that meant less rations, if she failed, that meant less time to sleep. If she failed, Shadow Weaver would hurt Catra.
Adora's chest tightened briefly and her breath caught in her throat as she thought back to all the times she wasn't enough back in the Horde. Times when she let people down because she was too slow. Times when she let others down because she didn't think through an idea all the way. Times Catra was punished because of something Adora failed to do. Adora's heart had ached whenever Shadow Weaver would drag Catra away by the scruff of her neck for some cruel and unusual punishment. Shadow Weaver had always blamed Adora's shortcomings on Catra, claiming that Catra was nothing but a nuisance, a distraction. When Catra had come back with a broken hand one day and tears threatening to spill out of her heterochromatic eyes, after one of Adora's slip ups, she vowed to work harder so Shadow Weaver wouldn't have an excuse to hurt Catra anymore. She couldn't fail her friend like that, she couldn't let herself be the reason her best friend was disciplined.
A sharp yet slow inhale from her side broke Adora from her terrible thoughts as her girlfriend began to stir. Breathing became easier again as she slowly came back to herself, just in time to see Catra slowly open her eyes, feel her wrap her tail around her left leg, and bury her head further into Adora's neck.
"Nuzzle any further and you may as well be inside me" Adora murmured softly into Catra's hair, bringing a hand up to run her fingers through the short locks.
"Hmmm that'd be nice... means I'd never have to leave you" Catra responded softly into Adora's neck.
A blush began to warm Adora's cheeks, but she couldn't help but smile fondly at the response, "Wouldn't that be nice."
After nuzzling her cheek against Adora's neck lightly, Catra slowly brought her head up to take in the woman she saved from the Heart of Etheria three months ago. The woman she had fought for three years on the other side of the war. The woman she has loved since she was eight years old. "You okay?" Catra asked with concern etching onto her face, "You look pensive."
Adora rolled her eyes slightly, but was smiling anyway, "I'm always pensive."
Catra picked her hand up from where she was hanging onto Adora's sleep tank top, to tangle it in her blonde locks and knocked their foreheads together lightly. Their noses brushed against one another before Adora closed the gap between them, and kissed her softly. Catra sighed softly into the kiss before deepening it ever so slightly.
This simple good morning kiss eventually turned into two, and then three, and then Adora found herself pinned down to the bed, with Catra straddling her hips, and their hands beginning to wander. A moan escaped from Adora's lips, as Catra removed her mouth from hers to make her way down her jaw and onto her neck. However, before it could go any further than that, three sharp knocks on the door brought them back into reality, as well as a familiar male voice, "Catra! You're needed in Glimmer's study, something about a new guard rotation?"
Catra groaned and detached her lips from where they had begun marking up Adora's neck with small bite marks and bruises. "Be there in a few Bow" she called back to him, and pressed her forehead to Adora's with a set scowl on her face from being interrupted. Footsteps were then heard making their way away from the door. A disappointed sigh escaped the magicat's lips, "And the world resumes its need for Bright Moon's newest leaders."
"Unfortunately" Adora grumbled, shifting her head to look out at the door leading out to the balcony.
"Hey" Catra said lightly, fingertips gently making their way to Adora's cheek, directing Adora's attention back to herself, "I'll see you later at today's meeting, alright?" She leaned down and placed one last tender kiss on the blonde's lips before she detached herself and got ready for her own busy schedule.
Adora huffed and pouted slightly as soon as she lost contact with her girlfriend. She decided to lay in bed for just a few more minutes, just watching Catra rid herself of her pajamas for one of her new outfits that Glimmer had tailored so Catra would look the part of being General to Brightmoon's military. Adora only allowed herself the pleasure of watching Catra for a few minutes before she tore herself away from their sheets and thin blanket. She headed to the bathroom and stripped herself of her own sleeping clothes before climbing into the shower and slipped under the warm water.
Adora felt her muscles relax underneath the warm water, she tilted her head up towards the angle of the showerhead as her mind began to wonder. Ever since Catra took on the mantle of her new position, their time together had been severely limited. Catra was constantly in and out of meetings with guard captains, former commanders, and none other than the Queen herself. Not that Adora's schedule was any better. With the reconstruction of other kingdoms, the tearing down of the Fright Zone, and the occasional skirmish here and there, Adora was being stretched thin, and it was beginning to wear on her. She had always liked to keep busy, it meant she was being helpful, useful, but it was beginning to become overwhelming at this point, especially since the one person who could keep her grounded was hardly around anymore.
