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Chapter Fifty-Nine:

He felt a cold blade near his testicles. Uris was cutting off his pants. He had already ripped off his shirt.

"Stop!" he cried. "Please stop!"

A glint appeared in Uris's eyes.

"You're going sound so sweet when I f**k you!"

Reid woke up soaked in sweat. He saw Cat eating popcorn to his right.

"We were just getting to the good part!" she said. "Party pooper!"

Reid closed his eyes and shook his head. Cat was gone when he opened them. Uris was waiting with the industrial scissors.

"The water gushes over the gorge," Reid said. "The spray of the water fills the air with a fine mist."

Uris slowly vanished.

Reid laid his head back as tears fell from his eyes.

Reid paced around as Ormes and Selzer watched.

"I can't do this!" he shouted. "Too many bad things have happened to me! I'm too damaged to live in the outside world. Let me stay here and teach."

"Dr. Reid, if we honestly that would be what is best for you, we'd tell you," Ormes said. "But it isn't."

"Have I become a financial burden? Give me a portfolio and I can diversify—"

"You're becoming irrational," Selzer said. "Deep breaths."

Reid tried to calm his breathing. He sat down with his head in his hands.

"I thought I was ready," he said. "After the latest abduction, I thought I wanted out."

"We're a month away from your discharge," Ormes said. "Doubts happen."

"I want to stay safe," he moaned. "I want to not worry. I want to stay where nothing can touch me."

"That isn't living," Ormes said. "That is hiding. You can't hide forever."

"I don't see why not."

Selzer exchanged a look with Ormes who nodded.

"Remember Eve Solis?"

"The kleptomaniac who financed my rescue? How could I not?

"She's been speaking with her father about your plans for a school."

Selzer handed him a tablet. It was a picture of a massive abandoned rundown church school complex.

"St. Jerome's," Selzer said. "They gutted it of anything of essential value to the parish before it was closed. The land is yours if you want it."

"Solis acquired this for me?" Reid said looking at it.

"It's not in the most ideal spot and has been rotting there for a few years, as the church doesn't want to part ways with it except for a ridiculous price. Solis told them it was going to be used for a school, and they took the price down a little."

Reid shook his head. "I'm still scared. I don't want it."

Selzer pulled out a picture of the compound.

"Just sleep on it."

Uris was watching him with delight.

Reid looked down, feeling miserable.

Reid was dancing in a library with Maeve.

"Don't let me wake up," Reid said. "Let me stay here."

"Risk your heart again, Spencer," Maeve said. "It will be worth it."

He found himself dancing with Gwen.

"I love you," he said.

"Make my life worth it," she whispered.

Next was Max.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Live for us," she said.

Reid spun and saw Nadia looking peering from behind a bookshelf. He took a step towards her.

Uris appeared with the scissors. He snapped them menacingly.

Reid closed his eyes.

"No," he said. He snapped his fingers. The scissors disappeared. Uris screamed. He charged at him.

Reid snapped again. Uris disappeared. Cat in a strapless slitted black dress appeared.

"Come to Mama," she said.

He snapped his fingers again. Hankel appeared. Reid pulled out a gun and shot him in the heart.

The only person left was Nadia.

"I won't hurt you," she said.

Reid stepped forward and kissed her.

He woke up smiling. The picture of St. Jerome's filled his head.

Morgan drove him to the site. The drive was quiet.

"You have grown a lot buddy," he said. "I am really proud of you."

"I'm not really sure I can do this some days," Reid said. "I just don't know how."

"We take it one day at a time. Rossi has been reading how to guide you through nightmares and will help."

"I love you guys, yet part of me is tired of the sadness associated with all the horrible things we've seen and endured."

"Why do you think I got out?" Morgan said. "I love all of you, but the job was becoming too much and I didn't want to do it while raising a family."

"You understand why I want to eventually move to Baltimore, even if it means putting distance between us."

"I know where you are. I know you're alive and I know you're not hurting. I could care less if you were halfway around the world so long as you're not in pain or dead. Just keep your phone charged, okay?"

Reid smiled and nodded.

They got out of the car.

"A parking lot," Morgan said. "It needs to be repaved, and the interlopers evicted, but a parking lot is a parking lot."

"I'd want to donate the church windows," Reid said. "The space is nice, but I like the idea of turning it into a cultural center."

Morgan looked around. "There's a stretch of land here for that would be nice for a soccer field or more parking.

"Soccer," Reid said. "The subway isn't that far from here."

"The school was abandoned in the late nineties," Morgan said. "I'd wager there is a good chance of asbestos in the walls, you'll need new electric, energy-efficient windows, a heating system."

"The only upside is the fact that was designed by the same architect who build over a hundred of these schools along the eastern seaboard. One a couple of his schools were declared structurally unsound recently. That is a good track record."

"So do you know what you're doing?" Morgan asked.

"I am going to have days where I will not want to get out of bed," Reid said. "Crippled with anxiety, I won't be capable of anything. Then I will have days where I will live."

"Like the rest of us," Morgan said.

"Like the rest of the humanity."

Morgan raised his fist. Reid hit it.

It felt good to be alive.