I slow down to a halt a lot these days, but that doesn't mean I have given up. Just be patient.

Chapter Fifty-One

Backstroke, butterfly, and breaststroke. Reid switched between them with every turn of the lap. It felt good to let his body take control over his mind. To only think about the next move. No wonder Morgan enjoyed working out so much. There was less stress involved. This was freedom.

He emerged to find Iris sitting on the ledge in gym clothes.

"Are you real?"

"I hope I am," she said. "Would you like me to say something that you wouldn't come up with? What's up, Doc?"

Reid smiled.

"I've missed. I'm—"

"If the next word is sorry, forget it. I don't blame you. No one does. We're all just happy you want to start living again."

"But I hurt people."

"Cat Adams did. You didn't. You reacted, in a way that makes sense for someone who has been through a tremendous amount of trauma."

"Wait, aren't you pregnant?"

Iris shook her head.

"My body couldn't take the stress. It was a miracle I even managed to conceive, as that kind of sterilization is usually one hundred percent effective."

"Am I the reason you lost the baby?"

Iris splashed him.

"The world doesn't revolve around you! I lost the baby, due to my body not being in shape to carry one."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Iris splashed him again.

"I'll splash you every time you say the word sorry."

"Sorry."

She leaped in the water and splashed him. They hit each other with waves of water until they both grew tired.

"Can I hug you?" she asked.

Reid nodded.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed me too."

…

Reid smiled when he saw Juno and Ormes.

"I've missed you guys."

"How do you like Dr. Selzer?" Ormes asked.

"I like her. She little more 'playful' in some ways."

"We're glad you like her," Juno said.

"What now?" Reid asked. "Do I make amends?"

"Dr. Reid, your reaction is in line with that of someone who has gone through what you've gone through. No one is expecting an apology," Juno said.

"But Hotch said J.J. was abusing alcohol and the team was falling apart."

"And we're addressing it," Ormes said. "We've sent your entire team to the best counseling centers in DC."

Reid sighed. "What do I do with this sense of guilt?"

Ormes pulled out a card of meditations.

"Here is where to start."

Reid took the card.

"We're pleased with the progress you've made with Selzer," Juno said. "We have a treat for you: You're going to teach profiling."

"In a psychiatric facility?" he said disbelievingly.

"True crime dramas have been the rage for a few years. It is healthy to be curious about death. These are extremely stable individuals and we will be closely monitoring your curriculum and your students."

"When do I start?"

"Three weeks," Ormes said.

Reid looked out the window to see snow blowing around.

"What month is it?"

"January," Juno said.

"I have been suicidal for four months?"

"You're better now," Juno said.

"Will I stay like this?"

"You know better than us," Ormes said. "Do you want to be?"

Reid took a deep breath.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

…

Reid was also enrolled in creative writing. It was group therapy of five students. They were of different ages and ethnicities.

Althea Rimes was of Hispanic descent, whose clothing reflected her outgoing personality.

"Let's try some fan fiction today!"

Rimes explained what fan fiction was as they started to write.

Reid didn't want to write about Dr. Who. Too many painful memories. Star Wars?

"You will not escape me!"

Uris was dressed as Darth Vader and approaching him. Reid began to panic.

"The sandworm ate what is approaching Reid."

This broke the vision.

Reid looked at who was speaking. He was an African-American about fifteen years older than him whose only hair was a gray goatee.

"You've read Dune?"

"An excellent source of material," Rimes clapped. "There are also so many additional books that some consider cannon while others don't."

"I don't particularly care for what his son has written," the man said.

"Spencer and Bruce, why don't you work together?" Rimes said.

"Bruce Havers," he said.

"Thanks," he said. "I assume you know who I am."

"You are the most famous patient here. I respect your privacy though. Can I ask: Is true you were in real prison once too?"

"Yes."

"That's where I'm from. I was wrongfully convicted for murder-rape twenty-five years ago. I got a fat settlement from the gov. and I thought staying here for a while would help ease the transition."

"Smart move," Reid said. "I was only in prison two months and it did things to me."

"Gave me plenty of time to read Dune and all the associated materials. How about crossing it with Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?"

"I like that!" Reid said. "Galactic messiah versus lack of meaning."

"This is the start of something new," Bruce said with a slight smile.

"I don't get the reference."

"High School Musical, my girls were obsessed with it and sang me the dang songs during visitation."

Reid smiled in return. It felt good to smile more these days.