It's not that Adora didn't appreciate Bow and Glimmer's presence, or any of the other princesses' for that matter. When Glimmer looked at Adora, Adora felt almost as if she was being looked through. Like what Glimmer was really looking for was She-Ra. Lately Glimmer hadn't asked anything of Adora. But She-Ra on the other hand…
"Adora, I need you to go to Elberon and boost morale, why doesn't She-Ra pay them a visit?"
"Adora, can you please go with Entrapta so she can determine why She-Ra can be in space without a space suit?"
"Adora, we could use She-Ra's muscle for building Salineas' new gate."
She-Ra. She-Ra. She-Ra.
Adora scowled slightly and turned the water to be even hotter. It was always She-Ra, and never Adora. As if Adora wasn't valuable, but She-Ra was. Adora tried not to let it get to her, but it was getting increasingly difficult. She wasn't just a vehicle for some ancient magic. She was smart, she was tactful, she was strong even outside of She-Ra. But none of that seemed to matter to them anymore.
The princesses don't care about you, they want to use you for your strength…
You were nothing before I took you in Adora, and you will be nothing without me!
You're weak!
Adora's chest began to tighten again, and breathing all of a sudden gets a lot harder for her at that moment. Tears threatened to spill out from her eyes. What if they are only keeping her around in case any new wars need to be fought? What if She-Ra, the face of the Princess Alliance, was the only reason she was still here in Bright Moon? Was she really nothing more than just a weapon to be disposed of when something went awry? Was She-Ra the only good thing she had to offer to the people of Etheria? No, it couldn't be. She was Glimmer's friend first before she was She-Ra... Right?
Adora was brought back to reality with the sound of the bathroom door swinging open and crashing into the wall. "I'll see you later, Adora! I love you!" Catra called to Adora before she retreated from the bathroom to start her own day.
Adora shook her head and turned the water cold. No. She couldn't think like this right now. Wouldn't think like this right now. There was an incredibly busy day ahead of her. She couldn't afford to be stuck in her head right now. She had to bring supplies to Thaymore, run a recon mission in the Whispering Woods with Swift Wind for any remaining Horde Bots, help Entrapta with one of her new experiments that involved first-ones tech, a one on one meeting with Glimmer about the new direction of the Princess Alliance, and the weekly princess alliance meeting itself. So much to do, and only so much time to get it done. Adora shut the water off and got herself ready for the day ahead.
Adora arrived in Thaymore relatively quickly, thanks to Glimmer teleporting her there. She took a deep breath in and surveyed the area around her. It was well on its way to being rebuilt, however, there was still a lot that needed to be done. Homes were still tents at this point, old buildings still needed to be patched, and they had no existing wall. Adora was here today to help begin to lay the groundworks in for a town wall. While there was no longer the threat of the Horde around, people still wanted to be cautious now knowing they are no longer alone in the universe.
Adora clapped her hands together before making her way towards the hired architects for the job. The morning went by relatively uneventfully. Adora had turned into She-Ra and begun to put in the first of the large wooden posts in the ground around the perimeter of the town. It was quite the sight to behold. This single woman held up large individual wooden posts that were almost 20 feet high, and carried it around as if it weighed no more than a kitten. Eventually, a small crowd had begun to form so as to watch She-Ra.
Everyone cheered as She-Ra placed in the final post that marked the perimeter of the town. People all at once swarmed to her, thanking her for her aid with the town, thanking her for ending the war, thanking her for saving Etheria.
A slight twinge of sadness came over Adora as people thanked She-Ra ending the war against Horde Prime. Because the thing was...She-Ra didn't end the war. Adora did, at the Heart of Etheria. And it wasn't even Adora who saved the planet. It was Catra. It was because Catra saved Adora. It was Catra that helped Adora release the failsafe, that had left permanent scars on Adora's chest, into the Heart of Etheria.
