Thanks!
I'm not a doctor, I just know a lot about depression. I'm not sure how much of this is based in reality. I like to think a high-end place the like the one where Reid is, might have some unconventional approaches available. I just try.
Chapter Fifty:
When he was sedated, they would move him around so his muscles wouldn't atrophy. Reid refused to look at the digital calendar they put in his eye line, as time held no meaning for him. He didn't care anymore.
Most of the time, when he wasn't drugged, he kept his eyes closed. Uris visited and assaulted him. His mother pleaded with him to wake up. Hankel came too. Gideon also came. His friends cried. Part of him wondered if this was Hell. If it was, he thought this was where he belonged.
He still refused to eat. They force-fed him. He fought every instinct to stay alive. This wasn't what he wanted. He wanted nothing.
…
"This has gone on long enough Reid."
At first, he thought he was hallucinating. Hotch, in one of his impeccable suits, was standing in front of him.
"Go away," he said.
"No. You don't get to act this way with me. You're going to get up and you're going to start living again."
"Try to make me," he said daringly.
"Do you know what you have put the team through? Garcia wakes up crying every day for you. J.J. has turned to alcohol. Every one of them has left the BAU. Rossi hasn't written in months. Kristie and Matt are going through marriage trouble. Everyone is a wreck!"
"It's all my fault? People have free will Hotch! They don't have to care about me!"
Hotch took a breath.
"I have never known you to be this stubborn. When the team was hurting, you hurt too. Why can't you see how much your well-being matters to people?"
"I don't care. I want it all to end. How hard is that for people to understand?"
"Reid, I was knife-raped. I lied about not remembering it. I relive it every day. Hailey's last words echo through my mind daily. I learned to live with it. It wasn't pleasant, but I learned. You can do the same. I know you can."
"But I don't want to."
"Why? The pain fades. You learn to enjoy life without feeling guilty about it. Are you afraid of being happy?"
"It's not worth fighting for."
"And screaming and crying like a baby every day is? You don't get to die Spencer. Too many people care about you. Stop being selfish!"
Reid closed his eyes.
"Reid! Reid, talk to me! Reid!"
He refused to engage him any further.
"Reid!"
He heard Hotch walk away.
"I wasn't expecting this to work," he could hear Selzer saying.
"I was his boss. I thought he'd listen to me! Why can't he see how what he is doing is hurting everyone who loves him?"
"Reid's senses have been altered. His mental priorities are different."
"Can they be changed back?"
"That is up to him."
Reid tried tuning out the rest of the conversation.
…
He found himself being wheeled in a wheelchair somewhere. When a door was opened, he smelled chlorine. It was the pool. They had tried this twice before. Reid wasn't interested this time either.
The pool had a gentle slope. They hooked the wheelchair onto some adaptive equipment along the edge. Selzer, wearing a simple black swimsuit with black shorts, was standing where the water was waist-high around her.
"This again?" he said with disgust.
Selzer splashed him with water. His face and the front of his shirt were soaked.
"Where'd you learn that kind of therapy?" he asked angrily.
She splashed him again.
"It's therapy for me," she said lightly. "Water is incredibly therapeutic."
"Then what do you need me for?"
She splashed him again.
"Target practice."
"Stop it! This is abuse!"
"This is therapy. I had it approved."
Reid couldn't take it anymore. Working, the equipment, he lowered himself into the water. He splashed back. They splashed each other. Reid found himself using muscles instead of having them worked. His hair was soaked, as was Selzer's.
After a few minutes of splashing, they stopped. Reid's face hurt, he realized it was because he was smiling.
He suddenly felt a piece of foam hit his head.
"Noodle fight!" Selzer declared and threw him a noodle.
Reid hit her in return. A weird sound came out of his mouth. It sounded like an attempt at laughter.
They thwacked each other with noodles until Reid's muscles ached.
"Would you like to stay in the water a little longer?" she asked.
He nodded.
"I never liked the water," he said. "Too many germs."
"I made sure extra chemicals were added."
Selzer lowered him into the water so was up to his chest. She unfastened the restraints. He floated over to her.
He felt Uris coming near him. He didn't want him to win. Reid pushed him away. He reached for Selzer. She hugged him tightly and he hugged her in return.
"It's okay," she whispered.
"It's isn't," he whimpered.
"But it will be."
For the first time in a long time, Reid didn't argue.