Ladynoir July Day 2: Masks

Adrien thrived on masks.

When he was young, his mother introduced to the concept of masks in theatre. She was mainly a movie actress rather than a theater one, but everyone knew it was mostly a hobby. Clever Emilie Agreste dipping her toes in various hobbies before she settles down to her true calling: being a socialite. So she took to her classical greek play the same way she took to verything else in her life, with amusement and grace.

"This is the mask mommy is going to use, Adrien." She told, handing an elaborate mask to him.

"Why are you going to use this? We can't see your face!" Adrien, age five, had complained.

His mother giggled. "It's because it's a classical play, sweetie, so we're wearing masks just this time."

The small-time director nearly cried when Emilie had agreed to the play. Other actresses her level wouldn't be so willing to stoop down to such an unknown cast, but she could afford it. Literally.

"They used it for an actor to play a lot of characters at the same time."

"Why do they have to do that?"

She bopped him in the nose. "Because sometimes they have to, Adrien. You understand, don't you?"

He hadn't, at the time, but nodded along just to get the reward of her proud smile and a kiss on the top of his head. However, he understood now, learned this lesson with excruciating experience for the past few years. Through years of social events and work photoshoots, he took in clues. "Adrien, you're talking too much." Be quiet. "Adrien, stop fooling around". Don't joke, you're not funny. "Adrien, I told you I would be coming soon, when did you get so needy?" Don't be clingy. Be polite. Be unassuming. So Adrien Agreste™ was born.

Then he met Plagg and everything changed.

He could become a superhero! And what did all heroes have? Personas! They were all very clever, throwings quips as sharp as wips! They were charming and very smooth, not socially awkward boys that never spoke to more than one non-work friend ever! And, in face of having an stunning partner who he wanted to kiss (not his first, of course, no bonna fide superhero would have a first kiss so late, that one peck in the sandbox with Chloé definitely counted… okay, maybe not having kissed yet was better), they were flirty. He didn't have to be a marketable model, but being a nervous kid with one friend max was also not gonna cut. So, Chat Noir was born.

At least being Chat Noir was fun, unlike being Adrien Agreste™. But it was still a role, a mask, and sometimes his cheeks hurt and his face felt tired from it. Sometimes he just wanted to ask his partner (brave, kind Ladybug) to hold his hand. He couldn't, of course. Her gaze already felt like it was unrevealing him each day and if he gave her a crack in his mask, he felt like she would break it with a touch. And what would he have left? A shivering mass of nerves and sadness and neediness.

Just Adrien.

However, there were times he felt like it was fruitless to even try. Like Chat Noir was even more fragile than he thought.

"I broke down." His lady said and seeing her slumped over, eyes avoiding his and voice weak felt wrong. He knew she could be like that, he wasn't naive, but it didn't stop the feeling of unnatural tugging on his chest. "I was giving back the miraculous to Rena and I couldn't keep it in. If I did, I don't think I could be fixed. I told Rena, Alya, who I am. I dropped the transformation and now she knows."

She sobs and his heart shatters.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, my lady, no." He said, hugging her. She melted into his arms, now full on crying. "It's okay, we're going to figure it out."

"It's not okay, I-I gave away my identity and now Shadow Moth has a bigger chance to know." Ladybug said after she calmed her sobs, arms tightening around him. "I'm trying to find a way to keep him from akumatizing people and I can't, Chat Noir, I'm stuck and I don't know what to do."

"We're going to figure it out, bug." He simply repeated, drawing random patterns on her back.

Ladybug extricated herself from his arms.

"Why are you acting like this? Do something! Be mad!" She shouted.

"Why would I be mad? You didn't do anything wrong." He barely held back a wince at her shouting. She's not father, it's fine. As he regulated his heart rate, he also tried to keep his voice gentle. "Is it bad that someone knows? Yes! But you were hurting, Ladybug. It's not your fault or mine or Alya's or even Master Fu's, it's Shadow Moth's! So I can't be mad at anyone but him."

Ladybug's wide-eyed gaze was fixated on him, unblinking.

"I… Thanks, Chaton." She said, stepping into his personal space once again. She was warm and smelled like sugar and vanilla and her touch, even through the suit, gave him tingles. "I suppose you… want to know my identity now?"

"Nah, my lady, don't worry about it." He said, face half buried in her hair. "Don't want to do this until we're ready."

"But you always wanted to know."

"Yeah, but a lot of things happened and now it's kinda weird to think about it." She shifted and her cold nose tickled his neck. He liked it. "I'm… not always like this, you know?"

For a moment he thought she didn't get it, but soon her small voice reached his ears.

"I know." Ladybug said. "I'm not always like this, either."

But it wasn't the same, he knew. Ladybug would always be the same at her core; brave, bold, kind and so, so beautiful. She gave off her own light and he was honored to orbit around it. And that's all he could do, orbit. After all, when he wasn't Adrien Agreste™ or Chat Noir, what was left? Needy, awkward and unfunny Adrien. It really wasn't the same and the idea of it coming into light made him feel like glass. Maybe that's why he couldn't stop talking.

"I just don't know if you would like me if you knew me." He confessed, words overflowing before he could catch them and stuff them back to the depths of his soul.

"I already know who you are." She said into his shoulder. "You're the best partner in the world. Someone I really want to get to know when we can."

Ladybug's words flew into his chest, filling his poor neglected heart with warmth until it grew so big it threatened to explode him.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

"I can't wait to get to know you too, my lady."

"You know what we can do now, though?" She said, raising her head to look into his eyes. He could trace the constellations of her freckles this close.

"What?" He asked, breathless.

"We can be more honest with each other, from now on." Ladybug said. "I'll tell you when I need your help."

"Please do." He said, smiling. "I'll try to tell you when I need help too."

"Okay."

A beat of silence.

"Chat Noir?"

"Yes?"

"Help me with guardian duties? I don't think I can do this alone."

"Always, my lady. You just needed to ask."