Adora eventually was able to get away from the people before settling back into her usual form and outfit of khakis, white long-sleeve compression top, and signature red jacket. She stretched out her arms and shook them a little, letting out some tension that her physical labor had caused. She was on her way back to the pick-up spot when she accidentally ran into a younger woman. "Oh I'm sorry! I got distracted and wasn't looking where I was going" Adora quickly apologized, sticking a nervous hand on the back of her neck.
The younger woman waved it off, "Oh it's no concern, I too have found myself distracted after seeing She-Ra! She's just so tall, and strong! She truly is a wonder. I'm so glad she is helping our small town, she is one of the only ones who is!" The woman gave Adora a quick smile before walking off to her needed destination.
Adora's heart stung a little at the woman's comment. Did she not know that Adora was She-Ra? Adora had never hidden her transformation from anyone, people from all over Etheria had seen her transform. Did people really only ever notice She-Ra, and not Adora? Was Adora not worth remembering in the people's eyes?
And She-Ra being one of the only people helping the town? Adora was there just last week with Bow, as the wall plans were drawn up, designed, and announced to the people. Was Adora that unrecognizable? Or was Adora still not doing enough for the people of Etheria? Adora's breath hitched in her throat at that thought. Not enough. Not doing enough. Adora felt her heart pound in her chest and she began to lose herself in her thoughts. Her thoughts were beginning to spiral and she felt her anxiety build in her chest again. She needed to do more. People needed to see Adora do more for everyone, not just She-Ra. She could be more to people than just She-Ra. She had to be.
"Adora! Do you have a second? I need to talk to you about something."
Adora was on her way down for lunch with everyone before Glimmer had run into her in the hallway. Adora had just finished running her reconnaissance with Swift Wind in the Woods, and she was starving. She never ended up eating breakfast, still a little too worried to eat again after her bout of anxiety in the shower.
"Yeah, I've got some time, what's on your mind?" Adora asked, smiling, ignoring her slight hunger pains.
"Scorpia just called Bow and was wondering if She-Ra could head down to the Fright Zone and identify some of the tech Hordak was using. They said it didn't look like Etherian Tech. Think She-Ra could head down there and read some runes?" Glimmer asks with a hopeful smile on her face. It was a look Adora was seeing a lot lately. A look Glimmer gave Adora whenever she needed her to gallivant around in awhite and gold accented bodysuit, all the while being eight feet and made of sheer muscle.
Of course. Why wouldn't Glimmer be asking another favor from She-Ra? Why wasn't this what Adora had expected? "Sure, I'd love to," Adora managed, forcing a smile.
"Perfect! Entrapta thinks the technology was used to make alterations to the portal machine after...well, you know." Glimmer's tone fell, her gaze sliding away from Adora's.
Adora's eyes widened slightly,a pang of guilt shooting throughout her entire body.
She-Ra was supposed to save us, but the rebellion is in an even worse situation since YOU showed up! Maybe your best isn't good enough! If it was, my mother would still be here!
Her heart clenched as she remembered the anger that burned in Glimmer's eyes as she had blatantly blamed her for her mother's death. Remembered how utterly destroyed she felt in that moment, as one of her best friends had reminded her of how she failed to save Angella from that twisted reality.
"Uh… y-yeah" Adora breathed out, her eyes glazing over. She shifted away to face a window instead, before Glimmer could read her reaction. She and Glimmer had talked about this. Glimmer had apologized for taking her anger out on Adora in such a manner. They were fine and yet…
Adora has never shared this, not even with Catra. She knew what it would do to the woman's heart if she brought this up, but Adora still felt the pain from the words that Glimmer spoke to her. Adora still harbored so much guilt for not being able to save Glimmer's mother. She had nightmares for months after the event, and even now she has that nightmare at least once a month. It was a reminder, a daily reminder of her failure that day. How she wasn't able to do enough to bring everyone back, how She-Ra wasn't even enough. A reminder of how she couldn't save everyone that day. A reminder that has left Adora guilt-ridden for what she thinks will be the rest of her life.
Adora again is brought out of her head feeling somebody brush past her. She blinks a couple of times before she registers what happened. Glimmer had walked away from Adora, and Adora hadn't even noticed, too lost in thought to register it. A heavy pit had settled into Adora's stomach. Adora walked away from the direction of the dining hall, no longer feeling hungry anymore.
Adora had continued having terrible flashbacks all day long, spanning from watching Shadow Weaver torturing Catra when they were mere children to watching her friends fall to Horde Prime's Control. With each passing memory, breathing got just a bit harder. Her chest tightened with each image flashing through her mind. And with each passing memory, came old feelings of needing to do more. Old feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse eating away at her slowly but surely. And with those old feelings, the more she felt the need to do more. Needing to be anything and everything for the people of Etheria in fear that she will no longer be wanted. That everyone's love was conditioned on Adora stretching herself beyond her limits. Adora's lower lip was practically raw at this point in the day with how much she had chewed on it, something she often did as a small child when anxiety had come over her.
Adora's chest burned with anxiety, and her shoulders felt heavy. Her eyes looked tired and haggard. She was exhausted, she was ready to be done for the day, but there was still one last thing she had to do.
The Princess Alliance meeting.
Adora slowly meandered her way down the many long hallways of Bright Moon, until she got to the war room. With a deep, heavy sigh, she brought her arms up and pushed the two large doors open. Everyone, minus Catra who seemed to be running late, was already there, already talking amongst themselves about important matters.
"Adora! You're here!"
"Glad you could finally make it blonde!"
All of the princesses greeted her as she made her way to the head of the table, opposite to where Glimmer sat as Queen. If anyone seemed to notice Adora's dejected state, no one commented on it. No one until…
"Adora, are you alright?" Perfuma asked with a look of concern. She reached out and gently put a hand on Adora's arm.
Adora put on a half-assed smile at best, "I'm fine, Perfuma."
Perfuma opened her mouth to oppose Adora's lie before a fist had slammed into the table.
"Alright everyone is here! Let's get started!" Frosta had stated, having violently secured everyone's attention. Adora carefully slipped out of Perfuma's grasp in her startled state and sat down at her chair at the table. Her back immediately slouched, and a feeling of absolute dread came over her as the meeting began.
"Right, Catra said she was going to be here a little late, something about Juliet wanting to speak with her. Let's get started, shall we?" Glimmer said from the head of the table. "So we have a few things we need to discuss today. First things first, the kingdom reports. How is everyone doing in their recovery efforts?"
"The Kingdom of Snows was relatively unaffected by the war, BUT we just took in a huge influx of people from surrounding smaller towns that were driven out by Prime," Frosta started.
"Plumeria is rebuilding quite well, the plant life is abundant! However, we are still having some small incidents with soldiers from Hordak's army" Perfuma stated, calmly placing her hands on the table.
"We can send She-Ra to take care of it. That should put a stop to it," Glimmer stated, as if it was a no-brainer to send She-Ra.
Adora clenched her teeth and tried to seem indifferent towards the matter. It did make sense to send She-Ra, but she could have at least asked Adora, instead of telling her.
Glimmer turned her attention to Scorpia, silence enveloping the war room for a moment, Scorpia returning a blank stare.
"...Scorpia?" Glimmer prompted.
"Oh! Right! My kingdom!" Scorpia exclaimed. "I have one of those!"
She stood awkwardly, the chair scraping loudly on the polished marble floor.
"Well, uh, e-everyone is really supportive of the new direction, you know, just adjusting. Hardly any rioting! I mean, we're definitely lacking in technology. And manpower. And materials…" Scorpia trailed off, glancing nervously at Perfuma, who offered an enthusiastic thumbs-up. "...but, we've got plenty of heart, so things are going great."
Perfuma's smile blossomed into a full-blown grin. "And we are so proud of you!"
Scorpia blushed, placed a claw sheepishly on the back of her head, sitting back down next to her beaming significant other.
"Well, She-Ra can definitely start making daily visits to the Fright Zone, that should solve your manpower problem," Glimmer said, again, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
Adora felt as if she was punched in the stomach. They may have all addressed Adora when she first arrived, but now they are talking as if she's not even here. They all talked about She-Ra being the solution without even addressing Adora when the issue was brought up. As if she weren't even in the room. Is what Adora wanted and thought really of no concern to them? Adora felt her face getting warm, and that tightness in her chest had returned. Her teeth clenched, Adora's vision began to blur as she fought to think about something, anything else.
"As for the matter of materials," Glimmer started studying the map in front of her. "We can always divert some supplies that go to Salineas, the Alwyn route would probably be the safest bet." Glimmer said, pointing to the trade route on the map.
"No way in hell, Glimmer, are you taking away our trade routes from Alwyn!" Mermista interjected rather aggressively.
"I'm not suggesting we take them away! I'm saying we will reroute some of them to the scorpion kingdom!" Glimmer countered, with just as much aggression.
Everyone got to their feet, prepared to have to interject themselves between the two women in case things got violent.
"And what!? Delay Salineas being rebuilt by another two months?!"
"We'll send She-Ra to help with the rebuilding efforts!"
"Do you seriously think She-Ra is going to be enough to do two months of work with no materials?!"
Enough.
Adora wasn't enough. She-Ra wasn't enough.
Adora's hands clenched the table so hard her knuckles turned white. Her fingernails had dug them into the table, before they dug into her palms, drawing blood. Her chest tightened more than she physically thought it could. Her breathing came to an abrupt stop. All she could see were the painful memories of her past failures as her eyes shut tight. Adora felt as though she was standing in a furnace, sweat beginning to run down her back. She wasn't enough to bring Catra to Bright Moon when she first joined the Alliance. She wasn't enough to save everyone to see the end of the war. Wasn't enough to fix all the damage of the war, the damage she caused every time she clashed with Hordak's forces.. Everything she did wasn't enough.
Adora was too far into her own head that she didn't even notice Catra walking in.
Catra was beyond annoyed at this point. Her meeting with the old General, General Juliet, had gone over their time by an hour. An HOUR. They had argued constantly about how to best protect Bright Moon. No offense to Juliet or anything, but there was a reason they were losing the war before the Princess Alliance had been remade, flaws the Horde had exploited for years. While Hordak had technically been the one in charge, it was only at Catra's efforts that the war took a turn for the Horde's side. Now granted, some of Catra's tactics weren't exactly ethical, but even with Catra turning a new leaf, her ethically sound methods were far more superior to Bright Moon's old state of affairs.
She had found herself muttering under her breath about something before throwing the doors open and was met with yet another catastrophe, Glimmer and Mermista's shouting match audible halfway down the hall. Catra opened her mouth to add some obscenities of her own, but stopped as she saw the love of her life in a state of panic. There was Adora, her Adora, hunched over the table, trembling, with her friends not more than a couple of feet from her, and nobody was saying anything about it.
"For the last time! Mermista! We will find a way to get you the materials you need for your new gate!" Glimmer screeched and threw her hands up in exasperation.
"And for the LAST time Glimmer! I said no you won't!" Mermista shot back, slamming her hands palm down on top of the table.
"Everybody shut up!"
Everybody's head snapped and looked over at Catra. Even though some of the princesses were still hesitant of her new allegiance to the rebellion, mainly Frosta and Mermista, Catra still had such a command and presence over a room that nobody hesitated to turn towards her. Catra's heart clenched inside her chest as she looked at Adora.
-
"Adora?" Catra called hesitantly and gently, a tone of voice only reserved for her childhood best friend.
Everyone turned to look at Adora finally, and a slight gasp escaped from everyone's lips in the room.
"Catra-" Glimmer began hastily, but Catra completely ignored her.
"Adora," Catra called again, as she slowly made her way over to her from the opposite side of the table. Catra fully took the other woman in and saw how tight her shoulders were set back, how her hands were clenched so hard into her hands, the scent of iron making its way into Catra's sensitive nose, how her breathing had completely stopped.
"Shit" Catra mumbled quietly to herself. Glimmer, as well as Perfuma, began to make their way over to them before Catra stopped them. "Everyone give her some space," Catra demanded. No one dared disobeyed, as they stepped away from the pair watching with worry as they now had taken in Adora's current state of being. "How long has she been like this?" Catra demanded to know, as she stopped and stood directly beside the love of her life.
"She looked a little worn out when she first came in," Perfuma said a little hesitantly, scared for what Catra's reaction would be.
"W-we don't know, I didn't even notice she was off" Glimmer started before Catra interrupted.
"So you mean to tell me, that no one bothered to notice Adora having a fucking panic attack in the middle of the fucking meeting!" Catra shouted and glared daggers across the room.
The room fell silent, most of them looking down ashamed at not having noticed Adora's uneasy state earlier.
Catra took a deep breath before turning to her distraught girlfriend, her face softening "Hey Adora," Catra began quietly. The short haired woman carefully pulled the chair further away from where Adora was standing so she could stand directly behind her and wrap her arms around Adora's waist as she rested her head between her Adora's shoulder blades. She began to purr knowing it soothed Adora when she was upset, "I'm here..." she started quietly. "I need you to breathe for me Adora...in...one...two...three, hold….out...one...two...three, hold." She attempted to get Adora to breathe again, but the other woman was not responding to her instruction. Catra wrapped her tail around the other woman's waist, hoping the other woman would react to some form of contact. Catra wasn't even sure Adora had even registered her presence yet. Adora was not responding to any of Catra's words or actions; Catra had a feeling it was going to take a lot this time to get Adora to come back to her. Catra had a suspicion that Adora's panic had been building for a while now, but there hadn't been a good moment to bring it up. "You're okay Adora, I'm here...Catra's here."
This has not been the first time this has happened to Adora. The first time it had happened was actually when Adora was nine years old. Catra had returned to the barracks with Adora in her bunk curled up into a ball. Catra panicked and immediately wrapped her arms around her best friend from behind and began to purr loudly. And she held her tightly, saying words of encouragement until Adora came back to her senses. Every couple of months since that day, Catra would find Adora in these states of distress, and she would hold her until Adora felt as though her world was no longer ending. Catra had wondered how Adora had fared on her own without Catra to hold her during those three years they were apart.
"I'm here Adora...you're safe...you're here in Bright Moon. With Sparkles, with the best friend squad...with me. You're safe Adora. No one is upset with you. No one is disappointed in you. You're doing so well here sweetheart." Neither of them used pet names regularly, but it was a pretty good way to get the other one's attention when they needed it. Catra lightly pressed her lips to the back of Adora's neck. She felt Adora's body shift ever so slightly underneath her hold. Catra tightened her grip on the blonde woman, and continued her steady even breathing, "You are so strong Adora, we can get through this. You can get through this." Catra doesn't know what about today had particularly set Adora off. It would be helpful if she did know so she could use specific phrases to help with whatever self-doubt Adora was filling her head with, but for now, she was flying blind. "Come on Adora...I need you to come back to us...come back to me. I promise you Adora whatever it is that's going on in your head, we can help you, Adora. You are not alone Adora, not anymore. Whatever it is you're going through, we can help you." Catra grabbed one of Adora's wrists and began tracing circles with her thumb on the inside of the girl's wrist. Adora's gripped fists had begun to loosen ever so slightly. Catra began to see the light at the end of the tunnel for them. With another kiss to her shoulder, she continued her words of encouragement, "Adora whatever is going on in your head, whoever is telling you that things aren't going to be okay, I promise you they will be. I promise you that you have done enough. You are enough."
And that's when Catra felt it.
The sharp ragged inhale from the taller girl alerting everyone in the room she had come back to them. Had come back to Catra.
"Hey," Catra said lightly, "Hey Adora." Catra maneuvered herself to be between Adora and the table and wrapped her arms around her lover. "There she is," A hand tangled itself in her blonde locks and the other hand was still firmly planted on Adora's waist. "That's it, keep breathing, you're doing so well for me baby." She rested her forehead against Adora's, and let her nose brush against hers.
Adora had begun to breathe again, albeit it came out in broken staggered breaths. Adora's hands had unclenched themselves from their fists. She could feel her fingertips were a little sticky from the blood she drew from her palms. She felt as though she had just swum to Salineas and back. She felt exhausted. She felt like death. And that's when the floodgates broke open. "C-catra?" Adora sputtered.
"Shhhhhhhh Adora it's okay, I'm here...I'm here" Catra cooed lightly, purring intensifying as though she was trying to prove that point. A broken sob escaped Adora's throat and Adora immediately wrapped her arms around Catra's body and just wept.
Everyone in the room just watched in silence, a mix of emotions running rampant through the room. Perfuma looked at Catra with a lot of pride at how she handled Adora, and how she wasn't afraid to show everyone her soft side for Adora's sake. Glimmer was looking down at the floor, clearly ashamed at how she missed one of her closest friends being so distraught. Others were remorseful as they had not noticed Adora's distressed state sooner. And some of them looked at Catra amazed at just how soft and caring she was with Adora in this moment of time. Everyone knew Catra was NOT a patient person, but the amount of patience she had just showed Adora left everyone speechless.
Catra continued to shush Adora and whispered sweet nothings and words of encouragement in her ear. Glimmer made eye contact with her Royal Adviser, and they both nodded silently to one another. The queen dismissed everyone from the room, telling them they would continue this discussion at another time and date. They both knew that Adora would not want everyone to see her like this, in such a distraught and vulnerable state. And while Adora would be the first one to tell Catra it's okay to not be okay, she struggled to follow her own advice at times. One by one, everyone filed out of the room, leaving just the two lovers.
Adora clung to Catra like a lifeline, like if she were to let go, she would lose the woman she loves all over again. Adora was such a mess she hadn't even noticed that her girlfriend had picked her up so that Adora could wrap her legs around Catra's waist, and had begun to carry her back to their room. The last thing Adora remembered before she passed out from sheer exhaustion was being laid down on her side, and a tail curling around her waist.
Adora felt like she had just been hit by a tank. A very large massive tank. Her head was pounding and her body felt warm. Adora could feel how sweaty she was by how her clothes were uncomfortably clinging to her body. Her eyes felt heavy and puffy from the amount of crying she had done, and she felt her chest ache. She did not want to get up and she did not want to open her eyes. But she felt a presence in the room. A presence that was looking at her very intently. Grey-blue eyes slowly blinked themselves open, and were met with two very beautiful heterochromatic eyes. One teal, and one gold. And they were full of both worry and concern. Judging by the amount of sunlight there was in the room, Adora guessed that it was just before sunset. She had been asleep for a few hours, although it definitely did not feel like she had rested at all.
"Hey" Adora said, her voice sounding very hoarse from her sobbing.
A sigh of relief escaped past Catra's lips as she leaned forward and placed a kiss between her eyes, before placing her forehead against Adora's. Catra looked at Adora with so much love and tenderness, Adora's chest just might burst. "How are you feeling?" Catra asked quietly, gently bringing her hand to Adora's cheek to caress it slightly.
"Like shit" Adora responded, words slurring ever so slightly.
Catra's lips twitched upwards slightly, "Yeah...I could imagine." Catra pulled away to give Adora some space to slowly sit herself up. She sat with her legs bent, and supported her elbows on her knees and she set her head in her hands, running her fingers through her sweaty hair. Catra silently handed Adora a glass of water, which she drank greedily.
After Adora finished the glass, she sat it on the floor beside the backside of the bed. A sigh escaped Adora's lips as she slowly brought herself to look at Catra. She was sitting on a stool beside their bed, with a look of worry on her face, shirt crumpled and still wet at the shoulder from Adora's tears.
"...Do you want to talk about it?" Catra asked hesitantly.
Adora thought about it for a few moments before she shook her head. At least not right now. Right now she just wanted her girlfriend to slide in next to her and hold her just long enough to remind her that her world hadn't just ended. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked at the spot on the wall that was just beside Catra's head, "No...not right now."
Catra nodded in understanding. Catra wasn't particularly chatty either after her own episodes either, so she gets it. "What do you need from me right now, Adora?" She asked gently.
"...Hold me?"
Catra smiled ever so lovingly before she nodded. She got up from her spot on the stool before slipping beside Adora. Catra laid them both on their sides, facing each other. Adora tucked her head carefully under Catra's chin, placing her ear against her chest where she could listen to Catra's slow heartbeat. A purr began to erupt from Catra's chest, lulling Adora back to sleep. Adora knew they were going to have to talk about it eventually. They both vowed to the other to help each other about these kinds of things, letting the other know that it's okay to be vulnerable, letting the other know it's okay to be not okay, and letting the other know that it was safe to communicate how they were feeling. But for now, it was enough for Adora to just be held in the ever-loving and caring embrace of Catra.